Here we go again

[Stevo]

G'day to all,

For starters I am glad that you found the cat Stuck haha,I enjoyed reading your post the other day.

LIS It is what it is,we drink.You may have needed to blow off some steam so to speak after working so consistently hard lately.

MJM I agree with everyone else keep going up on the bac and see what happens.You are still on a fairly low dose.

As for me I have been busy studying and trying to get the first 3 modules finished in my course.I am pretty much done after kicking my kids out of the house for 2 days this week.Obviously I didn't actually kick them out but I did send them up to their nannas,it worked a treat.
I have been studying with my friend who killed himself's sister who through a strange twist is doing the course with me.It is amazing and kind of a healing experience to be getting to know her after his death.She is so much like him,her mannerisms,sense of humour and even to look at her,it is uncanny.She has told me that spending time with me has been good for her too,it is a very nice situation.
I know that most people on here don't really go for the spiritual approach to things but I have said before that I believe everything is spiritual in some way,even if I cant grasp just how or why and I truly believe that this for me is just another experience in that vein.
I wonder if science could explain something like this hmmm.If someone knows of a way I would love to hear about it.

Today was a strange day for me and it may have to do with my tapering down on the bac.I began thinking about drinking this afternoon,it is Thursday here in Australia and as most here know I have only really drank on the weekends since I started drinking again.This afternoon though I was very restless and my mind kept tending towards going to the bottlo and getting a carton.I could think of nothing better to do than drinking beer.I am not really much of an impulsive person but in an attempt to divert my thinking I jumped online and brought myself a $53 set of fingerboard wheels(ridiculously expensive).For me this was highly unusual as I have become a lot like Ebenezer Scrooge when it comes to money.I then got in the car and went out to do shopping errands that weren't really necessary just trying to kill time.The whole time I was driving around I couldn't shake the thought that I could pull through a drive through bottle shop and there was nothing to stop me.
I am glad to say that I didn't and I am not far from bed as I write this but it was something that I have not experienced in a while.
It also may have had something to do with all the time I have spent this week studying not to mention dealing with my little company which doesn't seem to stop just because I would like it to these days.Who knows?I certainly think it has something to do with being on a lower dose of bac.If I find that it starts to become regular I will be going back up,I have only gone down by 22.5 at this stage.
I don't find this to be a worrying thing just an interesting and unexpected experience.

Anywho,that is me for today.I hope everyone is well and as always I look forward to reading your posts again soon.

Take care...

Cheers Stevo.

[Stevo]

For some reason my post appeared twice so I just removed the second lot of text.I am not too sure how to remove a whole post.

[StuckinLA]

Hi all. Good job on avoiding the beer, Stevo. Wish I could say the same for myself. The girl left for Vegas Wednesday afternoon and the first thing I did was go to the store for a case of beer and a bottle of bourbon. I, too, had that restless, crawling out of my skin feeling all afternoon and it seemed only a couple of shots and a handful of beers would fix it. I guess it worked? I dunno, I went to the bar and sat around there and then passed out when I got home and drank all day yesterday. Seems this is what I do every time I'm alone now, and it's not a great trend.

Feeling pretty crappy this morning, but haven't drank yet today. I might this afternoon. The girl comes home tomorrow. I miss her, and I actually miss how I felt with the 2 weeks AF. I'm looking forward to her getting home. I'm just so stuck on the book I'm working on, haven't been able to figure out what I'm trying to do or been able to really concentrate on it at all. No job prospects, and pretty much in a rut at the moment. Hope you all are having a good day.

[Lostinspace]

Stevo - That’s really awesome that you’re studying with your friend’s sister. Those kinds of things can be really healing. I know when my boyfriend committed suicide when I was 19, I got a lot of comfort from spending time with his parents, and they did from me as well. I’m also really glad to hear that you’re keeping an eye on your cravings, and are willing to go back up as needed. Good luck with your continued school work!

