Here we go again

[Ne/Neva Eva]

I'm just going to keep writing, folks. Feel free to jump in.

So. My pdoc pulled a bunch of info about baclofen and I've been reading or re-reading the info.

"...with baclofen at sufficient doses produces a complete and effortless control of alcohol dependence in approximately half of the patients at any given point in time. In addition, 92% of the patients reported an effortless decrease in their motivation to drink."

That's from deBeaurepaire's 2 Year Observational Study. It's posted around here somewhere. 92%, people. Of people who were mostly hard-core drinkers like so many of us.

There's one more thing I wanted to point out:

"The low rate of relapse after 6 months in abstinent patients is remarkable and must be emphasized."

Boom. Drop the mic.

Keep taking the pills. Keep trying. Keep the faith. It works.

[Lostinspace]

Stuck - I’m so sorry for where you’re at with your relationship. I know exactly what you mean about feeling like you have no agency or control over the situation. I’ve felt that way at several points in my marriage. I’ve been kicked out. I’ve also been given an ultimatum. Everything about my living situation depended on him, and on what I was willing to do to keep him. It sucks so incredibly hard to be in that position. I don’t have any great advice, but I really feel for you, and I hope you’re able to figure out what you really want in the process :hug:

Thanks, Ne. I will try to be gentle with my sloth self until I get into a groove of actually doing things. And work? Work’s good, I guess. Still busy, still having to work weekends, but it’s going alright. I love that your pdoc is so pro-baclofen and actually finds information for you. That’s amazing!

kronk - I love your workout mantra. I need to adopt that one myself. As far as anxiety goes, do you think adding a little more bac would help, or do you tend to get increased anxiety as a side effect?

[Ne/Neva Eva]

I sometimes really wish I was as in tune with people as you are, Lis. And the rest of you, too. I thought what you wrote to Stuck was really thoughtful and kind.

I think we've all been in those places, haven't we? Where we just don't know what to do? My dad has always said that in order to make a decision you have to have all the information. It's wise advice. Really wise, if you get deep into it. Sometimes, though, it's hard to know what information to glom onto and what information to discard.

Stay or go? Nursing or not? See a doctor or not? All of our preconceived notions, add up to a big whomping "I DON'T KNOW!" Add to that our feelings and yowza. Is it even possible to make a decision? I dunno.

I can't imagine working 60 or more hours a week, Lis, and still having get up and go to find a hobby or anything else.

I think having ADD helps in situations like that, honestly. I might be flittery and jibberty, but if and when I find something I like, I glom on for a while. Now, mind you, it's not a very long while. And I rarely finish what I start. But when I'm not depressed, I find things I really like to do for a while. Mind you, I've not worked for many years, now. And school takes up A LOT of time and mental energy. But still. It's not working for someone else for most of my waking hours.

So, really, do give yourself a break.

Is work going to stay this busy? Are you feeling more comfortable? Have you taken the enneagram? That's my new thing. It's really interesting...

Hope it's a good Tuesday, peeps.

[Lostinspace]

Thanks, Ne. It’s funny that you say that because I’ve always admired the feedback you give and wished that I could be more helpful like that. And I will try to give myself a break. I do work a lot and, yes, it will always be this busy. But I’m OK with that for now (for the most part). I have a job that I actually enjoy, which is something I had always hoped for, but never really believed was possible. The only thing I don’t like about my job is the massive insecurity it brings up in me. I still have a huge case of impostor syndrome, feeling like I’m not really smart/competent enough for the position I have, and that it’s only a matter of time before I’m fired. But when I’m able to push that fear to the side, I really love my job. And yeah, I looked into that enneagram stuff, but I was turned off when I found out I had to supply them with an e-mail address. I hate when websites do that. Why can’t I just take a test online anonymously? Grrr! Anyway, how's everyone else doing? Stevo, MJM, it's been awhile. What's new? I hope everyone out there is having a good one.

[Ne/Neva Eva]

I'm so glad to hear that you really love your job, Lis. I'm sorry about the impostor syndrome. Ed used to have that, too. Still does sometimes. Thing is, his boss is such a knucklehead, it's pretty clear that Ed could do both jobs better. That helps with impostor syndrome! ha. Sucks for him, though.

I'm sure I didn't post the article, but I read it and mentioned it here...The one about the people with impostor syndrome (especially at the beginning, if it isn't debilitating) being the ones who really excel at their jobs because they keep striving to learn more. So there's that.

If it makes you feel any better, and it shouldn't, I am very likely going to be a nurse in 6-8 months and I have yet to successfully stick a patient (with a needle). I have done it to plenty of nurses (apparently, this is something you let newbies do to you when you've been around!). But patients? They have alien veins I just can't find. (I'm sure it's them, aren't you?)

[StuckinLA]

The one thing I learned, Ne, is you can always find the external jugular vein. So start with that one :-P

[dundrinkn]

I read Stuck's comment first, without getting the context. I thought things had seriously deteriorated with Ed and he was giving you some pretty wicked/nasty novel-worthy advice on how to deal with him.

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Lol!

I'm pretty sure they expect me to get veins from all over the place, Stuck. Boy, are they going to be surprised. :-/

I just finished an onerous task that has cost us a couple of hundred dollars each month since last December. I should have taken care of it then, or any time since then. But you know what? TODAY I DID IT! YAY ME!! And I don't mind telling you it was a pain in the ass. Bureaucratic bologna.

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Morning, peeps.

I wanted to write about my awesome pdoc and the revelation I had during our last session on my thread this morning, but woke up with more pressing things on my mind.

But Lis's last post was kind of the gist of the revelation. Somehow, some way, I realized that I can actually do what I want to do, will finally get there some day not too far from now, and earn enough money doing it that I can lead the life I want to lead.

