anyone on nal/tsm

[spuddleduck]

anyone on nal/tsm

SORRY FOR MY DISAPPEARING ACT AFTER POSTING RANDOM BOLLOCKS. just couldn't face coming here ..... or leaving my duvet and pillow actually. now im here with a lot of thoughts and responses to questions/words so I will probably start waffling (just for a change).

I knew this drink was creeping up on me for a couple of days, I don't know why I was just feeling twitchy. I managed the dentist twice, which has always been a trigger, don't know why cos I have a lovely dentist who never hurts me (though I did once bite a dentist finger in the past and run out never to return). My excuse this time, and it is just an excuse but I have to try and work things out, was having people come round to look at the rooms we rent out. why this gets me in a tangle I don't know, I don't even have to be involved at all as mr spuds can see them.
I took 25mg of nal, and it was at least 1 1/2 hrs before I drank. I had felt quite nauseas and really didn't feel like drinking by then. it was almost like once I had planted the seed it had to be watered (hmmm literally). So there I go getting stuck into the wine. Now thanks to nal it wasn't going down well, didn't really want to drink it and wasn't getting much effect.... so what did I do.... took a deep breath and glugged a huge glass full. WHAAAT !!!! WHY WHY WHY ! I guess that's the alcoholic in me. Needless to say things went downhill after that. I have to admit I don't think I put any effort whatsoever into limiting my drinking and as I said (the gluggling) I was obviously on some kind of self destruct mission. Even with all this nonsense I think all in all I did drink more slowly than normal and was still vaguely functioning a few hours after starting. I think I drank 2 bottles of wine (12%) which is probably my usual. For me its not necessarily how much I drink but HOW I drink. there is a big difference between drinking 2 bottles of wine over an evening in a 'pleasant' way, and drinking it in an alcoholic way. Ive got a lot to think about this episode so will no doubt be posting a lot of waffle trying to untangle my thoughts.

[spuddleduck]

anyone on nal/tsm

I find your drinking posts a bit scary (already said that I know), and I'm thinking it might be because like BKYG they remind me how out of control and random I could be drunk. Thank goodness I don't have all that any more.

ukb, I find my drinking posts a bit scary too. I don't really know where it comes from.... all this screaming at the walls ... theres something going on, but I really cant work it out. I also woke up to an essay in lipstick on my bedroom mirror. I cant read most of it but there's a lot of 'piss off's' and 'I am good'. now theres a good title for a book 'essays in lipstick on my mirror', if I ever find my inner novelist that's my 1st book. I often find random scrawling in black marker pen..... mostly on paper but I have been known to redecorate walls. thank heavens I don't drink all the time... I couldn't afford the wallpaper.
After spending yesterday in hibernation, firstly feeling ill and then feeling pissed off with myself, I actually feel quite calm today. It's almost as if a mad drinking session lets off some steam that has been building up. Im not aware of the steam building up but I know I hold a lot of things in and don't let things out.... I very rarely shout or get angry. maybe this is something I need to be looking at.... I don't want to be an angry shouty grumpy person but maybe if I dripped out emotion instead of blowing it out in a volcano of venting.

[spuddleduck]

anyone on nal/tsm

So much for the fun of drinking eh? Can I recommend a book? It's an old one but really very helpful. It's called You Can Be Happy No Matter What by Richard Carlson. Great book that shows our thoughts control our feelings - and what this means - and how to change it. I highly recommend it. (and of course I don't have anything to do with this book, or any interest in it other than to recommend it.)

Thanks for this jmum, and thanks for popping by, the more folk keeping an eye on us/me the better. and any advice gratefully received.

I apologize for my post above I realize this may not be a time to joke..

bkyoga, no need to apologize, I hope I still have a little bit of a sense of humour even in the grips of al.... now if you had been laughing AT me.... well that would have been cause for a huge sulk and spitting my dummy out - now its me that's only joking, say what you want, that's what is so good about being here that no offence is taken (unless its meant of course). flipping eck I really am waffling now.

[spuddleduck]

anyone on nal/tsm

So much for the fun of drinking eh? Can I recommend a book? It's an old one but really very helpful. It's called You Can Be Happy No Matter What by Richard Carlson. Great book that shows our thoughts control our feelings - and what this means - and how to change it. I highly recommend it. (and of course I don't have anything to do with this book, or any interest in it other than to recommend it.)

Thanks for this jmum, and thanks for popping by, the more folk keeping an eye on us/me the better. and any advice gratefully received.

