Here we go again

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Egad. Realllllly long night for me last night. I'm gonna digress and share it with you. I have been cleaning closets and stuff. Tearing everything apart and putting it back together in the right places. (We got some furniture from my parents and that necessitates re-doing where things go...)



I was cleaning out the bathroom and linen closets, which are full of things that are really bad for puppies. Long story short, she got into a container of Modafinil. (It's a med for, among other things, "excessive daytime sleepiness." It keeps you awake. REALLY awake.) It was apparent that she'd ingested some, not much, but some. I googled...Turns out there isn't an antidote, overdose isn't life threatening, and it was all going to be fine eventually. But lemme tell you, a speedy puppy is a sad state of affairs. Poor thing. I feel so guilty! She was zooming! All night! I kept giving her things to keep her occupied and focused. But I could tell she didn't feel good and needed comfort, too. Of course, comfort didn't include being cuddled. She finally fell asleep after about 3am. And seems to be just fine this morning. Thank all that matters. (It was very nice to not completely freak out about the situation. I'm rather proud of myself.)



I had another lame-o workout, I guess. I wish I could channel some of your zoom, Lis. On the other hand, I am going to stop berating myself and keep in mind that I have actually made it to the gym twice. That is a huge accomplishment at the moment. One I hope to continue. Better to focus on that fact, if I do want to continue going, rather than the fact that it's boring and uncomfortable. Music really helps. I've got a song I love, that's really inappropriate rap, and I've decided to memorize every word so I can rap along while I'm at the gym. It tickles me to think about the fact that I'm listening to all this braggadocio... I'm a middle-aged white woman whose only reference point is The Wire, ffs. (Mind you, I haven't actually watched The Wire. It's too much for me. lol.)



I'd make some musical suggestions, but I'm fairly certain 99% of y'all would be profoundly dismayed by my choices. (It's still better than whatever the hell the noise is that Tk listens to. Just sayin' tk.) Point is, I highly recommend having some theme songs. I am instantly transported when I hear the stuff I used to listen to when I was where you are.



Which is what my deleted post was all about, by the way. I am just so excited for you. And it's fun to live vicariously through these momentous changes in someone's life. But since you're living the change, it's probably not the best thing for me to go pointing out the momentousness of the changes in the moment. Just do your thing, Lis. I'm along for the ride.



I definitely had similar experiences with AA. There was only one time in all my years in and out of the program that I found a group of like-minded people that really lead me to a good place. But then we all started drinking at some point or another and the group just fizzled. I loved the spirituality of AA, and love that kind of stuff in general. (Being moved by nature is a defining characteristic of that, in my opinion, which is based in part on the opinions of great thinkers throughout time.)



I really wanted to go back to AA after I got sober with baclofen. The biggest hurdle, for me, was the first step. I'm not feckin' powerless and no one can make me say I am! So there! My therapist (a mindfulness practitioner, herself) would point out that we are all powerless over everything. And I'm down with that. Except booze. I am more powerful than my disease. Dammit. It was a battle to the death and I won. Which makes me part superhero. No one and nothing is going to take that away from me. (Which is a lyric in one of my theme songs, ftr.)



I've got to go keep an eye on the poor pup who was crashed out, but I can hear her now scrounging around in the kitchen. And so much stuff to do today, including getting to the gym again!



(Stuck is out of town and can't check in right now. Hi and hugs to all the rest of you!)



Edited because I really should have been better at writing it the first time.

[Ne/Neva Eva]

She's fine now, thank goodness.

[Lostinspace]

I’m sorry to hear about your puppy, Ne. Please don’t feel guilty, though. Puppies will get themselves into all kinds of mischief and you can’t always control everything. I’m not familiar with Modafinil, but as you said, it wasn’t life threatening. She was just basically on a too-much-coffee craze for the night and she’s fine now. That’s a cute picture, by the way. I hope she’s gotten some good rest since then.

And I hope you actually are proud of making it to the gym two days in a row. That IS a huge accomplishment! It’s hard to get motivated when you haven’t been doing it for a while. I think a lot of my enthusiasm is coming from the place of equating going to the gym with freedom. This was something I simply couldn’t do before I got my license back, so my enthusiasm is running really high all over the place.

