JMum's Progress Journal

[DipGal]

JMum's Progress Journal

WOW JMUM! I am so sorry for all the pain you have had, but am so happy that you are able to do the work in identifying the WHYs of your addiction.

I like to use these forums as a "journal", too. It really helps to get it all out! Interesting how the Bac allows you to do that and relieve the anxiety associated with your discoveries.

I'll be hanging here and watching you progress and heal!

xoxoxo

[Jazi's Mum]

JMum's Progress Journal

I found a great statement over on The Sinclair Method forum posted by a member way back 2012.

Alcohol, in it's pure state, is poisonous! Our civilization has simply become expert at diluting it and trying to make it tasty. Why??? The reaction your body is going through with the hangover is in fact perfectly natural. Our bodies do NOT naturally like alcohol---it is pure poison! We like, and become addicted to the SIDE-EFFECT of the drug, that is all.

That's an interesting statement. I have not been thinking of wine as a drug but I guess from a chemical point of view it is. And from time immemorial we've been making it taste just great!! So for me, taking baclofen which is a drug, is the same as trying to 'self-medicate' with wine!!!

Baclofen has side effects that can be difficult, but the side-effects of alcohol are pleasant. Baclofen does what it's supposed to do which is re-wire the brain (in a way) and causes anxiety to diminish. But the other drug, alcohol, does nasty things to the brain (and body) while we are enjoying the good side-effect.

So which drug makes the most sense to take???

Just some random thoughts on this very cold, sunny, morning.
JMum

[satz123]

JMum's Progress Journal

Jazi's Mum;1617334 wrote: I found a great statement over on The Sinclair Method forum posted by a member way back 2012.

Alcohol, in it's pure state, is poisonous! Our civilization has simply become expert at diluting it and trying to make it tasty. Why??? The reaction your body is going through with the hangover is in fact perfectly natural. Our bodies do NOT naturally like alcohol---it is pure poison! We like, and become addicted to the SIDE-EFFECT of the drug, that is all.

That's an interesting statement. I have not been thinking of wine as a drug but I guess from a chemical point of view it is. And from time immemorial we've been making it taste just great!! So for me, taking baclofen which is a drug, is the same as trying to 'self-medicate' with wine!!!

Baclofen has side effects that can be difficult, but the side-effects of alcohol are pleasant. Baclofen does what it's supposed to do which is re-wire the brain (in a way) and causes anxiety to diminish. But the other drug, alcohol, does nasty things to the brain (and body) while we are enjoying the good side-effect.

So which drug makes the most sense to take???

Just some random thoughts on this very cold, sunny, morning.
JMum

J Mum
A drug indeed. If it were introduced now to society - the FDA would NEVER pass it for human consumption.
It's just socially acceptable - same as tobacco used to be !
That is until the poor eejits like us get addicted - then we are the problem.

In other words - take the drug - but if you get addicted - you are on your own - 'cos the rest of us are able to control it
And besides it generates great revenue for the 'big boys' and taxes for the government

[satz123]

JMum's Progress Journal

Now don't even get me STARTED on sugar :H
Tobacco companies have actually bought over the companies that promote processed foods such as Nestle with all the added sugar that get our kids addicted from birth grrrrrrr :soapbox:

[Jazi's Mum]

JMum's Progress Journal

Hey Satz, you are so right about sugar. I actually read the ingredients list on some SALT the other day and it had SUGAR in it. Along with all the iodine, and ant-caking agents - ugh.

Paleo is looking better and better. If you can't hunt it with a spear, or pull it out of the ground, or pick it off a tree - DON'T EAT IT.

[Jazi's Mum]

JMum's Progress Journal

I've been watching more Gabor Mate video talks and interviews. He makes so much sense. Our present is our past. But we have the opportunity to get well - how wonderful it is too see hundreds of people here day after day. It's wonderful because every single one of us wants something better. And here we share tools to help us get that "better."

JMum

[Samandkatharine]

JMum's Progress Journal

Sugar is in everything! Salt too. I was making chili last week and couldn't figure out why it was getting salty even though I had added none yet. Turns out chili powder has salt! Who knew w/o reading the ingredients?

Paleo, primal..makes sense.

Sam

[Jazi's Mum]

JMum's Progress Journal

Here is some thinking that really says a lot about me:


The addict's disease becomes disguised, hidden beneath the ritual of cocktails.

Their long dinners lingering over bottles of wine, their diatribes on politics, their strange and singular possession of a subject that they cannot seem to let go of and have to remain in control of lest the pain they are seeping out through it, leaking slowly onto everyone else, break loose somehow and get all over everything.

Their addiction is morphing into odd behavior, twisted thinking, lack of empathy for those around them. It is so strange being around someone who uses alcohol or drugs to manage inner pain, resentment or anxiety because they, more than anyone, are convinced of their own rightness.

They are brittle on the subject of their increasing use, on any subject for that matter.

They take over the dinner conversation, drive delicate points way too hard, go on long and tedious harangues about which they appear to have unduly strong feelings.

Their eyes slowly glaze over and you know that they do not fully see you, or care to see you. But the person they really do not see is themselves. They are hiding in plain sight. Caught on a wheel of self-medication that rolls its way through the person, across the dinner table and along the path of the next generation.


I can't remember where I got this from. It describes me to a T!! Catching this behaviour BEFORE the addictive behaviour begins the cascade and ends in the addictive action is what I'm working on now.

Or to go further back, rather recognizing the situations in which I begin to exhibit this behaviour is what I'm working on now.
JMum

[Jazi's Mum]

JMum's Progress Journal

Here's another Gabor Mate video:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oZ-FAX4Pz8I[/video]]Dr. Gabor Mate on how addiction changes the brain - full sho - YouTube

This fellow has a different way of approaching addictions which is really making sense to me.
JMum

[satz123]

JMum's Progress Journal

Jazi's Mum;1617753 wrote: Here is some thinking that really says a lot about me:


The addict's disease becomes disguised, hidden beneath the ritual of cocktails.

