Skullbaby's Progress

[skullbabyland]

Skullbaby's Progress

Thanks, BK Glad you're protecting your quit!

[spiritwolf333]

Skullbaby's Progress

"One brick at a time" -Perfect

[spuddleduck]

Skullbaby's Progress

WEHEY SKULL, just seen you are in triples...... yeaaahhhhhhhaaaa, well done you. now, reach for the stars

[skullbabyland]

Skullbaby's Progress

Thanks for the comments, Spirit and Duck!

[skullbabyland]

Skullbaby's Progress

Quick update- Day 112 AF, Day 299 on bac, 80mg/day and AB 125mg/day.

Not too much to report since hitting triple digits- my protocol has been keeping me on the right track. I'm just a week away from my next goal of 120 days. 4 months sober... holy SHIT.

I've recently been aware of some subtle-ish drinking thoughts popping up in the background, though, so I thought I'd post about it here for the record. Lately I've been having some thoughts along the lines of "... well... after being good for this long, it probably won't be as bad if I go back to drinking... maybe it'll be moderate this time". Or, "...well... there's an upcoming rock show that I want to 'fully enjoy' instead of being sober/bored... maybe I'll just 'give myself' this one drinking night..."

These are dangerous thoughts for me for obvious reasons, so I'm trying to counter them with "Dude. I'm a NON-DRINKER." That comes with all the obvious benefits and yes, the downsides too such as being bored from time to time.

Speaking of, we had houseguests over the weekend- close friends staying with us for a relaxing chillout weekend. It was nice, but I was aware of my lower tolerance for staying up late with them while they drank wine/beer. Not even much (they are moderate drinkers). But in my sober life, I go to bed super early- in bed reading by 9pm, alseep by 10:30- and, being bored while they indulged, I just excused myself and went to bed. Yep, I'm an old man. Haha.

Anyway, that's OK and I have to remind myself that occasional boredom will come with the territory of being sober.

In other news... I have not been able to find a doctor/therapist to prescribe bac in my new town. One that was listed in my state of Oregon on some old MWO threads is no longer interested in taking new patients, I was told after 4 unreturned voicemails, and in a rather frankly uninterested and short way. She had no interest in referring me to anyone, either. So I'm back to square one, and have to do a lot of searching, apparently... Oh well.

Overall though, life is good. I'm able to function, getting my affairs and finances in order, and still interested in art, though procrastination is still a problem that I'm working through. But I won't get into that here/now.

Best to all...

[bkyogagurl]

Skullbaby's Progress

Hey Skull-

Been looking forward to reading an update...

Always so thankful for your honesty as it reflects how to deal with social situations. Puts ideas in my head as to how to handle them better. Also reminds me that you are human and have the same thoughts I do but persevere thru them instead of indulging in them. I would think the same thing about the rock concert. And I think that after attaining 31 days I wanted to try out the drinking spurs again because I thought I made 46 days, I can drink... which obviously didn't work for me... I can't have 1-2 drinks.

I really believe there must be someone who can help you with your Bac. I think if times get tight you could probably make a connection with someone on the phone??? There has got to be a doc out there to help you.
I gotta run and get small fry to school... So proud of you for all your sober days...
YOU ROCK HULK MAN!!!

Thanks for being a good friend.

[skullbabyland]

Skullbaby's Progress

Hey BK- thanks for your post. I'm glad that you related to my comments. Yep, I too have often gotten derailed by thinking I can try out drinking again, even "just 1 or 2" which inevitably becomes "12". Us drunks can be a hardheaded lot

"Hulk man" hehehehe. Thanks buddy!

Come Monday, all next week will be dedicated to the search for a doctor/therapist who will work with baclofen. Wish me luck everyone!

[skullbabyland]

Skullbaby's Progress

I posted this today in the Sober February thread, and thought I'd post it here on my journal for the record as well. My thoughts on counting days.

"I thought I'd jump in on BK and Bastet's comments about counting days. I totally get why it turns some people off, but I'd really encourage its use, for a while at least, during early sobriety. My thought process on this is--

In most other pursuits, be it business goals, sales quotas, sports training, nutrition (ex, 30 days clean eating) etc, setting goals and quanitfying your progress while on the road to realizing those goals is crucial. Well, what's more crucial to us drunkies than sobriety? I'm a day-counter not because of some dogmatic, AA, twelve step stuff, but because it really helps me when I see those days racking up and I feel pride when I reach a new milestone. It helps me to keep focus on my 30-day goals. (I set my goals in chunks of 30 days, that seems do-able to me and not too overwhelming to commit to).

