Here we go again

[Lostinspace]

Thanks, nicnak. The reason I think I’m no longer indifferent is because I actually want to drink again and crave it, which sucks. That wasn’t the case before I drank two weekends ago. I’m sorry you had to start all over again after reaching a good place. That’s really awful. And switch doses are screwy. I’ve thought I hit a switch before, only to end up needing to go substantially higher. Some people seem to have the same switch dose every single time they go up. Others not so much. It’s all very individual and makes it confusing for us. Don’t get discouraged if you have to go up a ways from where you were before. It’s just the nature of the beast for some of us.

Thanks, Ne. I’m not so much worried about having a “blip.” I’ve just been really down on myself both for screwing up a close friendship and for screwing up my indifference - both needless things, only one of which can be undone. Sorry I’ve been such a downer recently. But maybe you're right and I was never *really* there in the first place. I am going up on bac. I’ve been taking an additional 25 mg the last couple days, although I’m hoping this is just a temporary thing. I’ll see how it goes. And thanks for the hugs. Let’s both jkttdp and we’ll be alright soon enough :hug:

[MeJustMe]

Hi LIS, all I can say is well done for being so determined to not let this blip get in the way of your quest for sobriety. As you know, I also was sober for almost three months and drank again. It took me months to get back to indifference, lifting my Bac dose from 75mg to 175mg. I know what you're saying about being upset about losing indifference -- I too was really feeling bad about it. Yet you know 'the only way is up', to quote that song from about 25 years ago!
I have been indifferent and AF for 2.5 weeks now. Have my good days and bad days. I have been given a big job to do, at short notice with a fairly tight deadline. I was in a panic about it yesterday, wondering how I'd do that and all the other stuff I need to file soon. I kept having to tell myself, it will be okay, I'll get it done.
I don't know if it was that or that combined with the general fatigue I've had since hitting 175mg, but I had to go lie down for 30min yesterday afternoon. I felt like I'd just stepped off a 24-hour international flight and had the biggest jet-lag in history. I came good after that. There is also the issue of my diet -- I ate like a pig on Saturday night at a friend's place -- they were all drinking and usually I'd be right in there -- so maybe the eating was to compensate. Whatever the reason, I've been snoring again, and feeling exhausted when I wake up. So I'm going to pair back the food intake and get back on that exercise bike, which I've not done since Saturday morning.
I am tritrating down a bit with the Bac, too. I went from 175 to 170 a week ago and last night dropped to 160mg. I am pretty wary of dropping any more than that. I don't want the cravings back.
My wife has started taking Bac too, been on it for about three weeks. She's up to 75mg, but hasn't hit the switch. It's hard to see her suffering with AL, and also hard living with it too, to be honest. I find it frustrating seeing her wobbling around, asking me the same things half a dozen times, forgetting that I've already answered. Then not remembering any of that the next day. I hope she gets to her switch soon -- for her and us!

[nicnak68]

Be very careful titrating down.I did that soon after hitting my switched and found myself drinking again��

[Lostinspace]

Thanks, MJM. I’m so glad to hear you’re still doing so well, indifference-wise. Congrats on two and half weeks AF! Fatigue really sucks to deal with, and I’m sure a lot of that is because you’re still adjusting to the bac, but you’re right that too much food can knock you out, too. I’ve noticed that whenever I’ve severely overeaten (which happens more than I’d like to admit these days) I actually feel hungover the next day. It’s something I’m trying to steer away from myself, although it’s kinda hard right now because I have a very productive apple tree in my back yard and a husband who loves baking, so there’s been a lot of pie in my life these past few weeks :P That’s so awesome that your wife has also started on bac I know it must be hard right now watching her still acting drunk and wishing she would just hurry up and hit her switch, but you guys can be a really good support for each other. It’s really great that you have a partner who understands.

[Stevo]

Just dropping in quickly to say g'day.

LIS that food hangover feeling is something I get too,especially after Mc Donalds.It is something that I am not too keen on eating anyway but having children who love it sometimes I bite the bullet as it is the easy option and do I pay for it the next day.I don't know what it is but everyone tends to know that their food is full of chemicals.I hope that you are feeling a bit better as the days go by.

