Baclofen, a personal journey.

[MissIndygo]

Baclofen, a personal journey.

Hello,

I haven't posted for a while out of respect for Lo0ps/Evan's passing. I didn't know him, but I wish I had! It is obvious he had an enormous impact on so many people here, which is a great legacy to leave behind.
I find it very comforting how people who did know him are able to express their grief on this site.Sharing some of the pain is very healthy. Even though in the end grieving is a very lonely process. Do take it seriously and expect to go through the 'stages' of grief numerous times in various sequences. Don't for one minute think that because you didn't know him in the physical (3d life) should make your grief any less! Go through the process and hopefully you will all come out on top knowing that you were very lucky to know such an exceptional person.
Rest in peace Lo0p/Evan.

On a completely differently note....

I got myself some Rhodiola rosea root extract. I just got it at the local chemist. It was apparently quite common a little while back.
It is called Stress & Stamina, Rhodiola Complex. It's like a very executive B-complex, with the right amount of B1 for us drunks, nl 125mg and Rhodiola rosea root extract equivalent dry root 965mg.
I took one at 3 pm and will follow up soonish to let you all know how it goes.
Oh it was only $12 Australian, which is a hell of a lot cheaper than what we pay for a supreme B-vit.
The brand name is:Nature's Own, Stress & Stamina, Rhodiola complex.

Got to go, as I had wanted to report a lot more on my last few days, but just got the bad news that a very good friend of mine has had a stroke.
Very worrisome.

Anyway I will sign off now. All the best to you all out there. Stay strong!
xx

[Mandiekinz]

Baclofen, a personal journey.

Spoken from a woman of experience. Well said. A lovely lady I've been emailing with had mentioned that she's stuck in denial. That she felt that I was way advanced in the grieving process. I had to explain to her that each one of our heads and hearts are different. It's all a process we all go through to protect ourselves and hopefully come out stronger in the end. Because I am in fact not further advanced...I do bounce around from each stage quite often through out the day, even within a couple of minutes. You just have to hold onto the hope of over coming something that seems so hopeless.

I remember actually going through the grieving stages after attempts of quitting alcohol. That is our lover/best friend/God that we are turning our backs on. How can we not?!

I'm very sorry about your friend, Indy...I hope he/she is okay!! A lot of strange and traumatic events going on in the universe for everyone these days. Perhaps it's preparing us for something we must keep mentally strong in. Perhaps it's just a purge in the world about to send us through a marvelous next year. I hope that's the case!

The Rhodiola Complex sounds great...I'll have to go on a prowl for it here in the U.S. Thanks for the gold of info!

How are your SE's and drinking going?? I hope all is well for you..

[MissIndygo]

Baclofen, a personal journey.

Hello all,

All is good in my world. SE's are manageable again and really not too bad at this time. Spending time with the outlaws has really not been too bad! Yep I know Bac is very good for anxiety of which I have none now. That is really the first time I have noticed that I in actual fact I was anxious.
Met my partner's daughter's son (17 months - our first grandchild) for the first time and he is a delight. I was terrified that he wouldn't take to me, but he is a very easy going little fellow.
Good stuff!

The Rhodiola complex is working great for me! I take it at 1 in the afternoon and I can stay up till 11pm (if I have to) without too much trouble. I also don't seem to get the afternoon dip.
So all good in that respect. I do have some issues with falling asleep sometimes, but I take half an anti-histamine (restavit over the counter) and I am off. And if I wake during the night I have my 25mg morning dose earlier and go back to sleep.

I am still on 185mg spread over the day with some highter doses earlier in the morning and the last one about 5 in the afternoon.

I still have cravings and it is the holidays (sort off) for us being here together, so my partner is drinking as well. I have not been getting drunk though and have not had more then maybe 5 beers or 4 glasses of wine.
We have dinner and then it is pretty much finished. I don't seem to get the same buzz anymore....

When I get back home I will up my dose again and see how that goes. I am just so happy that the side effects have slowed down enough (besides some tingling at times, which I can quite enjoy in some twisted way as it lets me know that the bac is in my system) so I can actually socialise with people.