I’m sure your workouts are not lame. It’s easy to compare yourself to where you used to be when you were working out regularly, and judge your workouts as not measuring up. But you have to keep in mind that you’ve been out of the game for a while and it’ll take some time before it’s not so uncomfortable. I’m glad you found some good workout music. Distraction definitely takes your mind off the fact that it’s hard. I sometimes listen to music, but I mostly watch tv, as boring as that sounds. It actually takes my mind off the uncomfortable nature of pushing myself even more so than music sometimes, I guess because I can pretend, even if just for a little bit, that I'm hanging out on the couch, until the endorphins kick in.

I’m not sure what yours is like, but my Planet Fitness has little remote control boxes on the sides of the treadmills that you can plug your earbuds into to listen to whichever channel you want while you work out. You just find a tv that looks like it has something semi-interesting on, then get on the treadmill in front of it. I’ll try to focus on what’s going on on the screen rather than the discomfort of my exertion, and I’ll actually make rules for myself like “no checking the time on the treadmill until after the next commercial break. Now pay attention to the show!” It keeps me from looking down at the timer every 30 seconds. And before I know it, I’ve been running for a good, long while. And when I'm done, I feel amazing! The endorphin rush is a real thing

And I can’t get on board with the first step in AA, either, or really most of the subsequent steps. People can, and do, stop drinking every day. It’s reeeeally hard to do, especially when you don’t have anything to help with cravings, but it is achievable. I believe that the last thing that people who are in a bad position in their lives regarding their jobs, relationships, finances, homes, etc., need is to be told that they’re powerless. And then in the next breath to be told that they’re morally deficient, and need to focus on all of what is wrong with them.

Newsflash: outside of the occasional narcissists, people who end up in AA already HATE themselves to the core of their being. Focusing on powerlessness, and their defects, will not make them well. They need to be built up, not torn down. Bill W. needed to be torn down. He was one of those alcoholics who happened to think the world revolved around him . . . until it didn’t. Most of us aren’t like that! OK, I’ll stop now.

Anyway, it was a good end to the week for me, outside of the fact that I’m having some ankle pain today. I’m thinking it’s probably because of the joint-pounding exercise I’ve been leaping into recently with (probably a little too much) gusto. I made sure to just do the incline walking tonight and no running. Tomorrow, I’ll do my weight training program as planned, then Sunday, I’m taking the day off. It’ll be hard, though. Where else do I go? The gym has become my second home. Where does one spend a rest day on a day off from work? Even before my license, I always took the bus into town on the weekends (usually with the excuse that I wanted to go for a walk where it's not so hilly, but really it was to get to the liquor store, but still, it got me out of the house and it took up a few hours. It might sound boring, but getting out is important, dammit!). I gotta go somewhere (besides our weekly grocery shopping trip). It’s WAY too cold recently to spend any time outside. What to do . . .

In any case, I hope you all have a great night!

[Ne/Neva Eva]

I'm gonna back track to a couple of posts ago. Thanks for the offer about the chemistry class. I'm mostly nervous that I just won't have the time and inclination to do well. I can feel short-timer's-disease creeping up on me. I took a look at the stuff the professor sent out that we should "familiarize ourselves with" before class and I'm not feeling my normal MUST READ ALL THE THINGS! But I will definitely keep you in mind, should the stuff get rough in chem.

Things change pretty dramatically for me on Monday. I had heard through the grapevine that the last semester was a relatively easy one. It doesn't look like that's going to be the case. And I forgot that it's peds! Yikes! I'm actually looking forward to it, because it's so fascinating, but I really hope I am not overwhelmed in the hospital. I cry far too easily. Anyway, enough of my angst about the future.

My workouts are lame by any standards. I spend as much time as I can stand on the treadmill (about 20 minutes) and then do a couple of machines before I bolt. But like everything else, it's just time and repetition to create a flow. Part of my aversion to the gym is the tv thing. I don't watch tv! There was a time when I watched Ellen when I was on the treadmill and didn't find that too abhorrent. Maybe I'll find something that isn't related to news, politics, current affairs, hollywood, etc.

