Here we go again

[StuckinLA]

Yo hey, what's up guys? I've been an anxious wreck all week. Part hopelessness, part not working much, part the drinking over the weekend I'm sure. I've just been trying to hold it together. Honestly, I haven't wanted to drink - I just want to ride out the crap withdrawal and start feeling better hopefully soon - until just this afternoon. Looked at the clock, saw it's almost 4, thought yeah a drink would be freakin' awesome right now! Haven't poured one yet though.

Anyway, haven't been able to get much done, but today was a little better.

And yeah, one of my accounts got banned. Not sure what that was about. But people can't hold me down! Until the mods discover I have multiple Stuck accounts. Then they can hold me down, for sure.

[Lostinspace]

Sorry you’re having such a rough week, Stuck. I’m sending you many positive wishes, though, that your application goes well :fingers: And yeah, there’s nothing like some good old fashioned adrenaline to get your run going. Is your hopelessness due to climate change, or is there something more in the works? Not to belittle your concerns - at all. Of course climate change is a big, scary, impending, oh my god, kinda thing. I’m just wondering, why so much concern all of a sudden? Much love to you anyway, while you deal with all this :hug:

Ne - Good luck with your paper. Statistics? Blech! That was one of the most boring classes I had to take. I bet you can’t wait until that’s over. Although it was really enlightening to see how the same data could generate two very different conclusions, depending on how the numbers are manipulated. It makes me question a lot of what I read. And you’re pretty awesome, too :hug: Good luck to you, as you deal with all the stress that is the end of semester.

Thanks, Skull. I will take your word for it. I really appreciate your input here.

dun - Good job on putting off and riding out the craving. It is kinda scary how old habits die hard. I haven’t made it as far out as you are now very many times, but I know it’s so easy to go back. So that’s excellent that you rode out the craving. And we will “white knuckle” it together --- in the future. I’m very embarrassed to admit now that I did drink tonight. I can only promise I will try harder in the future, though.

Deleted. (Long rant about work. I apologize to anyone who had to read that drivel). Anyway, I hope you all have a great night :hug:

[kronkcarr]

Hi everyone,

I have the day off (It's so nice to work for myself!) so here's to a good weekend for all. Lis, I feel your work pain. It's been almost 19 years since I started my business and I am sure I'd have a hard time putting up with boss's and coworker's crap. Hang tough.

dun, sometimes I can't see the help that's given to me. I'm sorry. I see it now. I got wrapped up emotionally in a few things and kept sitting in them. My son's growing up as I want him to but I was having a hard time with it. He'll be in the same room as me and creating music on his computer so he has ear buds in. It's hard to have conversation. He'll take the buds out when I talk but it's crazy to make small comments and have to repeat them. So I'm adjusting. He has a new girl whose mother micromanages them and this has been irritating me. I trust him to make good judgements and he does but I felt/thought she was questioning my parenting. It pissed me off. So, I'm back steady on that knowing that I've raised him well and she can do and think what she wants. He's going to leave in 2 1/2 years so I woke up and realized that I don't want to slide into this new part of my life numbed with alcohol.

I think I'd just forgotten how I was prebac. I had a great reminder these last couple of days. I wanted to quit over drinking 2 years ago--geez time flies. I was in an online "relationship"--whatever that is. There were lots of signs that he was catfishing but I thought I had to be in a relationship so I drank those away. I was really good at not drinking too much before our phone conversations until I wasn't. I said a lot of things I'd wanted to but in a passive/aggressive way. I'd been reading Dr. Ameisen's book but for patients--not for me. Pow! I got it and started on bac. I was lucky to get a lot of insights and realizations that helped me build confidence and self esteem. The guy was hot and mostly cold and we pretty much quit communicating except he'd send me holiday crap and write anything personal. Fast forward and this guy's moved to my area and is contacting me like we're buddies. It feels so good to calmly tell him that based on his behavior I can't see any reason I'd like to have a friendship with him. It's another reminder of how much I've gained and changed because I don't drink like I used to.

I had a sad thing happen yesterday. My office is on a small street downtown. At 11 am I walked someone out and saw this older well dressed man stumbling around. I figured he was drunk as opposed to having a medical problem. He kept dropping his bag and peed in the trees by the dumpster. For some reason I was scared and didn't help him. Later I looked out and his bag was in the alley. A little later a cop pulled someone over in front of my office. When he was done I gave him the bag and he said the man had fallen down a block away and cut his head. The cop had taken him to the hospital. At least he knew where to take the bag. I felt bad that I didn't help the man and I thought of how I almost always reigned my drinking in when I traveled. Once I was at my best friend's husband's funeral at Arlington and I drank way too much. Luckily a friend of theirs took me to my hotel. I remember going into the lobby with my room card in my hand and telling the desk I lost my card. Then I took the wrong elevator up and had a hell of a time finding my room. Damn. I could have been that man I saw yesterday.

