BK's Naltrexone journey....

[bkyogagurl]

BK's Naltrexone journey....

Welp- I bit the bullet and called my doc to see if she would prescribe gabapentin...

Wish me luck.. I am realizing the level of my own anxiety on a new level...
My mind races often but I have never really noticed or maybe just tried to push it aside by conversing with myself.... Sometimes I don't even realize I'm talking to myself til one of my family members points it out..
They tease me about my invisible friend...
But I have been hearing myself today and all the crazy thoughts that run thru my head...
Wild shit... I thought about just writing everything down for a day to see what I come up with...
Every single thought and makes my mind race...

[StuckinLA]

BK's Naltrexone journey....

bkyogagurl;1668459 wrote: Skull and Stuck....

It's a good damn thing you guys are virtual because I think would be in love with both of you...
You guys make me smile...


I don't *feel* virtual! I'm totally real!

bkyogagurl;1668508 wrote: Welp- I bit the bullet and called my doc to see if she would prescribe gabapentin...

Wish me luck..

No luck required, or shouldn't be. Gabapentin is one of those they throw around like candy. If not, easy enough to order online - River or Goldpharma.

1200 - 1800mg/day would be a completely sane dosage. 1800 is what was used in a recent study on 'pentin's effects on alcohol craving. Link to the study is... somewhere around here, I think on one of Spirit's threads.

[YouKayBee]

BK's Naltrexone journey....

Good look with the Gaba' I have used 'GABA' as a sports supplement, like l-glut it is supposed to help reduce alcohol intake, it didn't make any difference. Biggest difference I found comes from within - which is helped along by meds such as Nal/Baclofen(although this didn't help me as such, only pushed me into going to find about about nal!) and other combinations such as antabuse.

Hope your thoughts start to calm down. I remember the drinking cycle myself and racing head always came, along with a whole host of other stuff.

[Guitarista]

BK's Naltrexone journey....

Yo BK!

Dropping in to wish you a safe, sober, happy, healthy and magical weekend. Sending you lots of luuurve and positive vibes. Top stuff on day 4! :l

G bloke.

[Guitarista]

BK's Naltrexone journey....

Yo BK!

Dropping in to wish you a safe, sober, happy, healthy and magical weekend. Sending you lots of luuurve and positive vibes. Top stuff on day 4! :l

G bloke.

[bkyogagurl]

BK's Naltrexone journey....

YouKayBee;1668624 wrote: Good look with the Gaba' I have used 'GABA' as a sports supplement, like l-glut it is supposed to help reduce alcohol intake, it didn't make any difference. Biggest difference I found comes from within - which is helped along by meds such as Nal/Baclofen(although this didn't help me as such, only pushed me into going to find about about nal!) and other combinations such as antabuse.

Hope your thoughts start to calm down. I remember the drinking cycle myself and racing head always came, along with a whole host of other stuff.
Thoughts are pretty much leveled. My sweet trainer told me to call him so we could do a kick ass session. He said that always helps him. I may try it if there is another time. I would probably puke. It's gabapentin and here you have to have a script for it.. Not sure we are talking about the same stuff?? Just looked it up.. Different beast. Take a peek at Gabapentin on the web if you want.... See what you think..

You are definitely right about the change coming from within... But I need help with the within so I am going to stay close to this new counselor and let her help me. I am committing to reaching out more and I plan to do it here too. Not just riding the good waves here and then when I feel the big waves run away. I am gonna post my ass off-
You know you have been one of my very best friends here.. I was reading thru some of our old messages before I had to delete them:upset: thank you. THANK YOU.
:l

Guitarista;1668635 wrote: Yo BK!

Dropping in to wish you a safe, sober, happy, healthy and magical weekend. Sending you lots of luuurve and positive vibes. Top stuff on day 4! :l

G bloke.

G!!!!!!!!!!!

