BK's Naltrexone journey....

[bkyogagurl]

BK's Naltrexone journey....

SL- I would love to counsel you as I know it would be returned and already has...
I'm in your debt...

Thanks for being here it really does matter and gives me that extra support I need right now.
Hope you had a fun time on your trip! You have girls? I have all boys.
I am glad you are pulling out of your funk... I think I will come with you.

I am so happy I didn't drink this weekend and am hoping for another solid week. Next weekend being Memorial Day has always been a party weekend for us... I am hoping to make it thru a holiday for the first time without AL...

ODAT... Right. I always get carried away looking at the calendar and dreaming of AF days that go on and on.
:bedtime:

[bkyogagurl]

BK's Naltrexone journey....

Today....

Moving along quite well without the fog of AL to deal with. I felt strong today and my workout seemed more tolerable. I even feel like mowing the lawn...:shocked

Some many little rewards I am noticing while being AF. Something I have realized to is I think to much... Start thinking ahead... What about this holiday? What about this party?
I feel much more stable and good worrying about today and where I am today.

Taking the hows and whys out of it has helped to..

I better get going in the lawn... Be back soon.

[scottish lass]

BK's Naltrexone journey....

Find out how to make the firsts fun - we will do Memorial day togther, and have a lovely sober one.
Yes two girls - 13 and 15.
Have you done a pros and cons list? You are starting to work out what is great about not drinking - start to list them out and use them everytime the crazy thoughts come up.
Look for treats for the weekend that are not alcohol involved.
Enjoy your lawn!!

[StuckinLA]

BK's Naltrexone journey....

Little rewards, for sure.

I spent 16 hours just in the air today, not including a 3 hour layover - Paris to Los Angeles. Just got home, got into my jammies, kicked my feet up and got on the laptop, which I haven't had with me for the last 3 weeks. Verona, Trieste, Split and Dubrovnik in Croatia, San Marino, Ravenna, Venice, Florence, Pisa, Paris. I am exhausted.

I love Europe, and I love espresso. But I haven't had a good cup of American coffee in almost a month, and made a pot as soon as I walked in the door. And opened a pack of American cigarettes. The cats are here, the sun is setting, and this is the first moment I've had to myself since I left.

I don't have to walk anywhere tomorrow, don't have to carry any luggage with me. Sometimes it really is the little things. Though I am finding myself wishing I still drank. A few bottles of dark beer and a few whiskeys on the rocks would be mighty tasty about now.

My apartment is a f**king sh*tshow, and clouds of fur are billowing off the cats. But I'm not even worried about it. I'm gonna drink my coffee, smoke my cigarettes. Maybe catch up on some TV until I fall asleep. Tomorrow I'll clean. And I got some very, very good news on the school/publishing front while I was away, but it's going to require some serious revision of a piece I sent out a while back. I've got 3 weeks for that - so I'll get started tomorrow or the next day. And other than that, it's back to the usual.

Kissed my girlfriend goodbye this morning in Paris, and the next time I'll see her she'll be moving in. Bought 4 separate gifts for the exGF in Italy and France and 1 from the airport in Philadelphia where I had a layover. Don't even ask what that's about; I have not a single idea.

:l

[bkyogagurl]

BK's Naltrexone journey....

SL- maybe you are my AF Angel...

What encouragement... I think I will take to up on that offer and not only attempt but achieve an AF holiday... Think I can do it...

Of course me and the husband aren't gelling at the moment.. I hate that..
We ebb and flow... Right now it's like we are grinding gears. It usually is because he needs attention that I don't feel like giving. So weird after all these years we've been together how he is still like a little boy sometimes craving my attention.
Sometimes I just am in the own world and I reflect on past moments when I needed his attention and he did not have it to give.. So then I am reluctant to share mine... So silly.
So much easier to just conform... But that is where I get confused...
Because I am just finding who I am and when I do something to please him instead of it being heart felt...
Am I taking a step backward?

Gotta run my son school. Be back soon.

[StuckinLA]

BK's Naltrexone journey....

Stay strong, sister!

I wrote a medium-ish-sized post yesterday and deleted it. But I do want to say I'm back, and still abstinent, and about to die of chemical-inhalation cleaning my apartment, and a sober Memorial Day is completely, absolutely, totally possible. Even if it is also my birthday.

:l

[scottish lass]

BK's Naltrexone journey....

bkyogagurl;1662964 wrote: Think I can do it...

.

BK - change that right now! I KNOW you can do it - forget the hesitation!!
Sorry you are struggling with hubby - I think drinking allowed us to hide things, feelings and dealing with them - if it got too much (even a little) we would grab a drink and make it go away - I know that is why I did not deal with much, and having to learn how to process and handle stuff now.

[bkyogagurl]

BK's Naltrexone journey....

StuckinLA;1663014 wrote: Stay strong, sister!

I wrote a medium-ish-sized post yesterday and deleted it. But I do want to say I'm back, and still abstinent, and about to die of chemical-inhalation cleaning my apartment, and a sober Memorial Day is completely, absolutely, totally possible. Even if it is also my birthday.

:l

STUCK!!! Your back. How the heck was the trip...
Inspiring to hear you went on a vacation for 3 whole weeks without drinking.. Way cool.
As for your cleaning.. Should probably open a window.. Smart ass here.

