Skullbaby's Progress

[Jazi's Mum]

Skullbaby's Progress

Hi Skullbabyland. I've just read this whole thread from start to finish today, and have found it to be a wonderful learning experience - and I've gotten to know you a bit too. You've certainly grown a lot, and I congratulate you on your successes.

I'll be starting baclofen in a few weeks when my shipment arrives. I'm scared, sure, but looking forward to getting this monkey off my back - 50 YEARS is a looooooog time....(I'm old enough to be your grandmother I think)

Can I say something to you about your upcoming "cabin-time" with your girl friend's family? Please be kind to them. I know you think they are a bit of a pain and not much fun to be around. I think you said they had problems and were not the kind of people you would spend time with if it wasn't for her. Can you imagine what it's like to BE them? You know KINDNESS doesn't get practiced much these days. I mean, just for itself.

You sound like such a nice young man, and you are working so hard on your particular difficulty in life - and succeeding too! So be kind just for a few days. And have a wonderful, sober holiday. I'll be posting my progress as soon as I get started so please cheer me on!

[skullbabyland]

Skullbaby's Progress

spiritwolf333;1598960 wrote: Hi Skull -Great information you are passing on. In my case, you are 100% spot on about the combination, and for me that includes the meds, meditation, support communication, exercise, nutrition, and non-work related fun. My biggest challenge is down time and how to just not do anything.

It's great to see you walking your talk -very difficult for most of us (as you know). Thanks for posting

Yep Spirit, well said. Everything you listed are very important, or downright crucial, elements to staying successfully sober. It an be very challenging but necessary to strive to give attention and balance to these things.

[skullbabyland]

Skullbaby's Progress

bkyogagurl;1599307 wrote: Hi Skull-

I'm feeling a little lonely on my thread so I thought I would stop in again. I like reading here.
It's great to remember that the meds/counsel/plain determination are all part of progress here.

I am really feeling like Nal is helping me- I had a phenomenal week for drink #'s with only 12 this week. I am feeling kind of down tho for some reason. Family seem to bring me down a bit with drama that seems to always be looming. I think I will go for a run and clear my head a little. I don't want to be a bummer here on your thread. Check back in later.

Good day to you and all.

No worries BK- you can be a bummer on my thread all ya want, you're in good company here I know what it can be like to feel a bit lonely on your thread, so it's always nice to pop in to others and just say hey. In spite of family drama/negativity (of which I am no stranger, myself) I'm glad to hear of your great numbers! Nal seems to be really helping you which is awesome. 12 drinks for the week is fantastic. Whenever you're feeling down, remember how great that is. Fantastic!

[skullbabyland]

Skullbaby's Progress

Ukblonde;1599312 wrote: In my opinion meds like baclofen and Nal give you the break from the physical addiction, so you can sort out the rest.

Yes, this has been my experience too so far. The break from the physical addiction is crucial, and the sorting out the rest is no small task... it's nothing short of re-learning how to live.

[skullbabyland]

Skullbaby's Progress

Jazi's Mum;1599362 wrote: Hi Skullbabyland. I've just read this whole thread from start to finish today, and have found it to be a wonderful learning experience - and I've gotten to know you a bit too. You've certainly grown a lot, and I congratulate you on your successes.

I'll be starting baclofen in a few weeks when my shipment arrives. I'm scared, sure, but looking forward to getting this monkey off my back - 50 YEARS is a looooooog time....(I'm old enough to be your grandmother I think)

Can I say something to you about your upcoming "cabin-time" with your girl friend's family? Please be kind to them. I know you think they are a bit of a pain and not much fun to be around. I think you said they had problems and were not the kind of people you would spend time with if it wasn't for her. Can you imagine what it's like to BE them? You know KINDNESS doesn't get practiced much these days. I mean, just for itself.

You sound like such a nice young man, and you are working so hard on your particular difficulty in life - and succeeding too! So be kind just for a few days. And have a wonderful, sober holiday. I'll be posting my progress as soon as I get started so please cheer me on!