Stuck - I understand how incredibly easy it would be to just not care and drink whenever your girlfriend’s out of town. I would do the same thing. But not only is it your goal to remain AF right now, you said yourself that you felt better during those two weeks alcohol free. Do you think that maybe the next time your girlfriend’s out of town for the weekend you could book some time elsewhere? Whether it’s arranging time to do AF things with friends of yours or signing up for a weekend fitness class of some sort? It seems that you need to really plan and structure your time alone.

As for me, I apologize if my advice is off tonight. I’m VERY distracted because about 30 minutes ago, my husband asked me to move my car into the shade so that he could (very kindly) work on the scratches that some asshole left in a parking lot. I had to admit to him that I couldn’t. I had already had a few shots at that point, and my intoxalock would make sure that I couldn’t move my car - even a few feet. He said “I thought everything was fine!” And I tried to explain that everything is fine, I mean I’m not getting drunk or anything. I just like to drink a little here and there, and now that I’m on baclofen, I’m able to do that. He didn’t accept that answer and walked away from me. So now he’s down in the basement, disappointed in me and probably connecting a WHOLE lot of dots about my behavior some nights as opposed to others, which will just make everything worse. And no, this is not a paranoid thought. Every time he finds out I’ve been drinking when he didn’t know it, he starts connecting EVERYTHING, even things that weren’t drinking-related.

Who knows if he’ll speak to me again tonight. Probably not. And then we’ll either have a long, painful talk or, more likely, this will be glossed over when he stops being angry several days later, and we’ll never speak of it again. Unless I bring it up, at which point he will yell at me, I’ll back into my comfortable corner, then we won’t discuss it again. God this night sucks. I’ll be spending it alone, trying not to cry. Anyway, for the rest of you folks, I hope you all have a great night.

[StuckinLA]

Oh no, Lis! I'm so sorry! That is a terrible feeling and I hope things blow over smoothly soon.

I'm probably going to end up with a similar situation tomorrow. I don't think I'll drink all the beer I have here - or at least I hope not since there's about 20 left - before the girl gets home tomorrow. And I don't plan on throwing it out or hiding it. So she will know I've been drinking this weekend - I don't think she knows I drank earlier in the week while house sitting. Well, we will just have to see how it goes. I'm a couple beers into the afternoon already, and going to see about a taper maybe. I do plan to get back to AF soon. Tomorrow or the next day for sure.

[Lostinspace]

Stuck - I hope your taper is going well. No need to beat yourself up about anything, just live and learn. Find better, structured, ways to spend your time when she’s out of town. She must be getting back soon now. I hope all goes well. Much love to you.

Deleted, due to embarrassment.

[StuckinLA]

Ah yes, she got back yesterday early evening and went pretty much straight to bed and slept until noon today. Thanks for asking, Lis.

Vegas wore her the f**k out, apparently. She even then took another short nap this afternoon.

I managed to slow things down on Friday. By that I mean I still drank all afternoon and well into the night, probably 15 or 16 beers but did not go to the bar, did not go out to get more hard liquor, and when all was said and done I drank those over probably 10 hours. That's enough to make you sick of drinking so much but not enough to get ya drunk - ha. Anyway the important thing is that is slowed everything down nice and easy, and I'm feeling pretty good and AF today. I still had a whole bunch of cans left over that I didn't get to, so I put those up in a cabinet. If she finds them she may or may not be upset, but I figure if I'm still AF while she's around I can say hey, yeah I drank while you were out of town but look everything is still ok.

That was kind of rambling. Oh well. Hope everyone's having a good night.

[Stevo]

G'day to everyone,

Just thought I would drop in and do a quick post.
Glad things are going well for you Stuck and I hope things are settling a bit for you too LIS.

