Baclofen, a personal journey.

[neophyte]

Baclofen, a personal journey.

hey Indy

In my new found indifference, huge changes happened to me. A few members mentioned that baclofen solves the problems of cravings but all the reasons to why you drank, you're going to reflect on those and confront them. I am doing that now and i find that i can face them without running to the bottle to squash the negativity. as for routines and habits. Old habits will change and grow into new ones. Some may die away and new ones will emerge. Once the baclofen is working, it won't seem so scary sounding though.

It's seems scary because when we quit drinking the past times, you just had to white knuckle the cravings and everything seemed boring, dull. All i watned to do was relax with that 1/2 a bottle of scotch and enter oblivion, I would only remember the good times, the euphoric bliss and spark in my life it gave me after a hard days work. it was so much more tantelising when i couldn't have it, that first drink after abstinence rewarded my cravings, for a while and then you would be right back where you started a few weeks of drinking, same amounts, same negativity, wishing you could quit and planning on doing it some day, thinking the next time will be easier, but it never is.

Baclofen basically just removed that for me. I really just dont care anymore about 1/2 bottle of scotch. I'm starting to find new ways to entertain myself, relearning old things that kept me engaged. Before drinking i had a thirst for knowledge, i would spend hours reading wikipedia on topics of interest. drinking sadly killed all of that. some of the stupid stuff i enjoyed while drunk like looking at low brow pictures of basic humor went away and im glad. I'm starting to pick up new hobbies and rediscover old ones.

that said, because of baclofen none of this is miserable, dull and hard. it's just what it is, its like i get a second chance to relearn everything, make amends on my past mistakes and relearn a new life. It's challenging at times, but you get better at it everyday. In fact i havent felt so positive and engaged in my life in a long time. i'm starting to feel like what normal people probably feel like i think

and it will happen to you to

[Fred_The_Cat]

Baclofen, a personal journey.

MissIndygo;1596998 wrote: Is_there_any_hope? Mate please don't use my thread to throw flames at other members ok! I don't like it and I will not tolerate it!
Now get back into your box or rather get back on your own thread!

PS: This time I do intend the angry face to be there grrr.

He's a troll. The same one who keeps slithering back here thinking he's being clever.

Mods, can we please just pop this zit?

[Mandiekinz]

Baclofen, a personal journey.

MissIndygo;1597193 wrote: Yep I am with you there, as I believe that for one reason or another I am working against it too. Fuck knows why. I compare it to getting anesthetic before an op and I will try to fight it for as long as I can (I love the experience of anesthetic, as you may gather ). Trying to stay awake, which never works in the end hehe. I am just hoping that my scrambled alcoholic frame of mind will not last against Bac either!
Hah! I was the same way. I literally couldn't shower without taking a shot beforehand and afterwards. I fought and fought for months. I didn't want my "fun" to go away. You'll pull through it too. One way or another.

MissIndygo;1597193 wrote: I will start breaking up the dosage in more even amounts during the day. See if a more level dose of Bac in my system may be beneficial.

Definitely dabble with it as, at this time, you're not having to scramble around work. Of course you know your body best, and it takes time to adjust to the mix ups. Hopefully by February you'll find yourself in a very stable dose with no desire for the sauce so that you can focus on your school work.

MissIndygo;1597193 wrote: Everything I enjoy; be it reading, drawing or gardening, cooking or whatever, involves alcohol at this time of my life. I am scared to death to try those simple mundane activities without alcohol. What if I don't enjoy them anymore then? Although I do feel that reading has helped me so far to start later in the day and I have now come to the point of realising that it may be a good tool for me.

I honestly never thought I could enjoy playing beach volleyball, cooking, cleaning, hoop dancing, or even socializing without the booze. For awhile, I was timid to do ANYTHING. But through my spurts of sobriety, I found a lot of peace with my garden. Taking my pooch for walks(and not walks to the liquor store). Cooking dinner without over salting it or burning it. I'm waaaay more skilled at hoop dancing sober than I am drunk. I've only had the privilege to play volleyball once, and it was difficult without my "hydration station". But, I was way more coordinated! I always thought that with the right buzz, I was better at it. Same with pool. You'll be amazed at what you learn about yourself. After the baclofen starts to feed you some confidence, you'll start to take fearless looks into yourself. You'll re-learn all the things you love and enjoy doing them. You might not even like them anymore and pick up something new that you'll find passion in. My new thing is learning! And panicking about my over-all general health. Although it's driving me insane. But, you know what, that's a sign that I'm starting to care about myself. You'll get there too. As you regress and regrow, you'll re-find yourself. I'd say I'm back at being 18 years old again Now, if only I could look it. You just have to keep picking yourself up.

