BK's Naltrexone journey....

[Samandkatharine]

BK's Naltrexone journey....

I can't imagine being in that camping situation. I just can't. It makes me sick.

I have acquaintances ask me why I'm not drinking at 10am at baseball tournaments. I switched my son to another team because his former team's coach lives in a vineyard. They drink ALL the time.

I've lost a good friend because she drinks. I couldn't handle it. My choice but it still hurts.

It is hard. Don't let anyone tell you it's not. :l

Sam

[bkyogagurl]

BK's Naltrexone journey....

Hi Sam!

So good to see you and thanks for your comments...

I was even caring for other people's kids but I put a stop to that relatively fast... I have 3 of my own so I starting getting pissed. Just because I didn't have a hangover doesn't mean I am designated babysitter.

Anyway.. It's past and I will make decisions on how I may be feeling about that particular party.

How are you... I know I read you are sober but maybe it's been a bit painful??
What is going on?

[spiritwolf333]

BK's Naltrexone journey....

bkyogagurl;1650538 wrote: Hi all--

You guys are telling me that none of friends have made you feel awkward about drinking??
Lucky you.

I know you might say that it's me that makes myself feel awkward but... Here's an example... We went on a week long camping trip with my husbands group. I was the only one not drinking. Every one would stay up until 4 am and sleep til noon and I alone would get up at 6am and walk my dogs for 2 hours on the beach, make breakfast by myself and hang out by myself. Until noon when everyone would arise to start their drinking day again... Then I would be off to bed by 10 PM. Not once did anyone get up with me to go on a morning walk, not once did anyone get up much less help with breakfast but have a cup of coffee.
And when they did get up... They were like zombies til they had their drink.
How does that not make you feel awkward?

Unfortunately my husbands group of friends push drinks. I don't know if they really care but especially if I say I'm not drinking... That is just the way they roll... They think it is funny and there have been times when I have gotten frustrated but I know them and I know that.
Then there wives think because they are drinking I should be drinking with them. To be honest I don't really like the wives that much and have often thought of telling them something rude when they do the usually questioning. I make an effort to be nice to them so my husband can hang out with his friends. Then after I say I'm not drinking- they resort back to their pack of so socializing/drinking/smoking which I hate the most. Smoking is so gross to me. If I am drinking I fit right in.

Maybe it will be different. I think more and more people are starting to realize what a toll alcohol takes on the bod. I will survive and I may not even attend the event. So problem solved.

I am feeling different about my sobriety since my slip. I am feeling more angry toward alcohol rather than directing my feelings at myself.

I just realized I was feeling frustrated with your comments and I am wondering where that came from. I am trying hard to recognize where my frustrations come from and why they effect me.
I know that none of you meant to frustrate me. I am evaluating my feeling and I think it is that I don't feel understood or heard. That is because none of you have walked in my shoes so how could you understand. I sometimes run away from MWO when I feel scared or unsure of how to decipher people's comments but I am not going to do that anymore... I want to know why they effect me. I think it resonates inside me and I feel I should be able manage comments without feeling attacked or frustrated.
I think it will help with my emotions and what pushes me to drink.

I bottle up my thoughts to much.. I'm going to let them out. It is my thread right.

YouKayBee- you used Nal for 2 years before going AF? I love hearing stories about it. Did you ever not take your Nal out of over confidence? I have about 2 month supply but have not been drinking regularly so I'm hoping it lasts me a year. I am planning on taking some time off of AL again and hoping for at least 60 days. Shouldn't be to hard. I am thinking I will skip that party but will have to deal with the summer get together of my husbands friends which we are hosting this year. Should be a drunken mess. I was kinda hoping if I got a few months sober maybe even 90 days I would be less likely to want to drink around them then.
Do you have a thread with your story? I would love to read it. I will look around.
Thanks for stopping by.

Hi BKY - you really do make some great points.

It takes courage and staying power to not drink while everyone else partakes. It takes courage to tell others that you no longer drink. But truly, you will find the only ones that have a problem with you not drinking are the ones who, the themselves, have a an alcohol problem.

I love waking up early in mornings -sober- and feeling like the day belongs to me. Just a thought.

[Guitarista]

BK's Naltrexone journey....

Hiya BK,

Just bombing your thread. lol.

