Abstinence Challenge

[skullbabyland]

Abstinence Challenge

Dun, yeah, I'm counting days. I find it helps keep me on track and gives me a sense of pride as I rack them up. I used to post my day count every single day on this thread, but lately I've just checked in here and there. Today is Day 127 AF.

I know what you mean about the tricky thoughts-- I've had them too. "Maybe I can slowly go down to half my dose", etc. I've even thought of giving myself "a night off from sobriety" here and there... ("I'm sure one night of binging won't hurt..." yeah right) But then I just think... it's been such a long journey to get to this point, I would be crushed if I started drinking alcoholically again and had to start over to break the addiction yet again. I only have just over 4 months, so I'm sure my addiction could come raging back at any time if I'm not vigilant. But those tricky addict thoughts need to be guarded against.

Keep on with your recovery and "protect your quit". I'll do the same...

[Xadrian]

Abstinence Challenge

dundrinkn;1635307 wrote: Anyone else counting AF days?

Yep, day 25 here.

[Poink]

Abstinence Challenge

I have a little over 2 calendar months, some 63 days. I don't count (I look it up before I post here) but my AF days are very important to me. And I am not sure that that is a good thing. I don't want to suffer any negative consequences (guilt, remorse, sense of failure) if that streak ends.

While I have had little success moderating, I have absolutely no problem abstaining. None. And it's not that I am able to resist alcohol, but that I rarely think about it. In most things, alcohol really doesn't seem to have much power over me right now.

But when my wife and I go out to dinner, and she has a glass of wine that she really enjoys, I'm like "No way I'm tasting that, it would end my AF streak." I'm not afraid of losing control or of going on a bender but merely of losing that streak.

So perhaps I should embark more on a "Sober Challenge", where I set goals for remaining, perhaps, legally unintoxicated. In my case it would not mean even moderating, but perhaps an occasional sip of my wife's drink or participating in a toast or whatever.

For now, I am going to continue to remain completely AF, I'm just not going to get that invested in it. It's something I want to do. If I decide to take a different path it won't be a big deal. It won't be a reflection of my self-worth, nor an accurate measure of my recovery.

[caro/2]

Abstinence Challenge

Hi All,

Ten months AF yesterday.

I no longer take baclofen, but without it never in a million years would i have been able to get this amount of time under my belt.

I have tried moderation for more decades that I care to remember, for me, for now, not drinking is much easier.

Caro

[Fred_The_Cat]

Abstinence Challenge

caro/2;1641330 wrote: Hi All,

Ten months AF yesterday.

I no longer take baclofen, but without it never in a million years would i have been able to get this amount of time under my belt.

I have tried moderation for more decades that I care to remember, for me, for now, not drinking is much easier.

Caro

Caro, any lingering cravings to speak of? Where did you switch?

Congrats on 10 months!

[Samandkatharine]

Abstinence Challenge

Fred_The_Cat;1641351 wrote: Caro, any lingering cravings to speak of? Where did you switch?

Congrats on 10 months!

Caro, we'd love to hear more about your story.

Sam

[BetterAndBetter]

Abstinence Challenge

Samandkatharine;1641405 wrote: Caro, we'd love to hear more about your story.

Sam

Hear, hear.

(On a personal note, day 65 AF here, maintaining 60-80mgs bac daily.)

[Samandkatharine]

Abstinence Challenge

:goodjob: better!

I'm on 70mg and will stick with this dose for a while. I went to spring training in Arizona with my son and had a beer Saturday night. That was huge for me. I couldn't finish it:H

Sam

[BetterAndBetter]

Abstinence Challenge

Samandkatharine;1641533 wrote: :goodjob: better!

I'm on 70mg and will stick with this dose for a while. I went to spring training in Arizona with my son and had a beer Saturday night. That was huge for me. I couldn't finish it:H

Sam

Hey... beer and baseball. Understandable! I'm finding somewhere around your daily dose to be pretty comfortable for me. I have plenty of times where I think about getting some alcohol as a "treat" or out of boredom, but with the bac in my system I can always rationally think about how alcohol isn't really all that much of a treat. No rose-colored glasses. I just see it how it really is. My health has already improved. I'm slowly becoming more productive. Feel better about self... less depression. It's mostly boredom that nags at me occasionally. I've got a lot of time to fill now and know that learning to fill it productively just makes a lot more sense than checking out every night. If I should "blow it" and have a night of drinking I can't see how I would continue with it for long at this point. I've done my time, playing with the bac doses, and think I've found my ace in the hole, so to speak. I've got no more fear of alcohol... only the knowing that it's a waste of time for me. Once you know how to make it work for you, baclofen is an incredible tool that should be available to the masses in terms of helping any one who wants to, regulate their alcohol consumption. Counting AF days is fun, but I count finding baclofen as the point when I began to learn that I no longer had to feel a slave to a toxin. Play ball!

