BK's Naltrexone journey....

[bkyogagurl]

BK's Naltrexone journey....

Good morning-

I am feeling insecurity with my new fitness goals I'm reaching for... Sometimes it feels as tho I feel guilty for achieving them.. I worry my husband is feeling jealous or scared as what has happened in the past..
If he says something about my physique I totally get paranoid that it is ill meant..

I over-analyze the tone in his voice.. His body language. It feels sometimes that we work against each other rather than working toward each other. You would think we would do fitness stuff together but not the case... Maybe I will try to bridge this gap.. And ask if we could work together once in awhile..

Stuff I need to pay attention to for myself because it sets me up for failure. Sometimes if feels like he doesn't necessarily want me to get better as he will have nothing to fix. He has mentioned things about me leaving him... This makes me feel bad..
I must stay strong and not let the thoughts go wild. Live for today. I can't worry about what someone might be thinking... Just keep going and keep myself on the track I want to be on...

I wonder if it's my own mind scared of success?? It's like I'm thinking am I really doing this??
And doing it well. The power and confidence I receive from NOT drinking can be overwhelming...
Isn't that crazy??

Just needed to vent for a second and try to rid my mind of any poison it make be feeling.
Gotta believe in myself and who I am.. I am a good person and I deserve to be healthy and AF.
Definitely feeling the anxiety... But it's just a feeling I will feel and let pass...
I hope this shit passes sooner than later... But I am realizing that this is a gear in my relapsing in the past so I must embrace it rather than trying to run from it..
Crazy emotions.. Sooooo not a party... Sucks gorilla butts.

Hugs for all reading today,

[skullbabyland]

BK's Naltrexone journey....

Hey BK- just thought I'd pop in and say that I can relate to insecurities, fears, overanalyzing, thoughts running away, anxiety and lack of confidence.

One thing that I found really helpful to remember is that this is normal and to be expected when getting sober, especially- I experienced it like clockwork about every couple weeks, for a few days/week etc., then maybe once a month, now it's maybe once every couple months. It's like life is rushing in, unfiltered and undiluted, making us question everything and obsess over everything. You can almost pinpont when it will happen on a calendar, it's so reliable, like clockwork.

Keep in mind that a lot of the intensity of this is due to the effects of living without alcohol-- other people may or may not view the situations as nearly as intensely as we do. Things will feel more balanced soon!

One thing that's so hard about getting sober is the Bambi Legs we all have when dealing with life... soon our Bambi legs will be much less wobbly, and soon strong and graceful. Wow, I actually just used a Disney analogy... lol

[scottish lass]

BK's Naltrexone journey....

Morning BK! How are you today - getting strong, and resilient for the weekend? Reach out as you need - you can do this, I know you can, and you know it too!

[scottish lass]

BK's Naltrexone journey....

Hope all is good, and you are havimg a fun weekend - too busy to check in???

[skullbabyland]

BK's Naltrexone journey....

Hi BK, how's things going? Looks like you've been away for a few days... come back to us

[gracieb]

BK's Naltrexone journey....

Hope you're doing good BK, you're being thought of... (Not sure about the grammar on that, but oh well.)

[StuckinLA]

BK's Naltrexone journey....

The grammar would be easier if we change the passive voice, and then it wouldn't have to end on a preposition () - so we could say:

BK, we're thinking of you!!

Because we are, and we're hoping you're OK!

[bkyogagurl]

BK's Naltrexone journey....

Hi everyone- thank you so much for thinking of me.. I took a break of sorts and decided to drink.

I am not feeling anxiety or sorry for myself.. Just trying to move on.
Trying to understand the mechanics of my emotions because it drives me to drink rather than some uncontrollable craving..
I know when I feel less than enough for my family I drink. I know when I don't gel with my husband I drink. So there is a start.
I'm glad I didn't feel the need to get completely enilated. I did drink but was productive. One of the ways I justfy it.

I was having weird feelings toward the forum too... Feeling like I couldn't trust people. I have issues in the real world with this too. This should have told me I needed to reach out..

Feeling exhausted mentally. No fun.

I'm sick of counting days because then I feel anger that I will be starting with the infamous "Day fucking 1" so I will just keep trying to do the best I can..

I feel bad when I tell people here that I won't drink as in this last weekend then have to come back and say I did.. It feels like I'm insulting you.
I wish I could hug you at the same time.

[StuckinLA]

BK's Naltrexone journey....

bkyogagurl;1665282 wrote:

I was having weird feelings toward the forum too... Feeling like I couldn't trust people.

I feel bad when I tell people here that I won't drink as in this last weekend then have to come back and say I did.. It feels like I'm insulting you.
I wish I could hug you at the same time.

Hey - I've been insulted much worse plenty of times.

