BK's Naltrexone journey....

[bkyogagurl]

BK's Naltrexone journey....

Ukblonde;1622047 wrote: I don't know if this would work but I did something this last week.

I told my other half how galling it was when I'm dieting and he gets my food wrong (it's a diet given to me for a specific purpose and for that purpose it has to be EXACT, exact ingredients, exact amounts measure a certain way). That I try so hard to be prepared, resist cakes and sweets, even sat with people eating pizza and I'm not having anything, when he then cooks and he's forgotten the amounts (which are mostly the same several meals a day for like 3-6 months at a time) I feel like dying. Well I came home last weekend and my fridge was full of all the right stuff, all portioned out and boxed up.

I was gobsmacked, yes gobsmacked and touched.

It also meant I was less stressy and we had a lovely evening together as a result (so bonus for us both).

The resentment I had for last time he'd 'forgotten' I'd held from almost a year ago, then another incident few weeks back. They way I'd handled it at the time was to just huff and puff which is what I'd decided was better than snapping. The resentment was still there, which made me dread him cooking so finally decided to tell him outside of any incidents and it made the difference.

Sorry for taking over your thread, not sure what I'm trying to say but I do know it's really difficult when you are sober, these things come up and it's like a massive learning process and you won't always get it right, it's a bit like trial and error.

I'm also wondering if DH has been so used to you being a certain way when you were drinking, now you are sober 24/7 it could be very different for him. The power shifts, the way in which you react changes, so learning for everyone.

Hang in there and I'm proud you've got 30 days, here's to the next 30 which will take you up to March, the 3rd Month of the year!

I think you have a point with him not used to me NOT drinking... It's almost like he likes when I do because he has more control over me. Yes it will be learning....
He promised he would support me with the fitness stuff as he has said in the past then only a week into it.. He is already being an ass.. What a dream having your food prepped for you.
My husband won't even weigh something for me.

We went out to dinner Friday night and he orders wine.. He asked me if I was mad and I wasn't at the time but the more I think about it the more I think he could have foregone a fucking glass of wine. It was on my day 31- you know the goal I set. I wonder if he was thinking I would give in. Maybe he wanted me too...

UK- please NEVER feel like you are taking over my thread... I love it when you post you know that.

[Samandkatharine]

BK's Naltrexone journey....

bkyogagurl;1622082 wrote: I think you have a point with him not used to me NOT drinking... It's almost like he likes when I do because he has more control over me. Yes it will be learning....
He promised he would support me with the fitness stuff as he has said in the past then only a week into it.. He is already being an ass.. What a dream having your food prepped for you.
My husband won't even weigh something for me.

We went out to dinner Friday night and he orders wine.. He asked me if I was mad and I wasn't at the time but the more I think about it the more I think he could have foregone a fucking glass of wine. It was on my day 31- you know the goal I set. I wonder if he was thinking I would give in. Maybe he wanted me too...

UK- please NEVER feel like you are taking over my thread... I love it when you post you know that.

Mine would love it if I caved...something to hold over my head. Sorry that I'm husband bashing..I think it makes them feel better. They should feel appreciated I admit. Mine, however, likes to keep score.

Sam

[bkyogagurl]

BK's Naltrexone journey....

Sam- sounds like we are living the same dream ha ha(sarcastic tone) nightmare maybe.. Isn't it sad that they secretly want us to fail. Makes me want to puke.

I think my husband resents the fact that I can NOT drink... Because it may scare him that I have a backbone.. We still aren't speaking should be a couple of days before we can be civil to each other...

I appreciate your comments- misery loves company. I was doing plenty of husband bashing too.

[Samandkatharine]

BK's Naltrexone journey....

Mine will be nice when he wants "some". Sorry, I'm done for now. Back to your regularly scheduled program...:durn:

[bkyogagurl]

BK's Naltrexone journey....

HA! I know what your saying... Mine seems to get his "dander" up when he isn't getting any... And when he is he is much nicer... I just am being stingy... It's much easier when I comply but for some reason I am enjoying making him suffer... He apologized this morning... Yadda Yadda... You know the routine.

Butterflies and unicorns are back in the backyard...
How long have you been married? 15 here.

This is a very true statement...

I think the euphoria(pink cloud) of sobriety is wearing off.

I was so happy to be sober that I forgot that there are still life happenings that are going to happen..

Gotta say a big thanks to you and UK.. For being here and being a place to rest my ranting head.

[Samandkatharine]

BK's Naltrexone journey....

24 this August...:lordhelpme:

[skullbabyland]

BK's Naltrexone journey....

Damn, sorry to hear that you're dealing with some shitty behavior with your husband. I'm sure he has plenty of good qualities too but the last few days sounds really crappy. I wish I had some words of comfort other than... that just sucks.

BK, I'm glad you're keeping on with your sobriety even through the grey days. Yep it seems to be a near-universal experience that the unicorns and rainbows of the first couple sober weeks does wear off and then we see our lives more clearly, warts and all. Sometimes it seems uglier than it should, and sometimes we see both the good and bad clearly. That said, not drinking alcoholically is of course the only way to see things clearly over the long term... booze is just too much chaos in our lives. I'm glad you're doing February sober, and onward.

