So an update on my drinking on bac. It went well but I was still at the point where I was thinking too much about those few drinks. It was also easy to justify drinking as much as I wanted because I could stop whenever I wanted. The last time I drank, I had fun but went a bit overboard. I had probably about 10 mixed drinks. It was a lot but I guess I was ok with it. But....BUT I wanted to do coke again. I did not, but I'm not sure how much of it was me and how much was circumstance. Another thing, I had been enjoying a mellow personality while buzzed/drunk. I have just about the shittiest drunk personality on the planet and that personality kind of start rearing its ugly head that night. That guy didnt fully come out but it was the first time he has kind of been around since I hit my switch. Anyways, I realized how nice my life had been without that POS around. Things have really been going well. So that night was enough to scare me straight. I also realize I don't really feel like indulging in that life. I can totally let myself off the hook because I can understand why I got soooooo excited about drinking normally. It was really great and I think I'm done enjoying it. What has been more fun than the drinking normally has been not having asshole jd around... Not having to apologize, not making empty promises about quitting, not feeling ashamed.... U all get it. So long story short, I am going back to my original resolution of not drinking for 30 days. I knew it may be hard because I was looking forward to my few drinks every day. So I am titrating up from 120 to 150 with 4 days at each 10 mg. today was my first day at 140. I was around a bunch of drinking tonight and it never felt like a good idea. I'm not sure i needed to go up from 120. I think I just needed a firm resolution within myself. Yeah it rocked to drink socially for the first time in my life, but lets be honest.... I have drank enough in my life. It would be nice to finally have a life where alcohol was just completely not involved.
Thank u all for kind of allowing me to grow up publicly.
Thank u all for kind of allowing me to grow up publicly.
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