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**kambob** · June 30, 2013, 04:39 PM

I drank after 3 months AF

fishcake;1526457 wrote:
Today I feel meh, a slight hangover but mostly just in a strange spot, wondering if I'm taking too many risks, knowing my curiosity will always win: I will re-iterate the experience next weekend and get fully drunk to see what happens. I'll keep titrating up in the meanwhile
.

Read this back to yourself fishcake. And again and again if necessary.

What are you curious about? You're already planning for next weekend? And what do you think will happen if you get 'fully drunk'?

Reminds me of that old joke.....guy is stranded on a desert island, and prays to God to rescue him. A passing boat chugs in, but our guy refuses the offer telling the crew that he is waiting for God. A few days go by and an aeroplane overhead sees him sitting alone on the island.....sends in another boat that is similarly sent away by our guy. Finally a helicopter lands RIGHT ON the island, but our stubborn old fella is still waiting for God to rescue him. Of course, he starves to death, gets to heaven and asks God why he ignored his pleas? God replies, "I sent you TWO boats, and a bloody HELICOPTER for chrissakes....what more did you want?"

You're on Baclofen, use the tools you've been given to save yourself. I reckon you're playing with fire personally, but your mileage might vary and all of that stuff. Good luck!

kambob

**fishcake** · June 30, 2013, 04:49 PM

I drank after 3 months AF

So you're saying I should just stay AF?

**Xadrian** · June 30, 2013, 06:30 PM

I drank after 3 months AF

fishcake;1526510 wrote: So you're saying I should just stay AF?

If you feel the need to get fully drunk, it could be alarming, as is the fact that you already planning to drink.

**JDizzle** · June 30, 2013, 06:54 PM

I drank after 3 months AF

Last time we spoke u said u would like to have a couple drinks. Now u got drunk and are planning another one while ur hung over. Doesn't sound good. U prob have not hit ur switch so drinking is as safe as it has always been in ur life. Sounds like the drinking didnt go well if u just moved out of a sober house. I would wait to drink until u don't feel like drinking anymore.

**fishcake** · June 30, 2013, 07:19 PM

I drank after 3 months AF

yeah I hear you guys loud and clear...it's 5pm here where I am and I can feel very high cravings creeping right now...I really hope I won't go to the corner store before going back home... Should I take more bac to calm these cravings?

**Xadrian** · June 30, 2013, 07:23 PM

I drank after 3 months AF

If you have cravings, it means you probably didn't hit your switch yet.
Taking suddenly extra baclofen will not help you. It will probably give you nasty SE's too.

In my opinion, you should just steadily increase your dose until you find indifference.

**StuckinLA** · June 30, 2013, 07:49 PM

I drank after 3 months AF

Slowly and steadily up, is my advice--to reiterate what Xadrian and others are saying.

You can have a drink when you don't want one. But then you won't want one. Sounds like a sucky catch-22 right now, but it's not so sucky once you get there.

**Ne/Neva Eva** · June 30, 2013, 08:47 PM

I drank after 3 months AF

Hey Fish.

What a topsy turvy place to be!

So listen, I think we can all agree that an alcoholic drinking isn't such a good thing, right? But since that's sort of the definition...

Just be safe. You don't want to start sending texts to the ex-girlfriend you finally got rid of and you certainly don't want to find yourself with an empty bottle, some car keys and the idea that you should get more.

Bac and booze is a no-fun combination for many of us, too.

You're on your way to really being free from this disease. Hang in there. Slow and steady wins this race.

**StuckinLA** · June 30, 2013, 08:59 PM

I drank after 3 months AF

Ne/Neva Eva;1526589 wrote: You don't want to start sending texts to the ex-girlfriend you finally got rid of and you certainly don't want to find yourself with an empty bottle, some car keys and the idea that you should get more.

What're you trying to imply, Ne?

That is a bad scene, though, no doubt. Though in all honesty getting good and properly drunk sounds like a decent idea to me, too, Fish. So like Ne said, just be careful whatever you do. Hang in there, man.

**JDizzle** · June 30, 2013, 09:32 PM

I drank after 3 months AF

Neva is just sharing her experience..... Strength and hope :H

**fishcake** · July 1, 2013, 12:07 AM

I drank after 3 months AF

OK...pffew, I shook off the cravings with an intense 2 hour workout, got home and do not intend to drink alone. Ya this drinking yesterday sure was risky. I know myself though, and I expect a lot of "are you serious? after what happened?!" comments, but I will go out next weekend.

