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HALT week from hell

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    HALT week from hell

    We all know the feeling of the HALT acronym, but sometimes there are periods of time that stand out from mere bad afternoons or days. During this week:

    On Monday I got reprimanded at work for trying to run a spreadsheet without first reading the spec. I lost sleep over being stressed about it and showed up to work 4 hours early.
    On Tuesday I got a programming assignment, and, being a little too enthusiastic about it, drank about 10 diet cokes. Having fallen behind on music, I canceled my guitar lesson for the week. Soaring from caffeine, I went to the bar and got slammed on 2 margaritas to calm down. Needless to say, sleep was not good that night.
    On Wednesday, my pipes froze and my toilet overflowed, leaving me unable to bathe and my room smelling like sewage. I had to cancel my gym appointment to deal with it and prevent my roommates from killing me. Sleep in my smelly, freezing room was not good.
    On Thursday, in addition to feeling (and smelling) like total shit, my coworkers and I started pondering layoffs since we had not gotten responses to emails all week. Stressed from that, and unwilling to go back into my room, I hit the bar again for 2 margaritas. Sleep in the freezing, shitty smelling room was again nonexistent.
    On Friday I'd had enough and called off work to get the pipes thawed out. I was seriously hung over and on the verge of snapping. I studied for my programming exam on Saturday, which I had failed and rescheduled. The pipes thawed that evening, leaving a ring of crusty sewage in the tub.
    On Saturday, I took the exam and passed with an exact passing score. But this was not a time to reflect and re strategize. I got trashed on two margaritas again.
    Today, I barely woke up in time for my rescheduled gym appointment and had the dawning realization that I may have lost my switch after going down to 75 mg two weeks ago.

    I'm going to hang tight and abstain, but that was a serious test of my endurance which would have been completely unmanageable two years ago. Let's just hope that my switch straightens back out. I have no idea how AA'ers handle weeks like this, and I would venture to guess a lot of them don't.

    #2
    HALT week from hell

    Well Fred, as you said two years ago you would have had a complete melt down. And this time you didn't. Give yourself a big pat on the back for that :goodjob:

    What you've described is a terrible week - and you got through it. Sober or drunk this week does sound like it would put most people in a tizzy. Good luck with reaching your switch again. Try to be patient - it will happen. :h
    My first "indifference experience" Saturday January 11, 2014. Thank God for Baclofen!

    Comment


      #3
      HALT week from hell

      Hi Fred,

      I think it may be the moon or something. I'm sorry you've been tested this week. :l

      Don't beat your self up. Monday starts a new week, mad a new month. Not sure where you are in this world but here in sunny CA it's raining!! I hope the sun is shining in your neck of the woods.

      I had a gut buster week too. It sucked. I didn't post much, sleep was horrible and my anxiety is kicking back in when I wake up. Like I said, maybe we can blame the earths alignment or something:headbanger

      Comment


        #4
        HALT week from hell

        Jeez, even my post got screwed up..sorry

        Sam

        Comment


          #5
          HALT week from hell

          Fred_The_Cat;1621866 wrote: We all know the feeling of the HALT acronym, but sometimes there are periods of time that stand out from mere bad afternoons or days. During this week:

          On Monday I got reprimanded at work for trying to run a spreadsheet without first reading the spec. I lost sleep over being stressed about it and showed up to work 4 hours early.
          On Tuesday I got a programming assignment, and, being a little too enthusiastic about it, drank about 10 diet cokes. Having fallen behind on music, I canceled my guitar lesson for the week. Soaring from caffeine, I went to the bar and got slammed on 2 margaritas to calm down. Needless to say, sleep was not good that night.
          On Wednesday, my pipes froze and my toilet overflowed, leaving me unable to bathe and my room smelling like sewage. I had to cancel my gym appointment to deal with it and prevent my roommates from killing me. Sleep in my smelly, freezing room was not good.
          On Thursday, in addition to feeling (and smelling) like total shit, my coworkers and I started pondering layoffs since we had not gotten responses to emails all week. Stressed from that, and unwilling to go back into my room, I hit the bar again for 2 margaritas. Sleep in the freezing, shitty smelling room was again nonexistent.
          On Friday I'd had enough and called off work to get the pipes thawed out. I was seriously hung over and on the verge of snapping. I studied for my programming exam on Saturday, which I had failed and rescheduled. The pipes thawed that evening, leaving a ring of crusty sewage in the tub.
          On Saturday, I took the exam and passed with an exact passing score. But this was not a time to reflect and re strategize. I got trashed on two margaritas again.
          Today, I barely woke up in time for my rescheduled gym appointment and had the dawning realization that I may have lost my switch after going down to 75 mg two weeks ago.

          I'm going to hang tight and abstain, but that was a serious test of my endurance which would have been completely unmanageable two years ago. Let's just hope that my switch straightens back out. I have no idea how AA'ers handle weeks like this, and I would venture to guess a lot of them don't.
          I haven't drunk alcohol for over 6 months and I'm not on any meds to help with that (TSM you only take the medication when/if you drink).

          It's hard when there's no escape, sometimes I used food - junk or sit there eating a big salad just something to do. There are times when things are going wrong, I feel tired and just want to run away and hide (used to hide in drink), but I don't, I just keep on going. I do have those 'bloody hell this is a drinking trigger moment' moments but the idea of drinking makes me feel sick inside, I'm completely repulsed and there's no danger I would drink - but I still get those 'moments'.

          Really pisses me off I have to face life and there's not escape. I don't do alcohol, don't do drugs, do have any prescription mind altering stuff. Ah well, I've got me!
          I used the Sinclair Method to beat my alcoholic drinking.

          Drank within safe limits for almost 2 years

          AF date 22/07/13

          Comment


            #6
            HALT week from hell

            Fred -Wow, tough week for sure. I hope things improve for you -sooner rather than later. And, I hope that your planned abstinence somehow helps you thru the upcoming days -difficult to imagine things could get better by drinking less?

            Comment


              #7
              HALT week from hell

              Oh Fred, I agree with SnK! It must be the moon! I forgot what anxiety felt like until this last week. Sheeesh.

              I can't imagine having to deal with such a mess being piled on day after day. Congrats on actually passing your exam though. Even if it wasn't wasn't up to par to your normal capabilities. The shit storm eventually paves a way to clearer skies....no pun intended.

              Have you decided on moving back up in dosage just a little bit?

              I hope this week continues to get better for you...
              ?If you get the inside right, the outside will fall into place. Primary reality is within; secondary reality without.? - Eckhart Tolle

              To contact me, please msg me here:
              mandiekinz@baclofenforalcoholism.com
              Baclofen for Alcoholism

              Comment


                #8
                HALT week from hell

                Fred hope next week is better. Hang in there buddy.
                No matter how far you go or how fast you run, you can't get away from yourself. ....said at an AA meeting. It stuck with me.

                Comment


                  #9
                  HALT week from hell

                  Thanks everyone- I think the switch loss fears may have been overblown as I'm not craving it now, though I still feel like total hell. Drinking will probably be off limits until next weekend when my sister visits with her friends, but until then I have a lot of catching up to do.

                  Comment


                    #10
                    HALT week from hell

                    Fred,

                    I've also switched on baclofen. Now when life gets shitty I have the choice to revert back to my habit of soothing things MOMENTARILY with alcohol or to find my way through. My January was horrible: an old lady creamed my car and I made myself miserable all day, ridiculous child support and state revenue issues that have continued since October and too much work. I got a used car, continued to unravel the child support and was grateful for all the $$ I'm making. It wasn't easy but it felt tons better than how I used to wallow in my troubles with alcohol. Yep, all that stress is a part of what's called life.

                    I'm glad you recognized you haven't lost your switch.

                    Comment

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