I MADE A VALUABLE MISTAKE LAST NIGHT

[spiritwolf333]

I made a choice last night. I knew I was going to make this choice before long. Now, I'm glad I did. I've got the choice behind me now and I won't have to make it again for awhile. In prior 12step programs I would never had admitted that I tested the drinking waters. I would have just struggled through the next few days craving and feeling ashamed.

Tonight, I'm quite the opposite. Last night I drank about a 6 beers. In the former life, I would have about 12 and knew I was just getting started. After just two beers (would normally taken 6), I caught a buzz. Felt ok. Decided a few more might keep the buzz going. Did not work. All that happened was that I became very, very tired and begged myself to never do this bullshit again.

I finally accept and realize that I have always drank to overcome my anxiety. Yea, a buzz was nice at times, but really, all I wanted to do was change the way I was feeling -just not be so damned panicky-on edge. Baclofen has given me what I have always wanted -relief from anxiety with the ability to focus and function. I've finally have what I have always wanted and it does not include alcohol. I'm not afraid of alcohol anymore. I have no desire for it -it seems like such a waste of time now. Even now with times of depression and/or just feeling low, I'm happy (really?). Alcohol use to be answer for any occasion-it was my life line. And now, it's really kind of hard to believe that I use to drink that crap sun up to sun down.

Last night was the best $20.00 I ever spent and for the first time, I'm glad to report my conduct.

[kronkcarr]

I MADE A VALUABLE MISTAKE LAST NIGHT

Spirit,

There ya go! I'd say it was a good investment. You're doing so well as you head into your 3rd month.

[bleep]

I MADE A VALUABLE MISTAKE LAST NIGHT

That's great to hear Spirit. My first thought when I saw the thread title was "Lucky guy, my mistakes are normally quite costly!"

I think not being afraid of alcohol is a big part of getting over it. How did your family react?

[JDizzle]

I MADE A VALUABLE MISTAKE LAST NIGHT

Good for you. Yeah you don't get that euphoric feeling anymore. I can't really tell if my anxiety has been curbed. I seem to feel more at ease. Glad u posted this. I need to pay more attention to my own anxiety. Thanks.

[Ne/Neva Eva]

I MADE A VALUABLE MISTAKE LAST NIGHT

Hey SW. Good morning!

Today is a 3D day for me, meaning no time for computer, but I woke up thinking about this post this morning.

The fact that I drank again (post-indifference) tormented me a bit. (Why would I choose to do that if I have a choice? Is it over? Am I doomed???) I'd never had 30 days sober outside of rehab. On top of that, I had many (too many) experiences getting sober, convinced that I would remain abstinent forrreva only to relapse and start the cycle over again. I'm not unique in this...It's the story of our disease, right?

Anyway. This isn't the same at all. That's one of the gifts. Booze doesn't hold the power it used to, and that doesn't fade away! If anything, it becomes more apparent that booze doesn't have any power anymore, and little by little the threat in the bottle has evaporated. Now it's just a bottle with stuff in it. (I like Seethepony's description of drinking a beer w alcohol in it, as opposed to his normal NA beer. Sometimes we drink NA beer, just because, the same way we might choose a coke. And sometimes we will just have a beer, 'cause that would be good. And the difference is funny! The alcohol...Well, it goes without saying that NA beer isn't really beer and beer is yummy sometimes. ANYWAY...) (Most recently we've been sharing one of those big beers. I forget what they're called. But we have a little Mexican restaurant nearby with killer food and the big bottles of beer. The first couple of times, we each got a beer. Tired of throwing out two 1/2 bottles of beer, we now split one. Pretty amazing. And of course, sometimes we have soda. Or NA beer. My point is, it's all the same thing...)

[Alright, Ne, time to wrap it up!] It's not step one again, there is no need to walk to the front to get the surrender chip, and it definitely isn't the top of the slippery steel slide that'll burn your butt-cheeks all the way down. It's notathing. And notathing ain't no thing. Glad you did it, too, 'cause now you know there's no black magic in there. In 6 months there still won't be.

