Skullbaby's Progress

[spiritwolf333]

Skullbaby's Progress

Skull -You represent freedom from alcohol better than any person I know. I hope that newcomers and people that want to be become totally alcohol free will go back and read your threads/posts. I think many of us can learn from you and your real time experiences.

One area that I am not so sure about is quitting the nicotine gum. Well, maybe that is because I am still on nicotine gum but I truly do believe that there is a good and medically helpful side to nicotine (as per research).

Good luck with the nicotine -whatever you decide to do. But most importantly, thank you for posting "Your Way Out" and being so supportive to the many here on MWO.

[kronkcarr]

Skullbaby's Progress

Skullbaby,

Thanks for your post and congratulations. What a different person you are from a year ago. I've gained many of the same things from taking baclofen. What a life!

[Samandkatharine]

Skullbaby's Progress

Thank you for your never ending wisdom Skull, and your support of everyone here.

Like Homer, I enjoy a good donut too...:H

Sam

[neophyte]

Skullbaby's Progress

nice one skull, good to see you doing so well. keep at it, but youve already acheived so much, so dont be scared to relax a bit.

[Pavati]

Skullbaby's Progress

Hi, Skull:

Your link in the May thread diverted me here - so great to hear you doing so well.

I am asking (and honestly asking as I really don't have any agenda about different people's paths) - given all of the positives you list for not drinking, why would the possibility of drinking for one night still be on your list of possibilities? Do you want to see what it is like? Prove to yourself it isn't great?

Anyway - thanks for sharing your journey - I have learned a lot from you.

Pav

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Skullbaby's Progress

Nice job, Skull. On all of it! It's pretty amazing to watch people transform their lives. (Miraculous, actually.) The thing is, baclofen gives us the ability to do that, but it doesn't necessarily make that happen. Right? So I hope you're basking in the glow of your commitment.

I wouldn't presume to suggest that you abstain forever and always, obviously. It's an individual choice and there are reasonable reasons for both, I think. What I do know is that booze sucks. Ha! And should you decide to taste the waters, keep in mind that the non-alcoholic body and mind have a very different reaction to alcohol than the alcoholic body/mind. Like everything else you've done, slow and steady with an eye toward long term health will prove wise. Tequila shots are not recommended.

Congratulations.

[skullbabyland]

Skullbaby's Progress

Thanks, all, for the kind comments and advice and support. It means a ton.

Spirit- thanks, buddy. As for the nicotine, I hear you. My GF says I should go easy on quitting that one, since I've done so much already, just go a bit easy, allow myself SOMEthing enjoyable. That's valid, and I'll do it slowly, but my ultimate goal is to become as close to chemical-free as possible. I want to be the au naturale Skullbaby. LOL. So just like I eventually may slowly wean off my SSRI for instance, so too is nicotine on the list to eventually eliminate. My end goal? To be 100% medication and chemical-free, with the exception of baclofen and probably antabuse.

Kronk and Sam, thanks for the kind words

Neo- thanks, and yeah I hear you-- it probably sounds like i am taking on so much all at once, that I am living a life totally devoid of any small pleasures. Sometimes it does feel that way. I think my GF wouldn't mind if I eased up a bit, LOL. My problem seems to come with the "a bit" part- with sugar/carbs/junk food, cigarettes, and obviously lcohol, one small dose instantly becomes a giant binge. I go from zero to sixty immediately with no care for anything else, just as long as I drown myself in the substance.

Then, there's the added problem that for me, one leads to another. If I allow junk, I allow smokes, if I allow smokes, I allow alcohol, if I allow alcohol, I allow more junk and more smokes, etc. All my vices seem to be linked in a strange "all or nothing" way. So, for a while, I'm trying "nothing" just to try to interrupt my brain's association with these things equalling ultimate pleasure.

Pav- thanks for the comment. As to why I may allow a night or two of "controlled drinking", the reason is that yes, in the future I may want to test the waters- to see if baclofen will allow me to indulge in the occasional moderated drinking, as it has for many others. I will do so carefully as I can, and with the knowledge and full memory of what drinking alcoholically did to my life. If I find that drinking against my will quickly comes back, or craving thoughts etc., then it's right back on the AB for me, for more AF time.

