negative thoughts when waking when tritating up?

[StuckinLA]

negative thoughts when waking when tritating up?

neophyte;1593415 wrote:
looks like my nye is going to be a boring one with my two cats, no drugs and alcohol, first time ive had a nye where that happened

I did that last year, it wasn't that bad. My two cats and I had a pretty fine time.

[skullbabyland]

negative thoughts when waking when tritating up?

As for NYE... embrace the boring part of yourself, it often treats you better. Boring can be good

Glad you've got a plan through the end of the year- I agree, good to stop tinkering and just sit a while, let your body understand what's the "new normal". And if you do it with AF time, all the better.

Oh, and to answer a question from a few days ago that I missed, in regards to my Antabuse dose- I have a script for 250mg, but I break them in half, and take half each night before bed (as it can make you a little drowsy-- but not near as much as bac does). So, basically 125 mg a day. No other side effects other than the positive ones-- I enjoy life without the monkey chatter in my head.

[spiritwolf333]

negative thoughts when waking when tritating up?

neophyte;1592701 wrote: hey Spirit, thats pretty much exactly what happens many days of the week. maybe i should do what you do and when i wake up at 4am have some bac next to me, take it and go back to sleep.

anything else you can suggest?

Neo -just wondering if you have tried the early am baclofen (pre-final wake)? For me, it has been magic. How are the negative thoughts early am these past few days? Without prying too much, are these negative thoughts work related, family, or general?
Thanks.

[neophyte]

negative thoughts when waking when tritating up?

skull, yeah i think i definitely will just embrace it, ill probably just play some video games or watch a movie or something. keep it low key, its only a new rotation around the sun.

I'll probably hold off on the AB for now, like i said, i want to just keep things stable, hopefully 290mg is enough baclofen to stop me from slipping up again.

spirit, yes ive been trying to dose as soon as i wake and right before i go to bed. the first night i tried it, it worked pretty well, i woke up anxiety free. yesterday i tried it and I had one of the worst nights sleep in a long time, it took me 3 hours to fall asleep, i was riddled with speeding nervous thoughts i couldnt control, i had to turn the tv on so i wouldnt panic. i eventually fell asleep and then i woke up 3 hours later. i had to call in sick because i was so out of it. a quick nap later on and i was fine though.

I'll try again tonight but instead i will take the baclofen 2 hours before bed. when i was taking baclofen previously, my last dose was at 4pm with the next dose at 5am the following morning, which is probably not ideal for a stable blood level given the half life. so perhaps 2 hours before bed will give the best of both worlds. I'll experiment around with it and see how i go.

The negative thoughts are work related, i think without this work problem i would actually be ok. i just need to work through these things, i have decided what im going to do and thats change jobs in april next year. The reasons why i wanted the change in the first place are still there.

I need some sobriety time before i make this career move. The last time i made the career move i unravelled psychologically. i saw only the negative in the new job and none of hte positives, i kept on switching between what i wanted and i couldnt make up my mind which got me black listed at a recruiter, made me leave in a bad way at the new job and probably didn't do me any favors to the job i returned to. During this time i was even suicidal over something so trivial. I can even look back at it now and realise how stupid it all was.

Drunk me made a decision, morning anxious ridden me would make another one, and hungover free me (right before drinking at night) would make a different decision. There was a constant loop of indecision that was so bad i had to just drink and drink to nullify it all. Alcohol made it worse of course so i had to drink in the morning to make it go away. It was that point i realised that booze had broken me mentally. It seems strange to not have realised it earlier but booze was a huge part of making my anxiety worse. It's just hard to see these things as your own mind can't rationalise these things as it's judgement is affected by alcohol and withdrawal, day in day out.

Some people get a wake up call when their liver fails. For me, it was my mental health. I can be thankful that at least my mental health is a lot easier to fix than a failed liver and i still have a job. I think in the future i will realise that my problems are trivial.

I remember reading alan cars book "easyway to stop drinking" (which funnily enough doesnt make it easy to stop drinking AT ALL) but one part of the book stuck out to me, "alcohol makes you perceive mole hills as mountains. when you are sober, mountains become molehills". That really stuck out to me, because thats exactly what i was doing. before alcohol, i had a blase appraoch to life (itll be right, shell be ok, it all works out in the end) and it always did work out. I had my problems but i always delt with them. Alcohol dependency after a few years reduced my ability to cope with any change in my life. Reasonable mortgage? (WHAT ABOUT THE DEBT?! what about recessions, wars, what ifi lose my job??) change of jobs? (what if i get fired, i'm not good enough to do the job, what if i dont pass probation). those are just some examples. I was extremly risk adverse and i would just argue myself out of ever doing anything due to the fear that alcohol instilled in me.

As i get some sober time under my belt im starting to think rationally again and the old me is coming back. I have some hicups along the way, yesterday was quite bad, im not sure why. Hopefully tonight will be better.

I decided im not going to drink for hte rest of the year and im going to try and taper off codeine by the end of the year. If i can reduce by one tablet a day. ill be on nothing by new years day.

[skullbabyland]

negative thoughts when waking when tritating up?

Wow, Neo... you sure hit on a ton of things that ring true in my experience. The insane loop of hungover, sick, anxious, scared, drunk, fucked up, and all the "wrong" decisions or indecisions- I know it all well. What you said is really true about alcohol changing molehills to mountains- when I was newly newly sober, like the first 3 or so weeks, people told me so, but it took me seeing it to believe it. I'd obsess over some crazy thing, this thing or that, only to see later that I was making some giant crisis in my head that didn't or hardly existed.