And I've done the same thing dozens of times, too. Said I wouldn't drink, or wouldn't drink hard liquor, only to come back and say 'hey guess what...' It happens. And we're here to be lots of non-judgmentally goodness.

Though to be fair, you probably shouldn't trust me, anyway, the rest of 'em here sure, but if we ever met I'd get drunk and make a pass and then pass out on your couch right after saying I was going home. I'm just that kinda guy.

[bkyogagurl]

BK's Naltrexone journey....

StuckinLA;1665300 wrote: Hey - I've been insulted much worse plenty of times.

And I've done the same thing dozens of times, too. Said I wouldn't drink, or wouldn't drink hard liquor, only to come back and say 'hey guess what...' It happens. And we're here to be lots of non-judgmentally goodness.

Though to be fair, you probably shouldn't trust me, anyway, the rest of 'em here sure, but if we ever met I'd get drunk and make a pass and then pass out on your couch right after saying I was going home. I'm just that kinda guy.

Stuck.... Thank you for being my friend. I :h you because you are honest and real. And believe me I'm not some stupid chick who thinks your a noble knight... Are you?
Maybe your tuff guy deal is really covering up a stellar respectable man....mg

I am quite sure if we ever met I would be able to handle you... I'm tougher than I look.

I know there will be more times that I will drink which is a bummer.. I wish I could snap my fingers and be done with it. All I can do is keeping trying and trying...
I would really like to get another 30 days under my belt but I hate looking to far in advance.. Seems to be better when I do ODAT.. Thanks for your non-judgmentally goodness it feels nice.
:huggy

I feel so lucky to have my friends here.... I really do.:thanks:

[bkyogagurl]

BK's Naltrexone journey....

scottish lass;1664300 wrote: Hope all is good, and you are havimg a fun weekend - too busy to check in???

SL- I thought about you this weekend and hoped you wouldn't be to disappointed.. Probably one of the reasons I strayed.. I thought about PM'ing you but don't feel good about doing that while drinking.. Maybe I should have to help figure it out..

You are such a sweet person and I'm sorry I didn't check in.. Nature of the beast.

[bkyogagurl]

BK's Naltrexone journey....

skullbabyland;1665191 wrote: Hi BK, how's things going? Looks like you've been away for a few days... come back to us

Hulkman--- ((((((((hug))))))))):l

Thank you for having my back Buddie. And stopping by. I will keep fighting the good fight.
Get back to training tomorrow. Back on meal plan today... I'm trying to look at it like maybe I needed a few days off... And now it's time to get back at it.
I'm so proud of you for working so hard..

[StuckinLA]

BK's Naltrexone journey....

bkyogagurl;1665326 wrote: Stuck....
I am quite sure if we ever met I would be able to handle you... I'm tougher than I look.

:blush:

Just keep on keepin' on. I've been wanting a drink *bad* for the last couple days. So believe me I understand where you're coming from. We'll see what happens - I think it's just my birthday passing on by. I started popping gabapentin again, like it helps (it doesn't) but it is sitting around so why not, right?

I'm also all over these boards the last couple days - that's sort of helping...

[bkyogagurl]

BK's Naltrexone journey....

Stuck- I was just reading Ne's thread... How very interesting & I saw you "aren't" taking bac. But you are managing sobriety.. Are you on anything? Aside from the gaba? Sorry to read about some of your visits to the hospital... Guess I need to look up your thread and start reading it...

I'm trying to not use anything... The meds I have tried have been painful and made me feel weirder than I already am... I am to damn scared to give bac a try... I don't think I could function. I just want to keepin' on like you said..
I think that if I truly wanted to quit I would. For some reason I am not ready... So weird. It's such a mind fuck.

Good to see you all over the boards.. It's a good place to be.. I hate it when I get distracted and don't visit. What do you do when you are feeling that need to drink? How do you get out of your head,

Pleeeeeaaaassseeee... You don't seem like the blushing type

[Samandkatharine]

BK's Naltrexone journey....

bkyogagurl;1665344 wrote: Stuck- I was just reading Ne's thread... How very interesting & I saw you "aren't" taking bac. But you are managing sobriety.. Are you on anything? Aside from the gaba? Sorry to read about some of your visits to the hospital... Guess I need to look up your thread and start reading it...

I'm trying to not use anything... The meds I have tried have been painful and made me feel weirder than I already am... I am to damn scared to give bac a try... I don't think I could function. I just want to keepin' on like you said..
I think that if I truly wanted to quit I would. For some reason I am not ready... So weird. It's such a mind fuck.

Good to see you all over the boards.. It's a good place to be.. I hate it when I get distracted and don't visit. What do you do when you are feeling that need to drink? How do you get out of your head,

Pleeeeeaaaassseeee... You don't seem like the blushing type

Hi BK,

I thought you tried Bac but couldn't handle the SEs. They do suck, but it may help you with anxiety. Just a thought.

Hugs!

Sam