Stuck and Ne Christmas break is coming!

[Lostinspace]

I didn’t know you had your own business, kronk. That’s really awesome! Although I’m sure that comes with its own unique set of stresses, no bosses or coworkers aside. And god, that would piss me off too if I thought someone was insinuating that I was a bad parent (although I’m not a parent, so I’ll never really understand). But you know you’ve raised your son well, and whatever she thinks is her problem. Those micromanaging types tend to think that everyone does everything wrong, and that they’re the only ones who can be trusted to get it right. So frustrating!

It’s so nice to hear how much you’ve grown in confidence, and in your ability to do what’s best for you, since quitting drinking. And I hope you know that it’s not your fault that man fell and cut his head. While helping others can be a noble thing, and we might feel especially compelled when we can empathize with their situation, drunk people can be really unpredictable. And they usually don’t want help. I’ve been in that man’s shoes before. One time happened not too long before I joined this site. I drank too much and was walking around town. Suddenly, the booze overtook me to the point that I fell down and was having trouble getting back up. I was utterly humiliated when people around me asked me if I was ok, and I rejected their help. I just wanted to get back on my feet, catch the next bus home, and not be noticed. Unfortunately, some passerby decided to “help” by calling the cops. What an a**hole. But that’s a different story.

Anyway, this week has been rough. And next week will be, too. I won’t rehash my work rant that I deleted, but suffice it say that my coworker’s emergency appendectomy has been really hard, given that I have the laziest boss on the planet, who refuses to stop surfing the internet all day to help me and my other coworker to do my sick coworker’s job while he’s gone. Grrrr! The only reason I got out on time tonight was because many of our samples were not yet ready to be processed. I worked twice as fast and got it done.

And seriously, I think this whole week counts as exercise. I’m not even joking. I’m on my feet all day, moving back and forth from one part of the lab to another, and constantly having to go to other labs within the building for supplies/services that our lab doesn’t have. When I move as quickly as I have been (very often half running), my entire day is one long semi-aerobic workout.

I did drink tonight. I wish I was a stronger person, but so far I am not. I think once this stress is all over, which will soon be followed by me getting my license back (yay!!), things will get a lot easier, and the timing will be right for a sustained AF period. I hate to make excuses for myself. But I really think things will change for the better pretty soon. Anyway, I hope you all have a great night :hug:

[Spiritfree]

I had a sad thing happen yesterday. My office is on a small street downtown. At 11 am I walked someone out and saw this older well dressed man stumbling around. I figured he was drunk as opposed to having a medical problem. He kept dropping his bag and peed in the trees by the dumpster. For some reason I was scared and didn't help him.
Stuck and Ne Christmas break is coming!

Bump (at 11 am, a fellow human being is stumbling and peeing in the trees -(he had to be terribly intimidating) - and he/she does not have a Medical Problem? Oh, never mind, I just read where you said he was probably drunk -not medically sick.). Hey Kronk, believe or not, alcolism is a horrible and deadly disease -let's all try to help if and when we can). The mere fact that you did call someone -911, etc. to get him help is indicative of what most people in the world think and perceive about those who suffer from our disease. You clearly help us all see better.

[Roadside]

I did drink tonight. I wish I was a stronger person, but so far I am not. I think once this stress is all over, which will soon be followed by me getting my license back (yay!!), things will get a lot easier, and the timing will be right for a sustained AF period. I hate to make excuses for myself. But I really think things will change for the better pretty soon. Anyway, I hope you all have a great night :hug:

We all have those feelings of inadequacy about not being that 'stronger person'. All in time, all on our own time. We are strong because we are here. Thanks for sharing.

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Quiet around here over the weekend.

Final for one class this morning, and then about 72 hours worth of work to finish up another class tomorrow. Then DONE with school for a little while. woot.

Interesting insights, Kronk. Thanks. I have a story to tell about some drunk painters but no time. Suffice to say, I was VERY disgusted that they reeked of alcohol first thing in the morning and very disturbed by their alcoholism. This was shortly after I got sober. I made their lives very difficult...I was not very charitable. It's a hard thing to turn someone into the authorities, even the hospital. Our system sucks for our people. I would have been troubled by that situation, too.

