Here we go again

[Lostinspace]

Stevo - Thanks for answering. I understand the cost aspect - a lot. Bac can be expensive. But then so can drinking, so you have to weigh the two, and it seems like you have a good mindset to do that. I’m glad you’re not planning on coming off entirely. It’s done too much good for you! Just the fact that you can look in your fridge (with alcohol in it) and not be bothered by it speaks for itself. I want you to continue on like this indefinitely.

Anyway, I didn’t make the AF week that I wanted to make. Surprise, surprise. I only made it six days. Oh well, time to try again. . . and I will. I hope you all have a great night!

[StuckinLA]

Word. 6 days is no small thing, Lis. And I know you're going to keep on fighting the good fight.

Things are both quiet and hectic around here. The girl's mom is staying with us - she got in Wednesday night, and not leaving until Tuesday. She's sleeping in our living room. It could be worse - the girl only worked a 1/2 day yesterday and took her mom to work with her for a bit and then I guess she (mom) hung out downtown until they both came home in the afternoon.

And today they left on a mini-road trip up to the Bay Area. Mostly the girl planned it to give me some space since she realized quite late that her mom will be here 6 freaking days. Anyway, point is that I've got the place to myself until Sunday. Yay.

Of course I'm drinking (after being AF since Tuesday). But I also am working on crap that I need to work on. Meeting with my independent study student this weekend, so reading and planning that meeting. Also still working (oh god so slowly) on writing. And I'm deep into a novel that I'm kind of loving right now. So there are things other than getting hammered that I both want to and am interested in doing.

Blah blah blah.

Watch out for the coming down, Stevo. Just a word of caution from a guy who did it while he'd already started drinking again from time to time. Keep an eye on things, is all I'm saying. Hope everyone's doing well, hugs all around.

[Lostinspace]

Stuck - I’m glad to hear you’re still coming along (even if slowly) on the writing and that you’re lost in a great novel. It’s great that you have other interests that legitimately compete with alcohol. That definitely makes it easier. And thank god your girlfriend gave you a little space and took her mom out for a while. I’m sure it’s nice for her to have her mother staying there, but man! Having another person in your apartment for so long when things have been up and down between the two of you must be stressful. I hope you got to enjoy the quiet

I’m back on day two AF and looking forward to trying for another AF week to come. I’m having a rough time with wanting to drink at the moment, but I think it’s because I just finished a report that I e-mailed off to my boss. I’m feeling a little bit relieved to have finished, but also massively insecure that it’s not good enough, and that he’s on the other end of that e-mail reading and thinking “wtf is this garbage?!” Anyway, I’m trying to get over it. I hope you’re all having a lovely Sunday!

[StuckinLA]

I didn't do any of those things. I got drunk, and kept getting drunk. Today I can barely get out of bed, and the girl is furious. As she has every right to be. My relationship is f**ked. I'm just taking Ativan and staying in bed and telling myself I won't feel like this forever. I just need some sleep.

Hope you all are having a better day.

[jane27]

Stuck, you absolutely won't feel this shitty forever. Be good to yourself, get rest and do as little as possible. An hour at a time you will feel better. The more challenging part will be keeping yourself in check when you do. But you've done it before, and you know even better than we do, how capable you are, of doing it all again. Xo

[Stevo]

Hang in there Stuck.
You would know all too well that how you are feeling right now is only temporary.Jane said so it much better.

Tomorrow does not have to be a reflection of yesterday.

Hope to hear you are feeling better soon.

LIS I want to echo Stucks words too 6 days is awesome well done.

[StuckinLA]

Good morning all. Feeling much better today, though still a bit weak all over. Been able to start eating again here and there. Meeting with my independent study student in a couple hours - I rescheduled because I was drunk, though of course that's between only you, me, and the fence post.

The girl's mom goes back later today, I believe. Looking forward to normalcy. Hope everyone's having a good one out there.

[Lostinspace]

Hey Stuck. Glad to hear you’re feeling better. The next few days might be a little rough as you know, but you have ativan on hand as needed. I assume you’re managing withdrawal OK (if it’s even an issue. You said the latest time that it wasn’t)? It’s always an up and down battle from where you start, but I do believe that one of these times you will start going uphill for the long run. You keep trying. That’s the important part. A lesser man would be doomed. Keep on keeping on, and you WILL be OK. I promise. It takes many attempts to stop the habit. I have faith in you. You can do this. You can make things work. Other than that, have a :hug:

Btw, I apologize if I’m too wordy or stupid. I drank tonight for the first time since Friday, so I feel myself gushing a little.

