Here we go again

[StuckinLA]

Here we go again

What a night, what a morning, what a freakin' day. My depressed alky drinking buddy got dumped by a girl he kinda liked - I'm guessing yesterday, but never did get the details in any sort of coherent manner I could remember - after something like 7 dates and she I guess went back to her abusive ex-fianc?. This is not a problem except in that it means he was drinking most of the day, I think, out in Pasadena (home of the Rose Parade!) and needed consolation and some sort of moral support or somesuch.

So I met him for drinks. He's all over the map, with complaints about school and women and most of it is self-contradictory. Like for example he says he doesn't want an academic job after grad school, then complains that we don't really have the option to teach classes in literature, which would better prepare us for academic jobs. He's right, but I'm like 'dude but you just said you don't want one of those jobs...' I mention that only to say that he's exasperating. And I got really drunk. And he was spilling drinks before I was very drunk at all. And he *really* wanted the girl to come down and... I don't know, help him find a girlfriend? Whatever, he just wanted people around him, I think. I texted her to come down and get his f**king car, since he'd parked in meters and in the early morning it would be a tow zone due to some construction going on, and there was no goddamned way I was going to let him drive last night. The girl was super cool, came down, got his keys, and took the car up toward our place and parked it on the street.

At the end of the night things were a little fuzzy, and he wanted to be at home instead of at my place, and I didn't particularly want him on the couch anyway, so he got on a bus. I went to the liquor store and then home. That kind of night, well I'm putting Jamison in my coffee this morning, let's just say that. The girl's out running errands, I feel like a complete f**kup, and yes by the way I *was* very texty last night and I think I just now tried to pick a fight with my exGF? Oh well. Another day, another day, another day.

Welcome to the party, Dun. I freaking love this thread, and glad to see people here. :l:l

EDIT: And Ne, just ask around. I'm already insufferable! :H

[Lostinspace]

Here we go again

Oops! Sorry dun, I didn't mean to draw too much attention to you if that's not what you wanted. But, I'm always glad to have you here That's good that you're not feeling badly about drinking. I wish you luck in this experiment and that you can find the best maintenance dose for you.

Ne, that's great to hear that (you think) you're feeling better. I hope things continue to even out and look up for you. :l

Stuck, you're not at all a f*ck up! You were trying to console a friend and got lost in his $hit. And yeah, that self-contradictory stuff he was spewing - I've done that an embarrassing number of times. Drunk people really don't have any idea what they're talking about a lot of the time, do they? It is exasperating.

And a little tip? Turn your phone off and put it away when you know you're getting tipsy. I learned that the hard way. Unless you absolutely need to get a call from someone, just turn it off and direct your attention elsewhere. I've saved quite a few relationships that way

Anyway, don't beat yourself up. That never does any good. And every day IS a new day, not just another day. You'll be ok, hon. :l :l

Well, I stuck to my plan. I bought two small bottles for tonight, one of vodka and one of bourbon, but did not buy anything to take with me on the trip. So now it's set - I'll have pretty much no choice but to take a three-day break from drinking.

I'm kind of nervous about it to be honest. But I think that's only because I was craving a lot more intensely today than I have been recently. Hopefully by tomorrow, I'll go back to not wanting to drink quite as much.

If nothing else, I have four days off from work! I decided to take Monday off too, to get a little time to myself. And any time I spend away from that job makes me insanely happy

[dundrinkn]

Here we go again

I was in college a long time ago when phones were attached to cords attached to walls. And my roommate (in a dorm) tried to keep me from humiliating myself and running up a huge phone bill by calling a girl who had dumped me and moved to Alaska. (She actually was Miss Alaska at some point in the 1980s.) Anyway, in my drunken attempt to wrestle the phone from my roommate, I accidently wrapped the cord around her neck and nearly strangled her. Didn't really learn the lesson. I still have a hard time staying off the phone and away from email/social media when drinking. But I try really, really hard.

And to stir things up a bit on this chill thread... Lis, I hate squirrels. They are a menace in my yard, to my trees, to my birds. And they taunt my dogs and drive them crazy. I'm backing the blue jay in that fight.