Their long dinners lingering over bottles of wine, their diatribes on politics, their strange and singular possession of a subject that they cannot seem to let go of and have to remain in control of lest the pain they are seeping out through it, leaking slowly onto everyone else, break loose somehow and get all over everything.

Their addiction is morphing into odd behavior, twisted thinking, lack of empathy for those around them. It is so strange being around someone who uses alcohol or drugs to manage inner pain, resentment or anxiety because they, more than anyone, are convinced of their own rightness.

They are brittle on the subject of their increasing use, on any subject for that matter.

They take over the dinner conversation, drive delicate points way too hard, go on long and tedious harangues about which they appear to have unduly strong feelings.

Their eyes slowly glaze over and you know that they do not fully see you, or care to see you. But the person they really do not see is themselves. They are hiding in plain sight. Caught on a wheel of self-medication that rolls its way through the person, across the dinner table and along the path of the next generation.


I can't remember where I got this from. It describes me to a T!! Catching this behaviour BEFORE the addictive behaviour begins the cascade and ends in the addictive action is what I'm working on now.

Or to go further back, rather recognizing the situations in which I begin to exhibit this behaviour is what I'm working on now.
JMum

Oh Gawd JMum - too close for comfort !:upset:

[skullbabyland]

JMum's Progress Journal

Thanks for the great posts, JM. I really relate with a lot of what you're posting. In some of them, I'd never thought about it like that, but when reading it I was like, "Aha". It was a lightbulb moment.

The drunken dinner table conversation example caught my interest... I think I've been this person for so much of my drinking life... I'm happy that so far I've stopped this behavior for the most part, at least the drink-induced part "No more an insufferable drunken oaf" should be my new mantra to try to live by.

Anyway thanks for the great insightful posts! How're you doing bac-wise, drinking wise, etc?

[Jazi's Mum]

JMum's Progress Journal

Hi Skull! Yeah, I'm so busy posting (aka telling others about addiction instead of fixing myself :H:H) that I forget to say how I'm doing.

I'm letting myself have my 'ritual' two glasses with Husband. Baclofen has done WONDERS for me and I'm 'indifferent' but have not really switched yet. I'm now at 80mg divided into 4 doses. I've ordered several months worth of Naltrexone. I want to use both drugs, which I know is safe to do, because I want to work on all fronts with this addiction. The physical addiction is not a problem for me - but the emotional addiction is still huge. That's why I'm allowing the drinking behaviour to continue for the moment. I can, however, see light at the end of the tunnel.

Side effects are settling in to a nice feeling - very relaxed. The huge benefit for me is this relaxation - I'm able to get some emotional work done.

I had a great conversation with my sister today. We really dug into some childhood issues and it was very helpful for both of us. And we had a good laugh over some memories too. She's a sweetie :h

I'm able to see some emotional addiction behaviours in Husband too. This is helping me to love him and understand him a lot more.

I also have a new friend which has been very therapeutic :l Well, it's -20 here in Tank Town but the darned dog just has to 'go', and off we 'go'...

[DipGal]

JMum's Progress Journal

JM, it's so great that you and your sister can help dig up some of the old garbage and help each other! Oh, and our furbabies!!! Yes, kitties and doggies can be our best non-judgmental and unconditional loving friend! I have one cat now - Ginger - she's almost 16.. When I need a hug I just grab her and smother my face in her. She needs it too, because we lost her sister Cali (the cat in my profile photo) 5 months ago.. As much as I'd love a doggie (I've never had one), I just can't imagine getting up off my couch at 9 PM for it's last "go" of the day. I would love to walk it during the day, but not so much at night. Maybe in my next life!

Human friends can be very therapeutic, too of course! :h New friends are wonderful!!

[Jazi's Mum]

JMum's Progress Journal

Last night was interesting. My husband was out for the evening and I had lots of time to just read, and sit quietly and think...good!

I actually gave my dinner choice some thought and ended up with bacon, fried left over potatoes, and kimchi. Just what I felt like and it was great. I'm working on some food issues too so this was a good day.

I did pour a glass of wine - probably 6-7 oz. I experienced the taste right off, but no buzz (baclofen working) but continued to sip until there was about half left. Then I picked up the glass, looked at it, and said "do I really want this?" I didn't, so I got up, poured it down the sink and went on with my meal!! The feeling the half glass gave me was not positive - my left ear got red (anyone else have this weird reaction?) and I could feel a slight flush. This was not horrible, but not great either. So it was that slight negative reaction to something I was not enjoying that said to me "well, you don't really want this wine, do you?"

I've become sensitive to this timing. Most of the time now I'm still pouring because of psychological issues, but not really wanting to drink the damn stuff!! Because I'm not ready to go AF (psychological addiction, not physical addiction) I'm going to pour wine when I want to. This is a slow painful process and there is no rush. I'm not into pushing myself in ways that are counter-productive - for me.
JMum

[emc]

JMum's Progress Journal

Hi JMum,
first time passing to visit you ;-)

I agree with this method, if you feel like that!
I continued to drink during all my treatment and even after my (supposed) switch i was continuing opening, without feeling guilty at all, 1 or even few beers when i wanted to and often was ending on leaving the second one (rarely 3rd) on the desk, half empty...
Obviously it even happens that i had to "force" myself really a bit to say no, sometimes, if the need was really not big.

Right now (70mg titrating down) i can see that even this last beers (of habitude) they are disappearing and i make a lot of days totaly AF without any difficulty...

So, good! Go ahead... i will continue reading you from time to time... as i can ;-)
have good day!