So it's all good really

@Mandie, it's sounds like you have the right approach my friend. Yep it is a hard slog, but you will get through in time, although you will never be the same again. That is not necessary a bad thing though as long as you don't get bitter.
That counts for all negative life experiences imo. It is not those experiences that will kill you, but how you let it affect you. Just go with the flow and feel the feelings and acknowledge them for what they are

[Yourfriend6116]

Baclofen, a personal journey.

Thanks for all your updates, Miss I! I'm still following your progress.

[neophyte]

Baclofen, a personal journey.

good to hear from you Indy keep posting progress updates. as i went higher in bac i noticed that the euphoria from alcohol and other drugs diminished greatly, i think that forms part of becoming indifferent, once you whip your brain into realising that you can't get the fix from alcohol and the amygdala is calmed down by the baclofen you get that one two punch to indifference.

[Mandiekinz]

Baclofen, a personal journey.

Minimal SE's and less drinking?! Oh my stars...it's like baclofen is magic!

Sooo glad to hear you're doing so much better. Keep it up, my friend!

My heart goes to you for your buddy. It'll be quite the challenge for him, but the amazing things our bodies and minds can accomplish with determination, are nothing short of miraculous. Plus, he has a much clear headed friend to rely on for support. How amazing is that?!

[Jazi's Mum]

Baclofen, a personal journey.

MissIndy, so glad things were ok over Christmas. Your posts are so encouraging to me as I'll be a new bac user as of Monday. I'm ready for the SEs as I've read and read and read some more!! Thanks for all your posts - I sure appreciate people like you who share your very personal experiences! You are literally saving lives, you know?

[MissIndygo]

Baclofen, a personal journey.

Hello all,

I am back! I made it out alive and then some
All is pretty good in my world, but I will refrain from posting more tonight, as I have had a few drinky poos and that means I am no good for anybody on these threads. Enough trolls already, me thinks

@JMum, What's with: Behold, Mary bore the Saviour for us?
I hope all is well in your world lady?

Cheerio

[Jazi's Mum]

Baclofen, a personal journey.

Hi MissIndygo so glad you are doing well and survived the holidays intact - and your posts are always so helpful.

You seem to know yourself very well, and know what you can do and can't. Re the drinking: me too still having a few nightly, but I'm confident that I am going to gain control (indifference?) with bac too. It will come - we just have to be patient. The lack of anxiety is really helping me in all aspects of my life. Thanks for posting your experiences in such detail - so helpful to us Newbies.

RE the quote in my signature, well, it just reflects what we're celebrating this Christmas season. Will have a new one starting tomorrow. I like the latin so much, it seems to have a flow and ring to it that brings good feelings, to me anyway!
JMum

[MissIndygo]

Baclofen, a personal journey.

Hi lovely people,

Just a quick one, as I really don't have much to report.
Trip to the West all went well. Quite pleasant actually and it almost felt like a real holiday. Yep I know weird eh?

My partner didn't change his demeanour either, which I thought was odd, but very nice indeed. So we got on really well. He really appreciated the way I was, which was relaxed and just going with the flow and not too much huffing & puffing when yet another suggestion was made to have a big family reunion. In fact, I enjoyed those get-to-togethers. Freaking strange I tell yah!
I also appreciated that he stayed mostly true to his usual self. I am thinking that perhaps previously it was my anxiety rubbing off on him or maybe that now that I was able to go with the flow his behaviour just really didn't bother me.
Don't know, but very interesting for sure!

I am still amazed to have learned that I had anxiety like that. Having it taking away in what normally would have been such a stressful situation for me is just unbelievable and a definite eye-opener that Yes I did have anxiety! So much for knowing myself @JMum haha.

Having said that, I have always known that I had social anxiety. Not that I find it difficult to communicate with people, but I find it hard to relate with others at times. My life has been filled with many experiences and many many more life lessons learned through other experiences along the way. I see it as just a fact of life. No doubt many people here have many experiences similar or worse or better. C?st la vie!

What I find with people you may meet in social situations, or that you are forced to hang out with due to them being friends/associates of my man, is that I find it hard to talk about the weather and other mundane crap like that for any longer than 15 minutes. I get bored and I find it extremely difficult to keep infesting in the conversation. Often it is also one-sided where I am the one asking all the questions to get a conversation going and the other person is happy to just talk about themselves. It is all so supervisual in my eyes and I don’t deal with that very well. I find it a waste of time that I rather spend on my own with me, myself and I.

