BK's Naltrexone journey....

[YouKayBee]

BK's Naltrexone journey....

skullbabyland;1666757 wrote: Interesting- since quitting alcohol and (mostly) quitting sugar, I notice very distinctly that when I do have sugar (cheat days usually become something closer to a sugar binge) my heart beats fast at night and I totally feel hungover the next day. Tired, no energy nor motivation, a bit sad, quite dehydated..

Crazy how differently things can affect us at different times than they would otherwise... or maybe I just notice all the effects much more closely now.

Glycogen is how sugar is stored in your muscles/body tissues. Glucose from break down of carbs is stored as glycogen, which couples with water. Water of the sparkling kind shouldn't contain any carbs, so all coming from the muffins. Have a squizz at this:

Glycogen - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

I was developing a strange heartbeat and noticed since I cut back on the sugar binges, the condition has almost gone away. Of course chocolate also contains caffeine.

[bkyogagurl]

BK's Naltrexone journey....

Friends...

I need help on a whole new level...

Got plastered a couple night in a row and suffering from probably AL tremors and feeling like general shit. I cannot move very well... I have vistaril and trazadone so I thought maybe I would take one of those to take the edge off.. Anyone know if one is better?

I need to give up is poison before it kills me. I had horrible suicidial thoughts.

My husband and I got into a conversation and I unloaded on him... I need help with my brain.

Help me....

[spiritwolf333]

BK's Naltrexone journey....

bkyogagurl;1667511 wrote: Friends...

I need help on a whole new level...

Got plastered a couple night in a row and suffering from probably AL tremors and feeling like general shit. I cannot move very well... I have vistaril and trazadone so I thought maybe I would take one of those to take the edge off.. Anyone know if one is better?

I need to give up is poison before it kills me. I had horrible suicidial thoughts.

My husband and I got into a conversation and I unloaded on him... I need help with my brain.

Help me....

BKY -You need and deserve a break. Seriously, it is not going to get any better until you get some real help. All of this is just my opinion of course, but if you can some how make your way to a holistic recovery center, your might just for the better in ways that you can not even imagine.

No one deserves to have to suffer the Firewater hell that you are now experiencing. You have struggled for quite so e time now and that just does not have to be the case.

My direct suggestions (opinions) are:
---Try and maintain a completely open mind to ideas from those that have recovered
---Surrender (accept that alcohol owns you)
---realize that you have a brain dis-ease
---NEVER-EVER-EVER GIVE UP

I hope that you can find some real peace in your journey forward.

[bkyogagurl]

BK's Naltrexone journey....

Thanks Spirit-

For your response... I just emailed a gal who has a healing place. I have met with her once but need to get to her regularly. I texted my old counselor to see if I could do a phone convo with her today to ease my mind.
I deserve so much more...

[spiritwolf333]

BK's Naltrexone journey....

bkyogagurl;1667533 wrote: Thanks Spirit-

For your response... I just emailed a gal who has a healing place. I have met with her once but need to get to her regularly. I texted my old counselor to see if I could do a phone convo with her today to ease my mind.
I deserve so much more...

Yes, you deserve a real life and a real chance. You have to get real selfish about one thing right now and is that you have to put your soon to be found sobriety first and foremost of everything else. If you don't, it probably won't matter any way.

[Samandkatharine]

BK's Naltrexone journey....

spiritwolf333;1667536 wrote: Yes, you deserve a real life and a real chance. You have to get real selfish about one thing right now and is that you have to put your soon to be found sobriety first and foremost of everything else. If you don't, it probably won't matter any way.

I agree with Spirit BK. You are broken, and you need help. Either meds, therapy or inpatient/outpatient treatment would help you put the pieces back together. You owe it to your kids, and yourself.

Sam

[Samandkatharine]

BK's Naltrexone journey....

bkyogagurl;1667511 wrote: Friends...

I need help on a whole new level...

Got plastered a couple night in a row and suffering from probably AL tremors and feeling like general shit. I cannot move very well... I have vistaril and trazadone so I thought maybe I would take one of those to take the edge off.. Anyone know if one is better?

I need to give up is poison before it kills me. I had horrible suicidial thoughts.

My husband and I got into a conversation and I unloaded on him... I need help with my brain.

Help me....

Tremors equals DTs.. Go to the ER. Don't take any meds w/o a doctors approval.

Sam

[YouKayBee]

BK's Naltrexone journey....

