Started on Bac ... But Will I Stop?

[Accel7]

Started on Bac ... But Will I Stop?

I figured such would be the case. I don't have a problem taking a lower dosage of bac for a long, long time (even indefinitely) either. I certainly wouldn't want to "re-crave" and have to start the long titrate-up/titrate-down process all over again.

Appreciate your sharing your experience weaning off ...

[Samandkatharine]

Started on Bac ... But Will I Stop?

Hi Accel,

Most, if not all of us, would like to be able to have a drink or two socially, and then leave it alone. I'd say you are there! I didn't test the waters until I was further out. I had 3 glasses of wine I did not even enjoy. Plus, I woke up with horrible anxiety that I will not duplicate ever again.

One of our members is doing some research regarding going down from her switch dose. She will probably read this tomorrow.

Isn't it a great feeling??

Sam

[skullbabyland]

Started on Bac ... But Will I Stop?

Hi Accel, glad to hear that you were able to not get inebriated on those nights. Very great progress indeed! That said, I'd just point out that it can be a slippery slope, so watch it vigilantly if you can- sometimes "a few drinks but not drunk" can slowly become "one drunken night in a long while" which can slowly become "two or three drunken nights" and onward. This alcoholism disease can be slow, calculating, and patient.

One other thought-- I'm a paleo fan too, but it's worth noting that there are some health books and podcasts out there that explain why for some, very strict paleo can be somewhat counterproductive. I did strict paleo and found that to be the case- now I am paleo-ish, meaning I add some starches in the form of rice or sweet potatoes every couple of days, and small amounts of gluten-free bread. It really helps with energy and not feeling over-tired. Maybe look into that if you continue to feel so tired...

[Accel7]

Started on Bac ... But Will I Stop?

Agreed on the "slippery slope." No plans to start "drinking a little bit" several times a week. Mostly I was testing the waters. Haven't been tempted by the wine sitting in the house; been back AF the past several nights (drinking hot tea). I am VERY motivated not to go back to my drinking ways. Can't say I even relished my recent sips that much. It was just ... okay.

I'm also "paleo-ish." I think when drinking the carbs ingested with the AL kept a little more sugar in me--even though I was pretty strict food-wise. Maybe a bit more good carb-age isn't a bad idea now that I've cut the booze.

[skullbabyland]

Started on Bac ... But Will I Stop?

Checking back in on you, Accel. How's things in your world?

[Accel7]

Started on Bac ... But Will I Stop?

Thanks for the check-in ...

Haven't been posting much lately as ... well, the site seems to have a strange new negativity to it lately. Perhaps I'm seeing things that aren't really that pervasive, but I've found myself visiting less frequently to avoid the vibes.

Things are going quite well, actually. I'm now 5+ weeks sober. Not entirely AF ... I had those glasses of wine and a beer I mentioned in an earlier post, and last Saturday--during the course of an entire beautiful afternoon with friends at an outdoor party--I had a bloody mary and, hours later, a margarita. Yes, I WANTED to continue (again, the baclofen hasn't made me completely indifferent), but I didn't. Went straight back to drinking hot tea when I got home, and the past two nights it's been tea again. So in the past five weeks I've had around five drinks total. That used to be the START of one night. So, yes, pretty good progress.

I've titrated down to as low as 125 mg, then I pushed back up to 150 just to make sure I wasn't losing the bac-goodness. Will be back to 125 as of today; plan to hang at that dose a while and then go even lower. Maybe to 100 mg or even a bit less. Probably stay at 80 mg at least for a good long while.

I must say, titrating down--after all the horror stories I've read--has been a cinch. No SEs whatsoever--no tremors, no anxiety, nothing. And I was chopping off 25 mg every few days--though, of course, cutting 25 mg from a 200+ mg daily dose isn't that huge percentage-wise. I'll be going a little more slowly as I get lower (25 mg off a 100 mg dose being, obviously, a huge 25% drop). I take my biggest doses each day in late-afternoon and evening, the normal "cocktail hour"--that's 100 mg in two 50 mg doses. At 125 total I take another pill in the morning to get me going.

