BK's Naltrexone journey....

[bkyogagurl]

BK's Naltrexone journey....

Well I'm back... As I always will be. I don't understand why I don't make it a priority to check in every day. Sometimes I wonder if it reminds of who I am which is good but then I feel it can be self conscious that I don't want to think about the core of who I am.
I have been making a lot of positive changes and feel like I becoming who I really am but don't want to be reminded that I am In fact addictive.

I'm getting scared again. Had a few beers this weekend nothing crazy but don't want to slip down that slippery slope. I did take my Nal tho. I only took a half dose tho cause it gives me really bad heartburn. Still seemed to work. I am finally getting tired so I will have to check in tomorrow.
Was having my normal anxiety I get after I drink. Such a bummer.

[skullbabyland]

BK's Naltrexone journey....

Hey buddy, I'm glad you're back. I find that connecting here every single day does help to keep the solid commitment to being AF, and if I don't, my thinking gets foggy. That's too much MWO for some but it works for me.

The bummer part is that MWO seems really quiet these days and comments are pretty scarce... but all the more reason to check in often and give comments of support, in my view. Such as yours in the Sober Aprilists thread, which helped me to firm up my own foggy thinking.

Please take care of yourself and protect that quit. Stop letting things slide, it's too scary a way to live!

[bkyogagurl]

BK's Naltrexone journey....

I totally agree with you Skull! I was just reading a post and it said that drinking thoughts are just that...
Thoughts.....
You think about a lot of things... Sometimes you think about running someone over because they cut you off in traffic.. So do you act on that thought... NO WAY.. Sometimes I get mad at my husband and think thoughts I don't want to mention but do I really want those thoughts to happen... NO WAY..
So point being that if you are think thoughts about drinking you don't have to act on them.. Feel them and let them go... I am really talking to myself here...
I'm sure you understand my frame of mind.

I don't know why I even think about drinking.. It does not fit any where in my life right now. My mind just thought "it tastes good" my response to my mind is... A lot of things taste good. If you put it into perspective 6 beers micro brews is about 1100 cals(if I can stick to 6 which is more like 8 which adds an extra 350 cals) depending on which one you prefer.. I like Blue Moon... What could we do with 1100 cals.....
8 oz filet mignon, some veggies AND a fucking small dessert. And non muddled conversation with my son or whom ever I am sharing this meal with. Not worrying about how I am going to get my drunk ass home... And waking up NOT dehydrated. Hmmmmm

I always talk with my teenager about how alcohol is the new cigarettes.. Even tho it is socially acceptable it is damaging people's body slowly and sneaky.. I know this shit and I still am fighting the fight...
EVERY DAY.
Sometimes it feels like worrying about it stresses me out.

I'm a dork with all these thoughts floating around in my head. I'm gonna roll my sleeves and keep working hard. I think I will get where I am going faster.

I think I am officially babbling right now. Be back.

[bkyogagurl]

BK's Naltrexone journey....

It's Sunday. I did not drink last night but am feel enormous waves of anxiety from the TH & F I'm sure. I hate the after shocks of drinking. I feel horribly insecure and scared. I just want to run away from I don't know what... I don't feel like drinking again that is for sure. I feel like sleeping... Forever.

I will keep on with my journey... Of not drinking. And will look forward to the release of these horrible feelings I'm having.

[StuckinLA]

BK's Naltrexone journey....

Oh man, BK. Just want to drop in and say I feel for (with) you! The multi-day aftereffects are f**king terrible, and I'm so sorry you're going through 'em. Get some rest, curl up and watch a movie. Or get outside for a brief walk - whatever you gotta do, sweetie. Remember, it doesn't last too long, even though it feels like forever.

Hang tight! :l:l:l

[bkyogagurl]

BK's Naltrexone journey....

Stuck... Thanks... I think I felt a hug thru the computer. I needed it.
It does fucking suck. Good reminder of what I don't like. I am feeling better tonight. I made breakfast for my family and did some baking.. That seems to relax me.