Cheers, my friend.

[Alky]

Baclofen, a personal journey.

Fred_The_Cat;1597428 wrote: He's a troll. The same one who keeps slithering back here thinking he's being clever.

Mods, can we please just pop this zit?

MissIndy, please pardon the momentary hijack, but Fred really needs to understand all he's doing is egging on this guy's (or gal's, but I doubt it) inflammatory posts. If Fred thinks he's a troll, then he needs to IGNORE him. All he's doing is giving him validation. It's like dealing with my cats and my little dachshund - negative attention is better than no attention. If he doesn't get the time of day here, he'll move on somewhere else.

Now back the normally scheduled conversation...

[skullbabyland]

Baclofen, a personal journey.

neophyte;1597253 wrote: hey Indy

In my new found indifference, huge changes happened to me. A few members mentioned that baclofen solves the problems of cravings but all the reasons to why you drank, you're going to reflect on those and confront them. I am doing that now and i find that i can face them without running to the bottle to squash the negativity. as for routines and habits. Old habits will change and grow into new ones. Some may die away and new ones will emerge. Once the baclofen is working, it won't seem so scary sounding though.

It's seems scary because when we quit drinking the past times, you just had to white knuckle the cravings and everything seemed boring, dull. All i watned to do was relax with that 1/2 a bottle of scotch and enter oblivion, I would only remember the good times, the euphoric bliss and spark in my life it gave me after a hard days work. it was so much more tantelising when i couldn't have it, that first drink after abstinence rewarded my cravings, for a while and then you would be right back where you started a few weeks of drinking, same amounts, same negativity, wishing you could quit and planning on doing it some day, thinking the next time will be easier, but it never is.

Baclofen basically just removed that for me. I really just dont care anymore about 1/2 bottle of scotch. I'm starting to find new ways to entertain myself, relearning old things that kept me engaged. Before drinking i had a thirst for knowledge, i would spend hours reading wikipedia on topics of interest. drinking sadly killed all of that. some of the stupid stuff i enjoyed while drunk like looking at low brow pictures of basic humor went away and im glad. I'm starting to pick up new hobbies and rediscover old ones.

that said, because of baclofen none of this is miserable, dull and hard. it's just what it is, its like i get a second chance to relearn everything, make amends on my past mistakes and relearn a new life. It's challenging at times, but you get better at it everyday. In fact i havent felt so positive and engaged in my life in a long time. i'm starting to feel like what normal people probably feel like i think

and it will happen to you to

Great post from Neo- completely agree with all of it, this has been my experience exactly. I never ever believed deep down that sober life would really "get better" but then it genuinely did.

[MissIndygo]

Baclofen, a personal journey.

Wow people WOW. These replies have made my day! :thanks: So much :h

So much encouragement in these words. I am humbled that you all took the time to post on my thread.
I will read them over and over again

I will respond in more detail soonish, but first I have to get a bit of work done on a job application.

Again thanks everybody!!
:groupluv:

[Mandiekinz]

Baclofen, a personal journey.

Hi lovely, how are you holding up these days?

Hope all is well...

[MissIndygo]

Baclofen, a personal journey.

Mandiekinz;1599256 wrote: Hi lovely, how are you holding up these days?

Hope all is well...

Hi Mandie-girl,

All is pretty good in my world. I went up twice by 5mg last week, as oppose to my 'normal' 5mg a week. So currently I am up to 175mg a day spread over doses of 25mg at 7am, 50mg at 11am, 50mg at 2pm and 50mg at 4:30pm.
Side effects have been quite unbearable again. It's a good thing I don't have much of a life at present as if I had been in employment I wouldn't be able to deal with it.

What SE's you say? I have just been feeling off to be honest. Feeling weak with sore muscles and so goddamn tired all the time. Funnily enough my ears feel a bit better. They feel less pressured at the moment.
I am thinking about increasing my last dose today by another 5mg, but the rational part of me says to just take it easy and do it on Wednesday instead.

