To catch up, last April/May I was on Bac for a little over a month (see my previous journal here). The spaced out side effects were more than I could handle, and after an honest go I gave in. I ordered Naltrexone with the intention of trying TSM, but pretty much chickened out on that before even trying it. Naturally I went right back to my old drinking habits of getting drunk 3-4+ nights a week.
This summer I started to develop tremor and numbness on one side of my body. The MRI was clear, and the neurologist was more or less sure this wasn't caused by the alcohol since it was only one side of my body. All I know is that drinking didn't make it better or worse, and not drinking didn't make it better or worse. But who knows? I was slamming vodka and cranberry all summer like a Russian oligarch in a whorehouse. Anyhoo, they really aren't sure what was/is causing it so my neurologist put me on Gabapentin, and when that didn't help much, suggested switching me to Topamax.
And I was wondering "where have I heard of that before"? Oh yeah! My buddies on MyWayOut!
So after a few days dryout from the gaba I switched to Topa. I was on 25 mg the first week, and drank a few of those nights. Let me tell you from first hand experience: drinking on Gaba or Topa is not a pretty thing. Falling down making a total ASS of yourself drunk on half what you normally drink? Check. Getting lost in your own bedroom and almost peeing in the closet? Check. Just things to consider before you decide to drink on Topa...don't do it in public at least!
The 8th day I went to 50 mg, where I have been for 11 days, and have been AF for 11 days without any struggle. I haven't had ANY cravings. It was literally like a switch. I feel like going out and getting a bottle of booze right now about as much as I feel like getting a can of pinto beans. I keep waiting for the honeymoon to end, the placebo effect to wear off, but it hasn't! You all know that alcoholic mindset where a certain time of the day comes and it's like a ticking time bomb, you have to fight and struggle against yourself to not drink? GONE. I don't give it a second thought, there just are NO CRAVINGS. No desire. I have had some VERY stressful days this last week when in the past nothing would have stopped me from drinking away my frustrations, and while my mind automatically *thought* about alcohol, it just as quickly didn't WANT alcohol. I don't know if that makes sense, but as far as I'm concerned it's a Christmas freakin' miracle.
My Doctor has made it clear that we will adjust my dose until we get to the point where the tremor and numbness are treated (which we are pretty much close to), so I know I can go up to 75, 100mg or higher if I feel cravings...but I feel good on 50 mg so I hope I can stay here.
Side effects: 1) I've seen others complain this makes them dopey and tired. My doctor said take it at bedtime for that reason. I can't take it at bedtime because it keeps me up all night thinking as sharp as a tack, so I take it at around 5 p.m. I do get a *bit* tired a few hours later. Not fall asleep tired, just yawning a bit. 2) Any carbonated beverage tastes like dirty ass in a dirty ashtray.
And THAT'S IT. I am 100% functional on Topa, it's like being on nothing at all. Except I don't drink!
I will update this as time goes on, but for now, I just wanted to say if you've struggled with Bac don't overlook alternatives. I was so convinced Bac was the only way that when it didn't work for me I was in despair. Turns out Topa (knock on wood) is 1000 times more suited for me. On paper the SE's are as scary as Bac, but at least in my reality, they are minuscule and relief came in 8 short days. Maybe I am the exception, but damn, I wish I would have tried this years ago!
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