I did hear a fascinating article on NPR yesterday about epigenetics, changes in DNA and exercise. They don't really understand how or why yet, but exercise changes our DNA. Presumably in a good way. That was the catalyst to get me to the gym yet again. (Here it is if you want to read or listen: http://www.npr.org/2012/03/09/148306...hange-your-dna)

I don't believe in the no pain, no gain philosophy of exercise. Maybe it's my age, or my (relatively) cautious personality, but I don't exercise to the point of pain. Don't get me wrong, the familiar ache of muscles well worked is a beautiful thing. But pain? Nope.

I think I'm going to do Strong Lifts 5x5. I never really stuck to a program the last time, but this seems like an efficient one and I'll need to be efficient. It seems like that's what you are already doing, too. It's here: http://stronglifts.com/5x5/

Figuring out what to do with your free time is probably the biggest single opportunity you have right now. Get busy with it! Doesn't mean you have to stick to any one thing, by the way. You're not looking for the thing that will drive your life for the rest of your life. Just some things that will entertain you, and hopefully work toward the goal of just having some positive things going on. Jigsaw puzzles work. Coloring mandalas. Photography. I don't know. I didn't do any of that stuff and opted for the big changes instead. I like to think that this year and next are going to be full of smaller entertainments, but I bore easily and I'm already trying to figure out a way to live part time in Charlottesville. Do you think they'd let me bring Pete the Puppy to live in a dorm? Do you think I could live in a dorm? egad.

I'm looking forward to the gym at 7:30. Just waiting for Ed to wake up so he can entertain the pooch.

Enough babbling! I'm out.

[kronkcarr]

Reggie,

I like your song choices--here and on the other thread. Lis, say yes to a song a day. Ne, post your workout songs. I'll dig up some of mine. Happy weekend. Dun, how are you?

[Lostinspace]

Hi all. Quick post because I’ve already fallen asleep on the couch once. Between a really tough strength training workout and still drinking, I’m beat. Yeah, I am that lame. Anyway, Ne, I’ll answer you in full tomorrow. Reggie, I saw your song choices before I left for the gym, but didn’t have time to respond because I was running late (to fall asleep later apparently. My husband must love me ). YES! I vote for a song a day, although I couldn’t view the second one for some copyright reasons (?!). Youtube wasn’t liking me. kronk, please do dig up your workout songs. I’ll be back tomorrow when I’m not half dead. I hope you all have a great night :hug:

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Aw, Reg. Please repost Beatle's song. I don't know where she is or what she's doing. She stopped returning my emails, and even successfully deleted Facebook. It makes me sad. Nice to have that little ditty to remind me of better times. I miss her.

I lied in my previous post. I do not have a particularly cautious personality. That's just funny. What I do have is an aversion to pain or painful consequences.

A song a day is a great idea. I find sharing my musical tastes a bit nerve-wracking so I have to qualify it all.
Anything written, sung or thought about by Justin Timberlake is very motivating. The old standby (SexyBack) is a good one.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3gOHvDP_vCs

(hmmm. I just watched that video. It's different! I much prefer the versions where he's dancing and singing at the camera like he's looking into my eyes. While taking off my clothes. tmi? I would throw my panties at him, like middle-aged chicks did (do?) for that crooner guy. [wth is his name, dammit. Someone help me with this?] My friend just saw JT in Vegas on NYE. I don't think I'll be able to speak with her for at least a couple of months without being venomous from the envy. I can't believe the nerve. And she posted about it on FB! She called me to wish me a Happy New Year and all that jazz. I have not, and will not, return the call. Not sure I'm going to send her a bday present this month either. She is (was) my oldest friend. I pretty much hate her. pfffffft. Jealousy is a bitch.)

My current favorite to sing along to is another old one. No Love. I am almost as enamored of Eminem as I am of JT. (But I do not want to see him naked, and I definitely do not want him to see me naked.)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KV2ssT8lzj8

But the line that made this song immortal in this household (when my husband overheard me shouting it from the back bedroom) is this one:

Look at these rappers, how I treat em
So why the fuck would I join em,
When I beat em?
They call me a freak cuz I like to
Spit on these p*ssies 'fore I eat em

I often make up the words to suit me, and it usually has a lot to do with being sober, and strong, and part superhero. I initially thought that the song No Love was actually "Know Love". So now, I think in my head, "Bitch, you can Know Love" for the refrain. 'cause bitches can know love, ya' know? (another embarrassing admission.)

