Hi guys,
some of you might remember me from last summer, when I was posting daily on my progress with Bac. I used to have this doctor who prescribed it to me - though at a steady dosage I increased on my own - and I had reached the very beginning of indifference, meaning I was not indifferent every day, but the 2 days that I experienced it, relatively early in my progress, just left me elated and speechless, cos I hadn't been indifferent to alcohol for years. I simply could not believe it: it was happening.
Then I had to dump the doc cos the therapist he was working with was a vicious, heartless creature and because they both required me to go to AA (not gonna happen). Right after that I had a few months of personal drama that had nothing to do with drinking, so, though I kept drinking, my mind was 100% somewhere else. Wine just wasn't my priority anymore. My pain all resided elsewhere.
Before the beginning of this phase and after dumping the doctor, I had started taking liquid Bac, which at this point I stopped altogether b/c as I said my addiction preoccupation slipped to the back of my mind.
Then I contacted Evan again in November (btw.... what happened?????) to make sure I could still take the liquid Bac that had been sitting on my shelf since August. So I started again - only to stop a couple of weeks later, when I tritrated down because I had to fly to Europe (transportation of liquids is a freaking pain, and I would be staying with my parents so I did not want them to ask questions about what it was). Needless to say, when I came back I did not get back on it - a family tragedy threw my AL preoccupation to the back of my mind - yet again.
Right when I finally decided to start again on liquid Bac, in early April, and was about to call him, literally minutes before dialing the number, I read a hint to Evan's departure here. I e-mailed somebody to ask what happened but they never got back to me.
That moment, I thought I just had to put the Bac option to the side cos I'd never find a supplier or doctor who'd help me.
I thought about starting on my own again with online supplies, but I am a notorious chicken, and my husband did not like the idea of my having no medical supervision. Then I went to see a new psychiatrist just to get a refill on my depression meds, and, though he was very skeptical at the beginning ('very' being an understatement) when I told him that the guy who had prescribed Bac to me is an addiction expert (he is) he finally decided to prescribe Bac to me. Now here's the problem: he prescribed me 20 mg a day, what the previous doc had, and I KNOW that he would never consent to go progressively high in dosage, cos it's already a miracle that he prescribed that. So, since I also know that my addiction is worse than what it was last summer, and let me tell you I would never had thought that was even possible, and since I am fed up with and scared of myself and my losing control more and more - and more, I have decided to buy Bac online and take it along the pills the doc prescribes me, going up alone.
To get to my questions: could you guys pls tell me which online supplier you're using and above all which "version" of the medication (there's a bunch, I see!) treated you more gently, SE wise? The cheaper option would also be welcome. Also, I've read of so many different ways of going up on it that I don't know which to follow. I think I remember going up 10 mg a time was recommended, but every 3 or 6 days?
Right now, I have been on it since April 27, when I started with pills I thought were 10 mg each but were instead 20 ( I was so bummed by knowing that I wouldn't be able to go up under medical supervision that I did not even bother to read the label...!!). I stayed on 20 for one week, then I doubled taking two pills, thinking again that I was going from 10 to 20 but I was going from 20 to 40 (no wonder I felt like you do when you take xanax, the first time!). However, I realized my mistake mid-week, and I decided to come back here to ask for your help - yet again.
Thanks to each one of you who'll take the time to reply :h And, it's nice to be back
some of you might remember me from last summer, when I was posting daily on my progress with Bac. I used to have this doctor who prescribed it to me - though at a steady dosage I increased on my own - and I had reached the very beginning of indifference, meaning I was not indifferent every day, but the 2 days that I experienced it, relatively early in my progress, just left me elated and speechless, cos I hadn't been indifferent to alcohol for years. I simply could not believe it: it was happening.
Then I had to dump the doc cos the therapist he was working with was a vicious, heartless creature and because they both required me to go to AA (not gonna happen). Right after that I had a few months of personal drama that had nothing to do with drinking, so, though I kept drinking, my mind was 100% somewhere else. Wine just wasn't my priority anymore. My pain all resided elsewhere.
Before the beginning of this phase and after dumping the doctor, I had started taking liquid Bac, which at this point I stopped altogether b/c as I said my addiction preoccupation slipped to the back of my mind.
Then I contacted Evan again in November (btw.... what happened?????) to make sure I could still take the liquid Bac that had been sitting on my shelf since August. So I started again - only to stop a couple of weeks later, when I tritrated down because I had to fly to Europe (transportation of liquids is a freaking pain, and I would be staying with my parents so I did not want them to ask questions about what it was). Needless to say, when I came back I did not get back on it - a family tragedy threw my AL preoccupation to the back of my mind - yet again.
Right when I finally decided to start again on liquid Bac, in early April, and was about to call him, literally minutes before dialing the number, I read a hint to Evan's departure here. I e-mailed somebody to ask what happened but they never got back to me.
That moment, I thought I just had to put the Bac option to the side cos I'd never find a supplier or doctor who'd help me.
I thought about starting on my own again with online supplies, but I am a notorious chicken, and my husband did not like the idea of my having no medical supervision. Then I went to see a new psychiatrist just to get a refill on my depression meds, and, though he was very skeptical at the beginning ('very' being an understatement) when I told him that the guy who had prescribed Bac to me is an addiction expert (he is) he finally decided to prescribe Bac to me. Now here's the problem: he prescribed me 20 mg a day, what the previous doc had, and I KNOW that he would never consent to go progressively high in dosage, cos it's already a miracle that he prescribed that. So, since I also know that my addiction is worse than what it was last summer, and let me tell you I would never had thought that was even possible, and since I am fed up with and scared of myself and my losing control more and more - and more, I have decided to buy Bac online and take it along the pills the doc prescribes me, going up alone.
To get to my questions: could you guys pls tell me which online supplier you're using and above all which "version" of the medication (there's a bunch, I see!) treated you more gently, SE wise? The cheaper option would also be welcome. Also, I've read of so many different ways of going up on it that I don't know which to follow. I think I remember going up 10 mg a time was recommended, but every 3 or 6 days?
Right now, I have been on it since April 27, when I started with pills I thought were 10 mg each but were instead 20 ( I was so bummed by knowing that I wouldn't be able to go up under medical supervision that I did not even bother to read the label...!!). I stayed on 20 for one week, then I doubled taking two pills, thinking again that I was going from 10 to 20 but I was going from 20 to 40 (no wonder I felt like you do when you take xanax, the first time!). However, I realized my mistake mid-week, and I decided to come back here to ask for your help - yet again.
Thanks to each one of you who'll take the time to reply :h And, it's nice to be back
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