I drank so much on the weekend,well compared to what I would usually drink these days.I don't think going for a maintenance dose at this stage is a very good idea.As I said the other day I have been obsessing about AL and it didn't seem to stop over the weekend.I am quite amazed at how reducing my dose 22.5mg has had such a profound effect.I can only assume that my debauched weekend and the onset of cravings is due to the lower dose of bac.I may be wrong about this as there were factors over the weekend that were conducive to swilling beer which may have also contributed but I am not going to take a chance.
I had to get prescriptions filled today and it really hurts to have to pay the price that I am now but really it is a small price to have control.So even though my attempt to find out if I could get by with a maintenance dose was motivated by wanting to save a few dollars,I now know that at this stage I just can't and I will have to continue to remain on a higher dose.Whatever that costs.
Honestly I know that a lot of guys on here probably pay a lot more than I do via online pharmacy's and much higher daily doses and I really don't have anything to complain about,but I seriously have become someone who tries to watch every penny and save a dollar here and there if I can.So different to what I was like a couple of years ago ha.I am going to start titrating up again tomorrow.

It is 8:30 here in Australia and my son has to go to hospital tomorrow for a small operation so we have to drive to the nearest city early in the morning.Therefore I am not far from bed and I am looking forward to waking up not feeling like crap in the morning too.

Hope everyone is well and I look forward to reading your future posts.

Take care...

Cheers Stevo.

[Molly78]

Stevo - re cost. I pay 20p per 10mg tablet (Inhouse,vu pharmacy). At 100mg daily that's £2 a day. When drinking I got through a bottle & a half of wine a day, the cheap stuff about £6 a bottle, so £9 a day. I'm SAVING MONEY being on baclofen, so how come everyone else is finding the treatment so expensive? What on earth were you guys drinking? Even cheap cider over here is £2 a 2L bottle & it tastes pretty foul!

Prescription charges in the UK are now about £8 so getting it on prescription here, monthly, if you could find someone to actually prescribe 100mg daily, would work out a lot cheaper, but I still feel I'm saving money!

Maybe alcohol is cheaper in Aus & the US? Or prescriptions more expensive?

[Lostinspace]

Stuck - I’m glad to hear things are going well. I know all too well about those empty cans (or bottles in my case) looming, thinking “please don’t go into that place I hid them.” Ugh! I hope you got a chance to get rid of them all while she wasn’t around. You’re on a good path. You keep getting better and better. That’s something you should be proud of, and something to keep building on

Stevo - I’m so glad you’re rethinking things and are willing to go up again in dose. I feel your pain on the cost front. I got new insurance with my new job. My new job is at a really small company (which in the US means really sh*tty benefits), so even though I’m with the same insurance carrier, my prescription prices have skyrocketted (in some cases going from $9 a month to $129 a month). But, as Molly said, it’s much cheaper than drinking. So good for you for recognizing what you need and taking care of yourself

Molly - I don’t think anyone here is drinking booze cheap enough to make baclofen too expensive. At least I don’t think so. Unless you have a mild (only a few shots a day) habit of drinking something like Fleischmann’s vodka - and why would you? Blech!! That stuff is disgusting. Most people are spending way more on their drinking than they ever would on baclofen. I think there’s a disconnect when people stop having booze be an expense thanks to baclofen. All of a sudden it starts seeming expensive. And, in Stevo’s case, he did stop drinking for 2 years pre-baclofen, so there’s that. But in my case, I did start to save money by being on baclofen, so I should quit my bitching about said new insurance company for sure! They’re still saving me a lot of money, even if it’s not the same amount as before.

Anyway, I hope you all have a great night!

[Ne/Neva Eva]

My parents came to visit recently. They arrived on Thursday. Garbage and recycling collection are on Friday morning. We have LARGE recycling containers (50 gallon or something...100 gallon? BIG. Like all things in the U.S. Ha.) So anyway, I'm not hiding the fact that I'm drinking, but I'm not trying to shove it in anyone's face or have a big long discussion about it, or worse, have it be a secret thing. So instead of dealing with it, or being honest in the face of how much I (and we) are drinking, I caved about an hour before my parents arrived and emptied my empties from the recylcling container into my car and took it to the local recycling plant. The bottles and cans completely filled my trunk, and some of the back seat. Ugh. Talk about an eye opener. I'll probably (have to)do the same thing in a couple of weeks when they come to visit again.

