BK's Naltrexone journey....

[Ne/Neva Eva]

BK's Naltrexone journey....

ohmygawd. I would kill for a chocolate frosted brownie. Seriously. I don't think I can write anymore. I'm trying really, really hard to stop eating 17 lbs of sugar everyday. It would be really nice if I could fit into my clothes. Also, I'd probably feel better, eventually.

Ya' know, I'm a bit of a pansy when it comes to bad/sad and/or scary movies (and tv and books, actually). They upset my equilibrium. I got really cocky when I was still drinking, but doing really well, and decided I needed a little spice from the vanilla happy happy crap I was limiting myself to. I rented a sad and scary movie. Completely f*cked me up for like a week.

Give your brain brain-candy! Happy stories. Reasons to think good things!! Life can suck, man. We don't need a reminder when we're already in reminder-mode. Just my thoughts on the subject. All that flattery from you and whats-his-name has gone to my head. (thank you.)

I'm pretty sure, just fyi, that if Stuck recommends a book, it's not going to be a happy happy.

As to feeling like yuck. Yep. Sorry. It's hard. It gets better. But better takes way too damn long, it seems, so just hang tight. :l Really, I don't mean to be debbie downer. I found humor when I was getting sober. It had been missing.

Oh, and people tell me all the time to stop thinking too much. EDIT to delete my favorite word.

[Ne/Neva Eva]

BK's Naltrexone journey....

Ne/Neva Eva;1666471 wrote:
Give your brain brain-candy!

hmmm. Suddenly occurred to me that it sounds like I'm pushing something. Particularly given our conversation on the other thread about growing pot.

Mind-candy is a better description than brain-candy.

[bkyogagurl]

BK's Naltrexone journey....

Ne- your cool. You and I speak the same language.
Be glad you aren't here eating brownie cupcakes but I frosted them with a vanilla buttercream because the brownie batter was so rich.. Normally I would have used fudge frosting...
We would be sitting here with ice cream & caramel topping as well because I would have gone to the store if you were coming over so we could really live it up..

Yah- fuck em... To bad one of them is my husband...

Yes ma'am I am going to watch a comedy or something maybe romantic but then those romancie things always give me false ideas of what a relationship REALLY is..

Just like you said Ne- sometimes maybe it is not the alcoholic but the human tendencies that muddle our minds.

Well I have completely pigged out... And am considering one more cupcake... But think I will walk my doggies first and see it that helps the food I feel in my throat. I haven't eaten healthy all week so I don't feel to guilty... I may have sushi tomorrow.

Wanna come?

[bkyogagurl]

BK's Naltrexone journey....

Ne/Neva Eva;1666474 wrote: hmmm. Suddenly occurred to me that it sounds like I'm pushing something. Particularly given our conversation on the other thread about growing pot.

Mind-candy is a better description than brain-candy.

HA! That would be a hard sell to me... I absolutely HATE pot... It totally grosses me out.
:yukko:

Plus I wouldn't want to trade one addiction for another grosser one..
I'm not a smoker so thinking about inhaling smoke does not appeal to me.
I like to switch out my addiction for something just as unhealthy like an
Eating disorder..:H

Or Perrier I've only drank 4 plus a diet soda.... With my brownie cupcake..:huh:

[YouKayBee]

BK's Naltrexone journey....

bkyogagurl;1666485 wrote: HA! That would be a hard sell to me... I absolutely HATE pot... It totally grosses me out.
:yukko:

Plus I wouldn't want to trade one addiction for another grosser one..
I'm not a smoker so thinking about inhaling smoke does not appeal to me.
I like to switch out my addiction for something just as unhealthy like an
Eating disorder..:H

Or Perrier I've only drank 4 plus a diet soda.... With my brownie cupcake..:huh:

You need water to with all that glycogen, or you'll be thirsty as hell later!

[Ne/Neva Eva]

BK's Naltrexone journey....

Husbands...It might be helpful to post about it, just to get it out. On the other hand, maybe not. Lots of unsolicited, uninformed advice around here. My relationship with Ed is so much easier now, but we work hard at communication at all costs. (He's a stew-er and I'm a yell-er. Yelling makes him shut down. Stewing makes me crazy. Talk about over-thinking my way to a whole bunch of erroneous conclusions!)

Over-thinking...Is actually one of my biggest character flaws and best attributes. Analyzing every tree in the forest, before looking at the forest, is fraught and time-consuming. (Especially when they contradict each other.) But it sure does lead to some thorough investigation and well thought out conclusions.

I'm in for sushi AND cupcakes. I'm afraid that it may take awhile, though, so don't save me any from this go-round.

[Ne/Neva Eva]

BK's Naltrexone journey....

Ne/Neva Eva;1666603 wrote: Husbands...It might be helpful to post about it, just to get it out. On the other hand, maybe not. Lots of unsolicited, uninformed advice around here. My relationship with Ed is so much easier now, but we work hard at communication at all costs. (He's a stew-er and I'm a yell-er. Yelling makes him shut down. Stewing makes me crazy. Talk about over-thinking my way to a whole bunch of erroneous conclusions!)

