Fred's 30 day pledge

[Fred_The_Cat]

After realizing that I've gotten profoundly behind on things I intended to do, I'm taking the plunge for a 30 day sobriety binge.

The moment of realization was when I tried to register for the FE exam next month, foolishly thinking that it had to be a month in advance- it was July 1st. Hmm, what was I up to July 1st?

Although I've reached the switch, I still continue to drink 2-3 beers a night. It's not enough to wreck my life, but plenty enough to wreck my sleeping habits, productivity and ambition. It was only after not drinking today that I realized how true this was. I did nothing useful- and was fully aware of it. Once you crack one open it's so much easier to put things on the back burner and keep them there.

That exam was on the back burner, and I was kidding myself even thinking I'd pass with a month of preparation. (this exam is the gatekeeper for signing off on your own Engineering work, so it's kinda serious)

Playing guitar has also been on the back burner. As well as studying for my programming certification and writing my novel. People are really impressed with the things I'm working on until they find out I don't put much work into them.

I thought getting my drinking under control would fix this. But as long as the bottle is a viable option to not do anything it will always be an uphill struggle to get anything done.

So I'm taking a 30 day pledge to see what happens. I'm hoping that once I see some tangible results it will be easier to keep moving forward in life instead of in circles.

I will be checking in daily on this thread to keep myself accountable. So- here goes.

[Fred_The_Cat]

Fred's 30 day pledge

One thing I can certainly say after the first day is that my sleeping patterns are SCREWED UP. I was going 100 mph all day yesterday and didn't get to sleep until after 1:00. Had one of those super intense disturbing dreams which I'll avoid here to stay on subject, and woke up at 5:00.

It makes me realize that I had been counting on the baclofen alcohol interaction to get the ability to sleep, though it was never normal sleep.

Also, an update to my abilify/zoloft quitting saga, I'm now down to 2.5 mg abilify and 25 mg of zoloft, down from 10mg and 50mg respectively. No side effects yet, but I'm going to stretch this out much longer this go-round so I don't come crawling back. It's just very important that I am alcohol free in the meantime because I am probably in a very frail emotional state and don't realize it until I'm hung over having a psychotic episode.

[Mandiekinz]

Fred's 30 day pledge

Sleep is quite difficult after cutting out the alcohol, as well as the dreams. For me anyways. Without alcohol, my dreams would be so intense and chaotic that it would effect my mood for the entire day. Even weeks afterwards, I would sometimes cry about them. They seem to balance out after I'm out of the frail state of sobriety. Even if they continue to be intense on occasion, I know I'm in the clear to not be so effected by them. Dreams of alcohol will also be a part of the package.

Well done on going AF and weening off the other junk. What is your reasoning behind cutting out the abilify and zoloft exactly? Or is that posted somewhere else that I didn't notice?

Good luck to you on your exam.

[spiritwolf333]

Fred's 30 day pledge

Fred-Right on! It's one hell of balancing act. Drinking-working-meds-motivation(lack of)-sleeping-resting-thinking-waking-dreaming-not sleeping-regretting-guilt-and more. Just damn, I do not know how I made. It now takes work to slow the engines down without alcohol -and that's ok by me. Also Fred, after about three weeks af, my thoughts-ides were almost non-stop, in a good way. If you stick with your plan, y
I don't think you will look back in thirty days and say "man, I should have been drinking those last thirty days". In other words, you be asking for a refund. Good luck to you.

[StuckinLA]

Fred's 30 day pledge

Fred_The_Cat;1556929 wrote: I did nothing useful- and was fully aware of it. Once you crack one open it's so much easier to put things on the back burner and keep them there.

THAT's what I've been missing! I want something to make it easier to put EVERYTHING on the back burner and I wish to God they'd bloody well stay there!

Er, well anyway it's cool, join us on the dark side of not drinking. Welcome...

[Fred_The_Cat]

Fred's 30 day pledge

On day three now. Got much better sleep last night and I feel more energized today.

[skullbabyland]

Fred's 30 day pledge

Good on you, Fred, for making this decision-- it really does make a world of difference in regards to getting one's shit together... I'm finally a relatively effective human again, or at least much moreso than when I was fat sick and drunk.

Definitely be prepared for a rollercoaster of sleep and emotional ups and downs, if your experience is anything like mine... round about 3 or 4 weeks in, things will really stabilize nicely.

Congrats man, keep it up.

[BetterAndBetter]

Fred's 30 day pledge

Go, Fred, go! Sounds like you are well on your way to 30 days, no problem.

[Fred_The_Cat]

Fred's 30 day pledge

Mandiekinz;1557054 wrote:

Well done on going AF and weening off the other junk. What is your reasoning behind cutting out the abilify and zoloft exactly? Or is that posted somewhere else that I didn't notice?