I am starting to get impatient again and am really frustrated that nothing is happening. If anything my drinking is worse!
My man is getting frustrated as well. I let him read some of the success stories on MWO on Friday night (as he didn't believe that the bac would eventually be able to help me to abstain and/or moderate). He took the stories of members here aboard and now realises that everybody is just a little differently wired and that hopefully something will occur for everybody that is on bac. Sooner or later. In my case it appears to be later grrr.

I am getting nervous, as we are going interstate (3.5hrs driving and 5 and 1/2 hrs flying from here) on Xmas day (because the flights were cheaper on x-mas day) to spend some time with the man's family.
There is a 3 hour difference between these states. So we are going to be stuffed from travelling and are then expected to hang out with the in-laws who live in 'Pleasantville'.

More soon I've just got a few things I need to attend to here at the moment and I don't want to leave this post just sitting here, while it may time out and I might lose the whole thing.

To be continued...

[neophyte]

Baclofen, a personal journey.

hang in there Indy, i was very aggresive going up, 25mg a week, when you get too high the sides can become very scary. I posted on here when i reached 320mg, on day 2 or 3 of that dose, my mind was buzzing in nonsensical speedy thoughts and anxiety, i felt like i was going to have a panic attack and i felt dizzy. I backed off on to 295 and have stayed there since.

I know all about the frustration of wanting to get the indifference that everyone else has. I should have in hindsight taken things slower but i wanted indifference so badly. its 295mg for me now and i can say i reached the point where i dont need to take any more. i tried to stop drinking for 30 days at 175 but i was craving constantly and ended up abusing other drugs.

My SO too was frustrated, she woudl ask me what i would do if baclofen didn't work, she was skeptical that it would work. I had my doubts as well, especially when i was pushing 200mg plus and going higher than other people who reached indifference. I thought that perhaps my drinking was not as bad as others (1/2 a bottle of scotch a night) that i would reach indifference quicker. That was not the case unfortunately.

Also i remember reading, i think from the prescribing guide that drinking in many people often increases at the begining, this was the case for me. I would normally drink around 10 standard drinks a night, when i was on bac it was more like 12 and some days more. Baclofen changes the effects of being drunk, it doesnt have the same kick as it has before, so when i started drinking i would try to drink more to get the same effect.

[MissIndygo]

Baclofen, a personal journey.

Thanks for the heads up Neo!
Appreciate it!

What does SO stand for? I get it that it means your girlfriend or wife or otherhalf or something like that...., but I can't work it out.

[MissIndygo]

Baclofen, a personal journey.

MissIndygo;1599433 wrote:
I am getting nervous, as we are going interstate (3.5hrs driving and 5 and 1/2 hrs flying from here) on Xmas day (because the flights were cheaper on x-mas day) to spend some time with the man's family.
There is a 3 hour difference between these states. So we are going to be stuffed from travelling and are then expected to hang out with the in-laws who live in 'Pleasant-ville'.

I call it 'Pleasant-Ville' because nothing bad ever happens in the lives of my in-laws family. Yeah right! Of course things do happen, but they are never talked about.
Well my mother-law talks to my man about shit happening all the time, but not while we are there. Not to me.
I fucking hate it! I hate spending even one minute in these peoples' company and I am looking towards freaking 10 days with all this fakeness grrr.

So all we ever get to see is happy successful people. Rich, beautiful and successful, while my mother in-law just talks dribble the whole time on whatever topic we might address, like she is some goddamn expert and she will not tolerate any opposing view. Like however educated the refute (mine) might be. It's all disregarded and none of my points are ever even (or my education for that matter) validated.

Well I am not rich or successful at the moment. I am far from it. I feel deflated and I feel like a failure. I am not just talking about my drinking, but also not bringing in any income, whilst we lost our house and my partner is still slaving away.
I really dislike him too when we are over there, as he turns into a different person. All pleasantness and none of his normal characteristics will be put out. Just to clarify; he is never violent, but just a binge drinker who can really control himself while he is with his family. He is just like them. I can't stand it!! Normally without his family close he a lovely man and not a goddamn pushover.