I still go to AA and do magnificent work with my sponsor in order to reach some serenity in my thinking. I did not tell him yet that I'm taking bac or that I drank this weekend, if next weekend fails or succeeds, I will let him know. I have to be honest with this great guy I trust.

**JDizzle** · July 1, 2013, 12:48 AM

I drank after 3 months AF

If you are being dishonest (even by omission) with your sponsor, your not really doing AA at all. You should always be honest with your sponsor of all people and not like next week when he can't stop u from going out next weekend. I did that shit too... I'll tell them after I fuck up then I get to fuck up. However, these 2 societies dont coexist very well. AA does not coexist with us.... I'm sure we coexist with AA just fine. Baclofen is a muscle relaxer and that is not really ok in AA. Sure your meds are between you and your doctor, but do you take the dude seriously in the room that talks about methadone all the time? I didn't... I just wanted him to stfu and let someone serious talk. Go bang some shit dude...get on with it. So maybe my judgement drove me to relapse hahahaha. Anyways, I think you are going to find that you can't really do both. Keep titrating up until you don't want to drink. I would think AA will turn out to be a bummer for you. BUT... realize you are not on Baclofen (with regards to being sober). You are taking Baclofen. If u have not hit ur switch and u r drinking.... ur a practicing alcoholic. Remember, ur brain is trying to kill u. While u didn't drink for that time "ur disease was in the parking lot of AA doing pushups". I'm a 20 year chronic relapser dude. It WILL fuck u. U have not given us anything along the lines of hitting a switch. U have given us ur many justifications on why ur going to drink (we all understand). Hey man I'm not going to say "are you serious? After what happened?" My absolute favorite part of the Big Book that people in meetings would get so pissed when I quoted it to a newcomer....

""
We do not like to pronounce any individual as alcoholic, but you can quickly diagnose yourself. Step over to the nearest barroom and try some controlled drinking. Try to drink and stop abruptly. Try it more than once. It will not take long for you to decide, if you are honest with yourself about it. It may be worth a bad case of jitters if you get a full knowledge of your condition.
""

Get to it dude!!! Lord knows I have.

**JDizzle** · July 1, 2013, 12:55 AM

I drank after 3 months AF

Hang on. I really want to be more of a dick here (because I like u)... U'll drink before ur planned weekend anyways. No way u'll make it 5 days when u already planned to drink. Alcoholism sucks like that.

**StuckinLA** · July 1, 2013, 01:15 AM

I drank after 3 months AF

JDizzle;1526646 wrote: While u didn't drink for that time "ur disease was in the parking lot of AA doing pushups".

I am putting this on a T-shirt.

I like you too, Fish, and I'm not being all Judgey McJudgerson, either. In fact, I'm kind of a little jealous if we're being really honest here.

But shit was bad if you were in a sober-living house, yeah?

So 2 things: JD's right. You probably oughta be honest with your sponsor if you're doing AA--'cause otherwise you're not doing AA. And second, you should decide what you want--and pretty quickly--or else you're not going to make it, at least with bac.

Drinking on bac sucks. Because drinking too much sucks. That's just how it is, ya' know? That's why most people don't drink too much. So you're going to run into a very serious problem pretty soon, and that's the fact that the bac is going to dull the drinking-happy-fun-times, and it's going to make the hangovers killer, and it's going to space you out and all that when you get into the higher doses and it's just plain miserable. It's miserable hitting the switch, usually, and drinking makes it worse. And then when you make it, well you don't care about drinking (I know, impossible to imagine right now), and you won't like drinking even a couple drinks at a time. And that probably doesn't sound like something you want right now--I sure didn't want that when I was in your place. So if that isn't what you want for real, and what you're committed to--being cured--then you're just putting yourself through hell for no real reason.

But you may very well not make it there, because titrating up and drinking--and wanting to drink instead of wanting to be cured--is what makes people give up and turn back. They never hit the switch, and then say "bac didn't work for me" or whatever, and they keep on drinking.

I hope you do make it. Believe me. I remember what it was like when I was where you're at. It was like bac was the safety-net. And I could drink and have my "fun" or one-last-hurrah or whatever, while going up. But it was not fun at all. And it takes just about every ounce of commitment in ya' to make it to the switch. And I can't say it enough: drinking while trying to do it makes it all that much worse--almost intolerable.

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