Hope you have a good week, my friend!

[YouKayBee]

BK's Naltrexone journey....

bkyogagurl;1622245 wrote: HA! I know what your saying... Mine seems to get his "dander" up when he isn't getting any... And when he is he is much nicer... I just am being stingy... It's much easier when I comply but for some reason I am enjoying making him suffer... He apologized this morning... Yadda Yadda... You know the routine.

Butterflies and unicorns are back in the backyard...
How long have you been married? 15 here.

This is a very true statement...

I think the euphoria(pink cloud) of sobriety is wearing off.

I was so happy to be sober that I forgot that there are still life happenings that are going to happen..

Gotta say a big thanks to you and UK.. For being here and being a place to rest my ranting head.
Yeah the pink fluffy cloud. Not drinking doesn't make life easy, it does however make it easier and you are able to work through things a lot better (although it might not always feel like it).

skullbabyland;1622269 wrote: Damn, sorry to hear that you're dealing with some shitty behavior with your husband. I'm sure he has plenty of good qualities too but the last few days sounds really crappy. I wish I had some words of comfort other than... that just sucks.

BK, I'm glad you're keeping on with your sobriety even through the grey days. Yep it seems to be a near-universal experience that the unicorns and rainbows of the first couple sober weeks does wear off and then we see our lives more clearly, warts and all. Sometimes it seems uglier than it should, and sometimes we see both the good and bad clearly. That said, not drinking alcoholically is of course the only way to see things clearly over the long term... booze is just too much chaos in our lives. I'm glad you're doing February sober, and onward.

Hope you have a good week, my friend!

I like to think not drinking makes things simpler and more manageable. Drinking never improves anything in my opinion!

[spuddleduck]

BK's Naltrexone journey....

just a quick fly by with congratulations on your sober jan and soon to be sober feb. ive not been posting much but im continuing with my plan and keeping an eye on things. so well done you :goodjob:

[bkyogagurl]

BK's Naltrexone journey....

Good morning friends-

I have not been as active here because.........

I have been connecting to life in the real. I am finding less time for surfing the web and surfing the boards cause I'm actually interacting with my kids and volunteering and take care of myself.
WOW.... I have been going thru the usually stuff still thinking about drinking very occasionally. Been dealing with a few nightmares. But my mind has just been in different places. Good places I might add.
I am feeling more healthy and focused.
I was reading about Philip Seymour and was very interested at what Russell Brand wrote about him.
I think he is totally on track.. I think for starters that our treatment of addicts is really screwed up..
Look at us here.. We have to beg borrow or not quite steal but order from other countries meds to help us fight our addiction because a doctor or doctors are uneducated in addiction and say "just quit"... Which we all know we would do IF it were that fucking easy. It would be so much better for our head and heart and probably health if docs would prescribe what we need or at least take a second to actually research it. I think the stigma of addiction is falling away because it is reaching so many people and is indiscriminate... I have thought about going public with mine.. I guess I'm still scared.

The other thing that fries my bacon... Is rehabs.. The classic 30 day rehab. Yes I know some people are successfully treated and walk into Mary Poppins land when they get out... But what about the reoccurent visitors who slip In and out. What bugs me is they don't give these people tools to deal with life after rehab. They send them back to the toxic environment they came from and say good luck.
I am feeling sore because I recently had a good friend of mine return to another rehab. They don't ask to treat the family per say... Or the asshole of a husband she has. That she will have to return to when she gets out. Things are just messed up.. IMO you can not treat a true addict with a month of treatment. Yes it gives you a break from your life to clean out the cobwebs and view things in a different perspective but there needs to be a 2 year after plan that helps you understand and deal with day to day life. That is where the addiction lies.
I would absolutely LOVE to go away for an entire month and have counselors to talk to and beautiful pond to sit by and journal and have my meals made for me. Be able to sleep 8 hours, no laundry, no house to take care of, nobody to need things from me, no husband to argue with or have to please.... Shit I would never leave...
Talk about a pink cloud of euphoria... Then you leave and get bitch slapped with responsibility when you get home.
I think rehabs need to go into the home instead of taking you out of it. Maybe a little break is good but the real healing happens dealing with life. And do not get me started on the money they charge.. It's fucking ridiculous... Poor people trying to get better and then boom here is a 10 grand bill you have to pay.
REALLY????
There has got to be a better way.

I shall step off my soap box now...

Hugs to all-

in spite of all the loving friends and family, there is a predominant voice in the mind of an addict that supersedes all reason and that voice wants you dead. This voice is the unrelenting echo of an unfulfillable void. -Russell Brand-

Gave me the chills when I read that.

[YouKayBee]

BK's Naltrexone journey....

Good to hear you are getting a life in your sobriety BK, and I can see you are feeling strongly for your friend.

I did a few rehab stints and I stopped because for me they were expensive holidays. Sure they work for some, but like you say it's ok til you get home. My opinion is that if you can get sober at home, that's the best place to be because it's where you get the sh1t sorted. It's not easy but it is doable.