Thanks again for stopping by...:huggy

[skullbabyland]

BK's Naltrexone journey....

Hey buddy... I've been away from the computer all weekend with a nasty bout of food poisoning, spending time on the couch feeling sorry for myself. I'm back now

I know what you mean about drinking thoughts... sometimes when craving or having "one/just a couple will be so good" thoughts, it feels like there's no alternative. But they're just thoughts. I have thoughts of buying shit all the time, and I have to remind myself they're just thoughts, not things I should act on. I remind myself that all I really want to do is "buy" myself a shot of dopamine that'll last a few mniutes then it's on to "hmmm what else should I buy". Same thing with alcohol. It's much better to sit with these thoughts and let them pass.

Sorry to hear you were havin a rough day of anxiety and insecurity after drinking. Nowadays, I have that horrible anxiety/insecurity/downright FEAR of the world every single time after I drink, and it usually lasts about 3 days before it lifts. It fucking SUUUUCKS. I have to keep reminding myself of this when I have "drinking would be good" thoughts.

Be wise and take good care of yourself, BK

EDIT- good thoughts from Stuck- A long nice walk or jog will go a long way. Maybe a workout. Also a big ol' protein/veggie smoothie, and some chicken and sweet potatoes and you'll be feelin' good
EDIT EDIT- for someone named "Skull" I sure use a surprising amount of smiliey emoticons... sheesh

[bkyogagurl]

BK's Naltrexone journey....

Skull.. Thanks for the thoughts. I sure hope you are feeling better... Food poisoning makes you feel like you are gonna die... I think that may be worse than a hangover...

I worked out today or maybe should say was worked over but either way... It felt GOOD! Helped lift the fog of anxiety and help me move toward staying in the present.

You know it... Oh I will just have one or a few. Such a fucking lie. I am working on feeling those feelings and letting them pass. It really is getting easier it is just taking some time to keep those good thoughts thru my thick "skull"..
So what is behind your chosen name???

I am feeling back to myself for the most part. And will be on track for a healthy week. I am going to get to bed cause that is something I feel helps the body mend and feel it is helping my state of mind. I used to fight sleep a lot. It was a dark scary place for me. I have been working thru those feelings and realizing that is all they are and I am safe.
Be back tomorrow.

[bkyogagurl]

BK's Naltrexone journey....

Boards seem quiet but that is ok. I like having a place to come and post my thoughts without bugging other peoples threads. Isn't that funny how I think. That is what the boards are for but I don't want to feel like I'm bombing someone although I never mind people stopping by on mine.
I love it.

So I am look forward to a sober weekend. No desire to drink. AT ALL. Feeling strong about my fitness goals and love looking into my kids eyes sober! I do have a 40th birthday party for my husbands friend coming up. I have already been thinking of ways I could get out of this.
I hate that I think so far in advance about things. I know everyone will say the typical where is your drink?
Blah.:durn:

For some reason I have this feeling inside that I just don't want to drink. I am going to start to practicing in the mirror saying... I quit drinking. I quit drinking.

But I always feel strong until I am in fact in the situation. I don't feel worried this time that I could drink... I feel more like I won't drink. It is such poison to my body.
Maybe the Nal really is starting to take effect. Drinking isn't fun.

I pictured myself being the DD for my husband but then the driving drunk people around doesn't seem appealing. My mind starts swirling with thoughts to much.

I will worry about today and that will be it. Today will be easy to get thru and I feel great.
:waving:

[skullbabyland]

BK's Naltrexone journey....

bkyogagurl;1650135 wrote: Boards seem quiet but that is ok. I like having a place to come and post my thoughts without bugging other peoples threads. Isn't that funny how I think. That is what the boards are for but I don't want to feel like I'm bombing someone although I never mind people stopping by on mine.
I love it.