So when I say nervous it is actually not nervousness I am talking about; It is actual intense dislike for these people.
I hope I will be able to play nice as well. My man is worried and so am I.

I had really hoped to get to indifference before having to put up with this crap. Fuck I hate christmas.

Anyways that's where I am add at the moment. Not a nice place to be.
Just ignore people.
I am sorry and I shouldn't have gone off on such a tangent, but this is what is occupying my mind at the moment.

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Baclofen, a personal journey.

Aaaaaargh. The holidays. And, in-laws. What a complete and utter pain in the ass.

Ed and I used to have knock-down-drag-out fights (verbal) before, during and after we visited my parents. He told me that I was different when I was with them. We both abstained when we visited and apparently my ability to hide the fact that anything was awry was really annoying. There must have been more to it than that, but I never really understood.

It's definitely gotten better since indifference, but it's definitely still stressful. I think the biggest change is that I just don't give a hoot anymore. I mean, I try REALLY REALLY hard to go with the flow. Not my natural state of being, for sure.

The pressure is on for this holiday, too. And my dad is already driving me absolutely bonkers. Not sure what to do about that, actually. Accept the fact that there isn't anything I can do about it. Meditation, maybe. Ha! As if. I haven't been able to sit still on a cushion in a looong while. Anyway. Back to you! (Sorry!)

And so the question is, Is there anything you can do so that you're not miserable between now and then? Even if you have to be miserable when you're with them?

If you come up with solutions, let me know! :H

(Oh, and as for the not being successful thing, omg. I can relate. [If you only knew!] The only thing that has ever helped me with that is baclofen. Specifically, getting to indifference. I had a light-bulb-moment when I realized that I beat an incurable disease. It makes me think of us as superheroes, with a secret to longevity! And people wonder why I'm so passionate about this!? :H So you see, even though they don't know, you are kinda Mighty Woman...It's not everyday that someone decides to take a medication, off-label, fail at it a time or two, and then keep the focus, against the odds and everything the mainstream believes to be true, in order to get well. Am I right? Yep. I am. RAWR. )

Hang in there, sista. :l

SO glad you posted. About time, dammit.

[Mandiekinz]

Baclofen, a personal journey.

Oooh, Indygo...I've been through the phases of fighting with my SO due to my drinking while taking this "miracle" pill. There were many times he threatened to dump it out, having no hope for it. But alas...things did start to change. Although, they are far from perfect, there have been huge differences. I also went through spurts of drinking daily, massive amounts while floating in my 150-300mg range. I'm starting to think that aside from the dosage amount, the amount of time that we keep taking it may play a role to reach indifference too. Not to mention, I believe the baclofen helps us to process bad and ill moments brought on to help learn from each and every fuck up. Where as before...who cared about fuck ups, as long as I had more booze.

Also, SO means significant other.

As for your dosing...what time do you usually go to sleep at night? How have your sleep SE's been with taking your last dose earlier in the evening? Baclofen has a very short half life (+/- 5 hours) After 10 hours without baclofen in your system, then to only dose by 25mg in the AM could possibly cause a lack of a consistent flow of baclofen in your system.

I've also noticed that Magnesium Citrate (pill form, not the liquid! Citrate b/c it's absorbed easier in your system) helps with the sleep issues(when I actually remember to take it)...It plays a huge role for our nervous system. Twitches, jerks, restlessness, insomnia, anxiety, fatigue, and weakness are all signs of magnesium deficiency. In all seriousness, we're drunks. We don't take care of our bodies...our bodies are unable to take in any supplements we do feed it. Honestly, when we're drinking, we don't choose the greatest of diets either. If we even remember to eat. I know that my MO was to not eat so that I could get drunker faster and for less money. Anyone that tried to force me to eat, was against my religion and were damned to hell.

It's unfortunate that you're surrounded by such fake people at this time in your life. Trying to pick up your pieces while trying not to crawl out of your skin in certain situations is a tough one. But a very good challenge. Keep in mind, we're drunks...we live secret lives too. I've learned in situations with very strongly opinionated(I'm one of them so it's difficult to bite my tongue) and snooty people, that you just nod your head and agree. The neat thing through this journey, is that you'll learn that YOU have control, especially over distance and boundaries. It's a wonderful thing! Even if you have to lead them to believe that they're right with what they say and think. I mean, granted they're family, but do you honestly care about what they do with their lives and opinions? That theirs. That's their business. As yours is yours. You don't have to live with them and you don't have to agree with them. You have YOU! And you'll love your own company and thoughts eventually.