[StuckinLA]

Here we go again

Lostinspace;1686024 wrote:
Well, I stuck to my plan. I bought two small bottles for tonight, one of vodka and one of bourbon, but did not buy anything to take with me on the trip. So now it's set - I'll have pretty much no choice but to take a three-day break from drinking.

I'm kind of nervous about it to be honest. But I think that's only because I was craving a lot more intensely today than I have been recently. Hopefully by tomorrow, I'll go back to not wanting to drink quite as much.

That is AWESOME, Lis! Good for you! Cravings might be a bit of an issue over the weekend, but knowing that you made a decision and now are sticking with it will be a big help. Also, and this is not very good AA-talk, but knowing that it's just for a couple days should help. Knowing you'll be able to get some more liquor after the weekend should probably help over the weekend. After these next 3 days you can get more, if you still want to after those 3 days. Hang in there, darlin', it'll be OK. :l:l

[StuckinLA]

Here we go again

dundrinkn;1686025 wrote:
And to stir things up a bit on this chill thread... Lis, I hate squirrels. They are a menace in my yard, to my trees, to my birds. And they taunt my dogs and drive them crazy. I'm backing the blue jay in that fight.

Easy there, buddy. You do realize my avatar is a squirrel, yes? :H:H

[dundrinkn]

Here we go again

Did you all see the video of the guy doing CPR on the drowned squirrel? Pretty cool. I'll just keep my "hate" specific to the squirrels in my yard. No reason to globalize my experience with a small group of individuals.

[StuckinLA]

Here we go again

:H:H:H

Yes, I did see that.

[Lostinspace]

Here we go again

Thanks so much, Stuck. And it really does help to know that it's only for a few days. I really hope these few days can help me reset my thinking in regards to alcohol. I usually don't crave all too badly anymore. Maybe this can be a new beginning?

dun - I did see that squirrel CPR video. (Sappy squirrel sentiments now deleted).

Hope you all have a great night!

[StuckinLA]

Here we go again

You'd be surprised how much it can help to just change up the routine, the inertia of drinking day by day or not drinking day by day. It's like flipping a switch - not the bac switch everyone talks about, but still just as distinctive. You'll get home on Monday and see that you're sober, and on day 3 or 4 or whatever, already out of the withdrawal part of things, and ready to keep on keeping on. And if not, no biggie. No day is a wasted day.

Even if today feels like a completely wasted day to me . Hey, at least I went for a walk around the park.

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Here we go again

Morning, everyone.

LIS, I am really impressed with your commitment to keeping the booze at bay. I know you've been reading a lot around here, and I've written about this recently, but I think it bears repeating because it's not uncommon. In 2010 I had a blissful break from drinking when my family came to visit for 4 days over Thanksgiving. I didn't know at the time that it was blissful because I wasn't drinking. I was actually pretty discombobulated. I can see now that it was a reflection of new sobriety. If I knew then what I know now, I'd have grabbed those feelings and hung on to them. I don't know if it would have saved me from taking another ~200 mg, (I doubt it). Or if I would have been able to stop drinking from that point forward (again, I really doubt it). But I do know that it was a glimmer of what was to come and I wish I had known that.

That said, no pressure and no expectations! :H I hope it's a fun weekend and just slightly discombobulating.

StuckinLA;1685998 wrote: ...That kind of night, well I'm putting Jamison in my coffee this morning, let's just say that. The girl's out running errands, I feel like a complete f**kup, and yes by the way I *was* very texty last night and I think I just now tried to pick a fight with my exGF? Oh well. Another day, another day, another day.

hmmm. I woke up thinking about you this morning, Stuck. I'm going to dig up your thread...

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Here we go again

Also, I love squirrels. I think I've already posted that, but it also bears repeating. I'll try not to hold it against you, Dun. I put out bird feeders after my old dog died, and it's created a plethora of squirrels in our yard. I love it! I really wish they'd learn that a fence will keep them safe if they just run on the side where the dog is not. Alas, they do not come equipped with this understanding. The new puppy is equipped with a really strong prey drive! I hope they figure out that the safe haven is gone before she's big enough to catch 'em!

[Lostinspace]

Here we go again

Thanks Stuck and Ne. I'm really hoping this little mini-vacation from alcohol will be what I need to help start some more lasting changes, but if not, I do believe that every day sober counts towards getting mentally prepared for a sober life.

