BK's Naltrexone journey....

[Yourfriend6116]

BK's Naltrexone journey....

I'm so glad you are feeling better, BK! I'm no AA'er but ODAT is such a great cliche. Don't worry about goals, or not drinking for a set amount of time-just do you each day and don't drink that day. I personally feel like the day counting adds too much pressure and is more to prove to others you aren't drinking so you can rattle off a day count to people. Just do today. It's the only thing you can control (and that's even debatable) :l

[bkyogagurl]

BK's Naltrexone journey....

Hey your friend... I was just reading your page.. :H
Thanks for the words they make sense to me. I think I do better if I just think about today. Getting thru today and living for today.
So interesting to me that people go to pot after drinking... Not surprising tho...
I hate the stuff. I think because I grew up around it and other drugs they make me sick...
I used to hate the smell of it as a kid and used to be confused at the way people acted.
Sad cause I think I new it meant my mom was checking out... Along with all the crank and coke sprawled out on the table. It totally confused me as a kid.

I am glad I have a healthy brain to at least know not to do that shit. In one way I feel lucky alcohol is the only thing I'm fighting.

Thanks for stopping by:l

[bkyogagurl]

BK's Naltrexone journey....

It's a good night... Although I felt a little unsteady with weird little thoughts of AL. They left relatively quick when I put it into ODAT perspective. Seems better for me that way.

Had a good workout and ate clean all day. I feel my body starting to feel normal again. Healthy is what I'm shooting for. Alcohol isn't healthy. I am quite excited about meeting my new counselor. She seems to be a bit witty. I like that. Could this be it for me...
I doubt it but I feel closer.

I want to be free from the constraints of alcohol. Free from the fucking hangovers and haunt me after I drink. Free from further damaging my body and brain and soul. Sounds a bit dramatic but it's what I want. I have read and heard that visualizing is a really good way to set yourself up.

Good night friends... :l

[bkyogagurl]

BK's Naltrexone journey....

Good day....

I have had a headache and have been feeling a bit funky so I thought I better write some thoughts down to stay present. I think my body is still filtering the alcohol out. It's amazing how much damage it does and how long it really takes for your body to recover. I was just reading someone's thread about drinking every night and waking in the morning only to wait anxiously for the evening to come to be able to drink the yucky-ness away again..
Now I'm wait for two weeks to feel the strength return that I have felt lately..
I am hoping this will help me from giving in to any thoughts my mind has..

My husband is out of town so my mind always wonders with the freedom I feel. I know I don't want to drink but these are triggers I need to acknowledge and let pass. One of my girlfriends who is a drinker always seems to text me when he is gone too... Another trigger.
So I don't think I will return her text until later... That pisses her off and she will ignore me for the rest of the weekend. Which will be good.

[StuckinLA]

BK's Naltrexone journey....

I think I need to find a support group for video game addiction. Anybody? Ideas? Maybe there's something online, like where a bunch of people could sit in a chat room and play video poker or something. Er wait, maybe not...

[Samandkatharine]

BK's Naltrexone journey....

bkyogagurl;1653048 wrote: Good day....

I have had a headache and have been feeling a bit funky so I thought I better write some thoughts down to stay present. I think my body is still filtering the alcohol out. It's amazing how much damage it does and how long it really takes for your body to recover. I was just reading someone's thread about drinking every night and waking in the morning only to wait anxiously for the evening to come to be able to drink the yucky-ness away again..
Now I'm wait for two weeks to feel the strength return that I have felt lately..
I am hoping this will help me from giving in to any thoughts my mind has..

My husband is out of town so my mind always wonders with the freedom I feel. I know I don't want to drink but these are triggers I need to acknowledge and let pass. One of my girlfriends who is a drinker always seems to text me when he is gone too... Another trigger.
So I don't think I will return her text until later... That pisses her off and she will ignore me for the rest of the weekend. Which will be good.

Hi BK,

If this friend is truly a friend, they would support you, sober. This friend sounds like a fair weather one.

Sam

[bkyogagurl]

BK's Naltrexone journey....