As for me,I leave to go and see my mother tomorrow and the anxiety has kicked into overdrive.I haven't been sleeping well although last night wasn't too bad but I think that I was plain exhausted from only getting a few hours a night for the last 3 or 4 nights.
I had another big drinking weekend as we went out to friends for a BBQ and the party didn't end when the BBQ was finished,it rolled into the next day aswell.It worries me a bit that I have had really big drinking sessions quite regularly over the last month so I have decided to up my dose of bac.I was cruising along on 125mg but decided to go up to 130mg the other day.I hit my switch at 142.5 so if necessary I have a little room to play.
I still have no cravings through the week but give me half a chance to hit it on the weekends and I seem to be ready to drink with gusto.I have also noticed that the only time I seem to get cravings is after I have been drinking the night before.

Study is still plodding along as per usual and I haven't looked any further into doing the other course yet.

Not much else to say other than it is great to see all the activity happening in here and the meds section in general and I hope that everyone is going well.

Cheers Stevo.

[StuckinLA]

Hi folks. I haven't posted in a minute but I have been reading here pretty much daily. At least this thread, anyway. I don't bother with anything else here right now - I have little to contribute and, honestly, just can't be bothered. So I salute all of you who are offering advice and support to any of the newbies on the bac journey and such.

I don't even know where I'm at right now. Drinking quite a bit, and daily. Getting up before 7, driving to work, teaching for 3 or 4 hours a day, meeting with students for another hour or so, driving home. Then drinking a 12-pack while planning classes for the next day and grading papers, and then getting up to do it all over again the next day.

The girl and I barely speak to each other, but she doesn't seem pissed. Just... well, we're disconnected. She wanted to go on a real date last Friday, to a movie. I didn't want to see this particular movie and movies aren't my thing anyway, but I figured what the hell. She wanted to check out this nice theater with reclining seats and waitresses and all, but I was kind of drunk and the movie was god-awful. Then there was a bit about a father being killed - which reminded her of her dad passing. So she's crying and we're both drinking and then we get home and she wants to go to the bar.

Yeah. The bouncer knows us, so he let us skip the line. I start doing shots and having beers, she is stumbling around and the bouncer and bartender are laughing to me about how drunk she is, then she spills wine on the couple sitting next to her, and then we get home and she throws up for 2 days.

So, I dunno. I'm just trying to make it through the day, the week, the semester until I start teaching the next round of classes. I'm desperately unhappy with the way things are, but unsure how to make them better. Still doing job applications, still not writing. And drinking a dozen beers a night probably isn't helping. Though it for damned sure is helping me sleep a little. At least there's that.

Sorry to be a downer. Hope y'all are doing well.

Hang in there with your mom, Steveo - just a quick trip and you'll be back home in no time.

[Stevo]

This afternoon my car got stuck in reverse in a shopping centre car park,after being helped to finally get it in first by an old guy who was a complete stranger I drove it about 3 kms to my mechanic in first gear.He called me an hour later and said that the clutch cable had come loose and that he had fixed it and taken measures to make sure it doesn't happen again.I went and profusely thanked him as this is the car that I am relying on to get to the airport in the morning and drove away.I did some errands and everything seemed to be fine again until the clutch cable completely snapped lol about a block from my house.It was just past 5 pm and I live in a small regional city so I am thinking how will I get to the airport in the morning?I jammed the gear into first again and made it home where I frantically searched the net for a car hire place that was open with what seemed at first no luck.
The last place on the list answers the phone and the guy says,"no worries you can pick up a car at 8 in the morning and we have an outlet at the airport."
I cannot believe how stressful this afternoon has been yet somehow it all worked out in the end.I even rang the airport parking guys and they cancelled the 5 days that I had booked without batting an eyelid,no fees for cancelling or anything...what a relief.

I know that this has nothing to do with medications or AUD but I needed to share this with someone.

I really hope that I sleep tonight and tomorrow goes down without a hitch.

Thanks for the encouragement too Stuck,it is always appreciated.

I am guessing that my next post will be sometime next week when I get back so until then,take care everyone.

Cheers Stevo.

[heds22]

Baclofen has been known to increase growth hormone which in combination with alcohol could be a cause of increased aggressive behaviour.

[Lostinspace]

Stevo - That’s a really good move to go up on bac again if you’re having one too many free-for-all drinking fests on the weekends. You don’t want to wait until sh*t completely hits the fan. You’ve come way too far for that. And I’m glad to hear everything finally worked out with getting a rental car for tomorrow, but sheesh! Way to have an extremely stressful day made even worse! I’m sorry you had to go through that. I hope you can get some good sleep tonight and that your trip goes as well as can be expected. I’ll be thinking of you.

