Fred's Metformin Experiment

[Fred_The_Cat]

I am saddened to announce that I've had to get back on zoloft and my minuscule abilify dose. This does not change my stance on what terrible metabolism killers these drugs are and I am more determined than ever to get off of them. However- not at the immediate expense of my career and interpersonal relationships. Yesterday was the breaking point- I camped out in my cubicle all day thinking that unanswered emails meant that a conspiracy was afoot to have me fired. It got worse when I got home- I heard my landlord/roommate complaining about something through the wall and became convinced he was preparing to throw me out. I then slept about 10 hours writhing in paranoid, nauseating agony. I don't care what they say about chronic depression- I have NEVER felt that awful in my entire life with such a sudden onset. It had to be protracted withdrawal.

Pissed as I am- I have to go back on for 2 reasons.

1. It's not going to take anything more than another DAY in that state to let the misery and paranoia destroy my career and relationships.

2. My psychiatrists are going to be more amenable if I am on zoloft to prescribe liquid abilify to at least get off of that junk before I move off of zoloft. Trying to kick two meds at once was just more than I could handle.

Now- I can deal with the emotional flattening and cognitive issues, but one thing I will not budge on is the weight gain. I absolutely hate the way I look and will not stand for it. Fortunately, my research has turned up studies showing that the use of metformin (a diabetic drug) with aap's or SSRI's can reverse weight gain. I have blood work scheduled for Saturday to have an arguing point to get it prescribed- and if they won't do it then goldpharma will.


So, I will keep track of my weight, drinking (what little I do anymore), metformin and bac dosages in what hopefully will be a ray of light to other ssri sufferers.

[Lo0p]

Fred's Metformin Experiment

Why don't you take a look at what we're currently talking about on the abstinence thread?

It's good that you hate the way you look/feel. That's where I started.

Sounds like you are making very rational decisions about your mental health. You'll tackle that one in time.

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Fred's Metformin Experiment

Hey, Fred.

I know we don't really know each other. I am not a doctor and have no advice related to the medications you're taking, or are thinking about taking.

I don't really understand why you would choose metformin to add to your protocol. The medication has some pretty substantial, systemic and long range effects. If you're diabetic or pre-diabetic it might have some application, but as a weight loss tool? Not so much. If you found good research that your doctor(s) would find persuasive then perhaps it's something you can add. If not, I think it might be really dangerous.

I understand your inclination to get off of the other meds, for sure. But I think that, too, runs some serious risks. Particularly if you have had suicidal ideation and/or mania and depression in your past.

If your weight is such a huge issue right now that you find you can't focus on finding sobriety, I found it really helpful to utilize some of the tools that Lo0p used to get in shape. I started lifting heavy sh*t and also started running for the first time in my life. I was fairly fit before that, but I lost a significant amount of weight (and felt AMAZING) from breaking a sweat every single day.

Hang in there and take good care of yourself.

Best, Fred. :l
Ne (Karen)

[Fred_The_Cat]

Fred's Metformin Experiment

Well, I was able to ride this out without having to go back on the Zoloft. As suddenly as it came- the depression/anxiety were gone within a good night's sleep. That is not to say it wasn't an intense hellride. I am dead certain that I was experiencing a protracted withdrawal rather than a depressive relapse- that was just so inhumanly intense and unlike anything I've ever felt before. And I know that doctors encouraging me to stay on medication are looking out for their own liability more than my well being- if I go off the rails I could easily blame them for it.

As far as the metformin, I read a study in the American journal of diabetes that it was safe and well tolerated in a 10 year study- the only complication they had were people dropping out of the study for major cases of the shits. Hell, there are even weight loss boards where people who aren't diabetic are taking it for weight loss. It's nothing I would take on a long term basis- just until I can kick abilify. I will bring it up when my bloodwork comes back by way of discussion and see if it raises any concerns.

To Zoloft's (dis)credit, I've effortlessly lost about 4 lbs since I've been off it a month and my appetite is slashed. Before when I was exercising a lot and eating right I would be burning about 1500 kcals a week and seeing no results at all.

And as far as needing meds permanently- that is tantamount to giving up on any life worth caring about. I had two depressive episodes prior to taking any medication- once when I was 18 and doing poorly in school and another time when I was 21 and my ex had cheated on me for the first time. Rather than running to a pill I saw the depression as a call to action to radically change my life. The first episode prompted me to get my shit together and study so I would have a future. The second was a bit more complicated- my roommate got a near perfect gre score and started coming on to my ex. They got drunk and made out one night and he declared that he deserved her more than I did. This was a huge shock- as my entire group of drinking friends turned on me and told me to dump her. I'll have to fully explain it in another thread because it's really complicated. Long story short- my ex said he was making it all up and I chose to believe her because, really, I had no where else to go. This soured my connections inside the English department, as the whole faculty knew about the situation and I was acting out in bizarre ways. I ended up moving out of town to get away from everyone and studying calculus by myself to become an engineer someday- for grad and law school bridges were burned.

Even though it hurt, it was the kick in the ass I needed to radically change direction in life. My third episode I chased the pill and it completely destroyed my ambition. It made me complacent and accepting of a half assed, mediocre life. Had I fallen back on medications I would never be where I am today.

[Lo0p]

Fred's Metformin Experiment

By the way your quote that I stole and put up on a freaking banner over at What Inspires You? - Baclofen for Alcoholism and Other Addictions is still there. Let me know when you want me to take it down. But please don't want me to take it down just yet.

It inspires me.