On the flipside, (with the disclaimer that this is certainly not for everyone, but just some) the absence of goals and of quantifying one's progress while achieving them can lead to murky thinking, since it can be hard to know quite where you're at or how close you are to a milestone. I find saying "I just hit 60 days, today is day 63 and I'm now working towards 90" to be a much stronger place to operate than "somewhere around a couple months, but not sure... and not sure how long I'll keep going. Long as I can". The latter is murkier and for me, would be a weaker standpoint, and historically lead me back to relapse much quicker.

There's also the added benefit to counting days that it's just plain fun to check in with the various Roll Call threads here on MWO, which have lots of supportive people on them, and it provides a sense of encouragement and pride, since the days really can rack up quickly.

It should be said that, if a relapse occurs, it's best to be gentle and good to ourselves, learn from it best we can, and get back on the horse. When you think about it, that's really the only way to proceed positively. Getting too self hating, self shaming, derailed and just saying "screw it" or blaming the pressure of counting days isn't productive.

Again-- this is just my findings-- I know counting days ins't for everyone, but just thought I'd share why I find it to be much more powerful.

EDIT- related to this, I find the one-year-sober success posts from various members very inspiring and hope/plan to do my own. I think counting days is a strong way to lead to this."

[spiritwolf333]

Skullbaby's Progress

[QUOTE=skullbabyland;1629515]I posted this today in the Sober February thread, and thought I'd post it here on my journal for the record as well. My thoughts on counting days.

In most other pursuits, be it business goals, sales quotas, sports training, nutrition (ex, 30 days clean eating) etc, setting goals and quanitfying your progress while on the road to realizing those goals is crucial. Well, what's more crucial to us drunkies than sobriety? I'm a day-counter not because of some dogmatic, AA, twelve step stuff, but because it really helps me when I see those days racking up and I feel pride when I reach a new milestone. It helps me to keep focus on my 30-day goals. (I set my goals in chunks of 30 days, that seems do-able to me and not too overwhelming to commit to).

QUOTE]

Hi Skull - you make a very valid point.

Every real alcoholic counts sober days for at least some period. Just ask an alky who has not drank for three days how long it has been since he/she last had one.

The "day counting" stuff with aa does leave a negative thought with many. Regardless of what anyone says, it is important to count some time -especially for the first few months.

With baclofen (after about 30 days), I felt like I was cheating the system. It just was not difficult not to drink. I think it was during that time that I got lax in keeping up with time sober.

Again, regardless of what anyone says or writes, you can just about make book that an alcoholic knows the last time he/she took a drink -and the longer that time is until now, the happier that former alky is -period.

[skullbabyland]

Skullbaby's Progress

One of my favorite bands is going to be in town next Wednesday night (week from today) and I've had thoughts of "giving myself the night off" from sobriety. I wanted to enjoy some (likely many) beers during the show, get euphoric and have my inhibitions fall away.

After being on AB for so long, I'd basically have to "plan" for the night of drinking by dropping the AB now, in order to be able to safely drink next Wednesday. So this forces me to make the choice of what I'm going to do.

While posting my AF days (118) on Newbie's Nest Roll Call, I thought to myself that it will feel crappy to begin all over again, posting as Day 1 after the show. This brought back the memories of what it's like to be hungover and feeling like shit- depressed, sick, anxious, for about 3 days.

I admit that there's a big part of me that wants to indulge (over-indulge, most likely) in my addiction that night. But I think that it's important that I don't... there will always be time to test the waters booze-wise but I don't think I should do so next week. So I think I'll continue taking the AB.

[Xadrian]

Skullbaby's Progress

skullbabyland;1631618 wrote: there will always be time to test the waters booze-wise but I don't think I should do so next week.

That's the spirit!

[spiritwolf333]

Skullbaby's Progress

skullbabyland;1631618 wrote: One of my favorite bands is going to be in town next Wednesday night (week from today) and I've had thoughts of "giving myself the night off" from sobriety. I wanted to enjoy some (likely many) beers during the show, get euphoric and have my inhibitions fall away.