The only lingering SE is a bit of "somnolence" (I love Dr. A's word for "I'm freaking tired"). Usually hits hardest around 9PM, and when i go to bed I'm too tired to surf the iPad so I just go straight to sleep. Not very "cool," but it does beat passing out on the pillow (or the couch) every night. I've been sleeping really well, though the vivid dreams I first experienced on bac have disappeared. Can't remember any dream recently. Also gone are the X-like "feel good" sensations I experienced at the 250 mg level (though those lessened even before I started titrating down).

Don't feel like I ever "switched"--I was really hoping for a Clouds-Parting-Angels-Singing-Moment, but that never came. I've never been indifferent (yesterday really sucked, and I thought long and hard about having a little red wine to cut the edge, but I will-powered out of it--and took an extra 25 mg pill to help). In the "willpower" sense, bac has probably provided the extra support I've needed to have so many nights sipping Earl Grey instead of Jack D. And a couple times I've actually found myself wandering through the liquor aisle in the grocery store and thinking "ick." THAT is definitely different. Maybe, I'm hoping/wondering, with time and a continuing dose of bac, that occasional distaste for AL will rise to become a more permanent thought in my brain--the "reprogramming" so many talk about here on MWO.

I do appreciate the "how's it going?" query. I can't complain. After 30 years of what had eventually become habitual nightly drinking (almost always to drunkenness), I've in the past few months reached a point where I can stand on my two feet and say, "just a small one please" or--much more often--"nothing for me." Still a long way to go, and obviously always the risk of a relapse, but the current direction is good--right heading, destination not impossibly far away.

I will update again soon.

[Yourfriend6116]

Started on Bac ... But Will I Stop?

Thanks for your update! I also never really noticed a hard switch-just the ability to stop or to not even start; which is really the biggest battle for me. Good job on taking your life back.

[kronkcarr]

Started on Bac ... But Will I Stop?

Accel7,

It's good to read your update. I'm happy for you.

[skullbabyland]

Started on Bac ... But Will I Stop?

Accel- good to hear that things are going well for you. A quick thought- since choosing not to have more red wine, as an example, is still a considerable challenge (you mention it sucked) have you considered delaying your downward titration until it's easier to be "more" indifferent than you currently are? My point is that, if an attitude of indifference when it comes to "the next drink" is still pretty hard, that most likely means that going down in bac dosage will increase how hard it is.
Many people here have gone down too low, too soon, and lost their switch (or whatever amount of indifference they'd had) and found themselves in alcoholic hell again very quickly-- and having to start all over again- or worse, gave up.
Hope you don't mind the unsolicited word of caution- just consider your lower dosage very carefully, and good luck Glad things are going well for you, 5 drinks in 5 weeks is FANTASTIC!

[Accel7]

Started on Bac ... But Will I Stop?

Main reason I want to titrate down is simply to dust off the remaining SEs -- mostly fatigue that keeps me from walking and exercising as much as I'd like. Also, I do feel a bit "indifferent" to lots of things (AL, not so much). My usual inner fire (I'm generally a highly motivated person) has dulled considerably.

At the same time, I certainly do not want to reach a point where AL cravings rise up again. So I'm watching myself at each lower dosage. As I've noted, I've gone as low as 125mg then back up to 150; sort of playing in that area to see what works best. Somewhere down at 80mg might be a long-term goal, but I'm not confident yet of getting there without strong cravings returning.

Long answer short: yes, I'll be quite careful about the ramp-down. I may simply stay here at 125-150 for a good spell. My scrip is good for 140, so I can mange that level easily without straining my finances (much as I might have wanted to push to 300mg or even higher in search of a "true switch," I simply couldn't afford to consume bac at that rate). No, for me I'm gonna have to stay in the do-able range, and hope the slow "re-wiring" takes place at a dosage I can afford.

Sometimes, when I get down on myself for having even one beer or, as in that one night, three small glasses of wine, I look over my logs when I first started taking bac in mid-December. Back then, I was drinking two bottles of wine every single night--and often chasing that with vodka or Jack D or whatever else what in the house. I was passing out on the couch every night. One night I even fell asleep in the middle of a party with guests over.

And now? Hardly any AL at all. Mostly AL-free night after AL-free night. No drunkenness whatsoever, even with the few sips I have had. Monday will be two months sober. Again, it hasn't been a dramatic, earth-shaking change, but in reviewing how far I've come in just three months it's pretty damn unbelievable.

