hitting bottom with a whimper, not a bang

[spiritwolf333]

hitting bottom with a whimper, not a bang

Fred -You are on track -u know that u are. AA OR No AA. Just look at how much time you spent not thinking about you. And the final thing we all know -to quit or not to quit-has to be a decision for you and only you. Telling family friends of of your thoughts of quitting does make a hill of beans anyway -ONLY ACTIONS. Kronk was spot on in her comment. And on counting days, count each day you wake up sober and not feeling like hell. Either way, we alkies have a way of tricking ourselves -usually in a way that leads back to the bottle -baclofen or not. In the stepper program, I was always worried that I was the one that "could never be absolutely honest" with myself -I was doomed. Good thread -Great posts.

[Fred_The_Cat]

hitting bottom with a whimper, not a bang

Last night was painfully boring, depressing and nonproductive- but no, I didn't drink.

Probably the most important thing I came across when kicking zoloft was a forum post of someone who had been 4 years clean from antidepressants. He described withdrawal in terms of "waves and windows" that went something like:

"In the early weeks the withdrawal hit me hard. I would be hit by waves of depression with no seeming end in sight- but eventually it would fade and a calm insight would fall upon me as if light was shining through a window. Another wave would hit eventually- but never as bad as the one before it and the next window would be longer. Eventually the waves of depression settled down and the window became everlasting."

I would not have made it off zoloft if not for that passage, and I think sobriety will be the same. I can't expect every day to be calm, productive, meaningful, etc. But I CAN stick to the hope that the drunk me will slowly die as the healthy me comes to life.

[skullbabyland]

hitting bottom with a whimper, not a bang

Fred- good thoughts. Its true that you cant expect everyvday to be meaningful, calm, etc, and certainly many days will feel boring... but try to think of that boring as a good thing. I try to embrace my inner boring self as a comfort in that it treats me far better than my drunken self who often feels like an entertaining, dynamic fun guy but who in reality is more of an embarrassing oaf who is sick, anxious, and desperate.

Also keep in mind that actual fun days and nights will return, though that may be hard to imagine when things seem so boring and blah. For me it happens right around 4 weeks AF and increases steadily from there. Good for you for staying the course.

[Fred_The_Cat]

hitting bottom with a whimper, not a bang

Day 7. The boredom is starting to kill me, and tonight's going to be tough because I will be around my extended family, then possibly my friends from high school- both intense incentives to drink out of celebration and sheer stress.

In truth, I've had no urge to drink on a day-to-day basis because I know the consequences will be immediate. It's the special occasions, whether they are good or bad, that I am afraid of.

[YouKayBee]

hitting bottom with a whimper, not a bang

Fred_The_Cat;1601062 wrote: Day 7. The boredom is starting to kill me, and tonight's going to be tough because I will be around my extended family, then possibly my friends from high school- both intense incentives to drink out of celebration and sheer stress.

In truth, I've had no urge to drink on a day-to-day basis because I know the consequences will be immediate. It's the special occasions, whether they are good or bad, that I am afraid of.

Yes this resonates with me too, at these times I drink black coffee like it's going out of fashion, also make sure I've eaten and am neither hungry nor thirsty. Always have an escape plan, always be warm and fed.

There is a lot of satisfaction to be had at being sober in social situations and you'll be bright as a button the next morning.

[kronkcarr]

hitting bottom with a whimper, not a bang

Fred,

When I first posted I was asking why that initial rosey glow I felt with bac had left. RedThread asked me

"Are you craving alcohol or are you craving ease?"

For some reason this has stuck with me. Early on I had a really difficult time with the lulls in my life. It really does get easier if we pay attention.

I'm not making fun: did the boredom kill you last night? You wrote that it was starting to. It got better and better for me with time. Hang tough. Keep posting because you are describing what lots of us have experienced.

[spiritwolf333]

hitting bottom with a whimper, not a bang

Alcohol uses a powerful tool to derail sobriety: BOREDOM (or perceived boredom). When I was drinking, my highs were so high and my lows were so low, my brain did not know how to respond -except to call boredom and drink. Eventually, the boredom passed and now I don't have enough time in the day for my projects.

[Fred_The_Cat]

hitting bottom with a whimper, not a bang

Well, I slipped yesterday and earlier tonight and the hell ride of insomnia is starting again. I checked my email while drunk and misinterpreted it as thinking that Lo0p had left the phoenix project in a symbolic sense. It hit me when I got home and checked the forum, and I felt quite bad about it.

That said, I'm just going to push forward and keep not drinking. I didn't even slip up over a craving for alcohol- it was just plain boredom. I'm not exactly in a terrible place like i'd be if I hadn't switched, so this is more a dent in my pride than anything.