Sam.. Ya know she has been there for me but she has done some shitty things as well. Kinda like a real sister. JK I can tell you I don't know if I totally trust her either. At one point when I was probably at my lowest point.. It felt like she and my husband were exchanging notes on me...
I didn't like that feeling.
We are good drinking together but never spend much time together sober. Even sober texts between us seem on the surface. Not heart felt like we think our drunk conversations are. We have tried to spend time together sober but it feels awkward. It's to bad...
On the flip side I have been accumulating some new friends thru fitness which is awesome because we are on a different level. A couple of us have the same goals so going out and drinking/partying/eating are taken off the plate. I love it.
You never did let me know how you are doing?


Stuck... What is your fav video game?

[StuckinLA]

BK's Naltrexone journey....

I wouldn't call it a favorite, BK, but I spend a lot of time playing a hockey Xbox game online. I'm not very good at it, and it seems more like a compulsive avoidance behavior more than anything else, but what the hell. People talk to each other and sometimes it's fun and it's definitely nice to not think about anything else for a while. Though that 'while' often turns out to be more hours than I should be spending.

But if it weren't for that I might for example end up looking at old pictures of my exGF on Facebook all night, since she posted a bunch of pics from about eight or so years ago when we were together. Seeing as how that's the only other thing I might've ended up doing tonight, it's probably best I stuck to Xbox.

[bkyogagurl]

BK's Naltrexone journey....

I get cha Stuck...

I've been married alot of years and FB stuff irritates me. Even my friends out partying together makes me jealous. I don't think I am necessarily jealous of the drinking but the comradery of the whole thing. I say things in my head that are mean to subside the jealousy of them hanging out... Like "at least I'm taking care of myself and not being a fat ass" like them.
So unnecessary.
My ex boyfriends have long been married but sometimes I don't enjoy looking at FB because it brings back memories. I wasn't an angel in my early years. I don't really like to be reminded of that being a mom now and all.

You must still be having some feelings toward de girlfriend and maybe she is too if she is posting pictures of you guys... Tough pull.

[bkyogagurl]

BK's Naltrexone journey....

Sometimes the easiest way to solve a problem is to stop participating in the problem...
Johnathon Mead

New signature obviously but thought I would add it to my page.

[StuckinLA]

BK's Naltrexone journey....

So well I went to the doc's today, and I'm all-in-all pretty OK. Got another script for ativan by virtue of saying I'm deathly afraid of flying and afraid of having a panic attack on the plane during my upcoming trip. She was more generous than I anticipated, and this script will last me a *long* time considering I don't really take pills except when I absolutely need to - either in withdrawal or PAWS-type anxiety. Which yesterday for sure was, when I went to a 2 hour class and then an almost-2 hour roundtable discussion. God, I was so restless and feeling anxious and just out-of-it. Ugh.

Also: I LOVE your new signature, BK. I'm actually working up my energy to sell all my video games right now. It feels like a drastic measure, and I'm having some trouble going through with it, but they're all out in the trunk of the car right now. Of course, that's where they were yesterday and when I got home from the panicky day I brought the hockey game right in and played until like 2:30 this morning. Will try again, one day at a time, etc.

Hope everybody's having a good day!

[bkyogagurl]

BK's Naltrexone journey....

Good morning... The first thing I thought this morning was how nice it is to wake up sober.. And not to feel any effects if AL... No dehydration... No feeling that a cat shit inside my mouth. All in all pretty great!


Stuck.
How did the video game getting rid of go??? I am not sure how Ativan behaves so does it make you feel relaxed? I have always struggled on prescript stuff most of it seems to make me feel weird. Good thing tho cause it depleted my chances of becoming a script junkie.
I did enjoy diet pills but I couldn't exercise on them cause for some reason it taxed my cardio vascular system when I did. Got lots of house cleaning done. But as all good feeling substances do...they stopped working as good and I of course staring abusing them terribly.

Glad that monkey is off my back. Talk about looking like shit. When Whitney Houston died in her bathtub that scared me and I dumped all my pills down the drain..
Gotta go hit my workout... Be back

Much love to all!!