I tell ya dude... When you were gone from your thread I was checking that sucker everyday... Hoping you would come back. I'm not the type to bug to much but I was thinking of you.
Aalto! (That means a lot)
Thanks SO MUCH for stopping by... I have been wresting with the beast but I plan on that SSHHM weekend you sent me.. I don't have any desire to drink... Right now.
But I plan to keep my head on straight and yell, scream, jump up and down, whatever it takes to figure things out.
One thing I am promising myself is NOT to put my head in the sand if I get upset. I am gonna speak up.
:l

[bkyogagurl]

BK's Naltrexone journey....

StuckinLA;1668568 wrote: I don't *feel* virtual! I'm totally real!

No luck required, or shouldn't be. Gabapentin is one of those they throw around like candy. If not, easy enough to order online - River or Goldpharma.

1200 - 1800mg/day would be a completely sane dosage. 1800 is what was used in a recent study on 'pentin's effects on alcohol craving. Link to the study is... somewhere around here, I think on one of Spirit's threads.

You are real huh.. Good point.. I just can't hug ya... Not that I'm pervert or anything. Just good old fashion connection. I just wish I could sometimes. I'm not suggesting anything either... :H you are one of the people I am closest to here.. So naturally I feel more of a connection. You know what I mean dammit..

Haven't heard back from my doc.. I wouldn't be surprised if she said no. She can only do what she knows. Next up I will just go to a psyche to get it. Might not be bad as he might have some input on me. I have always wondered if I had a personality disorder...
I can already hear you saying "everyone" has one...

This for you today...:huggy thanks for always being my voice of reason with empathy. Empathy kills shame.

[bkyogagurl]

BK's Naltrexone journey....

This was from last night-

Ok.. Since I don't feel comfy posting on my page or anywhere on the forum right now because of the fucking idiot trying to sell purses... And bombing peoples threads.

But anyway had so much on my mind I wanted to tell about it..
Soooo.... Long story long...
I definitely feel anxiety is part of a sincere problem in my life.. We had tickets for a ball game tonight and my son was giving me a bit of grief. He is young he is suppose to. But I do not tolerate my children beyond a certain point of grief giving and remind them that they have choice...
Bitchy mom or not bitchy mom.... So anyway there the anxiety started. As we drove into the game the traffic was heavy and I started feeling fucked up like kinda jumpy floaty.. My arms started tingling- this has happened many times before but I always discounted it to whatever meds. But guess what I'm not on any meds right now..
Anxiety my friends... I met up with the husband and we had dinner... Then off to the game.. The crowd of people was overwhelming and all the beer carts... Beer everywhere...
I had to clinch my jaw... And I ate half a container of caramel corn something I would never normally do.. I did kind of want a beer. I did. But I knew I wouldn't cave.
I thought about how nice it would be to have a group of friends there to party with... Instead I had this fucking fat troll behind me yelling stuff constantly at the players.. Anxiety again..
I wanted to turn around and smack him.. Full fledge test of controlling myself. I thought in my mind why in the world did the husband bring me here? Why? Full of alcohol and crap food and this annoying atmosphere?
Before I got a chance to really get mad at him in my mind... I thought this is not his fault. It's the nature of the beast to test and test again. MFer already. Amazing the sensitivity that I noticed last night.

Oh and we are dinner at a really good brewery.. Ugh.
I had 2 NA beers. Done. Oh and cheesecake. Another thing I would have passed.

But here's the real kicker... When we walked out of that park I felt a breath of fresh air.. A feeling of I did it.. And
It wasn't that hard. The anxiety lifted and I realized it from exact what it was....

I did use food as a way out tho... I have been working out plenty to cover it... But I do not want to exchange one addiction for another... Cause I go big and if a food addiction is next... That scares the crap out of me. Not literally.

Anyway.. I feel like I have diarrhea of the mouth and could post forever but I must make waffles today for the little man so I must depart.
I will be back soon...

Much love to all... Thanks for always visiting my thread and helping me feel loved.
To really does help.

[Ne/Neva Eva]

BK's Naltrexone journey....