Today has been interesting. My family always gets together each year at a beach town. It's nice to see everyone, but I have to say, the noise and lights on the boardwalk tonight, combined with the chaos of my six rambunctious nephews, has put me into sensory overload.

I was feeling incredibly irritable by the end of the night and couldn't help but wonder how much more fun I would be to be around if I had a good amount of booze in me and could just relax.

But even though I was having some bad cravings earlier in the day, they went away by the time I was there with my family for a couple hours. The main thing I was "craving" was some downtime, to go back to the hotel room with my husband and just chill out for a while.

I mostly thought about drinking in the context of seeing how much differently I act around my family when sober - and I'm not sure I like it. I'm far less sociable, don't laugh or smile as much, and often drifted off into my own world, completely forgetting to pay attention to them for a minute or so. I sincerely hope this is a temporary effect (from being out of practice at interacting with the world sober).

This is probably all ridiculous. I mean, as good as I think I was at hiding my drinking, I'm sure my family usually (or always) knew. They're probably just happy to see me straight. I don't know. I'm just really uncomfortable right now.

Hope you're all having a great night!

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Here we go again

Morning, Lostinspace.

It sounds like the weekend is off to a good start. Perhaps you can think of this portion as an opportunity to sit back and observe? I'm going to tell another story from that fateful Thanksgiving. (Sorry.)

My dad pulled me aside and said that he was amazed at how calm I was. He included the observation that I wasn't being a drama queen. (pfft. Backhanded compliment if there ever was one.) In the meantime, I was feeling completely disconnected. There were way too many people in our tiny 100 year old kitchen. The kids were doing kid-things loudly, and with no supervision. The beloved Goose (my dog) was cowering in the corner. And I walked out onto our patio to drop off the hors d' oeuvres I'd spent a week making to find my sister-in-law's dog on the table. Seriously. (This was her first dog, and apparently thought it was okay to let the little terror walk around on eating surfaces. They both have much better manners now.) So needless to say, I wasn't feeling calm and collected. I was just feeling removed. But that comment shed all new light on the experience and I got to really enjoy the rest of the week because I realized I wasn't reacting to every little thing. I was just going with the flow. It was...weird. Sadly, it didn't last!

Anyway, I hope the rest of the weekend is a good one. I'm glad you're checking in. I assumed you wouldn't be. It's nice to hear what's going on. I promise, cross-my-heart, that I won't tell any more stories about anything for at least the next three days. On this thread.

[StuckinLA]

Here we go again

I hear ya' when it comes to sensory overload. Good lord, there is too much world out there in the world sometimes. I ended up at a small, packed, dimly-lit bar with speakers playing too loudly, trying to follow the conversation as the girl did her extrovert thing and the getting to know you chitchat with my buddy - it was kind of a last minute get-together and catch-up, as he's leaving for a job in Minnesota tomorrow. But man, I could barely follow any of it, and things only marginally improved when we changed locations to a pizza joint.

Anyway, I'm sure things went better than you imagine they did. As depressing as this is, in my experience no one notices your behavior unless it is directly impacting *them* in one way or another, and usually then only if it's negative. Unless you throw a plate of food into the ocean or light a table on fire, chances are good nobody will even really notice.

[Lostinspace]

Here we go again

Thanks Ne. I'll try to keep that in mind - that my family may be seeing the change as positive. And don't stop with the stories. I like hearing other people's experiences And it sounds like your first dabble in sobriety may have been more stressful than what I went through this weekend. If I had everyone at my house, rather than at a neutral location, I think I probably would've still been quite the drama queen - with alcohol or not :H

And yeah, Stuck, that sensory overload can be unnerving. Some people seem to be immune. I have a very hard time dealing with too much going on around me unless I'm strongly buzzed/drunk. And you may be right. Maybe they didn't notice anything different about me at all.

Well, the trip is over and we're on the way home now. It wasn't quite the magical turn around in attitude that I'd hoped it would be. I felt like a jumbled ball of nerves through much of it, and wanted to drink a lot at many points yesterday - and I continue to feel that way now.

Hopefully, I can stick it out and continue with the AF thing through tomorrow. I have a day off all to myself before going back to work, so maybe things will settle down a bit.