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    Skullbaby's Progress

    I'm glad you've been able to stay active through your injury, Skull. A treadmill desk sounds awesome - I've seen those online. I'm very fortunate (or unfortunate, depending on how tired I am on any given day) that my job keeps me on my feet 95% of the time. I know so many people these days really do spend all day on their butts, though. Sitting all day may not be quite as injurious as smoking, but I don't think your fitness trainer was all that far off the mark in his/her statement. Sitting for too long, too much of the time, leads to all sorts of health problems, including cardiovascular disease, metabolic disorder and, y'know, death.

    And yeah, I know what you mean about stewing over problems for days or even weeks. Although I've found that sometimes confronting a person directly about a situation is not the best route to go for me. You'd be amazed by how often drama plays out in my head, but was not perceived to be an issue by anyone else present, nor would it be perceived as a problem by any other rational person if they were in my shoes. Often times, I find the best course of action is to talk it over with a trusted, yet completely uninvolved, third party - preferably a longtime friend or family member who both knows about my tendency to blow things out of proportion, and is more levelheaded than I am. They'll usually convince me that saying something would only create drama where it otherwise doesn't exist. Of course, there are also times that I really should confront the issue directly but I don't for any number of reasons. Being assertive is definitely not my strong suit. Oh well, like all of us, I'm a work in progress.

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      Skullbaby's Progress

      Lis- yep the treadmill desk has proven to be a great asset- I walk on it approx 2 hours every morning and feel pretty good the rest of the day- my back has hurt less lately so I'm thinking being mobile has really helped. It's hard to get started when my body is so used to its sedentary life but now I've got momentum building and it gets easier, enjoyable even.

      I totally hear you about sometimes, confronting an issue can create drama that wasn't there, blowing things out of proportion- it definitely can go one way or the other- it's definitely great to have a good friend as a sounding board to help us sort when we need to assert ourselves and when we need to just let shit go. It can be so tough to know the right thing to do, living only in our own heads...

      Being assertive was never my strong suit either, and I'm bothered by that fact. I'm at the point where I'd rather voice something uncomfortably than have to swallow something silently, even if it's the wrong call to voice something and I'm seen as a drama queen- I dislike my quiet, non-assertive, scared of confrontation tendencies that much. I find it difficult to live with if I know I'm being fearful.

      Sometimes though, I'm just obsessing over needless nonsense and truly do have to work on letting shit go. Blah, it's so hard to know how to navigate life's many obstacles sometimes... another reason that you're so right- a good friend/confidant makes such a difference.

      Thanks for writing, Lis- hope you're well!

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        Skullbaby's Progress

        Happy Friday Skull.... Sure seems quiet. Hope you are looking forward to a good weekend.
        I made my goal again this week of S-TH although I do admit TH I was looking for an excuse to drink... Practice
        I really don't want to binge again this weekend... And am thinking about drinking right now. It's like a clock.
        Planning what I might have... Such a waste of time.
        I want to make a conscious effort to not binge today or tonight... Needed to write that down.
        I am going to do some form of exercise to get my mind off of it..

        I don't really like the new format of the boards but maybe it's change I don't like.....

        Love ya!

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          Skullbaby's Progress

          Where are you Buddie?

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            Skullbaby's Progress

            skullbabyland;n2511841 wrote: Lis- yep the treadmill desk has proven to be a great asset- I walk on it approx 2 hours every morning and feel pretty good the rest of the day- my back has hurt less lately so I'm thinking being mobile has really helped. It's hard to get started when my body is so used to its sedentary life but now I've got momentum building and it gets easier, enjoyable even.
            I had to Google that as it'd never heard of it before Gotta say it looks f**king awesome!

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              Skullbaby's Progress

              I had a look too, good idea but also a sign of the times, can you rig it up to power the PC, lighting etc?
              I used the Sinclair Method to beat my alcoholic drinking.

              Drank within safe limits for almost 2 years

              AF date 22/07/13

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                Skullbaby's Progress

                Hi BK, UKB, Lis, all my friends- thanks for the comments-- I'm back home as of today!

                I spent the last week or so back home at a family reunion/wedding. I got through it sober- everyone else partied and drank around me. I had a lot of social anxiety some of the nights, even though it was lots of family, many of whom I'm close with. Still, lots of social anxiety. It was a tough few days.

                The good thing is, as is often the case, the toughness really reminded me what I need to do, and that is to get my ass to a therapist, one that deals with anxiety especially. I've been talking about it for fuckin' months, maybe years now and have yet to do it. I really need to work on this- seeing as how my only other options are A. to always feel uncomfortable/anxious at social gatherings or B. treat the anxiety with alcohol abuse. Neither of which are options that I am willing to accept. So, option C, dealing with my problems at their root, will have to be the winner.

                The good news is that I didn't drink over the weekend though- uncomfortable as it was, I protected my quit. Most of my family and friends drank, some way overdrank and paid the price in the form of brutal hangovers. I was happy at least that wasn't me- though as an alkie, my hangovers are much worse than most. At any rate, I'm glad that wasn't me, and that i was reasonably effective and not a total mess.

                One nice thing is that I haven't seen most of my family in a year, and I got tons of comments on how good and healthy I looked- people kept asking about my diet, my exercise, etc. I must have been told how great i looked like 20 something times. I'm not gonna lie, that was nice That kind of external feedback is cool to hear.

                Anyway I'm happy to be back to my comfy little life in my home city. As for my healthy diet, exercise, etc...

                Well, staying sugar-free over the weekend, at a family wedding... THAT was a gigantic FAIL. Haha. Oh well it is what it is. Now I have ALL my travel/social obligations behind me and I can just work and live in my comfy little life in my home city without interruption. As such, tonight I'm getting like a half dozen donuts, and tomorrow will be back to day one Sugar free.