I sound like a right snob, don’t I. That is also my reason for not having many friends, as I just can’t be bothered with people that much. I do have to be careful that I don’t turn into a hermit at times and I force myself to go and socialise, but I find it tiring.
I think that is why I like the interaction here. Most people with addiction issues seem to have a lot better hold on life than people who have not had to deal with this debilitating disease. Sure other people with non-addiction life experiences may also have a great insight in life, but I don’t seem to come across them much in my 3D life.

Anyways that’s it for me for now and I was going to keep it short haha.
I have gone up today by 5mg and am now at 190mg a day. Still spread out over the day. With some higher doses earlier in the day and my Rhodesia complex at 1pm, which is working a treat people and keeps me energised throughout the day. In the mornings I take 100mg of Thiamine and 150mg of Effexor (for mdd, major depression disorder).

Thanks for listening to my babblings. I better go and unpack my suitcase. God I am still so slack. I want this fastidiousness SE to kick in already

Cheerio to you all

[Jazi's Mum]

Baclofen, a personal journey.

MissIndy I can totally relate to your socializing habits. I too find my neighbours, and Husband's friends, a total bore - they are all good people and I simply must emphasize that. However, when we are all together and they all get drinking, or talking about the same old stuff - over and over and over - all I want to do is get home and read a good book. When we are all together I really curtail my drinking because I can get quite rude and say what I shouldn't say.

But this is no reason to isolate as I do. I do have people I could socialize with, that I really like and who are good for me - but I'M JUST TOO DARNED LAZY.

And it's winter here which is not conducive to getting out much. All too easy to hibernate and isolate.

You sound so positive and happy today and that cheers me up too so thanks for the nice update.

[skullbabyland]

Baclofen, a personal journey.

Indy, it sounds like your holiday trip went quite well! So glad to hear it. Sounds like the extended family didn't annoy you too badly, and you and your husband were more at peace with anxiety and his behavior etc. "Letting things be", acceptance, gratitude, are all good things to practice, sounds like you were doing that well.. ?

I too relate to your boredom with socializing, especially over non-interesting small talk topics, especially with people you don't find interesting. It's as boring as watching paint dry. I KNOW that is one reason I would drink heavily, just to be somewhat entertained/engaged, even artificially. But that wasn't helpful over the long term, of course. Much better, ultimately, to find other ways to manage this. Or just excuse oneself from a boring person/conversation/situation, if possible. But yeah, balance is also needed so that we don't become completely hermitic... it's good, then, to try to foster relationships with those we DO connect well with.

PS, I also take Effexor, for depression/anxiety. Along with bac, I credit Effexor for saving my life. I may not always take it, but for now it's a game changer.

I'm also curious about the Rhodiala complex. I'll have to check up on that. It's sort of a productivity booster, huh? I could sure use that, sometimes...

[MissIndygo]

Baclofen, a personal journey.

Hello fellow Baccers,

Jazi's Mum;1608863 wrote: When we are all together I really curtail my drinking because I can get quite rude and say what I shouldn't say.
Yes I have that same issue, not that that would lessen my drinking though. Being Dutch I am always forthright, although over the years I have learned better ways of expressing my point of view. When drunk however, this would all go out the window and I would get so angry with dumbfounded ideas spoken by some narrow minded idiot that I would verbally attack them. Smartly I would think in my drunken mind, but extremely aggressive. My approach would scare those people to even think about giving me a reply and I assume my point would not be taken, but my aggressive stance would never be forgotten.

An interesting thing happened on New Year’s eve. We were celebrating it with my man’s sister, her family and some of her friends. My man, daughter and I were on the balcony having a chat with my cousin’s husband who had just asked me how my phone counselling job was going. Following he stated that I would have had some interesting calls regarding suicide intentions and what not. To which I replied that yes I had had to instigate a few interventions where an ambulance was called.
Out of nowhere this man pipes up and says: “Well if I saw somebody who was about to jump of a building, I would tell them to jump. What a waste of time. If you don’t want to live then just jump I say”.

This sounds horrible, but he was actually quite funny in a way. Anyways this went on for a while. Other people started coming in with their stories of acquaintances or second cousins that had killed themselves and the man who originally jumped in also had a neighbour who 5 years ago had necked himself, but he was (in his words) not a stable person. “It is an easy way out” was his final statement.