Hope it's a good Sunday everybody!

[spiritwolf333]

I MADE A VALUABLE MISTAKE LAST NIGHT

kronkcarr;1517413 wrote: Spirit,

There ya go! I'd say it was a good investment. You're doing so well as you head into your 3rd month.

Thanks Kronk -And as you and few others say- it only gets better with time. For now, I know what does not work for me (thanks BAC), so it really does free me up to look for answers elsewhere. I am really glad to be in month three -and I, for the first time, feel like I have the monkey off my back and I don't want to replace him -lol.

[spiritwolf333]

I MADE A VALUABLE MISTAKE LAST NIGHT

bleep;1517425 wrote: That's great to hear Spirit. My first thought when I saw the thread title was "Lucky guy, my mistakes are normally quite costly!"

I think not being afraid of alcohol is a big part of getting over it. How did your family react?

That's funny Bleep -most of my mistakes have been quite costly as well. Funny too; most occurred during or after drinking -coincidence I guess -lol. Maybe I have just received more bang for the buck than I ever have had with this $20.00 INVESTMENT.

And Bleep -not only am I not afraid of the Firewater, I now realize it has nothing to offer me in terms of calming or uplifting (maybe 20 minutes of false uplift). I feel free to move forward with my life (I would really like to have some direction to sink my teeth into, but I hope this will come in time as well)

Perfect question: Have I told my family? -No, not yet. This time, I'm really looking forward to telling them. In the past, I would have told them immediately (if as they did not already know). This time around, I am going to wait a few days. They would not have known about the other night -except that maybe I was much more sleepy than usual. I try to make a habit of being totally honest with folks these days and try to share only things that will help them. And at the same time, I don't want to be b-shtg myself -by not revealing. It was a first step of openness for me to admit this on this forum -an understanding audience. Family's first reaction might be -"why, you are doing so well -seem so happy..bla..bla.. They are not alcoholics, and so, there really is no way to answer the question -but they are understanding and they do their best not to be judgmental. On top of it all, I hate disappointing people.

This time around, I would love to run tell them, "see, this BAC stuff really does work" -but then again, they already know this -maybe this alcoholic brain needed more confirmation. I do want to tell them in due time. What if it could end up helping one of my sons or someone else down road?

And Bleep, I am still waiting on my Rhino (or Hippo) -USPS


Thanks for your reply.

[spiritwolf333]

I MADE A VALUABLE MISTAKE LAST NIGHT

JDizzle;1517430 wrote: Good for you. Yeah you don't get that euphoric feeling anymore. I can't really tell if my anxiety has been curbed. I seem to feel more at ease. Glad u posted this. I need to pay more attention to my own anxiety. Thanks.

Hi JDizzle -Yea, I had a twenty minute mild euphoric feeling -but damn, I could have got that with some exercise. I'm glad the euphoria is gone; had it been there, it may have made it easier to want to stay around. No euphoria, only some pain accompanied by minor depression and somnolence -no damn wonder non alkies don't drink often. LOL

thanks JD

[spiritwolf333]

I MADE A VALUABLE MISTAKE LAST NIGHT

Ne/Neva Eva;1517596 wrote: Hey SW. Good morning!

Today is a 3D day for me, meaning no time for computer, but I woke up thinking about this post this morning.

The fact that I drank again (post-indifference) tormented me a bit. (Why would I choose to do that if I have a choice? Is it over? Am I doomed???) I'd never had 30 days sober outside of rehab. On top of that, I had many (too many) experiences getting sober, convinced that I would remain abstinent forrreva only to relapse and start the cycle over again. I'm not unique in this...It's the story of our disease, right?