After being on AB for so long, I'd basically have to "plan" for the night of drinking by dropping the AB now, in order to be able to safely drink next Wednesday. So this forces me to make the choice of what I'm going to do.

While posting my AF days (118) on Newbie's Nest Roll Call, I thought to myself that it will feel crappy to begin all over again, posting as Day 1 after the show. This brought back the memories of what it's like to be hungover and feeling like shit- depressed, sick, anxious, for about 3 days.

I admit that there's a big part of me that wants to indulge (over-indulge, most likely) in my addiction that night. But I think that it's important that I don't... there will always be time to test the waters booze-wise but I don't think I should do so next week. So I think I'll continue taking the AB.

That is really good news Skull -either way. Don't think you will find many around here to say anything if you elect to engage the spirits. However, if you do stay sober during the concert, I would really like to know if you enjoyed the music as much as you use to when drinking. Hell, you can always choose to drink at the next concert.

[Accel7]

Skullbaby's Progress

Be very curious which path you choose come concert night. As I've related in my thread, I've been tempted to "test the waters" and have a "couple" drinks (yeah, right), but I'm only two weeks into my streak, whereas you have a real championship AF series going!
I think all of us would understand if you "take a night off," and I'd even be curious how it makes you feel (both during the concert and, of course, the next morning). Then again, I'm pulling for you to stay AF. The drinks aren't going anywhere, and there will always be more concerts and events.
Would hate for you to regret resetting the AF counter to zero. Would it REALLY be worth it? (He said, almost curiously ...)
Let us know, for sure. I'm voting for you to stay the course, try enjoying the evening in your new, AF state, relishing your willpower and the "new Skull"
Best to you, man.

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Skullbaby's Progress

Hi, Skullbaby. You already know that I think it's so awesome that you've done this sobriety thing with such incredible commitment. It's what it takes, for sure.

That said, I took a completely different route, drank all the way up and still found that the stuff works. Based on that I would surmise that even if you did drink at the concert, you won't find it a huge setback. (Although for some of us, the hangovers are so brutal that it renews a commitment to abstinence.) The mental game is way more important than anything else, though. So if drinking will set you back to "day 1" and make you feel as though you are a failure, then please don't do it.

I was so nervous about feeling like a failure (a sure way to get back to the bottle for me) that I set very few rules for myself when I first got sober. I did make some, though. One of them was that I would never celebrate, or mourn, with alcohol again. I've had several anniversaries, and Christmases and parties and a couple of tragedies sober now. No regrets. I'm so glad that I made that rule! For one thing, not drinking during (for example) an anniversary dinner leads to a much longer and richer evening! Last one, we took a walk on the beach after dinner and stayed up until the wee hours...Definitely wouldn't have done that given that even one glass of wine makes me sleepy now.

So enjoy it sober! Or not. But no matter what, don't think about what you're missing (you're not) and don't feel like you've failed (you haven't).

[skullbabyland]

Skullbaby's Progress

Thanks for the supportive comments, all. I appreciate your words.

Last night was the first night in close to four months that I didn't take my AB. So I guess I know which direction my mind was heading... I'm wanting to drink at the show.

I've been thinking on it a lot this morning and I think I'm going to just skip the show and stay AF. I don't think I want to test the waters with beers until I have six consecutive months AF. I'd feel disappointed if I let myself drink next week at the show, and then I'd probably drink at the convention a few weeks later (where I'll see all my old drinking buddies) and I can imagine it'd be a slippery slope from there.

Foremost among this is that I'm just now starting to "come back to life" in my passion for art, and I don't want to risk that being drowned again by the return of alcoholic drinking.

I'm also gaining ground with my health goals, and one night of drinking and subsequent hangover will hurt that enough that I'd feel disappointed.

So basically what I've realized is, I'm not strong/balanced enough quite yet to test the waters. I'm really aware that there's definitely a bratty kid inside of me (the voice of my addiction?) that's whining about my decision. That bratty kid is feeling deprived, neglected, "left out of the fun" that others are assumingly having. I'm trying to tell him that the world will not run out of either beer or rock bands, and that in a couple more months we'll revisit this issue and see what's what.

Thanks again and best to all.