Stuck - I’m sorry to hear about the drinking, and even more sorry to hear how unhappy you are right now. That’s gotta be really hard living with someone who you’ve become disconnected to. Have you talked to her about how you’re feeling about everything? I’m not sure what the answer is, but getting things out in the open can’t hurt. You’ve had a rough couple months with her planning to move out, then not moving out (and apparently not even feeling the need to mention it until you asked - what?!). I hope you’re at least taking some time outside of teaching and grading to do some things that are fun or relaxing - besides drinking, that is. When things are cold in a relationship, you need to be extra nice to yourself. Hang in there, my friend :hug:

Thanks for the info, heds. I remember reading a looooong time ago that bac can increase growth hormone, but I didn’t know that would lead to an increase in aggression when combined with alcohol. That makes me feel a little better about my recent gigantic f*ck-up - well, not really better because it still happened. But at least it helps explain some things.

[StuckinLA]

Hi there. Hope all are well. Stevo I hope you're hanging in there on your trip. Lis, how's things? Have your cravings lessened with the bac increase?.

[Lostinspace]

Hey Stuck. The cravings have lessened dramatically the past couple days. In fact, I don’t know if I would even call what I’m experiencing now cravings. It’s more like I’ll start thinking about drinking for whatever reason and it seems like a reeeeally tempting idea, but only for a few minutes or so. Not too hard to deal with, but I want indifference back! The only reason I even complain to myself about it is because I know what it’s like to truly not give a sh*t about alcohol. Anyway, other than that things are OK. I’m starting to come out of my self-hating mini-depression. Work is slow for a change - actually TOO slow. I’m in between projects at the moment and don’t really know what to do with myself.

How are things with you? Have you talked to your girlfriend about anything or is it just too awkward/painful to bring up? I hope you’re hanging in there.

How’s everyone else out there doing? Stevo - I hope your trip is going as well as can be expected. I’m sending many positive vibes across the globe to you. MJM - How’s the bike? Ne - Are you doing alright? I hope your sudden fall off the radar is because you’re too busy with school to post. Check in with us when you get a chance. kronk - How’s your recovery from your injury progressing? Are you starting to run on land yet? dun - Long time no speak. How are things going with the gabapentin? Did you have any more episodes of leg pain? Anyway, I hope everyone out there is having a good one.

[Stevo]

Quick message to say g'day,
thanks for the positive vibes guys.I am hanging in there and am on day number 3 of being with my family.My mum is not real well at all and still drinking,she way too far gone to read Dr. A's book and it is sad to see.I don't think that she would be interested anyway,she seems hell bent on continuing to drink no matter what.

The first couple of days were really hard but last night I spent the night at my brother in laws and we have always been great mates,it was a welcome relief...not to mention a great catch up.

Not much else to say except I have been throwing another 25mg into the mix when things have gotten too stressful and it seems to be working.

Damn I had forgotten about how entrenched the drinking culture was down here,I am definitely not used to it anymore.

Will post again if I can and thanks again for the positive vibes.

Hope all are well,

Cheers Stevo.

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Hi, all. Like Stuck, I've been reading and not posting. Sorry.



Stuck, so sorry you're so unhappy. Really. Sending good vibes your way.

Lis, I totally get what you mean about indifference. It makes all the difference.

Stevo, so glad you caught a break with your BIL. That seems like it was probably a really good idea.

I know I'm forgetting MJM...Sorry.

Dun, it's about time you check in somewhere!

Hed22, I'm not sure where you found that information. As always, I'd like to see the research. It sounds interesting. Sounds like it would also have some pretty serious implications for both alcoholics/addicts and for people with spasticity...Definitely need more info.



Much love, peeps. Will spend some time updating on my own thread sometime very soon-ish.



:hug:

[dundrinkn]

Lis, that's great news that the cravings have eased. Indifference is surely just around the corner and so glad you've eased up on yourself.

Stevo -- hang in there. Sounds like you're holding your space during a very difficult time. Taking time to be with your brother-in-law was a good call and a good break. Sending good vibes your way.

Stuck -- sorry things suck so bad. I really hope something shifts soon. Try not to blow anything up unless you are ready for the consequences of that. Easier said then done, I know.

Hope everyone else is enjoying the weekend. We've seen wild turkeys, a few deer and a bobcat out the window so far today. Nature is so cool.

[Ne/Neva Eva]

We have rats in our attic. Again. Nature is not always cool.

Better than a bobcat in the attic, though. Or even a raccoon. Those things can be terrifying for all their cute cuddliness. It's the opposable thumbs...

Happy Saturday.