I was in a relationship once with a guy that was a nightly binge drinker with me. Oh man we had some fun! However, he was able to stop and call it a night AND get up for work the next morning...I, on the other hand, could not. He always expected me to be able to do the same thing. I couldn't wrap my head around it. HOW DO THEY DO THIS?! Every alcoholic is different. We just are. Is your husband still binging while you're trying to help yourself? Have you guys discussed any ground rules regarding drinking? You seem like a very open communicator on here...do you communicate like this with your hubs?

As for the unemployment and feeling all around lousy...I've been there with ya, lady. We're about to lose the house after filing for bankruptcy even. My poor SO has been busting his ass, and of course as the winter weather strikes, work is no longer there for him. I have no license and live in the middle of nowhere, where work is very difficult to find for myself. I'm quite worthless, really. However, after I've cleared my head of alcohol...and letting the medicine strike up some confidence...I'm feeling OKAY about myself regardless of my shitty credit, no money, no work, no school degrees, no license, nothing. Why? Because I know that I'm going to be come out on top eventually. I know that as I continue to bring my confidence and over all mental health back up, I WILL find employment, I will become something better than what I am. I've counted my time of these ups and downs without work as a blessing. How the hell could I have worked when I had all those crazy side effects going on and still drinking? I take that back...I did work...for 2 weeks a couple of months ago. I quit. Why? I was drinking. I hated myself. I hated my job. I was wallowing in self pity.

I've been where you are. Do not give up. The medicine will pick you back up. We will pick you back up. YOU will pick yourself back up. You'll start to find yourself little by little, you'll begin to realize that you do have control, you'll look back at situations and notice that you rocked that shit. You'll find passion in places you never thought imaginable. It's all a work in progress. Your own self journey. Embrace the suck, I say. And hold onto those good moments that creep up on you in surprise. Even if they're short lived and minuscule. They'll start to stack up and become stronger and better and will help build yourself a fresh new take on life.

Cheers, doll.

[MissIndygo]

Baclofen, a personal journey.

Hello lovely people,

Today is another day and I am over my pity-party from yesterday.Just good to get it off my chest though. Thanks for the feedback girls. Appreciated ones again .
Trying to look on the bright side of the 10 days out West, as I will not be able to drink too much when I am there.
So that might actually be helpful in my bac journey. Here's hoping.

I did go up by another 5 yesterday.
So I am now on 180mg a day.
My sleeping habits are good. I have been sleeping like a baby on bac, which is great as I always had trouble falling asleep before bac.
I still go to bed at about 9pm, maybe 9:30pm.
Sometimes I wake at 4:30 (or thereabouts) and then I will take my morning dose early. I read that on somebody else's thread and it works for me and puts me back to sleep.
Then I have a hard time getting up, but my daughter is already on holidays so that is no problem either.
So really it probably all good that I am not working and that I don't have to many responsibilities at the moment.

I will answer some questions from above shortly.
Can anybody explain how to multi-quote please. Especially from different posts?
Unless I copy it to word first I can't for the life of me work out how to do it?

Anyway cheerio for now

[MissIndygo]

Baclofen, a personal journey.

Well here is hoping that copying and pasting in word will do the trick.

Ne/Neva Eva;1599503 wrote:
Ed and I used to have knock-down-drag-out fights (verbal) before, during and after we visited my parents. He told me that I was different when I was with them. We both abstained when we visited and apparently my ability to hide the fact that anything was awry was really annoying. There must have been more to it than that, but I never really understood. Yep we do the verbal too. Well I do after it has been simmering for a few days, I just explode. I am not given any time to discuss anything though, as usually we have to hurry to get to yet another family gathering. It just annoys the hell out of me how a person I love for all that he is, including his somewhat negative traits, feels that he has to act like a complete fruit-loop around his own family. Shouldn't you be able to be yourself around your own family? Instead of holding up this fa?ade of being someone completely different. I am not talking about just cutting down on drinking. Sure that is understandable, but his whole demeanor changes. One example that springs to mind is that he will most likely start getting up early in the morning, (which is quite easy as we will still be in our time-zone with regards to our bio-rhyme for a while) to go for a walk with on the beach. For one he never gets up early when he is home! He never walks or does any exercise for that matter!! I ask him all the time to come exercising with me, but to no avail.
Another one, that I am sure will occur, is our use of the e-cig. No doubt he will come out with a statement that it is nicotine therapy to help us quit one day. Well I don’t want to quit nicotine and the reason I smoke e-cigs is so I can smoke nicotine in a healthier fashion. I love nicotine and so does he.
Anyway I will try my damn hardest to not let it get to me, but I just cannot for the life of me understand it.