I apologize for my post above I realize this may not be a time to joke..

bkyoga, no need to apologize, I hope I still have a little bit of a sense of humour even in the grips of al.... now if you had been laughing AT me.... well that would have been cause for a huge sulk and spitting my dummy out - now its me that's only joking, say what you want, that's what is so good about being here that no offence is taken (unless its meant of course). flipping eck I really am waffling now.

[bkyogagurl]

anyone on nal/tsm

I'm super glad your back. I have to get my kids to school and things but I will be back later to post more.

[skullbabyland]

anyone on nal/tsm

Hi Duck, sounds like you had a rough one... i can relate, as I'm sure we all can. I've done quite a lot of reading on TSM, and some experience with it, and one think most TSMers seem to agree on is that there are often "spikes" in drinking that come up out of nowhere at times. Maybe this is just true of us alkies in general.

For me, a drinking binge or "spike" always took about 3 or 4 days to really shake off and feel normal/healthy-ish again. One day of physical sick hangover and 2 to 3 days of anxiety and depression that followed. Are you in the same boat? Remember, the clouds will part and the sun will shine again.

So glad you've come back to keep posting Get back up on that horse, you've lost nothing by taking a tumble, and are still on a great journey of gaining control!

[spuddleduck]

anyone on nal/tsm

yep skull, it does take some 'shaking off'. I had a duvet day yesterday, feeling rough and generally shitty, but yes, my whole mood goes a bit off for longer. I'm getting better at hauling myself back up again than I used to be (ha practice makes perfect), but the fact that at least I am trying something different (tsm) gives me a focus. I'm still very much early days with tsm, still finding my way with it (strength/timing) and as I am mostly drinking no more than once a week I expect it will take some time to get things more sorted.

[bkyogagurl]

anyone on nal/tsm

Spud~ hang in there.... you will get there. I'm complete pooped tonight and can't write or read anything. See you tomorrow.

[spuddleduck]

anyone on nal/tsm

whhaaaaa.... I cannot believe what just happened. WARNING RANT ALERT.

Mr spud just got a text from a friend who's birthday it is today.... off out on the booze. ok, fine so far. im saying 'yeah, why not go out with him, you not seen him for ages...etc..etc (this is me being nice). Mr spuds response to this, we can both go out and have a drink with him. now before I go on, not only do I no particulary feel like a drink (WHAT!!), but tomorrow I am driving to the airport to pick my mum up. not something I could do after a day/evening drinking.

So, heres the best bit from mr spuds, well why not just have a couple of drinks, you don't have to go crazy. WHAT!!!! HAS HE JUST LANDED FROM ANOTHER PLANET OR ANOTHER DIMENSION WHERE I JUST HAVE A NICE GLASS OF WINE THEN GO HOME FOR SOME CHEESY NIBBLES.

I don't do 'angry' but for fecks sake I could have happily put his head down the loo and stuffed soap in his mouth to wash the words out.. sorry, but it just seems insane to say such a thing.
I admit that if I wasn't driving tomorrow I would have jumped at the chance.

then he says, well this could be a test for you.... WHAAAATTTTTT.. Im in no way ready to trust myself to just have one drink... even if I took a whole flipping packet of nal.

Rant over, and I cant even think of anything else to say as im consumed by this craziness (better than being consumed by al thoughts)., no doubt this will all come out in a crazy drunken rant as im not very good at being confrontational or expressing stuff.

so bollocks to this nonsense ... im off to bake a cake, and chances are i'll eat it even though it is a birthday cake for my mum. hmmph.

[bkyogagurl]

anyone on nal/tsm

Birds of feather? That sounds like something my husband would say?

Ok first off? we don't need "bloody" TESTS?. they know we fail these TESTS and are completely unable to have just "ONE" drink...:no: Dream on husbands?.

Spuds you need to voice your feelings with Mr. Spud? giving him one of these :finger: behind his back will not help him understand your need for his support? I thought Mr. BK was psychic and knew what I was thinking? turns out he is not and I actually have to communicate my feelings. He didn't always react compassionately or like I wanted him to but at least he heard my voice and he actually thought about what I said. He would later come back and try to be nice.

You know I love when you rant when crazy rather than drunk because we can talk about it. I have been finding that I enjoy posting much more as a sober person because I feel I can contribute to conversation in an intelligent way and maybe even help someone? as you help me.

Let me know how your day pans out? if you do feel like drinking take your Nal first then post here and let me know where your thoughts are? then if you so desire~ drink. Pinky promise??? I want to know what is going on in your mind before you get "tits up".