A little bit of clarification:
I posted a lot about Ed way back in the day. Things were bad. Really bad. I had very little hope of things getting better and staying married to him. Hopefully, I've deleted or edited most of what I wrote, because I think it would really hurt him if he knew that I shared publicly just how little faith I had in us as a couple. (We've talked about it, of course. But hearing it from someone you love when things are okay, versus reading it on a public forum, are two very different things.)

I have learned an endless amount of things, and taken some incredibly beneficial advice, from the support I've found at MWO. But relationship advice was not in that category. The only suggestions I ever make in that regard are that communication is paramount. 'Cause I can tell you for certain, there are many people who would not put up with what Ed puts up with (and vice versa) that works perfectly fine for us.

Like everything else in sobriety and life, it takes time. Healing and communication both take time.

Sorry to dwell, but I think it's important, so I dwelled.

[Pavati]

BK's Naltrexone journey....

bkyogagurl;1666458 wrote:
I was invited to a ball game tonight but declined because I would rather sit here.
I don't feel like watching another depressing movie but here I go...
I feel like taking a sleeping pill and just sleeping til tomorrow.

Hi, BK!

I have felt like this several times lately - just want to sit, eat, and skip whatever I was invited to... I found that if I MAKE myself get up and out I feel so much better. One was a dinner with a bunch of female friends - I talked myself in to just stopping by and ended up staying for four hours, laughing and having a great time. Another was a dinner party with four friends. Again, ended up staying longer than I thought.

My point being, without alcohol it is harder for me to take that first step into things (being social, dancing, sex, whatever), but if I can use my now functioning brain to compel myself, those things are actually just as much fun (if not more).

Of course, I can't convince myself every time - last night was chocolate hagen daz and a good book instead of a pub crawl...

Hope you're doing well!!

xo
Pav

[bkyogagurl]

BK's Naltrexone journey....

YouKayBee;1666558 wrote: You need water to with all that glycogen, or you'll be thirsty as hell later!

Ummm?? Glycogen? In which one... The sparkling water or brownies??
And you were right... I'm thirsty..like I drank alcohol.
Interesting. Feel tired like I had a small hangover.

So do tell where the glycogen came from.

Your so smart...

[bkyogagurl]

BK's Naltrexone journey....

Pavati;1666699 wrote: Hi, BK!

I have felt like this several times lately - just want to sit, eat, and skip whatever I was invited to... I found that if I MAKE myself get up and out I feel so much better. One was a dinner with a bunch of female friends - I talked myself in to just stopping by and ended up staying for four hours, laughing and having a great time. Another was a dinner party with four friends. Again, ended up staying longer than I thought.

My point being, without alcohol it is harder for me to take that first step into things (being social, dancing, sex, whatever), but if I can use my now functioning brain to compel myself, those things are actually just as much fun (if not more).

Of course, I can't convince myself every time - last night was chocolate hagen daz and a good book instead of a pub crawl...

Hope you're doing well!!

xo
Pav

PAV!!

So good to here from you!!

Yes I do believe it would be beneficial for me to force myself into a shower before 9pm and socialize some..

Thanks for the advice... I am going to make an effort to do something with people today.:l

[bkyogagurl]

BK's Naltrexone journey....

Ne/Neva Eva;1666632 wrote: A little bit of clarification:
I posted a lot about Ed way back in the day. Things were bad. Really bad. I had very little hope of things getting better and staying married to him. Hopefully, I've deleted or edited most of what I wrote, because I think it would really hurt him if he knew that I shared publicly just how little faith I had in us as a couple. (We've talked about it, of course. But hearing it from someone you love when things are okay, versus reading it on a public forum, are two very different things.)

I have learned an endless amount of things, and taken some incredibly beneficial advice, from the support I've found at MWO. But relationship advice was not in that category. The only suggestions I ever make in that regard are that communication is paramount. 'Cause I can tell you for certain, there are many people who would not put up with what Ed puts up with (and vice versa) that works perfectly fine for us.

Like everything else in sobriety and life, it takes time. Healing and communication both take time.

Sorry to dwell, but I think it's important, so I dwelled.

Your not dwelling your sharing... Very important info in my opinion...

I try not to post to much relationship stuff as I know it is... Just that.. And it ebbs and flows.
There are sometimes that I could give two shits if my husband read my posts.. I actually think it would be good info for him even if it did hurt him..

We have been thru so much and he still has trouble supporting me in anything I choose...
It's his own insecurities that enable him and I am just starting to figure out that just because he says something to me doesn't mean I have internalize it..
He is conflicted and will give a very nice compliment but in the same sentence stab me with a condescending one...

Not really my issue.. And I am not going to drink away my emotions because I am afraid to stand up for myself. Just gonna start standing tall like a classy lady that I am and if that doesn't get me where I want to be I will be shocked.
Then maybe turn back to alcohol. Just kidding... Something is going on with me that I am having belief in myself... I am feeling strength in places I'm not sure I knew where there.
I woke this morning feeling dry mouthed and hungover but didn't drink..