Good luck to you on your exam.

Weight gain, confusion and blurred vision. I've touched on this in another thread, but I'm also getting increasingly uncomfortable being on so many substances:

baclofen
alcohol
zoloft
abilify
hydroxyzine (as needed for anxiety)
caffeine

It's a recipe for a psychiatric mess and I want off this crazy train.

Also, to throw this out there I read a very good book called "The Antidepressant Solution" by a Harvard Psychiatrist who offers a plan on getting off of antidepressants safely. It made me realize that my last attempt was much too rapid, and more importantly that the symptoms I was having were not depressive relapse but antidepressant withdrawal.

There is a rather infuriating chapter at the end of the book on how the pharmaceutical companies have spread much misinformation about depression being a lifelong condition and there being no such thing as antidepressant withdrawal. Had I not read this book I would still be thinking I would have to be on medications forever.

I'm down to 25 mg zoloft and 2.5 mg of abilify. I hope to be home free by the end of the year. I still weigh too much, but my doctors said that the weight does not drop off until the medications are completely out of your system.

[Fred_The_Cat]

Fred's 30 day pledge

spiritwolf333;1557189 wrote: Fred-Right on! It's one hell of balancing act. Drinking-working-meds-motivation(lack of)-sleeping-resting-thinking-waking-dreaming-not sleeping-regretting-guilt-and more. Just damn, I do not know how I made. It now takes work to slow the engines down without alcohol -and that's ok by me. Also Fred, after about three weeks af, my thoughts-ides were almost non-stop, in a good way. If you stick with your plan, y
I don't think you will look back in thirty days and say "man, I should have been drinking those last thirty days". In other words, you be asking for a refund. Good luck to you.

I'm already feeling revved up and ready to kick ass, I was always like that. It's just that I get so overwhelmed by my own intensity that I need it to stop and hence start drinking to calm down. The challenge is to actually channel all of that energy.

I think a lot of alcoholics are like that- remember the quote that "God invented whiskey so the Irish wouldn't take over the world"? I think we all can relate!

[paulywogg]

Fred's 30 day pledge

hi fred,my doc just put me on that hydroxy whatever for anxiety,i took one sunday afternoon and it made my heart race and i started shaking,has it ever done that to you?anyways i know you can do 30 days,well all be here to cheer you on

[Fred_The_Cat]

Fred's 30 day pledge

paulywogg;1557733 wrote: hi fred,my doc just put me on that hydroxy whatever for anxiety,i took one sunday afternoon and it made my heart race and i started shaking,has it ever done that to you?anyways i know you can do 30 days,well all be here to cheer you on

It actually knocks me out so I don't take it during the day. It makes a nice sleep aid to get my sleep schedule back in sync and since the half life is like 20 hours its effects last into the next day.

I never got the effects you described though.

[spiritwolf333]

Fred's 30 day pledge

Fred -I just got to come clean. I still have issues when it comes to finding an off switch -and not using alcohol. Flat out or dead stop just can no longer be my way of life. For years, I spent so much time trying to adjust my thought patterns to fit the current situation. Come home from work -need to switch to family time -only a little alcohol could do that -and that is just what I did. I imagine many alkies that are OCD (most are-my guess) have this same challenge. I think it makes us great in many respects, but it can be our downfall as well. My only solution so far is to believe that I will be so much more energized working on my project if I can change direction and rest or play. And it works -almost every time. I will do things I don't even think that I will like if it will take my mind off of my current project. Sure makes it much more exciting to work on the next day. Just an opinion and thought.

[spiritwolf333]

Fred's 30 day pledge

One other thought Fred -I use to be on a solid diet of meds. Not any more. Baclofen, blood pressure,and Xr. That's it. I will work through the other problems.

[Fred_The_Cat]

Fred's 30 day pledge

Spirit,

I see what you mean about it being hard to find an off switch, especially since quitting has to be an "all or nothing" mentality and our society is swimming in alcohol. People like us just cannot do things in moderation- drinking OR sobriety.

Probably the biggest hurdle to overcome is this one:

"I'm going to be extra intense and super productive so I can get trashed to celebrate and make it worthwhile"

When the task/reward loop is broken, it gets really hard to justify doing things for their own merit.

That doesn't just apply to alcohol either- I remember thinking that busting my ass to get an engineering degree would be a meal ticket for the rest of my life and that I would only have to bust my ass temporarily to get it. In reality, the capability of busting your ass is what they're looking for as an employment prospect, not your actual knowledge of engineering. The effort you put in early on is expected for the rest of your career- there is no resting on your laurels.

I guess the lesson to be learned here is that we need to do things for their own sake- not with the ulterior motive of getting buzzed to make it worthwhile.