Here we go again

[MeJustMe]

I'm just dropping in to say I'm still alive. I wish I could offer some feedback but I don't have the headspace right now. I'm sorry, I have read how you guys are going and it is selfish of me not to respond but I just can't at the moment. I am still drinking, and am very busy with work. I seem to be holding that part of my life together; my clients still love me but christ knows why -- it is only a matter of time before it all falls apart.
So my wife and I are AL dependent, and we are thinking of moving from Sydney to the northern NSW coast. It would mean no mortgage, but also at the moment no work for my wife. Maybe we are just transferring our problems somewhere else, but it would mean no mortgage and the possibility of living a less stressful life.
I am so disappointed with myself for engaging in the debate about SF. Anyway, please don't give me any platitudes, I don't want that. I am just happy to be part of this good bunch of people who want to be free of AL addiction. Take care everyone.

[Ne/Neva Eva]

MJM, I would think that there is a lot to be said for living a less stressful life. I tend to make my own stress, so I'm not so sure moving would help. But not having a mortgage? That is not something to be scoffed at.

Dude, don't feel badly for falling for SF's bull. We've all done it. Hell, I've foresworn reading his comments, and for the most part have stuck to that unless it was by accident, and the whole situation still makes me crazy. Crazy enough that I didn't look into the chick who responded to him, and called her out, then had to go and apologize to her for being a nincompoop. All very annoying, because I fell into it AGAIN. <sigh>

Treetops, thanks for stopping by. I cannot really imagine taking antabuse regularly. I don't know if it was the fact that I absolutely could not drink, or the fact that it was a stressful day, but man. I was climbing the walls. Hanging on the ceiling by finger- and toe-nails. It was awful. Maybe when I'm a little closer to being completely abstinent, though my last experience with baclofen was that I didn't need anything simply because I didn't want to drink. CONGRATULATIONS on 3 years. That's wonderful.

Stuck, about a month ago we lost another friend. He was 34. Liver failure. Ed had hired and fired him 3 times over the years. Truly gifted, really smart, and very handsome, too. Could not stop drinking, even to save his life.

A lot of us die. Young. Alone. Miserable. Or old. Doesn't matter, it's still a shitty reason to die.

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Dun, in a Vanity Fair poll people were asked, "Which of these irritates you the most?

32% said smoking
23% said cursing

And I thought, well, fuck, I'm screwed, as I exhaled a cloud of toxins.

Thought of you.

[Spiritfree]

I'm just going to keep writing, folks. Feel free to jump in.
That's from deBeaurepaire's 2 Year Observational Study. It's posted around here somewhere. 92%, people. Of people who were mostly hard-core drinkers like so many of us.
"The low rate of relapse after 6 months in abstinent patients is remarkable and must be emphasized."

April 2, 2014

http://www.jneurosci.org/content/34/14/5038.full.pdf

"Nipping Cue Reactivity in the Bud: Baclofen Prevents Limbic Activation Elicited by Subliminal Drug Cues:
Relapse is a widely recognized and difficult to treat feature of the addictions. Substantial evidence implicates cue-triggered activation of the mesolimbic dopamine system as an important contributing factor. Even drug cues presented outside of conscious awareness (i.e.,subliminally) produce robust activation within this circuitry, indicating the sensitivity and vulnerability of the brain to potentially problematic reward signals."

deBeaurepaire's 2 Year Observational Study
Frontiers | Suppression of Alcohol Dependence Using Baclofen: A 2-Year Observational Study of 100 Patients | Addictive Disorders and Behavioral Dyscontrol
REPORT:
(1) Methods: A hundred patients with alcohol dependence, resistant to usual treatments, were treated with escalating doses of baclofen
(2) Results: The constancy of improvement over the 2-years was remarkable. The average maximal dose of baclofen taken was 147 mg/day. Ninety-two percentage of patients reported that they experienced the craving-suppressing effect of baclofen.

Dude, don't feel badly for falling for SF's bull. We've all done it. Hell, I've foresworn reading his comments, and for the most part have stuck to that unless it was by accident, and the whole situation still makes me crazy. Crazy enough that I didn't look into the chick who responded to him, and called her out, then had to go and apologize to her for being a nincompoop.

The person (lady) that you apologized to is Little Beagle. You not only did not find out about her, you failed to even read the thread to find out what she what she was even writing about. NE, we all get pissed off and say/do things that we later regret -that is life. Thank you for apologizing to her -and I assume that this apology is directed to entire forum as well.