Oh bugger BK.

I've no experience with either, and would say if you feel in any danger get medical help immediately. One of those drugs is an anti-depressant but it isn't a sedative nor useful for withdrawing from alcohol. The anti-histamine may help with sleeping but I'd not reckon it's any use for the DTs.

I know you hated the Nal but at least it might have tempered your drinking, or done something whilst you were drinking but can't be helped now(even though it's frustrating).

Alchie brain is a very tricky thing at times.

Rest up, don't drive and drink lots of water. Any signs of shakes or feeling wierd, get to a Dr.

Oh and what spiritwolf is saying is also right, and it links right into that alchie brain - you need to have a break, not necessarily a going away break, but a break as in do something different. It will not get any better if you continue drinking. It really will not.

[bkyogagurl]

BK's Naltrexone journey....

Thanks gals.. I'm ok..
I don't think I have DT's just anxiety and the whole hungover feeling..

I do need treatment of some sort tho... I don't know what to do..
I wish we could afford for me to go inpatient but it's just not an option...
And to be honest.. It's the outside stuff I need to manage...

I am going to speak with my counselor & see what we can figure out before my relationship with my husband is destroyed..
I just kinda went crazy....

[YouKayBee]

BK's Naltrexone journey....

bkyogagurl;1667579 wrote: Thanks gals.. I'm ok..
I don't think I have DT's just anxiety and the whole hungover feeling..

I do need treatment of some sort tho... I don't know what to do..
I wish we could afford for me to go inpatient but it's just not an option...
And to be honest.. It's the outside stuff I need to manage...

I am going to speak with my counselor & see what we can figure out before my relationship with my husband is destroyed..
I just kinda went crazy....

Yeah that's one problem with retreats, rehab etc, you aren't out there learning to live. Very good if you're at last chance saloon and need to start from scratch but not so good if that's not the case which is what sounds like your situation is.

You say it's wrecking your relationship, perhaps time to make yourself safe, concentrate on your sobriety, remainder will follow.

[bkyogagurl]

BK's Naltrexone journey....

My relationship is complicated as are most and sometimes I don't feel safe in it.. Which I think leads me to alcohol because it suppresses my strength and when I start feeling strong it's scary to me...
I know this might not make sense to you but hopefully it does.

I am so sick of being an alcoholic... I hate it.

[YouKayBee]

BK's Naltrexone journey....

bkyogagurl;1667597 wrote: My relationship is complicated as are most and sometimes I don't feel safe in it.. Which I think leads me to alcohol because it suppresses my strength and when I start feeling strong it's scary to me...
I know this might not make sense to you but hopefully it does.

I am so sick of being an alcoholic... I hate it.

Many alcoholics find their relationships change when they get sober. Like you intimate it changes the power balance.

[Ne/Neva Eva]

BK's Naltrexone journey....

Oh holy crap. That sucks. I'm sorry, bk.

A couple of things right off the bat: If your relationship is abusive, there really is only one option. There's no recovering in an abusive relationship, you've got to remove yourself.

That said, my relationship with my husband was terrible and it seemed like it wasn't recoverable. Distrust, anger, resentment, shame...The four horseman of the apocalypse and their pets were riding toward us. That's how it felt, anyway. But sobriety changed everything, in a good way.

In the beginning, I was hyper-focused on sobriety. I couldn't drag him along with me and I decided to basically work around the fact that he was not participating. He never believed in baclofen, never believed I'd get sober, and refused to try to get sober himself. One day he came to me and told me that he wanted to try it--getting sober and taking baclofen. Not because I was sober, but because I was so damn content! It still makes me smile and I'll never forget the exact circumstances of that conversation.

My point, bk, is that there is hope.

About the rehab and stuff: The only thing I ever got from inpatient was a daily count of the days I wasn't drinking. There is definitely a benefit to that! But outpatient, and AA, and one-on-one therapy benefited me a lot more in the long term. It was the tools I learned from those things that made contented sobriety easy. (Easier. It's never easy.)

Mornings after a night of drinking, or even when drinking, are not the times to make decisions. Of course, I never had any sober time, so those were the only times I made decisions. But the really nefarious thing that alcohol does is not the actual drinking or drunk. It changes the brain and makes the mind feel really, really bad. Body follows mind. When your body and mind feel bad, everything sucks.