How r things?

Re drinking pressure. Yep, in a camping situation like you've described, that is difficult in early sobriety. Your getting up at 6 a.m. walking the dogs on the beach sounds far more like where quality life is at than waking at noon hungover. numb, and clueless.

For me, an exit plan is essential in these pack drinking environments. i.e. arrive late, leave early with my own transport. Difficult when you're part of a couple/group maybe, but not impossible next time around.

Have a great weekend friend. Yo!

[bkyogagurl]

BK's Naltrexone journey....

Spirit... Thanks but for me it can be fucking miserable to be around drunk people for an extended time. I feel grouchy and annoyed.. Not because I can't drink or decided not too but because they are so fucking stupid. I basically have to sit there and keep my mouth shut while they are running theirs about shit they know nothing about.. But opinions are like assholes.. Everyone has one.
I already am working out my feelings and thoughts. I will have a game plan for myself.

Hi G- no bombing here. You are ever so welcome to stop by. I am holding up really well surprisingly.
Not to many thoughts and really strange but no desire to drink. I will just go with it.
I hope you are doing ok? Let me know.

I'm hitting the sack but will be back for a check in.

Thanks to everyone for being here for me... I appreciate it.

[Alky]

BK's Naltrexone journey....

BK, I can relate. I used to be a heavy drinker and always "one of the lives of the party." After I stopped thanks to baclofen and Campral, I was out at a local pub with a colleague. I was not drinking. Then the "pushing" started. When I finally put my foot down and said I'm not drinking alcohol anymore," the reply was "oh come on man, at least have a beer. Beer isn't alcohol." I did cave insofar as to order a nonalcoholic beer. But I have to disagree with the people who think that this is all in our heads. If people know you to be a drunk, and a fun one at that, they DO question why you're not drinking. This just happened at my orchestra's end-of-season tailgate party in the parking lot of the performing arts center last week. The first thing the tuba player did was hand me a Mickey's Malt Liquor with a big grin on his face. I had a party cup full of non-alcoholic beer (after all, without the bottle, who can tell if it's alcoholic or not) and politely declined.

[bkyogagurl]

BK's Naltrexone journey....

Alky-:kissyface: thanks so much for your words.. It helps me feel heard.

It's annoying.

C'mon do a shot just one shot c'mon we are all doing one... Then if you don't give in and stand up for yourself... It's what's wrong with her? What the fuck is her problem. My husband even said to me once when we were out drinking with friends and I was ready to quit... I even partook.. If that's a word..
He said why can't you be normal...
Makes me chuckle now cause I took it personally and locked him out of our hotel room.
Be not normal cause I want to stop drinking... I know I later made him regret this because I spiraled into a drunken non-stop drinking hooked on diet pills which helped me be able to drink twice as much as him....
Normal wife.:yeahright:

We are past that but it is awkward and the pressure sometimes is stupid.

I am so happy to say I am feeling spire and slept decent. I am headed to the gym for a workout. Yesterday I was introduced to the stair stepper that looks like real stairs... Felt totally uncoordinated on it as I never have used one cause I prefer to run outside. I have a 15 min date with it today to get acclimated to it.. ray:

It's a good Saturday in BKland. I am proud that I just didn't want to drink last night... No dramatics going in my brain... Just didn't want too.:kudos:

[YouKayBee]

BK's Naltrexone journey....

Oh you mean a stairmaster.

Sorry about my previously useless post. I was being non-thinking and a bit rubbish.

[Alky]

BK's Naltrexone journey....

The stairstepper is one of the most sadistic workout inventions ever. My gym got new ones late last year. I can barely manage 20' on them using the "fat burn" program, whereas I used to be able to do up to 45' on the old ones. I guess that's good, though.

[NotHappyHourHappyLife]

BK's Naltrexone journey....

Yoga Girl,
If only I was at the camp site next to your friends, so that we could go dog walking in the morning together.

I am feeling different about my sobriety since my slip. I am feeling more angry toward alcohol rather than directing my feelings at myself.

That is how I feel, too. Where I used to "mourn" the thought of an alcohol free life... as if I was giving up my best friend, for some reason, I'm like you, where I've kicked that mother farker out of my bed and it is no longer welcome here. It is truly liberating.