Ne/Neva Eva;1599503 wrote:
The pressure is on for this holiday, too. And my dad is already driving me absolutely bonkers. Not sure what to do about that, actually. Accept the fact that there isn't anything I can do about it. Meditation, maybe. Ha! As if. I haven't been able to sit still on a cushion in a looong while. Anyway. Back to you! (Sorry!).

I realise that the holiday period can be difficult for a lot of people and I am sorry to hear that your dad has got you worked up already. Nope there is nothing we can do about it. “Accept the things we cannot change”, definitely springs to mind and I am going to try to do that for 10 days.
Ne/Neva Eva;1599503 wrote:
And so the question is, is there anything you can do so that you're not miserable between now and then? Even if you have to be miserable when you're with them?

Yes I am just going to relax and plan for ways how I can get myself some free time while I am there. I might even start walking in the mornings. On my own .
I don’t fare very well when I have to be around people like 24/7. It really wears me out. Even in normal situation, when we have organised something with friends for a few days in a row. I hunker for my own space after a while. Weird I know, but interacting in a normal way (as in me being able to be myself around good friends leaves me exhausted. What hope have I got when I have to pretend to like these people’s company…
Ne/Neva Eva;1599503 wrote: (Oh, and as for the not being successful thing, omg. I can relate. [If you only knew!] The only thing that has ever helped me with that is baclofen. Specifically, getting to indifference. I had a light-bulb-moment when I realized that I beat an incurable disease. It makes me think of us as superheroes, with a secret to longevity! And people wonder why I'm so passionate about this!? :H So you see, even though they don't know, you are kinda Mighty Woman...It's not everyday that someone decides to take a medication, off-label, fail at it a time or two, and then keep the focus, against the odds and everything the mainstream believes to be true, in order to get well. Am I right? Yep. I am. RAWR. ) Haha nice way of putting this whole bac adventure. Thanks Ne! Put a smile on my dial.

Ne/Neva Eva;1599503 wrote: Hang in there, sista. I will!

Ne/Neva Eva;1599503 wrote: SO glad you posted. About time, dammit. Haha I had tried to email you in the meantime, but your email is full again woman! Oh I am still waiting on a reply from my last one btw. Get your butt into gear girl

neophyte;1599434 wrote:
My SO too was frustrated, she would ask me what i would do if baclofen didn't work, she was skeptical that it would work. I had my doubts as well, especially when i was pushing 200mg plus and going higher than other people who reached indifference. I thought that perhaps my drinking was not as bad as others (1/2 a bottle of scotch a night) that i would reach indifference quicker. That was not the case unfortunately.Yep I would have thought that too. It is sure interesting how it works at such different levels for everybody. I am still a believer and I will stick with it. Hey and you did too and you got some good results. Well done!
neophyte;1599434 wrote:
Also i remember reading, i think from the prescribing guide that drinking in many people often increases at the begining, this was the case for me. I would normally drink around 10 standard drinks a night, when i was on bac it was more like 12 and some days more. Baclofen changes the effects of being drunk, it doesnt have the same kick as it has before, so when i started drinking i would try to drink more to get the same effect.

Yes you may be on to something there. Although, I do feel I still get a kick out of it.
Maybe that will chance soon. We will see. I just have to be patient. That’s all really.
Mandiekinz;1599532 wrote: Oooh, Indygo...I've been through the phases of fighting with my SO due to my drinking while taking this "miracle" pill. There were many times he threatened to dump it out, having no hope for it. But alas...things did start to change. Although, they are far from perfect, there have been huge differences. I also went through spurts of drinking daily, massive amounts while floating in my 150-300mg range. I'm starting to think that aside from the dosage amount, the amount of time that we keep taking it may play a role to reach indifference too. Not to mention, I believe the baclofen helps us to process bad and ill moments brought on to help learn from each and every fuck up. Where as before...who cared about fuck ups, as long as I had more booze.