That sounds too trite and pollyanna lalalalala-dreamworld. But I think she's right. I think some day I will have a job where someone actually pays me to do something I like. I can't imagine that world.

And guess what she also suggested? That I write a book. Ha! hahahahaha. If you guys only knew how many people said that to me, you would think I'd be writing a book. But Stuck can attest to the fact that ain't no simple thing. "Today I'm going to write a book." Ten years later: "Ta-Da! I wrote a book."

Amirite?

xx

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Oh, and I didn't take any antabuse yesterday. (I'm not sure I'll ever do that again. Monday was terrible. I would have rather been able to drink, honestly.)
And I didn't take any other of those anti-anxiety drugs we're so reluctant to talk about around here.
But I only drank 2 glasses of wine last night! And 2 NA beers during the day, which I really needed because of the habit factor.

We're drinking the good wine, finally. We've had it stored away for 3 years, and haven't found an excuse to drink it yet. We want the house to be dry for awhile, so what the hell!? Irony is, the very expensive California chard I opened last night, a gift from a friend, so not overly aged or anything, and my favorite kind of wine ever, wasn't very good.

Unless that's the baclofen. Hmmmm. Hadn't thought of that. Could be the baclofen. Maybe we will wait to open the reds if they're just going to taste terrible! ha.

[StuckinLA]

Well after last weekend's blowup, things have settled down. Still not sure what's going on long-term but in the day-by-day the girl and I are getting along well and laughing together and watching tv and things are ok. I'm drinking between 8-10 beers an evening, but haven't hit the hard stuff this week.

Not true: last night I had some shots at the bar. But I'm getting up around 6 in the mornings and leaving the house by 8 to teach, and doing very well not to be hungover or - heaven and God forbid - still drunk for my drive to school. In other words, I don't really set limits at night but I am not getting drunk drunk either.

She's out of town until Monday, but aside from watching some hockey and football on Saturday, I'm focusing on work this weekend. And the bar. But also work.

Hope it's a good one out there!

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Well, thank all that matters your drives are clean and clear! Sheesh. That never occurred to me, though I suppose I've probably driven drunk the day after, too. I'd forgotten...



I'm not setting limits, either, and I'm damn sure not taking antabuse any time soon. I don't know how people do that on the regular. I would really like to ask someone who has used it successfully, ya' know? Still, my drinking seems to be under control for the moment. Knock wood.



Glad you guys are getting along and you have some respite to do some work this weekend. Relationships are hard, dude. I feel ya'.

[Lostinspace]

Ne - You WILL find a job you love so long as you keep your eyes open and pursue it. I’ve had some pretty sh*t jobs in my life, but I was never willing to settle. Work is, after all, what we spend the majority of our waking hours doing for the majority of our adult lives. Who wants to settle for something that sucks? And that’s so incredibly awesome to hear that the drinking is slowing down!! I would say the bac is kicking in - the wine doesn’t taste so good any more and you’re doing it more out of habit than need. This is the beginning of the (good) end. Oh, and I don’t know how people do antabuse regularly, either. I’ve tried it a few times in the past when I was getting out of detox and it drove me absolutely batsh*t insane, knowing that I couldn’t possibly drink even though I felt like I needed to like my life depended on it. Miserable times!

Stuck - I’m so glad things are going better at home and that you’re at least able to keep the drinking at a manageable level. I hope the semester’s going well and that it hasn’t gotten too crazy yet.

I’m moving along the same as always, so my life is pretty boring. I hope everyone’s having a good one.

[StuckinLA]

Some of the gals on the topa thread do anabuse fairly often - sunshine comes to mind. That thread's been real slow, but you could always ask.

Well so yeah, keeping things buttoned down for the most part. Feeling like I want to cut loose tonight and tomorrow - you know the story, the girl is out of town & im on my own, I got done with teaching today and free until Tuesday, so why not drink the weekend away while thinking 'I'll get to all that work tomorrow'.

It's ok, I'm going to cut myself some slack but keep my eyes on the bigger picture.

Just sat down at the bar and found out one of the younger regulars died today. I just saw him last night. Something about a blood clot in the lung, he passed out at work today and that was it. Not sure if he'd had health problems or what, but he was certainly a daily alcoholic. Younger than me. I didn't know him well or anything, we only talked now and then, but it's one of those things that makes you think.

[treetops]

Hi there Guys. Just to let you know that I used Antabuse when I started my last quit. I used it maybe for 2 months. I was really determined to quit and had health problems - and tried other options (including a very brief episode with Nal - that almost did me in.). I was pretty snarky at first with the AB - but I think that was more because I had to quit the booze. What I liked was that it took decisions about whether or not to drink out of the equation - it was like a relief. I didn't take the full dose either - but i didn't play games with it - I just took it at a v low dose regularly. The reason my dose was low was also because I had shonky liver functions. hence I was scared about whether AB would worsen my liver - but after a discussion with some experts I knew I needed to do what would get me some AF time. I also dosed myself with milk thistle and ate really healthy food - but liver still was not great. I personally (and this is just me) think too much is made of supplements and they are another evil capitalist plot!
After 2 months I quit the AB because of my liver- and after that, I also quit almost any form of medication - as I wanted to give the old liver some TLC. Then very slowly my body began to heal and its pretty good now. It will be 3 years tomorrow since I quit AL.
I am happy to share my experience of AB - and be supportive as best I can.
Just not into any slinging matches - if you know what I mean.
I know its not easy to quit AL and I know people do this in different ways and at different paces. But you know as Stuck says - sometimes stuff happens that makes you think. My big motivation factor was also having a daughter and wanting to stay alive.