I'm not suggesting you have to take baclofen to get sober, but one of the things that kept me going through the worst of the side effects is that it was never as bad as the way I felt after a couple of really bad nights. Ya' know? Baclofen is the only thing that does what it does, but if I had to do it over again, I'd probably start with gabapentin. Just because it's easier to get a prescription. It's not the solution that baclofen is, but it is a tool.

Know that we've all been there and that there isn't any judgment here. It is what it is. Tomorrow is another day. :l

[bkyogagurl]

BK's Naltrexone journey....

Ne- you are so insightful....

My relationship is just a verbal type of condescending thoughts and my husband having issues and insecurties that he isn't facing... But they do affect me and I want to do exactly what you did and work around him and achieve my own soberiety.
It seems when I start feeling strong and confident in myself that is where I let his underlying remarks that he "says" he is just kidding but there feels like there is validity behind them.. Get to me. I feel he does this to keep me down because of his own issues.
I need to take our relationship and what may or may not happen off the table right now and
Focus on myself. Such a hard thing to do... Putting yourself first.
Being sober will allow for me to find my path and whatever may follow..

I know that an inpatient program would only be a quick fix for me as I know I would love to have a month off of my life... Have people to talk to and have empathy for me all day. But that is not my reality and I know that when I came out it would be a whole set of new struggles..
I am going to start seeing a counselor who specializes in women's addiction and has a womens group I can attend on a weekly basis. I am going to commit to getting help and using the resources around me because I can't do it on my own.

I spoke with my old counselor yesterday... And she said that I'm afraid of my own strength and power and what I might become. I do feel this it's crazy. It's like who wouldn't want to live to their full potential and fabulousness??
It's those feelings I'm not good enought or worthy to feel this good.

As for Bac it may be my next step. Medications just seem to end up messing me up more than making me feel better. I have been on a slue of them. But if I cannot kick this thru counseling and being accountable to get & receive help I will be finding a doc to support it.

I gotta run but will be back I really really really appreciate you Ne- your insight is invaluable.

[StuckinLA]

BK's Naltrexone journey....

If I had any advice it would be not to worry about an inpatient rehab. It's sort of the same thing as the counselor is saying about your inner strength and all that (god, I hate those phrases). If you think "if only I could go to a rehab then everything would be OK," then nothing else is going to be OK. It's an instant excuse to just keep mucking around doing what you're doing.

Does that make sense? I'm not saying inpatient rehab wouldn't work, but if you don't have the money or for whatever reason it isn't an option, then it's not an option. Just stop thinking about it and start thinking about what you *are* going to do.

Now, back to the cloyingly new-age talk of the counselor - it does make sense to me and here's why. We think to ourselves 'man, I would be so awesome and my life would be so great if I weren't drinking. Alcohol is the only thing keeping me from realizing my full potential!' (Again, I hate these phrases but bear with me.) This is true to a certain extent but it's not the *real* problem. The real problem is what happens when you *do* quit drinking, when alcohol isn't standing in the way anymore? Well, it's not all rainbows and daisies, ya' know? Life is hard, and it sucks, and we don't get everything we want. And when we're not drinking, then we KNOW the problem is not the booze but US.

It's like that line from that one Liz Phair song: 'It's harder to be friends than lovers/ and you shouldn't try to mix the two,/ 'cause if you do it and you're still unhappy/ then you know that the problem is you.'
Or another example, you go out and have an affair. Your mistress is awesome, she understands you and the sex is great and *if only* you could get rid of that pesky wife standing in the way then you'd be actually finally happy with the mistress. But the reality is that the mistress is only appealing because she's forbidden, the affair is taboo, and you only see her a couple hours a week so you never have the chance to get bored with her. So what seems like a limit to your relationship with the mistress - the wife - is actually the thing structuring the whole relationship and making it possible. If you were to leave your wife, you don't gain the mistress, you lose both. (Being with the mistress 24/7 now you realize she's actually kind of annoying and leaves dishes in the sink and doesn't even want to have sex every night, etc.)

Maybe that all made sense and maybe it didn't. But the real fear (in my opinion) is not what your counselor says about fearing your own power and inner strength - but the opposite, the fear that alcohol *is not* the thing keeping you from being powerful and strong. It's a fear of what you might become, but coming from different angles. And it just takes work.

I will try to come back soon with a pep talk about how not drinking is a really good thing. No, you're not immediately productive, life is still hard, extra pounds in the midsection don't magically melt off, but at the same time a lot of things get a whole lot better.