beware caffeine

[Fred_The_Cat]

After hitting a stretch of sobriety after kicking medications, I've realized another facet of my addictive personality has come to light: caffeine.

I live under this delusion that getting really cranked makes me more productive- but today shows otherwise:

Woke up at 5:00, drank 3 chai teas of unknown concentration.

Got in to work at 7:00, proceeded to drink 3 more 20 oz Diet Cokes.

At 11:00, I was wired and my vision was blurring, I took off caffeine for the rest of the day and got a lemonade on my lunch break.

This is where things get interesting- between 12:00-1:00 I start obsessing over my ex and fantasize about writing a snarky letter to her mom showing how far I've come by beating my drinking habit and working for the most prestigious employer in the city. (For what it's worth, our parting words had to do with her obsession with cheating and my obsession with drinking). I realize something is wrong- I look at my reflection in my iphone and see the Charles Manson glare because I'm wired and my eyes are flared open. Scared, i duck down in my cubicle and pound away at work, hoping that no one stops by and sees me in this state. I'm on the verge of cackling with laughter and sobbing at the same time- the things I am thinking seem very, very real as if they are CERTAINTIES I must deal with right now. My heart pounds as I ride a wave that seems like a mixture of an anxiety attack and a psychotic episode. On the drive home I'm on the verge of tears, but I stay the hell away from the bar because I know that alcohol is a certain way to make this state worse.

I get home and pop a hydroxyzine to calm down. My body feels throttled hard and I'm going to bed early tonight. This is scary- I'm worrying that the honeymoon period of being off meds is over and I might be dealing with some underlying psychotic issues again.

I will try to lay off from now on- today was just way too real. Let's just hope it was strictly the caffeine.

[tmorties]

beware caffeine

Caffeine makes me a nervous wreck. I had to give up black tea... couldn't even imagine what a strong cup of coffee would do to me.

[StuckinLA]

beware caffeine

NOOOOOOOOOOOO!

I live on caffeine. 8 cups of coffee before noon, then more if I'm out and about in the afternoon. Sometimes an espresso in the evening. And, well, I feel like crap. Can't sleep, can't wake up in the mornings, and get these really spaced-out anxious feelings in the late afternoon when I suddenly realize I've forgotten to eat all day. Have to eat immediately--and quite a bit--or a full-blown panic attack seems certain.

It is important to remember that caffeine in and of itself is not a stimulant. Caffeine blocks adenosine from going where it's supposed to go in the brain. In other words, it doesn't stimulate so much as stop other things from making you feel tired (adenosine is also super important in regulating heart rate and rhythm). But it also continuously asks your body for adrenaline, and you can run out. I'm pretty sure I've experienced this--just total exhaustion and nothing on this green earth will help until you've just laid off the coffee and slept for a couple days. But a couple cups of coffee a day won't do that to you.

[paulywogg]

beware caffeine

Last friday i had a bad caffiene experience,had 2 cups of coffee in the morn,the a large mocha iced coffee at lunch,then a bottle of soda,worst anxiety ever! went to go lay down at 6 pm,drank sleepy time tea,then took a melatonin,nothing worked finally took a half tab of klonopin to sleep,caffiene in excess is awful,thoughtni was gonna die