I think my emotions play a terrible hand in my psyche and put more negativity in my body than I realize...
But realizing this is a great progress.

I gotta get to the gym and maybe go for a run today... I am taking myself to sushi as a treat afterward..
Don't feel like doing a single chore around the house and my outside gardening plans have seems to fall to the way side...

Good day to all be back this afternoon to check in..
Hugs for all and much love... As I love you all for being here.:l

Ps. Watched the Wolf of Wall Street.. What a complete trip to watch someone with so many addictions and no conscious...

[skullbabyland]

BK's Naltrexone journey....

bkyogagurl;1666705 wrote: Ummm?? Glycogen? In which one... The sparkling water or brownies??
And you were right... I'm thirsty..like I drank alcohol.
Interesting. Feel tired like I had a small hangover.

So do tell where the glycogen came from.

Your so smart...

Interesting- since quitting alcohol and (mostly) quitting sugar, I notice very distinctly that when I do have sugar (cheat days usually become something closer to a sugar binge) my heart beats fast at night and I totally feel hungover the next day. Tired, no energy nor motivation, a bit sad, quite dehydated..

Crazy how differently things can affect us at different times than they would otherwise... or maybe I just notice all the effects much more closely now.

[skullbabyland]

BK's Naltrexone journey....

Pavati;1666699 wrote: Hi, BK!

I have felt like this several times lately - just want to sit, eat, and skip whatever I was invited to... I found that if I MAKE myself get up and out I feel so much better. One was a dinner with a bunch of female friends - I talked myself in to just stopping by and ended up staying for four hours, laughing and having a great time. Another was a dinner party with four friends. Again, ended up staying longer than I thought.

My point being, without alcohol it is harder for me to take that first step into things (being social, dancing, sex, whatever), but if I can use my now functioning brain to compel myself, those things are actually just as much fun (if not more).

Of course, I can't convince myself every time - last night was chocolate hagen daz and a good book instead of a pub crawl...

Hope you're doing well!!

xo
Pav

I totally relate to this- I have to force myself to engage socially when I usually don't want to... I just want to chill at home by myself... but when I do, or when my GF makes me, I am almost always glad for it. Especially when I am continually surprised that I do enjoy myself being social without any alcohol. It's such a strange mindfuck, being sober... mostly in a good way..

[skullbabyland]

BK's Naltrexone journey....

bkyogagurl;1666712 wrote: Your not dwelling your sharing... Very important info in my opinion...

I try not to post to much relationship stuff as I know it is... Just that.. And it ebbs and flows.
There are sometimes that I could give two shits if my husband read my posts.. I actually think it would be good info for him even if it did hurt him..

We have been thru so much and he still has trouble supporting me in anything I choose...
It's his own insecurities that enable him and I am just starting to figure out that just because he says something to me doesn't mean I have internalize it..
He is conflicted and will give a very nice compliment but in the same sentence stab me with a condescending one...

Not really my issue.. And I am not going to drink away my emotions because I am afraid to stand up for myself. Just gonna start standing tall like a classy lady that I am and if that doesn't get me where I want to be I will be shocked.
Then maybe turn back to alcohol. Just kidding... Something is going on with me that I am having belief in myself... I am feeling strength in places I'm not sure I knew where there.
I woke this morning feeling dry mouthed and hungover but didn't drink..

I think my emotions play a terrible hand in my psyche and put more negativity in my body than I realize...
But realizing this is a great progress.

I gotta get to the gym and maybe go for a run today... I am taking myself to sushi as a treat afterward..
Don't feel like doing a single chore around the house and my outside gardening plans have seems to fall to the way side...

Good day to all be back this afternoon to check in..
Hugs for all and much love... As I love you all for being here.:l

Ps. Watched the Wolf of Wall Street.. What a complete trip to watch someone with so many addictions and no conscious...

Oh man... I hate those kinds of backhanded compliments, or passive aggressive compliment/stab types of comments... reminds me of how my dad used to treat us, and I think played a big part in how I feel about the world these days... anyway I digress, just wanted to say that I relate.

Anyways very cool that you are finding strength in places you didn't know you had it! It can feel very good to feel that strength, huh?? Good that you're doing a workout/sushi treat today. Enjoy it!

[bkyogagurl]

BK's Naltrexone journey....

Skull.. I gotta say I miss my main green man...

Thanks for always understand my issues... And stopping by. Things are good for the most part.
Downing a couple cold ones.... Odouls that is. I bought beer too but Odouls sounded better and plus I am starting to dislike the tired effect I get when I drink regular beer... It puts me in an almost coma recently... It used to give me lots of energy but after my workouts it knocks my ass out. No fun. Been trying to add mass to ass and after these workouts I'm plain wiped.

I didn't make sushi yet either... Came home and ate my healthy food cause I was starving...
My cupcakes and caramel popcorn are staring at me.. But not sure I want them either.

Gawd... I haven't done a damn thing so far this weekend... Kinda nice. Feel like I should at least plant a plant or something...