Abstinence Challenge

[Juan BH]

Abstinence Challenge

I ate some cookies on Sunday.

[Juan BH]

Abstinence Challenge

Xadrian- Do you wish to moderate or stop drinking completely at some point? Just curious...

[Xadrian]

Abstinence Challenge

At first, when I started baclofen, I wanted to stop drinking completely.

But now, I want to drink some beers at social events and once in a while at home.

I had a problem with the way I drank before baclofen, but -except for the fact I didn't come up to the challenge- I had no problems with drinking the 3 beers last Sunday.

I just don't want to NEED the beers anymore like before. Now it's different, because I have a choice to drink or not.

[StuckinLA]

Abstinence Challenge

Xadrian, I thought that's where you were and was about to jump in, but didn't want to speak for you. Really glad to hear that you're doing well with bac and (not) drinking. I also just want to quickly say that I think it's great you are still on this thread and, if not going solid months at a time, still making a conscious decision to abstain most of the time. It always seems so easy to mindlessly have a beer or two, even when one doesn't "need" them.

I think I'm at that point (already) with pot, actually. I went and got myself a medical card and only purchased a gram, but find myself reaching for it in the evenings without even making a decision to get high. I'm certainly not addicted to it - most of the time I don't even particularly care for it - but the following day I oversleep and feel unproductive and kind of like a big waste of space for the entire day, until sitting in front of the TV and getting high again.

Anyway, maybe that's an unnecessary story, but I think I'm deciding not to go buy any more for a while. Last night was the first all week that I didn't smoke before bed, and I slept like sh*t and still overslept - like really overslept - and I feel unproductive and like a big waste of space today. But gotta turn things around somehow, yeah?

[skullbabyland]

Abstinence Challenge

Well gang, I fucked up a couple nights ago. I'm not counting the hangover day as an AF day, so that makes today Day 1 AF.

I'll recount what happened in detail over in my progress thread.

[skullbabyland]

Abstinence Challenge

Day 2 AF

[neophyte]

Abstinence Challenge

i have been screwing up badly over the past week. the pattern that has emerged is of me slipping back in relapse territory. last saturday i drank and i was violently ill the next day, i swore off drinking, chalked it off as a good experience since it was terrible. 2 days later i managed to find an old bottle of baileys that had about 3-4 standard drinks in it, barely enough to get any kind of feeling but i drank it anyway. Tuesday i somehow convinced myself that buying vodka was appropriate, finished the bottle over 2 days, 700 mls.

even before that though, i had been using valium to taper off the booze and there were days where i woudl abuse it and take more than i needed to feel some kind of high. there was also a day where i wanted to feel some kind of high so bad i finished off the rest of the psychedelic mushrooms (about 1.5 grams) i had plus some DMT. the pyschedelic experience, although weak, i sat there was tears running down my face, i wasnt even sad, but im not sure why i was in that state. i just felt dead inside. i just wanted to feel something. I'm still also abusing codeine and that desire for self administration has not abated.

I think the underlying cravings in me are still not gone yet. I still find myself craving booze and generally just wanting to feel euphoric, relaxed and anxiety free and to enjoy my nights, rather than trying to fill them with something.

my first few weeks AF were awesome, waking up not hung over and being able to be productive at work was amazing. yet at about week 3,4 i was becoming complacent. i wanted to get high again, be that with any drug, but particulalry iwth alcohol as it gives me that intoxicating knock out euphoria and relaxation that i crave. I also found myself feeling empty at night, i would look up depresisng and morbid things which just made me feel worse.

I guess i should probably keep going up in bac and resume my therapy. the baclofen has helped reduce my cravings overall. theres no way i would have made it as far as i have, and im at least 2 days AF right now. by now, i would have relapsed completely without baclofen. But im still not where i need to be. maybe baclofen isnt the answer, perhaps its therapy.

[skullbabyland]

Abstinence Challenge

Neo- I wish I had the answers for you buddy... I relapsed recently too so I know how it is. I still believe in baclofen as an effective treatment, it's just that it can be a long one. Best of luck to you man.

[skullbabyland]

Abstinence Challenge

Day 3 AF

[Juan BH]

Abstinence Challenge

Neo-

I think you have the right idea my friend, but I can't speak to the baclofen question. Therapy is a great option and I'm doing that pretty regularly myself. I find it helps quite a bit. There is more to this disease than I ever imagined. Just remember that nobody's perfect. It's nice to see you again

[StuckinLA]

Abstinence Challenge

The first thing that comes to mind is "stay strong," friends. But that also sounds like a whole pile of BS. I'm empathetic with those of you struggling with slips - it sucks all around. And I don't have any advice or anything... just... keep on keepin' on.

[skullbabyland]

Abstinence Challenge

Thanks, Stuck, for the encouragement. Seems like a lot of veterans have moved on from MWO, I sure appreciate you still checking in here and the support

[skullbabyland]

Abstinence Challenge

Day 4 AF

[bleep]

Abstinence Challenge

While baclofen removes the desire and the need to drink, I also found that it doesn't necessarily remove the desire or the need to not be present in the moment, for whatever reason. There have been times that I have been somewhat resentful of my sometime inability to get pissed. After a particularly crappy day, I still know of no better way than to unwind by having a few drinks, and indeed sometimes oblivion is what I'm after. So it sometimes very annoying to have this desire railroaded after 2 drinks, and just lose the taste. I always think I am looking a gift horse in the mouth when this happens, but the desire is still there.

Neo, I will say that this happens less and less with time. I still haven't found a better way to lose the pressure of a shitty day/week/life, but I am looking to escape reality less, simply I think as a result of time. Therapy may have helped had I gone to it, I don't know. I reckon it is worth trying everything but that is part of the attitude that got me in shit a lot!

And then at the same time, Skull, sometimes I will start drinking, and then that handbrake isn't as strong. It is always when I have decided to go out with mates, and get a bit pissed. On these occasions, I am able to get pissed, which surprised the hell of me the first time it happened. I was taking baclofen, and expected it to do everything for me; to my astonishment it didn't. What did happen was my definition of a fuck-up changed. Simply getting drunk became a fuck-up, even when I just went to bed. Previously that would have been marked as a success, the fuck-up definition being reserved for scenarios that involved insurance companies, protracted, draw-out battles with spouses, etc!

I suppose there are two conflicting statements in this post, to two different people. I think what it goes to show is that this is a confusing situation. Baclofen makes it relatively easy to do something that previously was very difficult - to physically stop drinking. It allows a large degree of choice to enter the equation, which before was absolutely impossible. What you do with that choice is up to you. It is not necessarily easy once drinking has been removed, although for me the ease with which baclofen removed the drinking part of the equation made me think that it would be a panacea for all of my ills.

[skullbabyland]

Abstinence Challenge

Very good post, Bleep- thanks for sharing your insights. I can really relate to much of it... I'll reflect on that today... the power of, and responsibility of, choice. It's all I ever wanted when it came to drinking- the ability to have choice- and now that i have it, it can be complex. But I'm glad I have it.