[StuckinLA]

BK's Naltrexone journey....

bkyogagurl;1653751 wrote:

Stuck.
How did the video game getting rid of go??? I am not sure how Ativan behaves so does it make you feel relaxed? I have always struggled on prescript stuff most of it seems to make me feel weird. Good thing tho cause it depleted my chances of becoming a script junkie.

Well since you asked, I've never ever been into pills - they're just not my thing, and I rarely even think to take them except now after a night or a couple of heavy drinking and I know I'm in withdrawal. Or when panic gets so, so bad, and even then it's kind of like 'do I really need it'? I take 1/2 a pill then, mostly so the few that I do have last longer. I've tried Xanax twice and that will get you a little loopy in a not-unpleasant way. Ativan just makes me feel back to normal, and I have tried it once or twice recreational-like, when I didn't need it, and didn't feel anything really at all.

Point is that now I've got a safety net if I do go off and drink. I know I can get myself through the withdrawal fairly comfortably and back on the abstinence-wagon.

The video game letting-go didn't actually happen. If you don't mind me talking a bit about it here on your thread, it actually is more difficult than I first imagined. I didn't have time to go sell them before a real hockey game last night, so I came home and watched that and all my games are still in the trunk of the car. My Xbox Live subscription automatic renewal did come up though, and I went and cancelled that. Not the account itself, but the payment. So my online account will end at the end of next month if I don't do anything. It's weird, and feels like letting go of a big piece of myself, my online persona, or whatever. And even worse, you can't use any of the apps on the Xbox without an account - like Netflix, which is free but you can't use it through Xbox without paying them. Ugh. It shouldn't be a problem, the girl's got an Xbox account and a smart TV, so it's not like I have to go back to watching Netflix only on my laptop or anything. But I still don't want to let go of my screen name...

We'll see. But instead of playing video games I lit a bunch of candles and took a bubble bath and finished a book I'd been slowly reading. Then went to bed and only woke up once with night terrors.

Glad you're feeling good today, BK. Enjoy your workout!

[bkyogagurl]

BK's Naltrexone journey....

I'm not feeling to great today and it has nothing to do with AL. Be back tomorrow.

[skullbabyland]

BK's Naltrexone journey....

bkyogagurl;1652690 wrote: I am starting to level out but the brain fog is still looming. I am hoping a good workout will clear the remainder of it. I will be diligently following my meal plan hoping to refuel my body as it's been tough to eat the past days. I think Nal contributed to me not being able to as I usually can eat like a horse. It's unhealthy and your body needs those nutrients to heal.
One of things I don't like about Nal.

My new meal plan include glutamine and fish oils and and healthy balance of meals. It seems when I stay near these health plans don't have as my thoughts of drinking...
It's funny because I don't think I crave alcohol.. I think about it. I use it when I'm scared or sad. I want to sort out these feelings. I think the whole overwhelming unworthiness steps in and causes havoc. I sure would like to become familiar with these feelings and crazy sounding... Befriend them.

I'm a pretty cool chick. With a good heart. I shouldn't be feeling shitty about myself.

One totally awesome thing that happened thru all of this is....
The Husband. He was giving a whole new level of support after this episode...
Made me feel loved. His compassion surpassed anything I thought he was capable of.
He texted with me and shared his thoughts and some of his insecurities that he has been feeling. We connected on a whole new level.
Now I don't want to be thankful for drinking to have this happen.... But it may just be the extra love I need to get me thru some more abstinent days... Like a million..
I told him I would like to try and make 60 days but wish for 6 months as I have read that it really helps your brain recover but who knows how long that takes.. He said to me.. "I just love you a lot" that touched me.
I just feel if I could get another stint under my belt my progress would be that much further along..
I love my husband today for being the man I needed him to be. I am feeling closer than ever to him...


I am sending out much love and warmth to my sweet friends
:l

Hey BK, just saw this post- I'm so happy to hear about how great and loving your husband is being, how supportive. It's a wonderful feeling to feel like you have a loving partner in your corner, to not be alone and to feel loved. Very happy to hear this, BK

Take care of yourself today and be well.