So much to read, so little time to do it...

[Mandiekinz]

Hiiiii, my wonderful and amazing cyber support buddies!

Just letting you all know that I'm here, I haven't been on in awhile but I'm here and alive and doing very, very well. Just completely swamped and haven't any time to catch up with the haps in here much less even able to do a freaking load of dishes. Just know that I MISS YOU PEOPLES!!!!

If anyone needs to get a hold of me, email me:
mandiekinz@baclofenforalcoholism.com
I'll be able to respond immediately or much faster than I would on here for the next week or so.

I'm thinking about you all often. I hope you lovelies are blissful and thriving in life. I will catch up soon, I promise.

XO

[Samandkatharine]

So much to read, so little time to do it...

Glad you are here..:l

Sam

[StuckinLA]

So much to read, so little time to do it...

Thread title - enough said.

Holyf**ksatan'ssnatch, ain't that the truth. Too much to read, and no flipping time.

:l

[spiritwolf333]

So much to read, so little time to do it...

Alright Mandi -you get a pass, but we need you back when you can.

[Mandiekinz]

So much to read, so little time to do it...

StuckinLA;1632288 wrote: Thread title - enough said.

Holyf**ksatan'ssnatch, ain't that the truth. Too much to read, and no flipping time.

:l

HAHA! Cute.


Through the last little while of waking up at 4AM and getting home at 8PM...I have realized that I am holding more responsibility than I have -ever- in my life been able to accomplish. I am the only one with a key to this store, the only one that can run the store, and it's right next to a liquor store (where I cash my check) AND next to a bar...Margarita on the rocks to go, pls...

Pssshhhh....There were only one other time that I worked like this. I was 17. It was during a two year stint away from booze and drugs as I was taking care of my daughter. Then, I was banned from Iceland and my life turned into shambles yet again.

The point of this?...

I'm a fecking alcoholic. I drink on my way to work (when I actually get a job), I drink on my breaks at work, and I get shitty faced on my way home from work. I go to sleep hating my job, not wanting to wake up in the morning, until I finally just say fuck it...I'll survive the streets again. It's much more comfortable that way with vomit in my hair and my precious bottle keeping me warm at night.

Now, I consider my alcoholism in remission. Walking into the liquor store to cash my check. The guy (whom I can't pronounce his name) said "You can get some booze too, I won't tell your boss". I didn't even think twice. I said, "thanks, but I've got too much work to do to get sloshed".

I walked out asking myself who the hell I was. Wait a minute! That's not Mandie. I haven't even thought about stopping in there AFTER work. I have an unopened bottle of vodka in the back of the truck that's been there for almost a month. I have 3 beers sitting in my fridge from a 6 pack the mister and I shared on Super Bowl Sunday.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not exactly all about total abstinence for myself. I enjoy going out every so often and let my S.O. relax and have fun after busting his ass 6 days a week.

I sit now, with a lot of pressure to make it to work to make this business run...and I don't feel the pressure. It feels natural. I wake up with a damn smile on my face looking forward to my day. Even after throwing an over-tired temper tantrum like a 3 year old in the grocery store last night, shopping at 9:30pm, not knowing what to get b/c I can't cook dinner anymore and hate microwaved foods, I was lost. My first freak out...but I have drive and energy to burst through the day completely grateful to finally live like the rest of society.

Evan would either be chewing me out to slow it down or be very proud. He said something one day that I thought meant I was hopeless. I asked him to explain...

He said "Mandie, you have this gigantic invisible schlong and you don't even realize it." "You're a f*cking kung fu panda. It's not here yet, you don't feel it yet but it'll come."

And here it is...knocking glasses and lamps off every table I walk past. My back hurts from carrying this thing around...but I'm very blissful and at ease.

I thank Evan every day for all of the help and time he invested in me. I thank baclofen and every one of you that has helped lead me into normalcy. Something we never thought was possible. But it is. It SOOOOOOOOO IS!!!!

On a side note, the one thread I read was quite upsetting. I've held my ground with a troll at one point, just b/c I saw so many of my friends getting torn into. But I've surrendered. So I'm going to point something out...

-We've been locked into a mental sickness, even when we aren't drinking or using drugs...Do you blame us or the illness?
-Schizophrenics are locked into a mental sickness, even when they are on drugs that are supposed to help...Do you blame them/us or the illness?
-Serial killers are locked into a mental sickness that cannot be helped...Do you blame them or the illness?
-Alzheimer's is a mental sickness that cannot be helped...Do you blame them or the illness?
-Liars, trolls, anyone with an emotional problem are locked into a mental sickness...Can you really blame them/us or the illness?