                Best to all!

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                  Skullbaby's Progress

                  Welcome back, Skull. I hope you got to enjoy the trip a little, as anxiety provoking as it may have been. Weddings can be especially uncomfortable since you basically get assigned seating at the reception and have to make small talk with whoever ends up seated next to you. But that's nice that you had so many compliments coming your way. It's always reassuring when other people notice all the positive changes that you've worked so hard for. And that's great to hear that you're going to pursue therapy for the anxiety. Social events are unavoidable if you're going to live a full, worthwhile life. There's no reason to suffer through them rather than enjoy them

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                    Skullbaby's Progress

                    Great to see u back and thanks for posting.

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                      Skullbaby's Progress

                      Your finally back YAH!!!!

                      So good to hear you were complimented on your health and well being. What a reward. Enforces the mental muscle to not drink.
                      You be like... That's right I'm hot and healthy. Take that AL.

                      I gotta say I think it's super important to take care of the anxiety and emotions that are at the root of the problem. I think that is what is behind relapse...
                      You can only manage to hold your feelings for so long until they have to come out one way or another.

                      I'm glad your home. Don't worry to much about the sugar thing. I would have been all over wedding food & cake!!
                      You have time now to get back on track. At least sugar doesn't make you stupid and sick.

                      I have stayed surprisingly true to my S-TH AF days this month although drinking heavily in F & S but that was the plan. However I would like to scale back
                      more maybe adjusting how many I have of taking an additional day off like Saturday. Only drinking on F. AL seems less appealing lately which is odd in a sense and I have been making it clear to my "friends" what my boundaries are. Asking that they respect them and also asking some that we not drink at all together. I mean shit if that is the only time they text or what to spend time with me... Fuck em they aren't my friend, feels harsh but it is what it is.

                      Well Hulkman i hope you are having a fabulous nite...
                      Lova ya muches.

                      Zor-el

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                        Skullbaby's Progress

                        Congratulations, Skull! On all the levels.

                        You know what? I think most people are uncomfortable in social settings like that. Something to keep in mind. I'm not suggesting that we don't have a particular problem with anxiety, or that it doesn't keep us (some of us) from enjoying life, but socializing on that level makes a whole lot of people off-balanced. Booze helps. Happily, we don't have that option anymore.

                        That said, I am not trying to make light of your anxiety or your considerable accomplishment. I would imagine the family dynamic thing may've been difficult, too. I found some real benefits to going to a therapist. It's hard to pick up the phone, for sure. I wish you luck in that! (Not that you'll need it, because it seems to me that you are taking care of what needs to be taken care of.)

                        Hope you enjoyed your donuts and that it's a good day, Skull. Thanks for checking back in here.

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                          Skullbaby's Progress

                          Thanks Lis, Spirit, BK (Kara Zor-El) and Ne for posting!

                          Thanks Kara Zor-El for the comments! Yep it was pretty nice to get a few compliments. I did even get called "hot" a couple times. For years I've been the fat, drunk, sick, slobby guy- at least that's how I saw myself- so I try not to be too focused on outward validation but I'd be lying if I said it wasn't nice to hear those compliments, especially because I was otherwise pretty locked into my own prison of anxiety... I was reminded each time I heard that, and each time I woke up feeling good in the mornings, of the upside of continuing the recovery of my addiction. Of course, there are many upsides- it's just nice when life reminds me of them.

                          Ne, thanks for the kind words I appreciate you guys posting on my thread! Yep as you and BK both say, it is important for me to follow through on finding good therapist to help with the social anxiety- I'm going to be diving into that search today. I already have made a couple good contacts in the form of a men's group and a general social anxiety group. I'm looking forward to checking them out and hopefully gaining some good support to work on all these issues.

                          That said, I do think you're right about most people being uncomfortable in those kinds of situations- I think most people find them so awkward and uncomfortable, just like I do. It makes me a little sad though because the big difference of course is that they can choose to indulge in alcohol to lower the anxiety, inhibitions, and let loose- whereas I have made the commitment to not. So that leaves me feeling a bit like an outsider. Well, more than a bit- a lot, actually. But I am coming to terms with that being OK. I think I've more or less accepted that I am different from the normies. Hell, nobody knows where anyone else is at- some of them might be feeding their own addiction. That thought too makes me sad, though I reach out to others when I sense the situation calls for it.

                          That brings up something interesting that happened to me recently- Last month I found out that one of my oldest, closest friends, an old drinking buddy, is over a year sober. Her and I lost contact a few years ago but I decided to reach out and let her know that I too am sober, closing in on a year. Apparently she lost most of her social circle when she got sober, as happens so often, and is slowly rebuilding a new one. She was happy to hear from me and we are going to connect soon. Apparently she's really into AA so hopefully there won't be friction about my going on a more unorthodox recovery path- I'm sure even if she has strong opinions about it, as do I, we'll still be great.

                          All that said... boy am I happy to be home and done with travel obligations for the year (!!!) SOOO HAPPY

                          Today I am grateful for my little home with my little girlfriend and my little dog. All are small in size and stature but mighty in spirit.

                          Best to all, and much love!
                          Skull

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                            Skullbaby's Progress

                            Thank you for this post Skull. You continue to help remind us all of what real sobriety can look-feel like. And those friends of ours who also get sober -regardless of their method, seem to always cause me to have to stop and ponder.

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                              Hey everyone, we're back online! Who's out there? Let's get conversations going again! How are you guys doing??

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                                OMG.. What a pain in my ass trying to get back on. I don't know why I had so many tech difficulties.

                                Anyway.... That was way to long to not be here.. Made me really appreciate being here.

                                Be back later to catch up.

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