[Samandkatharine]

Abstinence Challenge

Thanks Better,
Drinking while taking Bac isn't fun anymore. The thought of a cold Blue Moon with an orange slice sounds wonderful, but after a sip you wonder where the "feeling" is. It's just no fun anymore, damn it!

Sam

[Xadrian]

Abstinence Challenge

Samandkatharine;1641810 wrote: It's just no fun anymore, damn it!

But eventually you're very glad about that, right?

[Samandkatharine]

Abstinence Challenge

Xadrian;1641922 wrote: But eventually you're very glad about that, right?

:H. Yes!

[caro/2]

Abstinence Challenge

Hi All,

A few people requested I relate my story so here goes:

I am now 52

Drunk alcoholically since a teenager due to anxiety/childhood

If I use the term 'High functioning alcoholic' it sounds a bit too grand to describe me, but on the surface I got through life ok. A complete mess if you scratched that surface.

Did a lot of travelling with my job, would move on to a new place/country often after I had made a mess of my life where I was because of my drinking.

Anyway, I got lucky when in my late 30's I met my husband. My drinking levels decreased, still drinking too much, but still, an improvement. My drinking caused a lot of problems in my marriage, as one would expect, however, my husband could see how much I tried to stop.

Fast forward to two years ago, my husband lost his job and money was really tight. My drinking escalated and I knew I was really way to old and tired to live like this.

An internet search came up with MWO. Read about baclofen, ordered some online and things got better.

I was sensible at first with my titration, then I wasn't. Went up to 130mg slowly with no real side effects, except the very nice one of the cravings that had tormented me all my life laying low.

However, I had come to the conclusion that I could not have my cake and eat it too.

What do I mean? Basically even though at 130mg the cravings were dramatically reduced, I would still drink too much on occasions, booze was still calling the shots.

People had posted that if possible try not to drink while titrating up, and I could not agree more. Needless to say I didn't.

Anyway, I decided to increase the baclofen and that's when things got nasty.

I went up to 160mg too quickly and started to feel extremely anxious and paranoid. Things got worse when I very, very stupidly decreased down from 160mg to 130mg in one day.

My mental health deteriorated and I ended up in A&E twice in one week with extreme health anxiety.

What did not help at this time was I developed pain in my hip, which turned out to be arthritis, but I had convinced myself was avascular necrosis. I was convinced I had it, and there are posts on this site which sent shivers down my spine when I realise how unhinged I was.

I developed severe depression and started making suicide plans. I was convinced that this was the only way out for me.

Somehow I got through it (well the love of my family/time/therapy and decreasing baclofen helped).

I think baclofen is the answer for many of us, but as my sorry tale demonstrates it must be used wisely.

It was all my own fault I got in that mess.

I no longer take it, but I will if the cravings come back.

At the moment I don't have any, but, there is no doubt in my mind, taking one drink would kick it all off again. I don't think I have got the strength to go through all that again.

I have not been on the site recently because of good reasons. Mentally much stronger, trying to get healthy, have a bit of fun, very grateful the darkness has gone.

I was so sorry to read about Sticky (RIP) she battled so hard, it sound childish to say it but it isn't fair. Before my meltdown I would not have been able to understand how somebody could kill themselves, but now I realise how easy it is to slide into that way of thinking.

Who knows what tomorrow brings, but for me moderation does not work. If the cravings come back I still have a stash of baclofen.

Caro

[dundrinkn]

Abstinence Challenge

Haven't been on the boards in a bit. Been busy traveling, celebrating my 50th birthday, and generally digging life. I am 73 days AF today. At 90 mg of bac (down from switch of 180). Will stay here as the nerve/leg pain has been minimized. I will have a beer eventually, but not for a while. Just focusing on other things rather than testing those waters. Afterall, decades were lost there, so I pretty much have been there/done that. Hope everyone is having a lovely Wednesday. Cheers!

[dundrinkn]

Abstinence Challenge

Today is 87 days AF. This past weekend I thought about having a beer, but didn't find it all that compelling. The longer I go, the more that drinking losses its pull. I am still at 90mg with a bit of leg pain, but not much. I am not inclined to go lower just because I don't want to feel the craving. I occasionaly sense it out there, on the edge of my consciousness, and I don't want it to bite me in the ass when I least suspect it.

The other thing that happens now is when I think of drinking a beer, I don't associate that "ahh" feeling of relief with it that used to come. I know that the Bac has taken that away, and the feeling is now a bit of a thud so I do have the "why bother" come up instead of the "why not".

All in all, things are good.