Hi Mrs. Jazi- Nice to meet you, thanks for posting

As to my girlfriend's family- never fear, I am quite kind to them all. The frustration I feel inside in dealing with them, I do not let it show externally. I'm pretty kind to almost all people as a default anyway, as kindness is a core belief of mine and I strive to be so as often as possible. They can be difficult people, but it all comes from places of pain, dark history, and victimhood-- ultimately almost everyone in this world deserves to be shown kindness and love. You're sweet and caring to check in with me about that and your reminder to be gentle with those who need it is well-received.

I'm so glad you're staring bac soon! Do let us know how you do with it, and check in here often. Will you be starting a progress thread of your own?

Best,
Skull

[Jazi's Mum]

Skullbaby's Progress

Whew!!!!!! I'm so glad you weren't offended! After I sent the post on kindness I realized how presumptuous it sounded. But I guess I meant (as you realized) that many people are 'nice' but few are kind.

Yes, I will be starting a progress thread soon. The long wait for delivery, then having to get across the border at holiday time, is a true pain in the patootie but better than sitting here in pain and anxiety and doing nothing!!

[bkyogagurl]

Skullbaby's Progress

Hi Skull-

Thought I would drop in and say hi. We had a death in the family that really bummed me out. I am struggling with not using it for a reason to drink which I have the past 2 night anyway. I took my Nal and didn't get drunk so I feel that being able to stay coherent is progress.
Your thoughts about your GF family are amazing and very unselfish. It slightly inspires me to be more open to my inlaws. Slightly.
My kids will be out of school as of today and I will have little responsibility for a few days.. Recipe for drinking. I am going to try not too.
Well I am gonna surf around and see if I can find some other thread to bomb:thanks:

[skullbabyland]

Skullbaby's Progress

bkyogagurl;1600832 wrote: Hi Skull-

Thought I would drop in and say hi. We had a death in the family that really bummed me out. I am struggling with not using it for a reason to drink which I have the past 2 night anyway. I took my Nal and didn't get drunk so I feel that being able to stay coherent is progress.
Your thoughts about your GF family are amazing and very unselfish. It slightly inspires me to be more open to my inlaws. Slightly.
My kids will be out of school as of today and I will have little responsibility for a few days.. Recipe for drinking. I am going to try not too.
Well I am gonna surf around and see if I can find some other thread to bomb:thanks:

I'm so sorry BK... a death in the family is so hard. I wish you the best through this grieving time. As for drinking... no lectures from me , just always take your Nal. :h

Yes, dealing with difficult family is so hard. It's so hard to be compassionate and just let things be. But it's a much better way to practice. Gratitude and compassion.

[skullbabyland]

Skullbaby's Progress

Update Day 236 on bac, 105 mg. Day 49 AF.

Well, I remember now why I was apprehensive about going up in dose on bac. The last few days, at 100mg, I've increasingly woken up in the morning with a noticeable anxiety. To the point where I need to sit and breathe. Its like I'm afraid that everything in my day will go wrong. That I'll get overwhelmed and fail at everything.

Anyone else get this morning anxiety? It seems to dissipate after I take my meds and get up and have coffee. It's not terrible and I can handle it but I definitely don't want it to stick around. I really want my mornings to be a time of happiness and rejuvenation.

Can anyone chime in and let me know if this should pass? Im scared that it will persist or get worse.

Also im noticing more ringing in my ears. Hoping that goes away soon too...

Otherwise things are good- health, sobriety, nutrition all on track. The one exception is that I've been smoking which is a a big concern/problem for me so I'm calling this day 1 nicotine-free.

Best to all.

[skullbabyland]

Skullbaby's Progress

Copied/pasted from another thread, cuz i thought it'd serve as a good reminder to myself.

" Its true that you cant expect everyvday to be meaningful, calm, etc, and certainly many days will feel boring... but try to think of that boring as a good thing. I try to embrace my inner boring self as a comfort in that it treats me far better than my drunken self who often feels like an entertaining, dynamic fun guy but who in reality is more of an embarrassing oaf who is sick, anxious, and desperate.

Also keep in mind that actual fun days and nights will return, though that may be hard to imagine when things seem so boring and blah. For me it happens right around 4 weeks AF and increases steadily from there."

