JMum's Progress Journal

[Jazi's Mum]

JMum's Progress Journal

Have not posted in ages but checking in tonight. Having lots of AF days. Drank some wine last Sunday, and this past Sunday but not otherwise. This is going very well. I'm still at 80mg/day and having headaches now which are a pain (hahaha). I have a history of migraine and am having a bad spell for the last few weeks.

I don't think I can go higher because the dopey feeling, and apathy are not so good - in fact I may titrate down before the end of the month. I want to start going to daily Mass and it will be too hard to get up early if I stay at 80mg.

But overall pretty good. Lent has been wonderful as it's a real incentive - a push to AF days naturally.

Baclofen works. Naltrexone works. But it sure helps me to have a good reason, like Lent, to push AF a little bit. I have always been terrified to force AF but once I get a few under my belt it is quite easy.

But it's the BACLOFEN! Thank God for it!!!!

My goal is to moderate - to have some wine, or whatever, when there is a good reason, or special occasion but I find when i do have a drink it is just nasty and makes me feel awful! I may end up being abstinent by default! What a joke!!!!

Anyway, I'm fine. Another Lenten resolution for me is to love my dear Husband. He needs me to love him, and I want to show him that love. I've done a lot of complaining about my life, and about him, here in this thread - silly really - it's all in my head. I have a good loving husband, and I'm going to be a good loving wife - YIPPEE for baclofen!!

over and out. JMum (PS: if I seem a bit loopy it's the migraine)

[Jazi's Mum]

JMum's Progress Journal

duplicate post???

[MsInnerwest]

JMum's Progress Journal

Hi JazisMum,

I haven't posted to you before, but you remind me so much of myself. Also in second marriage with child from previous. But not only that ...

Re, the discussion you had with your husband about wanting to have dinner early. I had a very similar thing the other day. He wanted to go on a bike ride and it is so important to me to do things together in the day now that I'm embracing sobriety. So, he wants to go on a bike ride when I want to have breakfast together - big deal!

But it's about boundaries, power in relationships, support, understanding and it does serve to reinforce the way (if I can be so presumptuous) people like us will react - emotionally. I know I had to go and stand under the shower to have a cry. And I took the best part of a bottle of wine into the shower with me; it was 10am!

So please do not think you have to struggle to explain this. But these things happen in relationships and we need to be able to deal with them in a way that doesn't compromise both the relationship (through drinking) and our own self-respect. I can't approach any painful issue without crying, and it is horrible. I over-think, over-feel etc. Wine is the panacea.

You appear to be miles ahead of me in your journey. I'm up to 120mg per day of Baclofen but still drinking a bottle of wine per night, with no sign of wanting to drink less. My man doesn't like me getting drunk but he does love the idea of us sharing a bottle of wine together most nights.

Soooo, forgive me if I've overstepped the mark here, but you really seem to love the idea of having freedom to drink when you want. You don't appear to want to be abstinent. I really admire that about you. You have a very rational and articulate way of explaining why you prefer to have the wine there, to acknowledge that it is a part of life. No 'counting down days' no 'accepting you have no control'. That is exactly how I feel!

I have people - friends/family who say I MUST give up drinking, I MUST be abstinent, I can't control my intake, so it's as though we have to wear as a cloak of shame because we have been intemperate in the past. I don't buy that.

I'm not sure what the ideal is for you, but the situation you are in right now seems AMAZING! You can choose when to drink, or not; throw out wine, or not; and hardly ever get drunk or lose control. I think you should absolutely embrace what you have and acknowledge how far you've come. I would do anything to be in your position!

Right now (I have just turned 40), I'm bruising very easily, eyes getting a bit yellow, and have itchy skin. I'm really scared to go and get a liver function test done because I fear the worst! The man just text me to say is going to be late home because he has to set up for a shoot tomorrow (is photographer) and I immediately opened second bottle! Partly because I am annoyed but also partly because I am thinking "yay, I have more time".

I have had naltrexone in the past and didn't do a thing. Do you think the combination is a better bet?

Michelle

[skullbabyland]

JMum's Progress Journal

JMum, good to hear from you. Sorry to hear about the headaches/migraines but very happy to hear that sobriety and moderation are going well for you! I don't have much to add but just thought I'd say hey and good for you!!!