WHY ARE WE JUDGING AND SHUNNING PEOPLE ON HERE??? It's one thing to not agree with someone's point of view. It's another shut someone down without talking it out first.

The trolls are people too. In fact, one of them is a pretty intelligent piece of work. Embrace it, make peace with it. You cannot chase them away with throwing typed out words at them. Invite them in, give them a chance. They might have something really wonderful to offer. And they clearly like us.

We were all living in hell...some of us still are...let's not judge and shun and help one another into a sense of freedom that you all have done for me. Like Evan had did for me, no matter how much of a fecked up mess I was. We all know what it was like in our deepest, darkest, most evil times...we were liars and assholes too...

Just think about it.

Anyway...my very long winded and scattered post is at a closing.

Loving you all to molecules!
Fin.

[Yourfriend6116]

So much to read, so little time to do it...

Fantastic.

[spiritwolf333]

So much to read, so little time to do it...

Mandi -How incredibly exciting for you and your new work venture. Waking up each morning and feeling like you have a real purpose and are excited to be challenged -wow, that it is what life is all about in my opinion. Just feeling productive is awesome.

Mandi -the troll issue and problems therein is not about keeping people away because they disagree or just trying to cause problems, it is about people personally attacking people and causing personal injury. Look at the attacks on TK. JUST BECAUSE WE ARE AN FORUM DOES NOT MEAN WE ARE OPEN TO PERSONAL INJOUROUS ATTACKS. If this were to remain the case, most people would leave. The aggregators -standard trolls, often offer some funny rhetoric, but trolls who inflict personal injury are not funny -just ask those that have received the injuries.

[Mandiekinz]

So much to read, so little time to do it...

I'm talking more on the account that almost every new person entering the forum is cited as a troll and attacked.

Understandably it's from past problems, but come on. This is unacceptable. Even if he is a troll...there was no chance to explain or hear him out.

I don't want to be involved with MWO anymore due to this. It's hateful and shameful. All due to someone not completely explaining their situation.

I always miss out on important things when I type and make a post. And quite often I'm misunderstood.

So, I'll be in baclofenforalcoholism. This place is a mess and I don't care to read into the cafeteria drama. It benefits no one and only forces any newcomer that's only observing on the side lines, further from making a debut.

[spiritwolf333]

So much to read, so little time to do it...

Mandiekinz;1633510 wrote: I'm talking more on the account that almost every new person entering the forum is cited as a troll and attacked.

Understandably it's from past problems, but come on. This is unacceptable. Even if he is a troll...there was no chance to explain or hear him out.

I don't want to be involved with MWO anymore due to this. It's hateful and shameful. All due to someone not completely explaining their situation.

I always miss out on important things when I type and make a post. And quite often I'm misunderstood.

So, I'll be in baclofenforalcoholism. This place is a mess and I don't care to read into the cafeteria drama. It benefits no one and only forces any newcomer that's only observing on the side lines, further from making a debut.

Mandi - so disappointing to hear. From what I have seen and heard, you sure help a lot of folks around here on MWO. Nevertheless, at least I understand your decision. I am disappointed that one particular aggravator gets to read your message and feel his/her victory.

But hey Mandi, the good news about aggrevators-trolls is the fact that they exist off-line as well and the forum gives us some great real-life practice time.

Hope you will reconsider sometime, even if just to pop in every now and then.

[kronkcarr]

So much to read, so little time to do it...

spirit,

I'm not sure if you misread M's post. She's not leaving because of trolls. She's leaving because of our behaviors on here. She doesn't like how some of us have treated new comers.

[spiritwolf333]

So much to read, so little time to do it...

kronkcarr;1633797 wrote: spirit,

I'm not sure if you misread M's post. She's not leaving because of trolls. She's leaving because of our behaviors on here. She doesn't like how some of us have treated new comers.

Kronk -I did misread. Thanks for the heads-up.

[Otter]

So much to read, so little time to do it...

Hi Mandie

That was a great post.

I have decided not to post here anymore. Here's the reason:

Someone is trolling here, I think. I can't "prove" it...I just know it.

The problem is that if it is what I think it is, it is only going to get worse and things like that really get on my nerves and I am tempted to go after them until I make myself feel and look sick. But, if the troll is doing this for the reasons "he" has told me, then I understand why he is doing it, and to a large extent, I agree with what he is doing...so I am in a bind.

Alternatively, I may have got it wrong. In which case, I am finding a "red under every bed" and lashing out at him, them...who knows.

It is a puzzle which ultimately I don't really care if I put together anymore. There are better things to do and baclofen is too important to be reduced to a game played in the dark with someone who may have "see in the dark" goggles and a very highly developed sense of the ironic.