My brother has attempted suicide just before xmas (a whole different story and I am fine with it people) and my sister died of suicide 5 years ago, so at this point I noticed my man and my daughter starting to shuffle uncomfortably whilst avoiding my eyes.

Haha I had to laugh. Instead of jumping on this man and telling him what an ignorant asshole he was I said in a cool calm and collected manner that: “people who are driven to suicide rarely do that in a spur of the moment (well my brother is a different case, but he didn't really want to die in my opinion. That man needs help, which hopefully he will now get and accept). Those people would have had to deal with mental and/or physical problems for years and years and years without ever finding a way out. Some people cannot be helped by the mental health establishments that are currently available for those sufferers”. I think that is about how I stated it. My man and daughter both looked at me with love in their eyes and I was so proud of myself. The man listened and hopefully he might take it onboard. Although I doubt it. Thanks to baclofen I didn't get angry, but instead was able to still be me and speak my mind but in a nice controlled way. Good stuff I thought

skullbabyland;1608979 wrote:
I too relate to your boredom with socializing, especially over non-interesting small talk topics, especially with people you don't find interesting. It's as boring as watching paint dry. I KNOW that is one reason I would drink heavily, just to be somewhat entertained/engaged, even artificially.

Yes for sure Skull I agree. I just read some of your latest postings on your own thread and it sounds like you had similar issues over the holiday period. We survive though, don’t we? Acceptance of the things we cannot change is something I will need to practice for life I think.

skullbabyland;1608979 wrote:
PS, I also take Effexor, for depression/anxiety. Along with bac, I credit Effexor for saving my life. I may not always take it, but for now it's a game changer.
Yes same here. I had posted this somewhere else so I will just copy and paste that here.
My depression is classed as: MDD (Major Depressive Disorder) that (in my, but educated, opinion) is due to a chemical imbalance in my brain neurology. Meaning that some neurons don't fire as and when and how they should.

I have been on Effexor for years and I will never go of it. I tapered down once. Over many many months (9 months I believe it was) and without me being aware of it I landed in another major episode of depression within three months of being completely of it. I say without being aware of it, as depression has got a funny way of sneaking up on you and it is often only in hindsight that you can pinpoint when you started to go down that track of being locked in by hopeless (one of my symptoms) thoughts again. In my case anyway.

It is known that once you have had one episode that you will most likely suffer more in your lifetime. I have some theories on that when people have been using anti-depressants to cope (e.g. perhaps the use of anti-depressants when used over longer periods depletes your own brain from producing the necessary neurotransmitters). Anyway that deserves another thread at some other time.

skullbabyland;1608979 wrote:
I'm also curious about the Rhodiala complex. I'll have to check up on that. It's sort of a productivity booster, huh? I could sure use that, sometimes...

Uhm well I am not very productive at the moment so I don’t think it is that, but I don’t get the somnolence in the afternoon or early evening anymore. Having said that I haven’t got back into a normal routine yet. With being away and what not, but tonight should be a good test.

To be honest, since I have been home I have not done so well drinking wise. My daughter has jumped straight back into her social life and part-time job and good for her, I am happy for her! My man is still in the West and I am home alone and staring at the walls doing sweet FA. I made a list today of things I have to do. On it are: do the dishes, unpack suitcase, get job application in. Like WTF? I feel like I am mentally retarded at the moment, but I just cannot move myself to do any of these things.

Since coming home I have been drinking heavily yet again, not sleeping much and not eating much either. But I am not stressed or worried or depressed though. I don’t know what the hell is going on. I mean one slack day after travelling and all that is ok, but 3 days in a row? Jeesh too much. Anyway I will now do the dishes haha. Really, unless I get distracted by something else online

Cheerio

[MissIndygo]

Baclofen, a personal journey.

Hmmm I'm not enjoying this forum much anymore these days.
Too many trolls and therefore negativity, which I don't need.
I am going to take a little hiatus, but I will update if and when I finally reach that elusive switch.
Sorry fellow baccers, but this side is not good for me at present.

[skullbabyland]

Baclofen, a personal journey.

OK Indy... do what is best for you When you decide to come back, we'll be here. I find with a little practice the trolls can be ignored and there's lots of good supportive people to help. Good luck this week and check back in when you feel able.