Ne- thanks for the comments. As I mentioned above, yes I am definitely interested to see, when I test the waters, if drinking non-alcoholically will be a reality for me.

I am not quite sure when I want to test the waters-- maybe at the end of July. I'm just at the beginning of working with my trainer and drinking has no place in that regimen for the next 10 weeks, so there's that...

Best to all. Hope you all have a wonderful day.

[NoSugar]

Skullbaby's Progress

skullbabyland;1657934 wrote:
Pav- thanks for the comment. As to why I may allow a night or two of "controlled drinking", the reason is that yes, in the future I may want to test the waters- to see if baclofen will allow me to indulge in the occasional moderated drinking, as it has for many others. I will do so carefully as I can, and with the knowledge and full memory of what drinking alcoholically did to my life. If I find that drinking against my will quickly comes back, or craving thoughts etc., then it's right back on the AB for me, for more AF time.

Hi, SBL

I seem to be stalking you .

The more I learn about the science of addiction, the less and less likely I am to consider running any more experiments. I'm a big n=1 experimenter for all sorts of things but I'm ready to admit I've got all the data I need on this one.

This podcast The Bubble Hour: Special Guest, Dr. John Kelly: Changing the Stigma of Addiction Through Science had a big impact on me and others on this topic.

Take care, NS

[spiritwolf333]

Skullbaby's Progress

Skull -No Sugar brings up a great point, at least for me. I have run my fair share of experiments as well. The only real good that came from a few of the experiments was the fact that I really would not have to fear having a drink in the future and falling totally off wagon as I had in the past.

But here is the real deal for me Skull; a few of my "experiments" were intended to change the way that I felt or thought at that particular moment. Hell, that is the only reason that I ever drank in the first place. As such, I could easily see alcohol becoming a problem once again.

Skull -only in my opinion of course, but alcohol has a way of playing tricks on all of its recipients. If one has become free from the grips of this master jailer, why even give it a second thought? My excuse has been that I am an alcoholic and I think like an alcoholic.

[kronkcarr]

Skullbaby's Progress

I'm curious about those on baclofen who choose to drink and those who don't. My understanding is that baclofen allows/makes us be chemically indifferent. I'm not suggesting that anyone drink or not drink. If someone taking bac drinks and goes back to the habit of drinking is it because they lost their switch? Do any of you fear alcohol after you've hit your switch?

For the record I do have drinks every few weeks with friends. I've not been drunk since I started baclofen and I have no desire to over drink like I did.

[Yourfriend6116]

Skullbaby's Progress

Skull this is so good to hear/read! Big ups to you. Excellent progress. More proof of how well this drug can help to take your life back. Congrats!! :happy::thumbs:

[skullbabyland]

Skullbaby's Progress

Hi NoSugar, thanks for posting and please don't stop "stalking"/commenting, I always find your posts informative and valuable! What does the term "n=1" refer to? I do understand your point about no more experimenting, but I'm not quite there yet. But my next experiment will be done with as much knowledge and "armor" as possible, the most I've every had in my life... and if it goes downhill, it's back to AB for me (one of my best "armor" tools). But, the reason I'm going to do this experiment is because, as in Xadrian's experience, some people on bac reach an indifference to alcohol. And after all this time on baclofen, I want to determine if I'm one of those people.

When I DO commence the experiment, it'll be mid/late July, at which point I'll have been on baclofen about 15 months and AF for 9 months, both consistently and uninterrupted. I do want to see what, if anything, that has changed for my physiology-- though keeping very clear that return to alcoholic drinking is a very real possibility and a very slippery slope.

Also, thank you for the Bubble Hour podcast, I will check that out today. I found one of the previous ones you posted a month or two ago to be very enlightening.

Spirit- yep I hear you, all good points for me to consider. See my comment to NS above for my thoughts on this... and especially good to hear your reminder that often an experiment can actually be a craving to get into an altered state, in disguise. Too true and I will keep that in the forefront of my mind.

Xadrian- I too am curious to hear more about this from people who've found indifference and can drink moderately vs. those who determine they have to abstain for good. So very cool that you can drink occasionally and safely without getting drunk or even feeling the desire to.