Hang in there, Lis. It ain't over until there's singing and I don't hear any yet. Things are coming to a head right now, it sounds like. And don't underestimate the pressure and stress of doing the driving! Self-care and self-love are really the priorities for where you are, it seems to me. Are you sleeping well?

Back in another couple of days.

[Ne/Neva Eva]

We all have those feelings of inadequacy about not being that 'stronger person'. All in time, all on our own time. We are strong because we are here. Thanks for sharing.

Yep. Good thoughts.

[kronkcarr]

Bump (at 11 am, a fellow human being is stumbling and peeing in the trees -(he had to be terribly intimidating) - and he/she does not have a Medical Problem? Oh, never mind, I just read where you said he was probably drunk -not medically sick.). Hey Kronk, believe or not, alcolism is a horrible and deadly disease -let's all try to help if and when we can). The mere fact that you did call someone -911, etc. to get him help is indicative of what most people in the world think and perceive about those who suffer from our disease. You clearly help us all see better.

spirit, your recap is a little off. I didn't call 911. Am I understanding that you take offense to my saying he might have had a medical issues as opposed to being drunk? Even with my medical background I couldn't diagnose if he was an alcoholic or just drank too much at the lovely brunches offered in our town. Would you prefer that I shut down business, lose money, irritate people who have appointments and load this man I don't know into my car to take him somewhere?

Please stop assuming you know what I think about the seriousness of alcoholism.

[Spiritfree]

spirit, your recap is a little off. I didn't call 911. Am I understanding that you take offense to my saying he might have had a medical issues as opposed to being drunk? Even with my medical background I couldn't diagnose if he was an alcoholic or just drank too much at the lovely brunches offered in our town. Would you prefer that I shut down business, lose money, irritate people who have appointments and load this man I don't know into my car to take him somewhere?

Please stop assuming you know what I think about the seriousness of alcoholism.

Hi Kronk - you have made a very important post regarding -real life alcoholism and the way that most people respond to alcoholism. In my opinion, this really has little to do with you -except for the fact that you brought the subject matter to our attention.

And I apologize for writing that you called 911, when in fact, you did not. Perhaps I was only assuming that you did this because of your fear of the man and how he might disrupt your business. And Kronk, I guess that we all, at one time or another, have looked and seen a person who seems intoxicated and have turned the other way. It really can be quite disgusting -as you suggest. In the area that I live, red neck country, we do not have lovely lavish lunches with people walking around with paper bags peeing in the woods at 11:00 am. Most of our drunks pee in the open and don't use paper bags to hide their disease and their lavish lunchly brunch probably consist of crackers and Vienna suaseges.

Kronk, would you have called 911 if you did not assume alcohol was involved? In my opinion, sick and potentially dangerous to one's self or another) is, well.... sick and probably needs help.

Kronk, I am not judging your actions. In fact, I have been in a very similar circumstance and did just what you did: nothing. It is very uncomfortable to get involved -so to speak. Instead, I am trying to point out the fact that most people don't consider alcoholism a disease -including alcoholics. This is just one reason that so little seems to happen in discovering cures for alcoholism. Whatever your background is in medicine, it is irrevalant. Alcoholism (AUD) is just not understood or recognized as a true mental disorder. Of all people, we that truly do have the mental disorder related to alcoholism should be the first to step forward and help a fellow sufferer -in any way that we can -even if turns out to be the wrong way. Just an opinion and just a thought.

[StuckinLA]

It was quiet around here over the weekend. Hope everybody's doing well. I had a good 5 days or so AF going, then went out to grade some papers. The coffee shop patio where I'd planned on going was packed and annoying because it was a Saturday afternoon, so of course I went to the next-best place: the bar. I sat down thinking I'd have an alcohol-free drink, but the bartender was there even though it was daytime, and the beer looked just too good. Graded some papers, and had two beers, and then the girl came down and met me and we went for a walk around the park. Things were pretty good up to that point.

But then a friend called and wanted to meet up, and so right back down to the bar for us. Got drunk, got emotional, got drunk some more, then spent all day yesterday drinking. The girl went up to the valley to hang out with a friend and her kids all day, so at least she wasn't around for the mess that was me yesterday. She got home and I woke up from being passed out, and then we watched some tv and went to sleep. Things could have been worse, but they for sure could've been better, too. I could have been better.

Feeling pretty awful today, as you can imagine. Just went for a long walk and about to take a shower. Trying to finish up my grades for the class today. They're due today, but the online grading system is broken, so not really sure how that's going to work out. Anyway, take care everyone. Happy Monday.