So I am look forward to a sober weekend. No desire to drink. AT ALL. Feeling strong about my fitness goals and love looking into my kids eyes sober! I do have a 40th birthday party for my husbands friend coming up. I have already been thinking of ways I could get out of this.
I hate that I think so far in advance about things. I know everyone will say the typical where is your drink?
Blah.:durn:

For some reason I have this feeling inside that I just don't want to drink. I am going to start to practicing in the mirror saying... I quit drinking. I quit drinking.

But I always feel strong until I am in fact in the situation. I don't feel worried this time that I could drink... I feel more like I won't drink. It is such poison to my body.
Maybe the Nal really is starting to take effect. Drinking isn't fun.

I pictured myself being the DD for my husband but then the driving drunk people around doesn't seem appealing. My mind starts swirling with thoughts to much.

I will worry about today and that will be it. Today will be easy to get thru and I feel great.
:waving:

BK- as for not feeling like you want to 'bomb' other people's threads... I for one love it when people comment on my thread and I get sad when nobody bothers... I see posting on other's threads as actually telling them I care. I dont' think many people think of it as a bother but more as a reaching out.

As for the 40th bday and thinking of people's questions, I always find a simple, quick comment, said confidently and not nervously, ends the questioning quickly. I often use "I'm on a health kick", or "I'm in training for an event". "No drinking for me, for a while". Then people will usually ask about your health goals instead of alcohol, and will usually be like "aww man good for you, that's awesome" etc. It's only weird if you make it weird-- you can reframe almost anything when said with confidence.

Glad you're feeling good today

[bkyogagurl]

BK's Naltrexone journey....

Funny you say that about getting out of peoples questions...

My trainer said similar things as well. He said people will see how you are looking while not drinking and eating out of your Tupperware and want to know what the heck you are doing.

[StuckinLA]

BK's Naltrexone journey....

Yeah I like it when my thread gets bumped, too. Doesn't happy much anymore but my thread's had its day in the sun so no big deal.

bkyogagurl;1650135 wrote:
I hate that I think so far in advance about things. I know everyone will say the typical where is your drink?

People don't give a damn if you drink or not. I'm paraphrasing my favorite AA speaker podcast here. It's actually the most heartbreaking part of the whole thing - for you it's a huge deal not to drink, to spend the whole evening around people drinking and around alcohol that you 'can't' have, and here we'll make a really big deal about it and give you virtual hugs and high fives if you don't drink, and tell you you're a rockstar. Because you are. Hell, if you go to AA they'll give you a chip and bake you a cake if you don't drink. But out there, they don't care.

Say you're on a diet, or that you decided to DD so your husband can have a night out with his friends without worrying. Play it however you want - he's been working so hard and you thought he deserved to have a few drinks - or even something as simple as saying you're in the middle of a great book you can barely put down, and you want to keep reading it as soon as you get home before bed. I've used 'work' as an excuse at so many parties, just saying I have to read or write a little when I get home (or early the next morning).

And honestly, as soon as you have *any* kind of drink in your hand people will stop asking. Often I bring a coffee with so I have something in hand as soon as I walk in. Or put a soda in a glass on ice, and everyone will assume there's liquor mixed in IF they think about it at all. They won't. Remember how much you thought about other people's drinking when you were drinking? Not at all, so long as your glass was full. It's the same for them.

So tell that mirror whatever feels right. 'I quit drinking, I quit drinking.' What I say when I'm looking in the mirror is 'go ahead and drink if you want to drink, nothing's stopping you.' I'm totally free to go down to the bar and order a shot and a beer, or to pick up a bottle at the liquor store. The problem is that I don't actually want to, so I don't. May not work for everybody but it works for me for the most part.

[spiritwolf333]

BK's Naltrexone journey....

The most difficult part comes when one realizes that others don't really care whether you are drinking or not -but you become concerned why you are drinking or not drinking. Initially, it can seem kind of painful to explain to others why you are not drinking, but then when you realize they are only asking in order to justify what they are doing, it throws it back to you. Why are you drinking or not drinking?