YourFriend- Thanks much for the kind words

[skullbabyland]

Skullbaby's Progress

Copy/pasting from the Sober Mayites thread for my own record...

"Spirit- yep, a common occurence with me as well. I still find much in life pretty boring. Certainly hanging with drunk people is both boring and sometimes excruciating, depending on their level of drunkenness. But also just large chunks of life in general can still seem boring to me. I know a big part of that is my serotonin/dopamine receptors still re-adjusting and recalibrating to normal post-drinking life, which just requires no small amount of time spent sober.

But also, sometimes moments in life are just duller than watching paint dry. That's just life. I suspect escape from boredom was often one of the biggest reasons I abused alcohol. Now that I'm not doing that, sometimes I just have to deal with boredom, or hopefully find a better way to enterain myself.

As a side note, I should mention that I did end up making some good connections with many people over the weekend, and we're now FB friends etc, and I genuinely like them, they like me, and I can see that we'll likely become good friends. So yep sometimes it pays to just force myself out of my comfort zone and socialize while sober-- I'm now really glad I did.

And, in regards to my recent insecurities, I'm glad I just got on with life in spite of them, because I'm feeling more comfortable now in my new art co-op studio, and genuinely enjoying the people around me and the work they do. But for a few days it really felt like I was the new-kid weirdo at school, the odd man out, and basically scared of all the cool kids. So funny how social heirarchy insecurities can still mess with us as adults... sheesh. I'd love to be the stoic, strong, impenetrable strong man that I wish I was, with a thick skin and an uncaring attitude, but I've got work to do before I'm that guy... if ever. Oh well...

NoSugar and Free, thanks for the Brene Brown links. I'll be listening to those, and NS's Bubble Hour podcasts, today."

And, from Spirit's Firewater thread--

"I too get a nostalgic memories of alcohol. I think it's because, for a few hours, drinking feels fuckin' GREAT. Our brain, wanting all that dopamine, all that sugar/fuel, would of course push us to repeat the process.

That rose-colored-memory, or mental craving as I call it, doesnt' care or isn't concerned with the days of hell that inevitably follow.

Yep, it's a weird, frustrating, confounding conundrum, but I think I'm sorta beginning to understand it. Annoying when it happens though... Just try to remember that re-framing thoughts and memories is a CHOICE you can make. Though the selective memory rose-colored mental thoughts seem to be out of our control, it's up to you, or each of us, to re-frame these things just as you can reframe your emotional state.

It also kinda helps me to think of myself in that Eckhart Tolle kind of way, that I am not my emotions, and I am not my thoughts, just like I am not my arm. Our emotions and our thoughts are parts of us we use and engage in, but not the sum of our being. Thus, we can control our thoughts and our emotions just like we can control our arm. Well, maybe not quite so easily but you get my point. "

[NoSugar]

Skullbaby's Progress

Hi,

n=1 means one observation only (me) so not really a very rigorous study :H!

The point Dr. Kelly makes is how interrupting the AF period can undo some of the positive changes that have occurred in the brain. I don't think it is worth it, at least for me.

I'll be interested in hearing what you think about that podcase and the Brown talks.

Take care, NS

[Yourfriend6116]

Skullbaby's Progress

Hi skull! Thanks for stopping by my surgery thread. I specifically thought of you this morning. Let me elaborate-I read your thread about thinking of testing the waters sooner or later. I have my own feelings but didn't think I should push them on you because this is your journey. I've become indifferent but I've drank on occasion. One of those occasions being last night. On the other occasions I drank it was purely social and I had two glasses of wine. I was fine the next day-no problem. Last night was different-I drank because of alcoholic reasons. Long day with my two young children, stressed and I was looking for a release. I drank 3 glasses of wine and a beer-a far cry from my past drinking that led me to Baclofen (2bottles or more a night). I didn't feel drunk, but I def got that release I was seeking. Fast forward to the morning-I felt like crap! Not hungover by any stretch but very tired, anxious and just not my motivated self. It was not worth it at all! I'm still not trying to push you to never drink again OR to test the waters. Just sharing my story. Thanks for all your support and again kudos on all your progress. It's fantastic!!