AF time really recalibrates one's mental health. I feel so much more steady and sane than I have in years, even though I'm still pretty newly sober. I have my crappy days no doubt but they're miles better than the shitty hungover anxious loop that I finally extracated myself from... I'm glad you're going AF through the end of the year. As the holidays near, try to keep even more in touch with MWO. We can help each other make plans to see the New Year sober.

[skullbabyland]

negative thoughts when waking when tritating up?

One other thing, Neo- I find I cannot sleep at all if I dose too quickly to bedtime. I'd definiitely give yourself your last dose of the day at least a few hours before bed time, that should help. As you know, sleep is one of your most important aspects of life for health.

Interestingly enough, I've actually moved to one dose per day- my whole dose for the day is taken first thing when waking up. I'm used to it and there's no adverse side effects. I understand that's not for everyone but just thought I'd share my two cents.

[neophyte]

negative thoughts when waking when tritating up?

thanks skull

Even after 5 days sober im already feel more confident in my own ability to think rationally, which was one of the worst aspects of alcoholism, i couldn't even trust my own judgement on anything.

I definitely will keep in touch on MWO, im pretty active on here now, i find this forum addictive and i like seeing everyones progress and the support from others helps so much, maybe its one addiction for another

I experimented last night with taking my last dose at 8pm, i start falling asleep at 10 and i try to stay up as late as possible but i only made it to 10:30. i then woke up at 4am, i had some negative thinking going on. Had my bac and codeine and i was back to normal. I find that the mornings now are the only times i have excessive negative thinking that later on in the day, seems irrational.

I'm trying to taper off the codeine, i take currently 27 tablets a day, if i can reduce a tablet a day then i coudl be codeine free by the end of the year. That probably won't happen, but i may as well shoot for it. I find my desire to use codeine has diminished, so perhasp if i taper off slowly the baclofen at current dosages will keep the addiction at bay. I do need to taper though as going cold turkey gives me nasty headaches and is basically a milder form of heroin withdrawl, the dose i take is sufficient enough to be like taking 40mg a day of morphine.

I have found also that my drug seeking behaviour has diminshed remarkably. Before baclofen i would trawl tor websites like SilkRoad to look at trying something new, maybe a new psychedleic Reasearch chem or something to swap addictions with. I got in some trouble with xanax and tramadol doing just this.

So perhaps baclofen is working for my addictive mind in general. Either way its an exciting development, i hope it stays. People at work talk about how they bought some latest rubish on ebay or some other consumer related waste of money. Here i am goign pharmacy to pharmacy to procure codeine, rotating liqour stores to buy alcohol. browsing silkraod to find new highs. When i put my behaviour in context of what "normal" people do, i just feel like i live this double life of secrets and shame. I woudl save so much money if baclofen could curb this behavior. I keep detailed spreadsheets of everything i spend money on, i spent around 10,000 AUD on drugs and alcohol last year. talk about depressing. i could have gone on a trip to europe with that.

[spiritwolf333]

negative thoughts when waking when tritating up?

Hey Neo -look, I am just an ole country boy from south Georgia who does not know much about anything, but my one thought is this: 27 of anything per day is a lot. That has (or may) to consume a lot of thought just to keep that schedule on track. This road you are on has to be hell. Not only having to deal with the alcohol, but having to deal with the codeine? I simply can not imagine this type of withdrawal pain.

Now, in one of your earlier posts, you said:

"It's making quitting the codeine really hard because I have these aweful negative thoughts that cycle in my mind. I try to think of something else but the main subject comes back and I find myself thinking about it constantly. The only thing that makes it go away is a bit of codiene which gives me a small amount of respite."

And;

"I have an appointment with an opiate detox center on monday and see what they have to say. I don't know how they will take my baclofen experiment though, they are an addiction centre so perhaps they will have heard of it. I hope so since every doctor just throws an SSRI at me and tells me to go get therapy which never ever works because of the cravings."

Neo -did you go to the opiate detox center and if yes, what did they say? Neo, I only say/ask these things because I truly hope you get off this train from hell. The pain meds and alcohol eventually ended my older brothers life (he was 39) so I know the hell you are potentially going through. I am just glad you are doing the best you can to be free.

And, the negative thoughts; I really liked what you said about the negative thoughts seeming so unreal or so ridiculous after being awake some few hours. I just have to tell you that this is exactly what happens to me. In fact, at three am I have thought about taking "drastic" actions against those who have harmed me recently. At 1 pm, I can not even imagine that I was wasting time thinking about those situations or people.

[neophyte]

negative thoughts when waking when tritating up?

hey Spirit,

I went and saw the detox center for an initial consultation, given the length of time on opiates, likely it was suboxone maintenance and a taper after that. there are strict conditions on teh suboxone treatment, no drinking, no problems there, but they were initially scepitcal that i said i had stopped drinking only recently.

I crave opiates much less than i have before. I was using codiene to deal with the negative thoughts and side effects of going up in baclofen, but i think now that i will stay on 295mg for the foreseable future then I can see where that takes me and go from there.

I'd prefer actually at this stage to avoid suboxone and just see how baclofen treats me, suboxone is just another opiate, if i dont crave like i did before. Then why not lets see where baclofen takes me. I'd much prefer to be completely free then swap one addiction for another