[helpmequit]

hi everyone -i am a short term reader of these threads but i have been drinking too much for a long time. i was too scared to post for a while, but thn if figured i don't have anything to lose.

i really like this thread because it sounds like you can still go out and get wasted and then stop for awhile and then do it again without many consequences. stuck -I think that you are awesome. sounds like you are some kind of teacher with those responsibilities but you are able to go get drunk for days and then stop for 4 or 5 days. this is exactly what i want to be able to do. and lost sounds like he or she does the same thing but only just feels guilt or sad or something. lost, i can handle that feeling guilty/bad stuff of drinking. please just help me figure out a way to do what u guys are doing. i am just tired of drinking everyday and most all day.

and ne, it sounds like you have experience on both sides of the fence... drinking and not drinking. can u add anything to help me just drink real strong for a few days and then quit for a few days?

[kronkcarr]

Hi Kronk - you have made a very important post regarding -real life alcoholism and the way that most people respond to alcoholism. In my opinion, this really has little to do with you -except for the fact that you brought the subject matter to our attention.

And I apologize for writing that you called 911, when in fact, you did not. Perhaps I was only assuming that you did this because of your fear of the man and how he might disrupt your business. Please don't put words in that I don't say. I was not concerned about him disrupting my business.

And Kronk, I guess that we all, at one time or another, have looked and seen a person who seems intoxicated and have turned the other way. It really can be quite disgusting -as you suggest. I never said I was disgusted.

In the area that I live, red neck country, we do not have lovely lavish lunches with people walking around with paper bags peeing in the woods at 11:00 am. I did not say he had a paper bag. He had a bag with some belongings in it. There were no woods. There were trees by my dumpster.

Most of our drunks pee in the open and don't use paper bags to hide their disease and their lavish lunchly brunch probably consist of crackers and Vienna suaseges.

Kronk, would you have called 911 if you did not assume alcohol was involved? In my opinion, sick and potentially dangerous to one's self or another) is, well.... sick and probably needs help.

Kronk, I am not judging your actions. In fact, I have been in a very similar circumstance and did just what you did: nothing. I did not do nothing. I found a police officer to get his bag of belongings back to him.

It is very uncomfortable to get involved -so to speak. Instead, I am trying to point out the fact that most people don't consider alcoholism a disease -including alcoholics.
This is just one reason that so little seems to happen in discovering cures for alcoholism. Whatever your background is in medicine, it is irrevalant. Alcoholism (AUD) is just not understood or recognized as a true mental disorder. Of all people, we that truly do have the mental disorder related to alcoholism should be the first to step forward and help a fellow sufferer -in any way that we can -even if turns out to be the wrong way. Just an opinion and just a thought.

I don't understand your last paragraph. Or perhaps I just disagree with you. I thought AUD was a physical illness not a mental illness. I disagree with your opinion as to why more drugs for AUD aren't available. My opinion is that rehab centers stand to lose fortunes and AA's main hold will dwindle. Plus there are new drugs in the long pipeline of creation, multiple tests and FDA approval.

I came to this thread to share how I felt about my experience not to correct misstatements about my experience. I'm sorry to those on here who are tired of the disputes. I could not let this one go. I'll do better in the future.

[Ne/Neva Eva]

hmmm.

Now we're really being trolled.

Unbelievable.

And kronk, I did you a disservice this morning by trying to circumvent the conversation that Spirit started. I apologize. Mostly because it was a very poor attempt! But also because it really doesn't warrant my attention. I know you have dealt with this kind of thing for a very long time.

He has made it very clear, repeatedly, for a very long time, that he doesn't approve of any of us. According to Spirit, each of us, in our own way, is doing everything wrong.

I don't need his approval in order to live my life. Can we move on?

[Lostinspace]

Hi all. helpmequit - If you’re for real, and not a troll, then, first of all :welcome: Second of all, I apologize for the weirdness around here. First of all, we are not all about getting drunk. At all. Second of all, if you want to talk for real, message me, then we’ll talk. Seriously, we’re not about getting drunk. That’s not what we’re here for. It pains me to even talk this way, but I get the feeling that you’re either a troll, or a sorely misguided person. If you are here for help, I apologize. Please message me if you are here for help. And read what I have to say. It may be of interest.

Anyway, thanks for saying that, Roadside. I’ll keep moving forward from here.

I hope your final went well, Ne. It’s almost over I’m sleeping OK-ish - not all too bad. But I’m under a lot of pressure at work right now. I did have a lot to say, but I’m feeling kinda shy. The pressure of a potential bug amongst us has me even more scared than I was a couple days ago. . . And that is a LOT scared. I’m sorry. I’ll be back at some time in the indefinite future. Much love to you all.