[Otter]

SF, how does it make you feel that people coming here to get help with an anxiety related illness, which could ruin their lives, make them ill, and maybe kill them, are saying that you are making them feel worse?

Do you take pride in doing this to longstanding members here, damaging the beneficial effects of this forum?

What makes you tick, hurting people? Are you some kind of sadist that you continue to post here despite having nearly destroyed the forum, driven people away while popular people here who are well liked and respected are putting you on ignore?

Why don't you tell people about your family? We would love to hear about your children, how they cope with you, if they have problem of their own? Why don't you share that with us SF?

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Both of you, Otter and Spiritfullofit,

This thread is sacred. Get off it. It's one of the few God damn places we have where we are still sharing information and supporting one another. RESPECT THIS SPACE, please, Otter. I know you mean no harm, but dragging the drama onto this thread causes harm. Please don't do it again.

Thank you very much,

Karen

[Otter]

Sorry, consider me gone.

[Spiritfree]

Hi Ne

Both of you, Otter and Spiritfullofit,

This thread is sacred. Get off it. It's one of the few God damn places we have where we are still sharing information and supporting one another. RESPECT THIS SPACE, please, Otter. I know you mean no harm, but dragging the drama onto this thread causes harm. Please don't do it again.

Thank you very much,

Karen

NE: As I told you before and I will tell once again, do not refer to me in any of your posts or threads and I will not respond to you. If you consider a place "sacred ground" try to show respect for that ground and not post or continue your relentless negativity. NE -You are misleading people down a very harmful road -one that you are now experiencing yourself. Please stop appearing-disappearing-reappearing on MWO and acting as if you are the grand wizard of sobriety using Baclofen -you are not helping the Baclofen cause or demonstrating how good sobriety can really be. Most of all, will you and Otter please not refer to me, respond to me, etc. on MWO. Please. Period.

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Sorry, consider me gone.

Thanks, Otter. Appreciate it.

[StuckinLA]

Another beautiful, sunny day in LA. Relaxing before getting back to work - grading this weekend. And managing my spring semester.

There was some confusion over email and the lady at one of my schools thought I said I was booked up for spring, so she gave the American Lit class she'd promised me to someone else. There goes $4k. But I'm also taking steps for possible classes at the other place, which Pat's better and would provide benefits. I guess I'll know next month sometime if that comes through. So, fingers crossed.

[Otter]

No problem. I'm not here to upset anyone....

Sorry, I meant to say I'm not here to upset everyone....

NO, I mean I am here to upset someone, just not you...lol

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Sorry about the American Lit class. (Very funny to think about the fact that you could have been one of my teachers...Most of them weren't even PhDs! Of course, it's community college...)

I'm not trying to be flirtatious or anything, but I gotta admit, the whole PhD professor, novelist, ex-firefighter/paramedic thing is very sexy. It's a good thing I'm happily married (even if he's not so happy at the moment) or I'd be fawning all over you. Frankly, I'm kinda surprised you don't still have a gaggle of groupies around here. Just goes to show you how quiet it is around here, I suppose. Oh, and the fact that you're living with someone. ha. That probably dampens the mojo, even online. (NOT that I'm suggesting any kind of MWO romantic entanglement. I've seen it happen and I've yet to see it end well.)

How the hell did I go off on that tangent?

Fingers are crossed, Stuck. Benefits are wonderful. Even lousy ones.

[StuckinLA]

Thank you, Ne, at least now I feel some kind of validation. I cannot believe I haven't been able to bed a student yet. There was a girl yesterday who stayed after class to ask a question, and had the eyes and the body language, but...

Oh hell, who am I kidding. I have a fantasy of appealing to these girls - and it's the same fantasy I had when I was their age and in college as an undergrad. Fact is, I'm a nerd, and a homebody, and not the guy that these attractive girls are interested in. And also, then, I have a woman who loves me. But I still think every now and then...

I wish!

[Stevo]

Just thought I would drop in and say a quick g'day.

I have been lurking for the last couple of weeks but have not been able to bring myself to post.I actually considered walking away with all the drama that has been going on.There was a period of time there that I just didn't even bother opening up MWO at all.

I am glad to hear that most are doing well and to see that this thread has been so active.I agree with you Ne that Here we go again is like a sacred place.