I will sign in to baclofenforalcoholism.com again soon as I have, for some reason, come back here and posted quite a bit recently to tell about my trip to see Dr. Beaurepaire...and then I got into this mess, again. When I tried to get back into the other forum I realized my left and right clickers on my laptop don't work so I couldn't get past the puzzle which required that I drag and drop parts of the picture of a telephone into the right places!

How easily the best laid schemes of mice and men oft go awry, I hear myself saying. Oh well, if I can get hold of a "mouse" I will start posting again, elsewhere, and maybe this "ship" that we started building a few years ago will make it to a safe harbour soon(ish).

[Mandiekinz]

So much to read, so little time to do it...

I'm not distancing myself from this forum b/c of the trolls. I'm distancing b/c of how we treat people here.

What if one of the trolls was actually a new comer just looking for a home in this forum and was chased out, just like I'm seeing what's going on now...and they felt shunned, abandoned, and that's why they are back with a vengeance?

What's fair about that situation?

Yet here we are, dogging on someone. It's like we're in America or something where you're guilty until you're proven innocent.

Trolls have innocence too. We sit here and talk shit about the trolls talking shit, yet we're constantly on here shitting on them too.

Sometimes, people use the forums b/c they don't know how to socialize in real life. Sometimes people don't know how to communicate and express their thoughts properly. Here we all are...with demons in our back pockets and a shitty history hovering over our heads and we're judging one another for what? Because we're all little bad asses behind a computer? Defending one another from the shit talking?

We were all alone. Many of us still are. The reason we are a part of this community is b/c we find solitude in here with the common denominator. We are lushes and addicts that take medication that is not widely accepted in the medical community and we are building this ladder helping to save one another, new comers, ourselves, all the while piecing together this puzzle. Perhaps the trolls (that invest an awful lot of time in here) find the same thing as we do. Only the difference is that they have the inability to allow anyone in. Probably due to getting shit on by us when they first entered the door as well.

Just food for thought. All of this "troll" nonsense and arguing and petty bullshit is not productive in our growth, healing, and building. I don't like logging into MWO and allowing myself to feel the hostility and anger between so many people. It's not healthy. I want to be in a place that can produce good, solid results with our understanding of our therapy, one another, and future outcomes...

Nothing personal. Just the drama breeds in here and it's awfully thick.

[Mandiekinz]

So much to read, so little time to do it...

Otter, Thank you for being so honest and forth right.

If you find that you're on a hunt, that's fine. You have your prerogatives.


I can't really wrap my head around getting worked up over someone who isn't physically hurting us. I can walk right over a mess on the ground without thinking twice about it when it comes to someone's internet words and threats.

[Xadrian]

So much to read, so little time to do it...

Otter;1633807 wrote: Hi Mandie

That was a great post.

I have decided not to post here anymore. Here's the reason:

Someone is trolling here, I think. I can't "prove" it...I just know it.

The problem is that if it is what I think it is, it is only going to get worse and things like that really get on my nerves and I am tempted to go after them until I make myself feel and look sick. But, if the troll is doing this for the reasons "he" has told me, then I understand why he is doing it, and to a large extent, I agree with what he is doing...so I am in a bind.

Alternatively, I may have got it wrong. In which case, I am finding a "red under every bed" and lashing out at him, them...who knows.

It is a puzzle which ultimately I don't really care if I put together anymore. There are better things to do and baclofen is too important to be reduced to a game played in the dark with someone who may have "see in the dark" goggles and a very highly developed sense of the ironic.

I will sign in to baclofenforalcoholism.com again soon as I have, for some reason, come back here and posted quite a bit recently to tell about my trip to see Dr. Beaurepaire...and then I got into this mess, again. When I tried to get back into the other forum I realized my left and right clickers on my laptop don't work so I couldn't get past the puzzle which required that I drag and drop parts of the picture of a telephone into the right places!

How easily the best laid schemes of mice and men oft go awry, I hear myself saying. Oh well, if I can get hold of a "mouse" I will start posting again, elsewhere, and maybe this "ship" that we started building a few years ago will make it to a safe harbour soon(ish).

I don't get it. Either you and some others are writing in some kind op cypher script I don't understand, or I am losing my mind.

It seems to me that there's a lot of paranoia on this forum lately and it appears to be contagious also.

Isn't the intention of this forum to exchange information, so we and others can benefit from it?
To help ourselves and others to get cured from a terrible, life-threatening disease?

Well, let's behave ourselves and try to have some normal discussions here, without the accusations and hypersuspicious behavior.

Trolls come and go and it will be clear soon enough if someone is really a troll.
However, no one is a troll, until "proven" otherwise.
Until that moment arrives, let's give new members the benefit of the doubt and be supportive, even when the appearances are against him.