I?ve been MIA for awhile. For some reason, I felt compelled the other day to check out MWO out of the blue. I?m glad to see that it?s still an active community and that there are still names I recognize. It was Terry?s 3 year update that got me thinking I should post an update of my own. Over the last 2 years, I?ve been derailed by some mysterious health issues that I have spent countless hours researching and attempting to get figured out. I?ve been to a lot of alternative practitioners, flushed away money on more supplements than I care to count, and I now know a LOT about leaky gut, small intestinal bacterial overgrowth, candida overgrowth, the supreme importance of healthy gut flora, and what an important role an ancestral diet plays in overall health (and that?s just scratching the surface). Suffice it to say, I haven?t had room for much else, and my baclofen/alcohol situation has been stable for a long time now (well, at least I thought so).
I?ve been on baclofen for just over 3 years. I initially ordered it from a pharmacy in India, until I was sure that it worked. Then I took all of my findings to my doc, including Dr. Ameisen?s book. Thankfully he?s an open minded guy and agreed to prescribe baclofen for me. I?ve been getting it through him ever since. Despite my praise of how much it?s helped me, I?m pretty certain he?s not using it with any other patients. He left the titration schedule completely up to me. He doesn?t even ask me how it?s going when I see him sporadically for appointments, they just verify what prescriptions I?m still taking. Fine by me.
I never wanted to be completely abstinent. It was always my goal to be able to drink occasionally, and also to be able to choose to not drink without any difficulty. And I found that balance with baclofen. There have been times that I?ve gotten into the habit of having a drink or two daily, but it wasn?t because I had a craving that was driving me crazy until I gave into it. My thought process was more along the lines of, ?Why not??. It really just got to be a habit, the way having a little something sweet after dinner is sometimes a habit. It was easy enough on some random day to just say, ?No, I really don?t want it.?
I found further reason to lean more towards abstaining completely the more I learned about leaky gut and all of the other aforementioned health issues. Alcohol is a primary cause of leaky gut. I?ve been tested for it, and my numbers were so high that my intestinal lining probably looks like swiss cheese. Continuing to drink while trying to heal my gut would be like throwing gasoline on the fire I?m trying to put out. So I decided to increase from my maintenance dose of baclofen, which is 80 mgs. Unfortunately, I?m no longer able to titrate up high enough to hit the switch. I had knee surgery last year, after which I took Vicodin for a few days. Ever since then, I?ve gotten tinnitus from much lower doses of baclofen than I ever did before. I used to be able to get up to about 160 before I even started hearing that slight buzz in my ears. Now I get that same low buzz at 120, which was my maintenance dose for a long time. I recently went up to 140 mgs, and it was intolerable. I also started waking up in the middle of the night and not being able to go back to sleep (despite taking klonopin before bed). That insomnia SE has always been the same for me ? starts around 140 and gets increasingly worse as I titrate up. I?ve always had a hard time with between 160 and 200 mgs. In addition to the tinnitus and insomnia, I start getting anxiety and really dark thoughts. I withdraw socially. So even though I?ve gone high enough to hit the switch a couple of times, I can never stay at that dose because it?s too uncomfortable.
I?ve found that with just the smallest modicum of initial willpower, 130 is enough to keep me mostly SE and (easily) AL free. I say ?initial willpower?, because once I get past the first few days, it?s very easy. I don?t even have to make a choice to not drink, because the thought doesn?t even pop into my mind. Sure, there have been some rough days here and there when I?ve thought, ?Of all days not to be drinking!?, but I look at these times as an opportunities to learn how to handle these situations without alcohol. It?s not just crappy days, it?s also some social outings (concerts, dinners, etc.) that are initially alien feeling without alcohol. I?ve actually found that I end up enjoying concerts more when I?m sober. I appreciate the details more. And it?s a hell of a lot cheaper. :H
Over the last year and a half, I?ve had quite a few chunks of time completely AL free - a month on numerous occasions. But I?ve found that in order to achieve the level of healing that I need, I?ll need to go a lot longer. I?ve actually started to see some improvements after this past abstinent month, and that?s all I need to keep me going. It was the lack of any noticeable results/improvements after being AF that would have me throwing my hands up in the air and saying ?F**k it!?. I didn?t see the point in being so strict when it wasn?t getting me anywhere. But now it?s starting to.
And that?s where I?m at now.