And about the cost of bac vs. booze. (Man, I have so much to share with you Steve-o, about finding a maintenance dose...Bottom line is don't wait for the shit to hit the fan!) But just on that $$$ topic alone, I can tell you that we spend several hundred dollars a month on baclofen, online, and that now that we're drinking again, budgeting money is suddenly a very big issue. With a legal prescription, there is no comparison. Even ordering online, at exorbitant prices, there really isn't a comparison. But the two together? Ouch.

[Stevo]

Stevo - re cost. I pay 20p per 10mg tablet (Inhouse,vu pharmacy). At 100mg daily that's £2 a day. When drinking I got through a bottle & a half of wine a day, the cheap stuff about £6 a bottle, so £9 a day. I'm SAVING MONEY being on baclofen, so how come everyone else is finding the treatment so expensive? What on earth were you guys drinking? Even cheap cider over here is £2 a 2L bottle & it tastes pretty foul!

Prescription charges in the UK are now about £8 so getting it on prescription here, monthly, if you could find someone to actually prescribe 100mg daily, would work out a lot cheaper, but I still feel I'm saving money!

Maybe alcohol is cheaper in Aus & the US? Or prescriptions more expensive?

Hi Molly,
Just so this doesn't become something other than it was intended to be.For me it was never about comparing the cost of drinking to the cost of bac as said by LIS I was abstinent from AL for 2 years before I started drinking socially again recently.
I was just curious to see if I could get by on a maintenance dose and save a few bucks in the process.I had a government concession card until a few months ago and the price then was much cheaper than I am paying now.You are correct in saying that daily drinking was more expensive as it certainly was for me,I drank beer by the carton and these days that would be approximately $40 a day.My thinking doesn't really include comparing the price that I used to pay for AL I am just not in that head space anymore.

As previously stated my experiment didn't go as hoped and I am more than willing to begin taking my daily dose back up to where I was.It is what it is ha.

My sons operation went well today and he is home.I am so glad to be home aswell,it was a long day with a huge portion either driving or sitting and waiting in a hospital.He is such a little trooper and didn't complain or appear anxious at any stage.
It was nice to wake up much more clear headed than the last few days.
I have not yet began titrating up again as I just felt that I needed to deal with today for now but will be tomorrow.

Ne I would love to hear what you have to share regarding a maintenance dose,please let me know if it is cool to PM you.

I am stuffed guys and am going to leave it at that,I hope everyone is having a good day/night.

Cheers Stevo.

[Molly78]

Right. I guess 2 years abstinent is a lot of money saved, so paying out for bac again must seem like added expense!

And Ne - alcohol & bac together! Makes me shudder to think about it, not just the cost but the SE of the 2 combined. When I first tried to use bac I tried to use it while still drinking & that gave me a lot of grief & some permanent bodily damage. I know what you mean as well about the trip to the recycling plant just before visitors arrive. Been there, done that, got the T-shirt.

[MeJustMe]

Hi guys,

Just a quick post. I'll catch-up with everyone properly soon, just going to hospital to help dad get mum home, lot going on. I'm trying to tritrate up to get to a switch point again. Now at 90mg, want to keep going up a bit. Frustrated at how I'm drinking again, most nights it seems. Hang-overs not so bad, but really, AL-free is my way out.

[StuckinLA]

It was actually the 'leftover' full beers that I put away in the cabinet. I guess I'm trying to hide what I *didn't* drink - ha, how freaking backward is that.

On the one hand that's a great sign - I did not drink everything that I bought for the long weekend. On the other, when she sees alcohol here she will know that I did in fact drink again when she was out of town and who knows how that will go. Whatever, that's a bridge to cross when we get there. She's been tired the last couple days, and I don't know, maybe things feel a little cold or distant. Not bad, but noticeable and that's probably just some combination of her being wiped out from Vegas and back to work now this week, and me being stressed about everything and tired.

I have a phone interview in about an hour for a small, part-time gig. Tutoring for ACT and SAT test preparation. Oh, tutoring high school students. How fun. But that's the most promising fish on the line so far.