When I'm around drunk people, like you, I have little patience- it's amazing how WISE some of my brothers get when they are drinking, starting every intelligent thought with, "ya know what?"... I know it sounds like I'm judging them, but the truth is that I was one of the know-it-alls that was FULL of "wise" advice and insight at 2:30 in the morning.

:dancin: Happy Saturday!

:hug: Patty

[bkyogagurl]

BK's Naltrexone journey....

YouKayBee;1650926 wrote: Oh you mean a stairmaster.

Sorry about my previously useless post. I was being non-thinking and a bit rubbish.

If you want the technical term it's a "step mill" because the stairmasters can be classified as the machines that have pedals versus the mechanics of rotating stairs...
Whew... So glad we got that cleared up.

YouKayBee... Please don't apologize you have every right to post your feelings too. Sometimes it will resonate with me and sometimes maybe not.. You and your thoughts are welcome here as well as everyone else's.

Sometimes people's responses may feel a little icy but that is their dealio not mine... I happen to love the virtual hugs and support I get from here because it's all I got. And there have been a shit ton of days it's gotten me thru a sober day. Compassion and the feeling of being loved... Even if it's fucking virtual is cool to me. I personally need it..

[bkyogagurl]

BK's Naltrexone journey....

Alky... If it makes you feel any better I only did 15 mins. to start. My trainer doesn't want me doing to much cardio and of course it's my favorite.

Patty- I so wish you were there too...
I have been feeling a freedom from AL like you mentioned. But I might not be as solid as you quite yet. I thought about it today but the thought is passing fairly quickly..
I am looking forward to a AF Easter with my kiddos and hubby. I'm making a ham right now so we can also have it for breakfast instead of making it on actual Easter Day.
Maybe you could join us for breakfast? Hop in your private plane?

Thanks for your warmth.. I can always feel it thru your posts.:l

[StuckinLA]

BK's Naltrexone journey....

bkyogagurl;1651045 wrote: Alky... If it makes you feel any better I only did 15 mins. to start. My trainer doesn't want me doing to much cardio and of course it's my favorite.

l

Hat's off to you, three cheers, etc. Back in the day I had to do 3:20 on a "step mill" () wearing a 75lb weight vest for the firefighter physical test. If the jog I just got back from is any indication, I doubt I could do 3 minutes *without* the added weight today.

[bkyogagurl]

BK's Naltrexone journey....

I don't know what I'm doing... Got wasted... I'm up at 2:30 am confessing I feel like a shitty mom- I have class tomorrow with my trainer...

My alcoholic brain took over.. I knew I was gonna drink... And for some odd reason I didn't care. I can feel it. I am an alcoholic. And I need help. I just don't understand the mechanics of my brain.

I will always be sick but I will not pick up another drink today I can not remember what time I went to bed last night...
I am sick.. I will always long for things I will not have... Like a mom.

Look at my strength... Its gone.. I'm weak in my head..

I wish my mom was a mom?.. I wish I could call her and hug her...
I wish she loved me. I know this is where a lot of my hurt feelings originate. Not feeling loved.
Crazy huh?

My open heart standing out here waiting for someone to love it.. Pretty vulnerable.

I don't feel scared anymore.. I just don't like the sad thoughts I have to fight.. Actually the thoughts I have to escape...
The unworthiness... The your a shit piece of shit.. I'm not a piece of shit...
I am just a person fighting a disease I will fight for the rest of my life.
Will I ever beat it...probably not... But I am still gonna try...

Thank you my friends for being here... I need you. No dramatics tonight just a drunk being a drunk... No fighting with the husband no embarrassing my kids just being drunk..
It will be interesting to read this in the morn and for days to come.. I will go to a womens group tonight for addiction because I am an addict.

I wish I could crawl inside someone's arms right now and feel the warmth of a sincere hug and know I am safe...
But I can't because it's all virtual.... Virtual... Does Virtual mean not real. Maybe that is exactly what Stuck meant...

[YouKayBee]

BK's Naltrexone journey....

:l Here's a hug

I actually posted this a couple of hours ago, think I had an internet issue at the moment I posted it, which is why the post didn't get here.

Have seen your post on another thread so that fulfills the rest of the original post which was hoping you'd check in.