I'm essentially a non-drinker now who, on rare occasions, has a glass or two. You know, like a normal human.

Wow.

[neophyte]

Started on Bac ... But Will I Stop?

Accel7;1640237 wrote: Main reason I want to titrate down is simply to dust off the remaining SEs -- mostly fatigue that keeps me from walking and exercising as much as I'd like. Also, I do feel a bit "indifferent" to lots of things (AL, not so much). My usual inner fire (I'm generally a highly motivated person) has dulled considerably.

i find this too, but over time, it seems to be getting better. its a slow process though. i found my switch dose nearly 4 months ago. the side effects slowly got better.

Accel7;1640237 wrote:
At the same time, I certainly do not want to reach a point where AL cravings rise up again. So I'm watching myself at each lower dosage. As I've noted, I've gone as low as 125mg then back up to 150; sort of playing in that area to see what works best. Somewhere down at 80mg might be a long-term goal, but I'm not confident yet of getting there without strong cravings returning.

just be careful, im going to stay at my switch dose for a few more months to be sure. alcoholism is hell, and im still healing

Accel7;1640237 wrote:
I'm essentially a non-drinker now who, on rare occasions, has a glass or two. You know, like a normal human.
Wow.

its mind blowing when you think about it, yet feels normal at the same time.

[skullbabyland]

Started on Bac ... But Will I Stop?

Sounds like you've got a good plan and you're doing very well, Accel- yes such a difference from when you started, drinking normally is fantastic.

FWIW, I'm doing the same as Neo comments above- staying at my current dose for a total of 3 months then going to very slowly titrate down to a maintenance dose. I want to make damn sure that all this time spend and work is worth it, in that alcoholic drinking never comes back.

[Accel7]

Started on Bac ... But Will I Stop?

Agreed on the need to be careful with the bac-reduction. I'm holding steady here at 125-150mg, and plan to stay here for a good while. Again, armed with a 140-mg scrip from my very helpful doc (who, tellingly, is French), this only costs me $40-50 a month or so.

While I never experienced that "I don't want any AL" switch I'd hoped for ... perhaps I have had a "switch" of sorts. I'm finding I don't think about AL much anymore. Used to start thinking about it by mid-afternoon ("just a few more hours of work and then I can dig into the cocktails ..."). Not now. Just gave a party recently, attended by a group of drinkers, and now we've got a full bottle of Jack D and several bottles of white wine left in the house. I'm not inclined to partake. Really. Yes, a drink might be nice, but some of the old "wow that's great!" pleasure from drinking has gone. That's a good thing. I'm not indifferent to the stuff ... but maybe just not that interested anymore.

On an interesting side note ... I've been taking an SSRI for depression for close to 20 years now. Been on 20mg of Lexapro (which has worked well) for about 2-3 years. Recently, I've been slowly titrating down on that ... now at 10mg/day. MAYBE I'm occasionally feeling a bit down, but I generally feel a bit better on this lower dose. I'm disinclined to wean myself off it entirely--I've tried that twice in the past, and each time I fell into a deep depression. But I had to get off Cymbalta (really nasty stuff for me at least; terrible "brain zaps" as I weaned off). The Lex has had few SEs, but I'm inclined to reduce any med that might be "dulling" my thoughts--thus the drop-down in Lex and bac. Monitoring all carefully, but feel good so far.

Again ... when I review my "bac log" from as recently as December, it's actually shocking to me how much I was drinking every night--often two bottles of wine followed by vodka to keep the buzz going until I passed out. From there to where I am now -- hot tea almost every night, few thoughts of AL -- in just over three months is really incredible. It's all been sort of invisible -- no epiphanies, no "ah-ha" moments -- but here I am.

Not sure if I'll ever wean off bac entirely, but if it keeps me in this place, that's fine.

[kronkcarr]

Started on Bac ... But Will I Stop?

Accel7,

Thanks for updating. You sound healthy. I think it was TexasAg who said his switch was more like a dimmer. I kept records like you and it is helpful and clarifying to go back to remember how we were. Alcohol was my go to after a day of work or when someone angered me. Now I just don't think about it like I did. I've thought about coming off of baclofen too. Some mornings I forget my dose until 3 or 4 in the afternoon, but like you I'm not ready to make that move yet.