Please just stop with the "I'm worried I'm going to replace one addiction with another thing." Please. I could justify it and explain it and even point you to the research that says it doesn't happen ane the reasons that it undermines the whole getting-sober-coaster. Or you can just take my word for it that the cheesecake or the pill or the 18 pounds of MnMs (or the need for plenty of orgasms) is not going to result in a lifelong struggle with some sort of addiction. Eat the fucking food and do the other things, too. just sayin'

All else? Rock on.

[Ne/Neva Eva]

BK's Naltrexone journey....

Here's a nicer way to put it: I wish you would stop feeling badly about the things that make you (and the rest of us) feel good.

And an even better way to put it is this: I wish that you would feel really good about all of the things you get to do, taste, experience and be. Sobriety can be amazing.

Now, think about the way addiction works. You don't even have to get all technical about it. Just a general understanding will do.

Do you really think you have it in you to develop an obsession that will rival the one you have for alcohol? When we've already established the fact that you do not like to take pills, that you do like to take care of yourself, that you know what it means to be healthy and how to do it?

So eat the damn cheesecake and glory in it. woot!

[Ne/Neva Eva]

BK's Naltrexone journey....

Just fyi, I had to get up from my nap to write that last post. And now I've inspired myself to do some stuff. First I'm going to eat a salad with some leftovers and fill this belly. Then I'm going to go sweat in the garden because I bought more effin' flowers because they were just the right shade of orangy-red. Then I'm going to make my mind even smarter with chemistry. What fun!

Thanks.

[bkyogagurl]

BK's Naltrexone journey....

Ne-

Hmmmmm.... Guess that's what friends do is call you out...

You are right... I do worry about enjoying ANYTHING & do not think I deserve it...
I know and that is why I have began seeing a new counselor. I can't do this alone..

But do I think I could create another addiction equivalent to AL... YOU betcha I can.
I am a special kind of fucked up.
Doesn't mean I that I won't fight AL for fear of it... I was sorta kidding about a food addiction-an over eating disorder wouldn't be what "i" would choose... I do choose my addictions.
Carefully to suit the situation I'm in...
Like I said its a special kind of crazy that comes from deep inside...
That is what needs addressing...

I'm working on it... I was just writing my thoughts down.
Didn't mean to ruffle your feathers friend.

[bkyogagurl]

BK's Naltrexone journey....

Ne/Neva Eva;1668745 wrote: Please just stop with the "I'm worried I'm going to replace one addiction with another thing." Please. I could justify it and explain it and even point you to the research that says it doesn't happen ane the reasons that it undermines the whole getting-sober-coaster. Or you can just take my word for it that the cheesecake or the pill or the 18 pounds of MnMs (or the need for plenty of orgasms) is not going to result in a lifelong struggle with some sort of addiction. Eat the fucking food and do the other things, too. just sayin'

All else? Rock on.

Gotta say I do feel like you are bitching at me. Maybe my thoughts got a bit wild and they needed checking but I hate when I feel stressed over a post.
This where I feel "my" posts need to be filtered and I can't say what I want because someone isn't going to agree...

Good shit for me to get thru...
Because right now I just want to get the fuck out of here and never come back. Running away is easy for me. Not gonna do it this time.
But it's my thread and I feel that if you don't have anything encourage or nice to say don't post on it PLEASE!

A lot of times I am just simply processing "my" thoughts and don't need to be patronized.
Fair enough.

[Guitarista]

BK's Naltrexone journey....

bkyogagurl;1668712 wrote:

But here's the real kicker... When we walked out of that park I felt a breath of fresh air.. A feeling of I did it.. And
It wasn't that hard. The anxiety lifted and I realized it from exact what it was....

Yeah! :l

[paulywogg]

BK's Naltrexone journey....

I feel that way too bk,i used to post on my personal thread,just to work stuff out,but feel lectured at timesso i kind of abandoned going there anymore,neva is just giving advice though,you know she says it like it is