On the other hand I did pick up some tools and techniques, and had a lot of experiences meeting other alcoholics in the same boat. This was valuable for me in my journey and relapsing got me to the point where I was able to turn the corner in my own environment.

It can be easy to be jealous, I was jealous of those who could afford the Priory(a very expensive private rehab) but I've known just as many people die from alcoholism who did get treatment there.

I'm going to hold your friend in my thoughts, she could pick up something useful in there, you just never know.

[skullbabyland]

BK's Naltrexone journey....

Hi BK... Good to hear from you buddy- sounds like things are both good in some way and challenging in others. Life can be so demanding and sometimes downright hard as all hell... But it's great you're engaging with your kids, volunteering, health. How is your quit going? Still protecting it?

I share your frustrations regarding rehabs. The saddest part is that it's next to impossible for anyone to come into the home and help with the home life... and that's where all the hardest shit is. Ultimately it's up to each person to do whatever they can to help their home life improve, as difficult and impossible as that can seem. It does make me crazy that most of the medical establishment is ill-equipped regarding cutting-edge science and tools for treating addiction.

I too found a lot of value in Russell Brand's essay regarding addiction. I used to find him kind of annoying (his comedy) but I've recently come to respect him as a pretty courageous thinker/speaker.

Best to you and your friend in rehab, BK... continue to find strength in eachother and yourselves.

[bkyogagurl]

BK's Naltrexone journey....

Welp... I strayed to far away from here trying to leave all thoughts of drinking behind me.

My alcoholic mind took over and snuck in when I was feeling strong. It said we haven't drank in weeks what's one night, we will get right back on the wagon after this one night. It fooled me and said we don't need to take the Nal cause we are only going to have a couple drinks... What a lie...
I let my guard down. I can't stand the fact that I let my mind go.
It takes me awhile of self loathing and destruction before I can come to terms with myself. Drinking makes me hate myself and I cannot have this because it damages my soul. Then I have to wait out these horrible physical & emotional feelings for days before I can dust myself off and get back into a positive light.

I'm sorry UK- I know you will disappointed.

I will be continuing on with being AF... I will do a better job of avoiding situations that trigger me to drink. I can make it. I hope. I hate the fact that. I choose to drink.

And the reason I think I was avoiding the boards is that I was so busy and I did not want the reminder of the fact that I wasn't drinking... I just didn't want to think about drinking at all. It was nice to wake up and not even think about it for day after day.. I don't know what I am doing,

[YouKayBee]

BK's Naltrexone journey....

bkyogagurl;1628432 wrote: Welp... I strayed to far away from here trying to leave all thoughts of drinking behind me.

My alcoholic mind took over and snuck in when I was feeling strong. It said we haven't drank in weeks what's one night, we will get right back on the wagon after this one night. It fooled me and said we don't need to take the Nal cause we are only going to have a couple drinks... What a lie...
I let my guard down. I can't stand the fact that I let my mind go.
It takes me awhile of self loathing and destruction before I can come to terms with myself. Drinking makes me hate myself and I cannot have this because it damages my soul. Then I have to wait out these horrible physical & emotional feelings for days before I can dust myself off and get back into a positive light.

I'm sorry UK- I know you will disappointed.

I will be continuing on with being AF... I will do a better job of avoiding situations that trigger me to drink. I can make it. I hope. I hate the fact that. I choose to drink.

And the reason I think I was avoiding the boards is that I was so busy and I did not want the reminder of the fact that I wasn't drinking... I just didn't want to think about drinking at all. It was nice to wake up and not even think about it for day after day.. I don't know what I am doing,

Not disappointed.

More like "NOoooooooooooooooOOOOOOO"

I was thinking about you but letting you do your own thing, cos that's what I do (until kicked).

Flippetty, jippetty.

I prefer to think of it in terms of "I'm going to keep myself safe and look after myself" rather than avoidance.

I've got this vivid image of myself just as you are about to take that drink, rushing into the room screaming "Nooooooooo", pinning you down and shoving a naltrexone pill into your gob.

Ok bit far fetched but it amused me.:H:H

[bkyogagurl]

BK's Naltrexone journey....

I wish I had that kind of support.... I should have PM'ed you or at least posted on my page about my feelings. I know I would have taken the Nal after hearing responses. I could have reached out but did not do it. I don't know why? I knew I was going to drink too. I was dreaded that our friends were coming up and hoping they would cancel. I knew if they came I would drink.

I am so done with this game. I just wish half of our friends didn't drink. I feel like a stick in the mud when I don't drink & plus I really hate being at around drunk people when I am sober...
I am not feeling supported by my husband either. I wish he would stop with me but I think after awhile passes he is ok with drinking again.

Well I am still recovering so maybe that will stick in my mind. These hangovers are brutal.
I just wish I a had been stronger.
The reason I did not take the Nal is because of that flat feeling it gives me. I wanted to be lively and fun. What a fucking joke. Sit in a hotel room and drink massive amounts of alcohol...
Now that is fun... REALLY... Hell no and had I stayed sober I would have been bored as I should & wanted to go home as we should have done. I need to be honest with my friends.

I none to be honest with myself.