At the end of last year, I was in a pretty good place health wise after doing a strict gut healing protocol (the GAPS diet) for awhile, so I decided to titrate off of baclofen. That was a VERY bad idea. It was also just before the holidays were getting into full swing, which made it an even worse idea. It wasn?t long before the old cravings were back. I would be driving home from work and thinking about what drink I was going to make as soon as I got home. Drinking stopped being a choice again. I?d actually forgotten what it used to feel like. I started taking baclofen again after Christmas. I wonder if the gut issues have something to do w/the cravings for alcohol. It will be awhile before I plan on testing that hypothesis though!
I?ve been on baclofen for just over 3 years. I initially ordered it from a pharmacy in India, until I was sure that it worked. Then I took all of my findings to my doc, including Dr. Ameisen?s book. Thankfully he?s an open minded guy and agreed to prescribe baclofen for me. I?ve been getting it through him ever since. Despite my praise of how much it?s helped me, I?m pretty certain he?s not using it with any other patients. He left the titration schedule completely up to me. He doesn?t even ask me how it?s going when I see him sporadically for appointments, they just verify what prescriptions I?m still taking. Fine by me.
I never wanted to be completely abstinent. It was always my goal to be able to drink occasionally, and also to be able to choose to not drink without any difficulty. And I found that balance with baclofen. There have been times that I?ve gotten into the habit of having a drink or two daily, but it wasn?t because I had a craving that was driving me crazy until I gave into it. My thought process was more along the lines of, ?Why not??. It really just got to be a habit, the way having a little something sweet after dinner is sometimes a habit. It was easy enough on some random day to just say, ?No, I really don?t want it.?
I found further reason to lean more towards abstaining completely the more I learned about leaky gut and all of the other aforementioned health issues. Alcohol is a primary cause of leaky gut. I?ve been tested for it, and my numbers were so high that my intestinal lining probably looks like swiss cheese. Continuing to drink while trying to heal my gut would be like throwing gasoline on the fire I?m trying to put out. So I decided to increase from my maintenance dose of baclofen, which is 80 mgs. Unfortunately, I?m no longer able to titrate up high enough to hit the switch. I had knee surgery last year, after which I took Vicodin for a few days. Ever since then, I?ve gotten tinnitus from much lower doses of baclofen than I ever did before. I used to be able to get up to about 160 before I even started hearing that slight buzz in my ears. Now I get that same low buzz at 120, which was my maintenance dose for a long time. I recently went up to 140 mgs, and it was intolerable. I also started waking up in the middle of the night and not being able to go back to sleep (despite taking klonopin before bed). That insomnia SE has always been the same for me ? starts around 140 and gets increasingly worse as I titrate up. I?ve always had a hard time with between 160 and 200 mgs. In addition to the tinnitus and insomnia, I start getting anxiety and really dark thoughts. I withdraw socially. So even though I?ve gone high enough to hit the switch a couple of times, I can never stay at that dose because it?s too uncomfortable.
I?ve found that with just the smallest modicum of initial willpower, 130 is enough to keep me mostly SE and (easily) AL free. I say ?initial willpower?, because once I get past the first few days, it?s very easy. I don?t even have to make a choice to not drink, because the thought doesn?t even pop into my mind. Sure, there have been some rough days here and there when I?ve thought, ?Of all days not to be drinking!?, but I look at these times as an opportunities to learn how to handle these situations without alcohol. It?s not just crappy days, it?s also some social outings (concerts, dinners, etc.) that are initially alien feeling without alcohol. I?ve actually found that I end up enjoying concerts more when I?m sober. I appreciate the details more. And it?s a hell of a lot cheaper. :H
Over the last year and a half, I?ve had quite a few chunks of time completely AL free - a month on numerous occasions. But I?ve found that in order to achieve the level of healing that I need, I?ll need to go a lot longer. I?ve actually started to see some improvements after this past abstinent month, and that?s all I need to keep me going. It was the lack of any noticeable results/improvements after being AF that would have me throwing my hands up in the air and saying ?F**k it!?. I didn?t see the point in being so strict when it wasn?t getting me anywhere. But now it?s starting to.
And that?s where I?m at now.
At the end of last year, I was in a pretty good place health wise after doing a strict gut healing protocol (the GAPS diet) for awhile, so I decided to titrate off of baclofen. That was a VERY bad idea. It was also just before the holidays were getting into full swing, which made it an even worse idea. It wasn?t long before the old cravings were back. I would be driving home from work and thinking about what drink I was going to make as soon as I got home. Drinking stopped being a choice again. I?d actually forgotten what it used to feel like. I started taking baclofen again after Christmas. I wonder if the gut issues have something to do w/the cravings for alcohol. It will be awhile before I plan on testing that hypothesis though!
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