My life is pottering along,school work and more school work.All the face to face classes are finished now and I have to get the last half of the modules done by myself,I took a lot of notes when in class so it is just a matter of expanding on what I have already really.I have until December to get everything in.
I have booked tickets for my sons and I to go down to see my mother who is still in the rehabilitation facility but from what I can gather is doing really well and she will be going home at the end of next week.She has not had a drink since she broke her hip but I am sure that this is only because she hasn't been able to.We will see what happens when she gets home.
I have a lot of anxiety surrounding going back to Victoria and being exposed to my family.My partner said to me why dont you stay down there for a bit in front of the kids and I had to talk to her the next day and ask that she doesn't do that to me.The thought of going down there makes me physically sick and I am going to find it very hard to spend 4 days down there let alone a week.

I had a drink last night and have a friend coming over for a drink tonight so I will be drinking in the next few hours but as the pattern seems to go I will pull up tomorrow and continue with my life through the week with indifference.
Wow did I have a big night last Saturday night though,I don't think I have drank as much as I did that night in a very long time.We had visitors and before we knew it it was 4 am and the drinks were still flowing.Damn I was sick the next day and even into the day after that.
This doesn't worry me at all as I know that the bac is doing exactly what it is meant to,I have completely lost the thinking that having a really big session is going to be a catalyst for complete destruction.What a great place to be,I encourage anyone who reads this if they are still struggling to continue with baclofen as it really is something that has set me free.
I enjoy being able to have a drink on the weekends with friends and each weekend is different when it comes to amounts consumed.It can go from a couple to a night like last Saturday and anything in between.I am not trying to moderate I am simply enjoying the freedom to be able to take it or leave it.

Production of my boards has slowed right down due to me having no real interest at the moment but the orders keep coming in so I have been doing what needs to be done but the lines which I used to have stocked all the time have all sold out and at this stage I have no plans to restock them.I just have sold out written on the page links on my website.

My son is at a birthday party at the moment and I will have to pick him up soon,I thought I would take this time to get in touch with you guys.

So on that note as always it is great to read all your posts and see how you all are doing and until next time...

Cheers Stevo.

Oh MJM if you do wind up on the north coast of NSW you will not be far from me,it would be great to actually meet you one day being that there are not many of us baclofen users that I know of.Good luck with whatever decisions that you and your wife make.

[Lostinspace]

treetops - Congratulations on three whole years without alcohol! That’s amazing! And I’m really proud of you for being able to stick it out with antabuse to quit. I never could, even with health scares. I just waited for my liver counts to come down, my pancreas to no longer be inflamed, etc., and I’d be right back to where I started. It was only when I found a medication that lessened, and eventually eliminated, my cravings that I had a fighting chance. Thank all that’s good in the world that there are so many ways to arrive at sobriety. I hope you’re doing something to silently (or not so silently) celebrate your achievement today

MJM - You’re not selfish at all, and I’m very sorry to hear you’re not in a good head space right now. Please don’t feel that you can’t reach out here just because you’re still drinking, and definitely don’t allow yourself to think that it’s only a matter of time before everything falls apart. I’ve said it before, but it bears repeating - sobriety is a process, not an event. I joined this forum, and started going up on bac, on June 15, 2014 (I only know this from looking at when I started this thread). I didn’t have my last drink until July 16, 2015 - over a year later! And don’t think it’ll take that long for you. I’ve talked before about why it took me so much longer than most to find indifference before, so I won’t beat a dead horse, but it takes time. The important thing is that you keep trying, and keep working towards your goal of becoming AF. You will get there. Anyway, a less stressful life with no mortgage seems like a great deal. I hope it works out for you.

Stuck - I’m sorry that lady gave your Spring class away. That really blows! I’m sending out many positive vibes for you that you get the other classes.

Stevo - I hear you about not being able to bring yourself to even read, let alone post. I’ve felt that way a few times in the past few weeks. That’s why I don’t always show up. Hopefully our new space will be up and running very shortly. Anyway, I’m glad you’re going to get a chance to visit your mom, along with your kids, while you still have a chance to. I know it’s extremely anxiety-provoking for you to be back with family, but I hope you’re able to get some sense of peace about everything. I’ll be thinking of you.

So it’s Saturday and for once I don’t have to work No idea what I’m gonna do today. It’s already 2:30 and I’m just getting started. I hung out in my pajamas until 1:00 before getting my lazy ass in the shower. It felt good. Anyway, happy weekend everyone!