Over Christmas I was off work for close to a week, and, with lots of spare time on my hands, indulged heavily in caffeine. (but, surprisingly, not alcohol)
My logic has been something like this:
"If I get blasted on soda/energy drinks I will be super productive!"
When actually it's more like:
"I'm so fucking blasted that I can only stand to pace around, do repetitive spreadsheet calculations or refresh websites over and over because I'm a nervous wreck!!"
This is not a new development at all, as caffeine has been with me just as long as alcohol. I finally put 2 and 2 together and said enough is enough. I found a solution in buying a case of water bottles and refilling them with green tea so I'd have a mildly caffeinated beverage to tide me over throughout the day. This worked until I ran out, and I started buying Diet Coke in the company cafeteria again. It's so terrible, I just love that acidic taste and the energy rush and it goes soooo good with the greasy breakfast food...
This has led to another ugly issue which I grasped just this afternoon. When my alcoholism was setting in about 3 years ago, I was an unemployed new grad living with my parents. I made a full time job of looking for a job, spending all day scouring the internet for jobs and getting blasted on 6-7 cans of Diet Mountain Dew in the process. Then, at 5:00 sharp at close-of-business, I'd start drinking 6-7 beers to relieve the tension and anxiety because I was completely exhausted. But that's old hat, I've hit the switch now, so I shouldn't need alcohol to combat anxiety anymore, right?
Well, this past week has seen a reemergence of my old habits. I've been so wired at work that I start craving alcohol right around the time my workday ends. On a couple of occasions I've brought alcohol into the house, and today I almost went entirely off the rails by going out for a margarita before I had a phone call scheduled with a guy I want to take guitar lessons from. Obviously, something has gone wrong- I might just need to crank up the bac again. These are definite, undeniable cravings where every molecule of my being is screaming for alcohol to quell the riot.
What's scary is that I've actually gone from a 75 mg maintenance dose to a 100 mg maintenance dose to fend off such a situation. I'm going to back off the caffeine and hope for the best, but I think that there is a definite link between caffeine/anxiety/craving that goes way beyond alcohol.
My logic has been something like this:
"If I get blasted on soda/energy drinks I will be super productive!"
When actually it's more like:
"I'm so fucking blasted that I can only stand to pace around, do repetitive spreadsheet calculations or refresh websites over and over because I'm a nervous wreck!!"
This is not a new development at all, as caffeine has been with me just as long as alcohol. I finally put 2 and 2 together and said enough is enough. I found a solution in buying a case of water bottles and refilling them with green tea so I'd have a mildly caffeinated beverage to tide me over throughout the day. This worked until I ran out, and I started buying Diet Coke in the company cafeteria again. It's so terrible, I just love that acidic taste and the energy rush and it goes soooo good with the greasy breakfast food...
This has led to another ugly issue which I grasped just this afternoon. When my alcoholism was setting in about 3 years ago, I was an unemployed new grad living with my parents. I made a full time job of looking for a job, spending all day scouring the internet for jobs and getting blasted on 6-7 cans of Diet Mountain Dew in the process. Then, at 5:00 sharp at close-of-business, I'd start drinking 6-7 beers to relieve the tension and anxiety because I was completely exhausted. But that's old hat, I've hit the switch now, so I shouldn't need alcohol to combat anxiety anymore, right?
Well, this past week has seen a reemergence of my old habits. I've been so wired at work that I start craving alcohol right around the time my workday ends. On a couple of occasions I've brought alcohol into the house, and today I almost went entirely off the rails by going out for a margarita before I had a phone call scheduled with a guy I want to take guitar lessons from. Obviously, something has gone wrong- I might just need to crank up the bac again. These are definite, undeniable cravings where every molecule of my being is screaming for alcohol to quell the riot.
What's scary is that I've actually gone from a 75 mg maintenance dose to a 100 mg maintenance dose to fend off such a situation. I'm going to back off the caffeine and hope for the best, but I think that there is a definite link between caffeine/anxiety/craving that goes way beyond alcohol.
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