And, a different thought also from another thread, concerning cigs but applicable to alcohol cravings too--

" Edit- whew just got a total cig craving. It's a good opportunity to practice dealing with cravings, and reminding myself that it'll just take 10 minutes or so to pass. I dont need to satiate it. I can let myself feel the jitters, the salivating, and know that they can be felt and that it's not a big deal, and that they'll pass.

Satiating our every desire is overrated. Oftentimes im finding that deprivation is oddly more satisfying-- if it means depriving myself of poison and keeping healthier because of it. It feels more adult, more Spartan. It's a new feeling of self-integrity that is most welcome."

[neophyte]

Skullbaby's Progress

hey Skull, i definitely get the morning anxiety when going up, it seems to settle after about two weeks, though i noticed it got increasingly worse with each increase over 200mg. when i went to 320 from 295 i felt like i was losing control.

When i was going up in baclofen i noticed my cravings for cigs went up. I still smoke when my friend comes around once a month for a bbq, but other than that, i dont smoke. I was once a daily smoker, about 1/2 a pack every day. Werid since my cravings for booze went down. That said, i don't crave them when im stable on the dose for a while.

[skullbabyland]

Skullbaby's Progress

thanks for the comment, Neo. Anxiety has seemed to even out a bit. It's crazy that I feel such SE's at such a low dose and such a slow increase. Kind of maddening to have to be this careful, but it is what it is.

As for smoking, well... still dealing with how to curb that one. Oh well at least I'm not getting hammered, I can feel grateful and proud of that.

[skullbabyland]

Skullbaby's Progress

Update- Day 52 AF. Day 239 on bac, currently at 105mg. Also 125mg/Antabuse/day.

Feeling good about sobriety- it's feeling less like a slog and more like the new normal. I don't really miss it except for on the odd social occasion or special occasion such as work-holiday party. I'll be with family for Christmas/New Years and not with drinking friends, so I don't expect much cravings to be a problem throughout the end of the year. However, super happy that I'm taking my Antabuse as a safeguard, as those sneaky thoughts and habits can really sneak up from out of nowhere. I feel good to have my "armor" on, just in case of whatever comes.

In fact, I wish there was such a thing as Nicobuse, as I'd take that too in order to get over smoking, with which I've backslid considerably this week. I need to regroup and get this one back under control. I've done it before, I can do it again. (to future self)- Do it, Skullbaby! Chemo and Emphyzema are in your future unless you get this shit out of your life. DON'T BE A JACKASS.

Slow titration of bac seems to be going ok. As I mentioned above to Neo, I'm sometimes perplexed at how sensitive I seem to be to SE's at such a low dose and such a slow titration as mine. But that's just how it goes I guess. The first 3 or 4 days I felt some pretty significant general anxiety-- just over anything I was trying to accomplish that day. However when I got up and got them done, the anxiety lifted. So... "feel the fear and do it anyway" proves true, yet again.

Anyway, things seem more balanced and calm now. The other SE's that were bugging me were a loss of balance, specifically feeling dizzy. Anytime I changed directions I'd feel super dizzy, but this was just annoying and has seemed to go away. Same with the ringing in my ears that seemed more pronounced.

Flying home to visit family for Christmas tomorrow. I'm looking forward to the down time. Then, flying to spend time with the GF's family. Not looking forward to that as much but it'll be fine, and I respect her desire to reconnect with her family, difficult as they may be.

Ultimately, I'm just happy that I'm 100% certain that I'll be AF throughout the rest of the year and into 2014.

Best to alll.

[Yourfriend6116]

Skullbaby's Progress

hi there!! I've been following your thread. Thanks for sharing your story! I've started Bac today. I'm going to start a thread to track my progress. I usually wouldn't do something like that but when I last talked to lo0p on Tuesday-he asked that I do that. So I will. Can't wait to start the journey with y'all!

[skullbabyland]

Skullbaby's Progress

Yourfriend6116;1601904 wrote: hi there!! I've been following your thread. Thanks for sharing your story! I've started Bac today. I'm going to start a thread to track my progress. I usually wouldn't do something like that but when I last talked to lo0p on Tuesday-he asked that I do that. So I will. Can't wait to start the journey with y'all!

Hi Friend,
Thanks for posting. I hope you have good success with bac, good for you on starting your journey. Do you have a progress thread started now?