[MeJustMe]

Hey everyone, sorry about the radio silence. A lot has been going on.

Stuck, mate it's such a hard thing to stop drinking. I have been there, done that a thousand times. Hard too is the by-products of AL: hang-overs, shitty relations ships, etc etc. I don't know what the key is to stopping, except that somewhere inside you say 'this is enough'. I knew about Baclofen a year before I started taking it. Hang in there mate.

LIS - sounds like you've been making great progress with AF days. Please don't give yourself a hard time about drinking again. How's the Bac going? Are you on a decent dose/quality?

Stevo - It sounds like things are going well for you - the study, home life and the insurance has finally begun to sort out. Call me a worry-wart, but I too am a bit concerned for you re drinking and also reducing Bac. None of my business really, I know, but please take care.

I am not drinking, and it's been something like two months now, but I'm not doing the AA thing and counting exactly. Things have been okay, my work as I've mentioned before has gone off. My relationship with my wife is better, and she even had a week AF. Here's hoping for more.

I am on 75mg Bac, reduced down from 85mg because I ran out of 10mg tablets. Stupid really I know, been a few weeks. I've decided to go get more 10mg and go back up to 85mg.

My mum is dying. That's been a bit hard. She has declined over the last two years, with repeated hospital stays, every time her mobility that bit worse. She was admitted two weeks ago and has had two small strokes, the Drs think. She is a bit confused.

Mum has always been a 'glass half-full' person and has always been determined to get better. Now she has given up. She asked to see everyone yesterday, basically to say good-bye. She has been in chronic pain for 10 years with arthritis in her shoulders, and then her back. Nothing except pain killers has worked, she has been to pain clinics etc etc. Even pain killers don't alway work. Now she has had the strokes, she is in an adult nappy and needs two nurses to get her up. She has to be fed. For such a proud, elegantly dressed woman, to be the way she is now must be so hard for her.

I have been pretty stoic since yesterday, but can't concentrate much on my work. I feel a bit detached; a few times I have wanted to cry but have stopped myself. I feel like if I start, I won't stop.

Take care everyone.

[dundrinkn]

MJM -- so very sorry about your mom. That must be incredibly hard. I understand your hesitancy to go into the emotion. I don't like feeling feelings much either. Do your best to stay present with her and with yourself. In the long run, you'll be glad you did. I was there when my dad died a few years back. Stayed sober through it. I was very sad on and off. But walked all the way through it. It helps now that I don't have any regrets about that time. Especially since there are no do overs when someone is dying. Thinking of you and sending love. DD

[StuckinLA]

Very sorry for the situation with your mom, MJM. Reiterating what Dun said, and sending my best wishes.

[jane27]

MJM, wishing you strength. Hang in there. Xo

[Lostinspace]

MJM - I’m so very sorry to hear about your mom. That’s so hard to see a family member go through that. I can definitely understand that feeling of “I don’t want to cry because I won’t stop.” I’ve been there before with grief, but I can assure you that if you do cry, you will stop. It might take a while (at the time, and then again on a later date), and it might be scary to feel those feelings, but I believe it can be cathartic. You don’t have to, of course, if it feels more right within yourself to be stoic. I’m just letting you know that your tears will not run amok forever. Again, I’m so sorry that your mom is in that state, and I hope that you can find some small pockets of peace in your day, where you can at least focus on work, or anything else really. Hang in there, my friend :hug:

[Stevo]

Hi MJM,
I just wanted to say that I am also sorry to hear about your mum.I don't really know what else to say about it but it was nice to hear from you again albeit under such terrible circumstances.

[StuckinLA]

Hey everybody. MJM, I hope you're still holding up.

Not much going on here. Teaching today. Still AF since Tuesday. Had a bit of a talk with the girl about last weekend's drinking. Not a pleasant conversation, but we are ok today. And things will probably continue to be ok as long as I'm AF still. Blah blah blah no pressure.

Take care y'all.