You have been dry for what 3 weeks now though, haven’t you? That is a great effort! I am hoping too that the longer I stay on it might make a difference to how I eventually respond to the bac.
I am not changing my daily dose over the xmas period anymore. That way I will stay on 180mg a day for probably 3 weeks and then I will reassess.
Mandiekinz;1599532 wrote:
Also, SO means significant other.

Thank you for that I couldn’t figure it out.
Mandiekinz;1599532 wrote:
As for your dosing...what time do you usually go to sleep at night? How have your sleep SE's been with taking your last dose earlier in the evening? Baclofen has a very short half life (+/- 5 hours) After 10 hours without baclofen in your system, then to only dose by 25mg in the AM could possibly cause a lack of a consistent flow of baclofen in your system. Thank god one thing I have noticed on bac is that I don’t often feel the need to continue in the morning. It has on most occasions, but 2, served to stop my cravings in the mornings to continue and have a binge for another day, or two. So in that way I feel my dosing schedule works ok for me.
I am hearing you though and I should check up on the half-life a bit more, so I can be sure of my dosage during the day being of a constant sufficient level.
On the other hand, my sleep has been great. I sleep like a little baby. It’s fantastic for someone who always had so much trouble falling asleep. I do miss reading before sleep though, but eh I will put up with that if I can just put my head on the pillow and fall asleep within 5 minutes.
Sometimes I do wake up at around 4-ish, but then I will take my first am dose (25mg) earlier and I will be back asleep within half an hour.
Neat little trick I picked up from a thread around here on mwo. Works for me.

Mandiekinz;1599532 wrote:
I've also noticed that Magnesium Citrate (pill form, not the liquid! Citrate b/c it's absorbed easier in your system) helps with the sleep issues(when I actually remember to take it)...It plays a huge role for our nervous system. Twitches, jerks, restlessness, insomnia, anxiety, fatigue, and weakness are all signs of magnesium deficiency. In all seriousness, we're drunks. We don't take care of our bodies...our bodies are unable to take in any supplements we do feed it. Honestly, when we're drinking, we don't choose the greatest of diets either. If we even remember to eat. I know that my MO was to not eat so that I could get drunker faster and for less money. Anyone that tried to force me to eat, was against my religion and were damned to hell. Yeah I was the same before bac. With a belly full with grog I would not need or want any food as I would feel so full already. Although, if I was not too drunk I would let my man’s encouragement to eat get to me and I would eat. Knowing full well that it would make the morning after so much more bearable.
Since being on bac, yes I drink but I also eat. It is incredible really. It is great to have 3-4 meals regularly during the day. It makes me feel that something is definitely happening while I am on bac and I feel so much better for it.
Mandiekinz;1599532 wrote: It's unfortunate that you're surrounded by such fake people at this time in your life. Trying to pick up your pieces while trying not to crawl out of your skin in certain situations is a tough one. But a very good challenge. Keep in mind, we're drunks...we live secret lives too. I've learned in situations with very strongly opinionated(I'm one of them so it's difficult to bite my tongue) and snooty people, that you just nod your head and agree. The neat thing through this journey, is that you'll learn that YOU have control, especially over distance and boundaries. It's a wonderful thing! Even if you have to lead them to believe that they're right with what they say and think. I mean, granted they're family, but do you honestly care about what they do with their lives and opinions? That theirs. That's their business. As yours is yours. You don't have to live with them and you don't have to agree with them. You have YOU! And you'll love your own company and thoughts eventually.