If you are not an alcoholic, it is very easy to explain why you don't want to drink.

[YouKayBee]

BK's Naltrexone journey....

Do people really ask and bug you about not having a drink?

Reason I ask is that I find most people are more worried about having their own good time, their own drinks and whatever they are gossiping about rather than why aren't you having a wine. Of course there's often one person who doesn't like it, and that can be intriguing.

I think when you are knew to being sober/drinking less it's a massive anxiety, and a big fear. I either say I don't want a drink (cos I'm an adult and I can decide what I ingest or not), don't feel like it, or if someone gets confrontational or tries to take the piss, then I'll out and tell them I am/was alcoholic. Usually ends the conversation there and then. Some will look up to you for it, others might make a daft comment but I'm not afraid to say it was wrecking my life, or that I was very ill, would have died, crashed my car as a result..............

Most of the time I don't have to get to that point.

Of course if you think it's a risk point might be worth not going.

I think you'll work it out, what feels comfy for you.

[bkyogagurl]

BK's Naltrexone journey....

Hi all--

You guys are telling me that none of friends have made you feel awkward about drinking??
Lucky you.

I know you might say that it's me that makes myself feel awkward but... Here's an example... We went on a week long camping trip with my husbands group. I was the only one not drinking. Every one would stay up until 4 am and sleep til noon and I alone would get up at 6am and walk my dogs for 2 hours on the beach, make breakfast by myself and hang out by myself. Until noon when everyone would arise to start their drinking day again... Then I would be off to bed by 10 PM. Not once did anyone get up with me to go on a morning walk, not once did anyone get up much less help with breakfast but have a cup of coffee.
And when they did get up... They were like zombies til they had their drink.
How does that not make you feel awkward?

Unfortunately my husbands group of friends push drinks. I don't know if they really care but especially if I say I'm not drinking... That is just the way they roll... They think it is funny and there have been times when I have gotten frustrated but I know them and I know that.
Then there wives think because they are drinking I should be drinking with them. To be honest I don't really like the wives that much and have often thought of telling them something rude when they do the usually questioning. I make an effort to be nice to them so my husband can hang out with his friends. Then after I say I'm not drinking- they resort back to their pack of so socializing/drinking/smoking which I hate the most. Smoking is so gross to me. If I am drinking I fit right in.

Maybe it will be different. I think more and more people are starting to realize what a toll alcohol takes on the bod. I will survive and I may not even attend the event. So problem solved.

I am feeling different about my sobriety since my slip. I am feeling more angry toward alcohol rather than directing my feelings at myself.

I just realized I was feeling frustrated with your comments and I am wondering where that came from. I am trying hard to recognize where my frustrations come from and why they effect me.
I know that none of you meant to frustrate me. I am evaluating my feeling and I think it is that I don't feel understood or heard. That is because none of you have walked in my shoes so how could you understand. I sometimes run away from MWO when I feel scared or unsure of how to decipher people's comments but I am not going to do that anymore... I want to know why they effect me. I think it resonates inside me and I feel I should be able manage comments without feeling attacked or frustrated.
I think it will help with my emotions and what pushes me to drink.

I bottle up my thoughts to much.. I'm going to let them out. It is my thread right.

YouKayBee- you used Nal for 2 years before going AF? I love hearing stories about it. Did you ever not take your Nal out of over confidence? I have about 2 month supply but have not been drinking regularly so I'm hoping it lasts me a year. I am planning on taking some time off of AL again and hoping for at least 60 days. Shouldn't be to hard. I am thinking I will skip that party but will have to deal with the summer get together of my husbands friends which we are hosting this year. Should be a drunken mess. I was kinda hoping if I got a few months sober maybe even 90 days I would be less likely to want to drink around them then.
Do you have a thread with your story? I would love to read it. I will look around.
Thanks for stopping by.