Anyway. This isn't the same at all. That's one of the gifts. Booze doesn't hold the power it used to, and that doesn't fade away! If anything, it becomes more apparent that booze doesn't have any power anymore, and little by little the threat in the bottle has evaporated. Now it's just a bottle with stuff in it. (I like Seethepony's description of drinking a beer w alcohol in it, as opposed to his normal NA beer. Sometimes we drink NA beer, just because, the same way we might choose a coke. And sometimes we will just have a beer, 'cause that would be good. And the difference is funny! The alcohol...Well, it goes without saying that NA beer isn't really beer and beer is yummy sometimes. ANYWAY...) (Most recently we've been sharing one of those big beers. I forget what they're called. But we have a little Mexican restaurant nearby with killer food and the big bottles of beer. The first couple of times, we each got a beer. Tired of throwing out two 1/2 bottles of beer, we now split one. Pretty amazing. And of course, sometimes we have soda. Or NA beer. My point is, it's all the same thing...)

[Alright, Ne, time to wrap it up!] It's not step one again, there is no need to walk to the front to get the surrender chip, and it definitely isn't the top of the slippery steel slide that'll burn your butt-cheeks all the way down. It's notathing. And notathing ain't no thing. Glad you did it, too, 'cause now you know there's no black magic in there. In 6 months there still won't be.

Hope it's a good Sunday everybody!

NE -thanks again:

-Same story - as we all know so too well. How many self promises and promises to others. And the cycle from hell -drink, crave not to drink, crave, drink, guilt/shame, drink, promise, drink some more..bla..bla.. (as a friendly reminder to self). And Neva, as so many have said in the past; "insanity is the act of doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results" -therefore, based on that definition, I know that I AM NOT INSANE -I expected and wanted the same results from drinking that I had come so acquainted. In the end (I hope), the price of drinking was becoming way to expensive... I was no longer going to be able to pay the fare. I hope that I would never have ended up not continuing to look for solutions -though that could have happened. My tombstone would have read "We give him this; he may have been a drunk -but he was a damned stubborn -never would quit trying to quit"

And NE, how great it is to hear the experienced keep saying, this BAC stuff is the real McCoy. That what you see is what you get -and it keeps on keeping on. You folks convinced me from the very beginning that BAC was real and so, I had to try it for myself. I think all of MWO words made my little experiment a little more doable.

[bleep]

I MADE A VALUABLE MISTAKE LAST NIGHT

I can't believe your hippo hasn't arrived yet. It was a real bitch getting him into the envelope, and I left a small corner open so that he could breathe, perhaps he got out that way. The more likely explanation is that the postal workers have claimed him as their own. If they suddenly come out with a new mascot, we will know.

The thing to be aware of as you broach this with your family is that you know baclofen has worked, they don't. From their point of view, they have seen you not drink for a while before, which may or may not have happened in the past. If it has happened, no doubt you would have told them that the first drinks were fine then as well. Only your behaviour going forward from now can convince them, words are relatively cheap.

Just something to bear in mind if they don't see this in the same light as you do. I hope it goes well.

[spiritwolf333]

I MADE A VALUABLE MISTAKE LAST NIGHT

bleep;1517696 wrote: I can't believe your hippo hasn't arrived yet. It was a real bitch getting him into the envelope, and I left a small corner open so that he could breathe, perhaps he got out that way. The more likely explanation is that the postal workers have claimed him as their own. If they suddenly come out with a new mascot, we will know.

The thing to be aware of as you broach this with your family is that you know baclofen has worked, they don't. From their point of view, they have seen you not drink for a while before, which may or may not have happened in the past. If it has happened, no doubt you would have told them that the first drinks were fine then as well. Only your behaviour going forward from now can convince them, words are relatively cheap.

Just something to bear in mind if they don't see this in the same light as you do. I hope it goes well.

Point well taken Bleep. I've been down that _"I promise, its different this time" road. And how very true "only my actions and behavior" are what count now -even though I know for a fact that it is DIFFERENT this time. Maybe I will just keep the secret of how the effort has not been that tough and I can get some more feel sorry for points -jk-lol. I am not going to rock that boat for a while.

And just damn -I've waited day-in and out waiting for that hippo -and now the Gov probably has it as their mascot. Folks around here are going to be so disappointed when I break the news.

Seeya Bleep