How come you deleted your post?? You don't have to use a filter here with me...
you know I am gonna call ya out on the things I feel. I get you.

Thanks for the encouragement. While you have been gone Scottish Lass has been looking after me. I am going to make it thru your birthday without drinking... Gives me a little anxiety to say it out loud... It's ok I will get thru it.

Doing anything fun for your big day?:l

[bkyogagurl]

BK's Naltrexone journey....

scottish lass;1663023 wrote: BK - change that right now! I KNOW you can do it - forget the hesitation!!
Sorry you are struggling with hubby - I think drinking allowed us to hide things, feelings and dealing with them - if it got too much (even a little) we would grab a drink and make it go away - I know that is why I did not deal with much, and having to learn how to process and handle stuff now.

SL- our kids are almost the same age but I have an extra little guy..
I totally agree with you on drinking allowing us to hide feelings instead of dealing with them.. I know this to be true with me and my husband.


I have decided I will be able to make it thru a holiday sober. It seems scary for some reason.. But all the more reason to face this head on and figure out why in the heck I would feel scared. Could be some code cracking stuff going on, I hope so.
It would be so nice to just get over it...
Stop overthinking it..
Thank you for being here... I feel lucky to have you.:huggy

HAPPY ALMOST 90 DAYS... Girlfriend you RAWK!

[scottish lass]

BK's Naltrexone journey....

BK - you tend to sound like someone who likes a challenge - so make it a goal to stay sober this weekend and enjoy the challenge. I would have a reward ready - I love flowers, so bought a nice orchid for my first holiday. Recently I bought a photo that I love for my wall - that is a good reminder of success..
I hate failing and sometimes that has scared me on this journey - I like to be in control, and drinking is one thing that I was not controlling, so it scared me that I was not in control...
You are sounding strong about this - I agree with the not over thinking!

[StuckinLA]

BK's Naltrexone journey....

Ah, hey, I wasn't really filtering, just don't really know what I was trying to say. Anyway, yeah, went on vacation - lots of travel every day and sightseeing. It was fun, exhausting, beautiful, etc. Got back Monday and am almost over the jet lag. Wrote letters this morning to go with gifts I brought back - bought maybe a little too much for my exGF.

I'll be around, but also getting back into writing and work, so hopefully not around too much.

[scottish lass]

BK's Naltrexone journey....

Ps bk - you will be well on the way soon - if you don't drink for s-in-la's bd, you can't drink for mine either!!! And that follows the holiday:H

[bkyogagurl]

BK's Naltrexone journey....

scottish lass;1663404 wrote: BK - you tend to sound like someone who likes a challenge - so make it a goal to stay sober this weekend and enjoy the challenge. I would have a reward ready - I love flowers, so bought a nice orchid for my first holiday. Recently I bought a photo that I love for my wall - that is a good reminder of success..
I hate failing and sometimes that has scared me on this journey - I like to be in control, and drinking is one thing that I was not controlling, so it scared me that I was not in control...
You are sounding strong about this - I agree with the not over thinking!

As a matter of fact I do like challenges but drinking challenges are ones I struggle with the most... Obviously. I feel good about this weekend. We are going to go away by ourselves as a family so I feel it should relatively easy not to drink... No parties or gatherings to attend whew.. I haven't had many cravings.
My drinking is now more like the pressure release I was talking about before.

Control has always been a difficult thing for me.. Because I feel people have always tried to control me... Inwhich I don't like very much and will please people for awhile but end up exploding... My husband was very controlling for a good part of our marriage but when he stated that he wanted me to quit drinking..... I had it... And said flat out NO!
I felt he had taken everything else I loved away from me... And I will be Gawd damned if he was going to take that too..... But the whole truth is I let him... I did. I did not have to give up things a I loved- I just did that to please him...
Me it was up to me... He has no secret power over anything. It took me a long while to figure that out too...
So as you can see some of my heavy drinking was to spite him... But I worked that out for the most part.
I do feel some hesitation in saying I won't drink but I know I won't because I am going to do things one day at a time. That seems to make it relatively easy to so..

I hope you are feeling well and have smiles in your heart. :h

[bkyogagurl]

BK's Naltrexone journey....

scottish lass;1663540 wrote: Ps bk - you will be well on the way soon - if you don't drink for s-in-la's bd, you can't drink for mine either!!! And that follows the holiday:H

Yes ma'am it looks like I will be celebrating your birthday!! I would love it.:l

[bkyogagurl]

BK's Naltrexone journey....

StuckinLA;1663506 wrote: Ah, hey, I wasn't really filtering, just don't really know what I was trying to say. Anyway, yeah, went on vacation - lots of travel every day and sightseeing. It was fun, exhausting, beautiful, etc. Got back Monday and am almost over the jet lag. Wrote letters this morning to go with gifts I brought back - bought maybe a little too much for my exGF.

I'll be around, but also getting back into writing and work, so hopefully not around too much.

My bad Stuck... Didn't mean to assume anything... I wish you would have left your post so we could decipher it. Oh well if you weren't comfortable with it maybe it was best.

You crack me up... Buying your EXgf to much stuff.. What a guy...
Glad you are back and doing so well! Take care of you and your writing and work but come see us when you want... I will be here for sure.

Be well and raise hell...:l