Nice words girlfriend and exactly how I now aim to approach and live those ten days.
I think the reason why I still get so uptight about being around them is that my sister committed suicide 5 years ago and none (except for my man’s mum at the time when it had happened, but not since then) has ever mentioned it. I find that rude and offensive. This will be the third time in 5 years that I will see them all again, but it still hurts that nobody can acknowledge her existence. Granted they never knew her, but for crying out loud people: why act so goddamn friendly, nice and in my mind pretentious when you don’t want to deal with negatives that everybody experiences in their life?
Oh my man’s sister did speak to him when my sister had just pasted away and asked for him to hand over the phone and all she could do was say: “Oh I am so sorry for you. I am really hurting for you. What an awful thing to have happened”, I had to console her in the end as she was crying down the line. Then as like my man’s mum, Nothing!
I don’t know how people can be like that.
PS: I am not putting this info out here to gain sympathy (I am fine, I have dealt with that. Thank god I was sober at the time tho. As a matter of fact it happened just 2 weeks after I came out of a 4 week stint in rehab), but more to explain my complete dislike for these people.
What upsets me the most is that; everybody will be so excited to see us and go out of their way to catch up and create happy memories, but none of them know or care about the real us. The real everyday lives we lead. I am just not into that sort of pretentiousness, but I will try my hardest not to let it get to me. I will just go with the flow…

Mandiekinz;1599532 wrote:
I was in a relationship once with a guy that was a nightly binge drinker with me. Oh man we had some fun! However, he was able to stop and call it a night AND get up for work the next morning...I, on the other hand, could not. He always expected me to be able to do the same thing. I couldn't wrap my head around it. HOW DO THEY DO THIS?! Every alcoholic is different. We just are. Is your husband still binging while you're trying to help yourself? Have you guys discussed any ground rules regarding drinking? You seem like a very open communicator on here...do you communicate like this with your hubs?

Oh yes I do communicate very openly with him and therefore he does with me as well I would't have it any other way even if it makes him uncomfortable at times...
I am still at the stage that I am happy when he comes home and feels like a drinky poo. All the better for me to not draw too much attention to my predicament. So at present I have not set any ground rules yet.
However, when I came out of rehab 5 years ago and stayed sober for 16 months followed by another 6 months of blissful moderate drinking (which eventually did not last, surprise surprise), we had clear boundaries of what was acceptable and what was not. So there was no drinking at our place whatsoever. As I have stated somewhere else he is a binge drinker, but he can abstain fairly easily for about two weeks. Then a big drinking session will have to occur. On those occasions he would stay with a friend and not come home. He also would refrain, well mostly, from calling me or texting me. This worked well. Even though that I was off course jealous of his ability to do just that: Have a big session. In the mornings when I saw his hangover face and body-language I would be glad it was him and not me. I will always remember my anger at another day wasted by alcohol, but fook I've wasted many a day due to my alcohol addiction. Grrrr.

Mandiekinz;1599532 wrote:
As for the unemployment and feeling all around lousy...I've been there with ya, lady. We're about to lose the house after filing for bankruptcy even. My poor SO has been busting his ass, and of course as the winter weather strikes, work is no longer there for him. I have no license and live in the middle of nowhere, where work is very difficult to find for myself. I'm quite worthless, really. However, after I've cleared my head of alcohol...and letting the medicine strike up some confidence...I'm feeling OKAY about myself regardless of my shitty credit, no money, no work, no school degrees, no license, nothing. Why? Because I know that I'm going to be come out on top eventually. I know that as I continue to bring my confidence and over all mental health back up, I WILL find employment, I will become something better than what I am. I've counted my time of these ups and downs without work as a blessing. How the hell could I have worked when I had all those crazy side effects going on and still drinking? I take that back...I did work...for 2 weeks a couple of months ago. I quit. Why? I was drinking. I hated myself. I hated my job. I was wallowing in self pity. Nice words Mandie girl! Yes we went through bankruptcy as well, but hey we are still here and we are still together. We will be fine. I have no doubt. I have dealt with all the emotional upheaval of all that, but that just came up as we are about to hang around with all these successful people.
I also agree that not having the responsibilities of work at the moment might just be the best thing yet at this time in my life. Let’s make something positive about something negative. I am normally very good at that.

Mandiekinz;1599532 wrote:
I've been where you are. Do not give up. The medicine will pick you back up. We will pick you back up. YOU will pick yourself back up. You'll start to find yourself little by little, you'll begin to realize that you do have control, you'll look back at situations and notice that you rocked that shit. You'll find passion in places you never thought imaginable. It's all a work in progress. Your own self journey. Embrace the suck, I say. And hold onto those good moments that creep up on you in surprise. Even if they're short lived and minuscule. They'll start to stack up and become stronger and better and will help build yourself a fresh new take on life.

Thank you Mandie!! Very much appreciated