I myself have been finding comfort in food too? I have become addicted to rice chips of all things? I ate a whole bag then looked on the back and it stated the serving as "6" per bag?.
:wow: 6 damn servings in that little bag?
my ass? well literally my ass is not going to get smaller if I don't pay attention.. I have been on my best eating behavior for the most part but?. If I am feeling a craving for a drink I will eat a meal and that seems to help a lot. I am juicing some as I mentioned and that seems to help too.

:huggy

[spuddleduck]

anyone on nal/tsm

Ok first off… we don't need "bloody" TESTS…. they know we fail these TESTS and are completely unable to have just "ONE" drink... Dream on husbands….

Haha bky, load of stuff and nonsense eh

Ive been in a bit of a grumpy arse mood today (only on the inside of course) stewing from the stupidity of mr spuds 'couple of drinks' suggestion. I do explain these things to mr spud but I tend to think if I do shout it loud he doesn't really take it in. need to work on being more verbal/forceful but its not really me and I don't know if I want to become a gobby bossy bitch.

Anyhow mr spud went out and got completely rat arsed. I had the pleasure of picking him up and drinking home... NOT FUN, I HATE BEING AROUND DRUNK PEOPLE..... yeah how crazy is that... boring repetitive, talking bollocks, being arsey.... not like the charming person I become when I drink (ho ho ho)
now it just goes to show I do have some control over al. there is no way in a million years I was gonna drink today, didn't even consider taking nal as a precaution I just wasn't going to drink. all because im driving to pick my mum up from the airport tomorrow and there is no way I could fuck that up. My vision isn't too brilliant in the dark and it will be getting dark when I pick her up, I couldn't combine that with any kind of a hangover of post drinking yukkyness.
bky, what the hell are rice chips, sound kinda nice cos they sound kinda bad. me, well I ate lots of cake and buttercream filling. made my mums cake.... and extra bits for me and stuffed myself with a whole loads of sweet badness.

[bkyogagurl]

anyone on nal/tsm

I hate being around drunk people too.. if I am sober.. completely bugs the shit out of me. Just be glad he is the one who had to face the hangover and not you..

Rice chips are just that.. kinda of a take on a tortilla chip but made with rice. They are so crispy and yummy.. I think your "crisps" are similiar to our "potato chips"??? I am asking not telling??
I have wondered what exactly crisps are to you?

I hope you had a nice trip picking your mum up and she had lots of fun.

Take care of you.

[YouKayBee]

anyone on nal/tsm

bkyogagurl;1615399 wrote: I hate being around drunk people too.. if I am sober.. completely bugs the shit out of me. Just be glad he is the one who had to face the hangover and not you..

Rice chips are just that.. kinda of a take on a tortilla chip but made with rice. They are so crispy and yummy.. I think your "crisps" are similiar to our "potato chips"??? I am asking not telling??
I have wondered what exactly crisps are to you?

I hope you had a nice trip picking your mum up and she had lots of fun.

Take care of you.

Potato chips in US = Crisps in UK

I think you are talking about something akin to Doritos?Triangular pointy things as opposed to the traditional 'crisps' which are a thin round slice(wafer thin) of potato, sometimes with a bubble or twist in the middle. Pringles try to copy them but just don't get it.

I used to eat doritos a lot, they are supposed to be low fat but they are still processed crap.

[bkyogagurl]

anyone on nal/tsm

Rice chips are sort of a healthy dorito... you can usually buy them organic with ingredients that you can pronounce...

I eat mostly organic non processed food... If I don't know what an ingredient is on a food I usually don't eat it... aside from the damn donut I ate today... something emotional I guess I much work out.

I won't touch pringles.

[spuddleduck]

anyone on nal/tsm

I love pringles (but rarely eat them), I love doritos more (but rarely eat them), I even love those nasty pickled onion flavour corn snacks (but rarely eat them) and when im hungover I would die for a pot noodle. I'm thinking its the msg that gets me. Other than that I mostly eat 'reet' healthy, loads a veg n good home made stuff (doesn't explain my new found belly tubs)

of all the annoyances, mr spuds actually woke up bright and breezy today with hardly a sniff of a hangover. hmmpphhh. me,. I woke up after a restless sleep (back still a bother, injections didn't work) feeling less than ready for driving to pick mum up. anyhow, long story short, all went well, mum got picked up, didn't have a motorway multi car crash pile up and I bought a bag and drank some wine.