When I was trying to figure out who I was and what I was going to do with my life as I was titrating up, I started hanging out in the music section here, and elicited opinions for new music from my friends on this forum. It opened up a whole new world! I was, and am, a huge fan of hippy-chick music, and folk music in general. But now I regularly listen to things I never would have heard of had I not made friends here.

Bet you didn't think you'd get Ne's personal treatise on music when you brought it up, did you? So what're you guys listening to, and perhaps more importantly, why?

Falling asleep on the couch after a hard core workout is kinda one of the goals, isn't it? Rock on with your big ol' bad self.

[Lostinspace]

Ne - Thanks for sharing a couple of your recent musical inspirations Don’t worry, I’ve been hearing song lyrics wrong my entire life. One of my more entertaining misinterpretations is from that old song “Blinded by the Light.” Y’know, this one: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B-S9Dj-S9rU. I always thought he was saying “blinded by the light, wrapped up like a douche.” (But seriously, what IS he saying?! I’ve heard that song dozens of times during my life and it never sounds like anything else!).

Anyway, music is supposed to speak to you, so if you interpret it in a more personal way, so much the better. And while I get the jealousy thing, I hope you can forgive your friend. Remember, sistas before mistas By the way, what is this music section of MWO that you speak of? I’ll have to go investigate. Because I really have nothing to add in the way of what’s been inspiring to me as of late. I haven’t been into new music in a long time - just zoning out in front of the tv (or a book sometimes). And back when I was continuously drunk, I just played the same old albums over and over. I could use a little inspiration.

Try not to worry too much about the upcoming semester. Senioritis is a very real thing, but it is also pretty easily overcome by the fact that at that point, you already have your study habits down to a tee (especially knowing exactly how much you need, how to go about it, etc.). Plus, even more importantly, you know the basic material of your major so well, that there’s really not as much studying involved (outside of chemistry, which is new to you) as there needs to be early on. To a large degree, you’re just building on the foundation that you struggled early on to master. I couldn’t get myself to care half as much during my senior year as I did freshman year, and I did just fine anyway.

Thanks for the link to the interview on epigenetic changes with exercise. I know it was an NPR interview, so she’s not going to go into a whole lot of technical detail, but I want to know more! I’ll have to look up her research.

And yeah, Strong Lifts seems very similar to what I’m doing. I make it short and sweet, and I try to increase the weight each time. If I can’t manage to increase the weight on a particular exercise, I do an extra set (or as many reps of that set as I can manage). Although, yesterday I pushed myself even more and added a couple sets of pushups and reverse sit-ups after my basic routine. Hence, the passing out on the couch shortly after I got home. Zzzzzz.

You’re right to take it slower, by the way. My ankles are still bothering me today. I’m hoping that after a rest day today, and three days off of running total (I did only strength training yesterday and only incline walking the day before), that I’ll be back in the game and ready to run tomorrow. But I have a feeling I’ll be doing more incline walking. God I hope not! I’ve really been loving the running, but of course, I don’t wanna beat my joints to sh*t.

I didn’t do very well at entertaining myself today. My big outing besides grocery shopping was going to buy a new belt, since my last (and only) belt was starting to fall apart (why, oh why does no one make pants in my size? They’re either too big or they’re squeezing the life out of me! So of course, I buy them big). I mostly spent the afternoon looking up bs things on the internet to entertain myself while my husband watched football. Sigh. Well, it’s baby steps. I used to have no hobbies at all, and now I’m completely gung ho on going to the gym every chance I get (short of hurting myself), so that’s progress.

Also, I made a remark to my husband, on the way to grocery shopping, that I should once again pursue a volunteer opportunity that I wanted to do a long time ago, but lost my license literal days after I made the call to get started. It was really embarrassing. The man who heads up the joint finally got back to me three days after I was arrested (and was shortly thereafter released from custody). I feebly told him that my plans had changed and that I don’t think I could work it into my schedule. Doh! I need to get on that, like, yesterday! I just hope they don’t hold some kind of sh*t list of people not to bother with.

But, it’s a volunteer position, not an *actual* job, so they’re probably not as picky. That’s one thing I loved about the last rehab I went to (which I got out of only five days before being arrested!!!). They emphasized things like volunteering, as well as doing what you love. They also encouraged me to get back into backpacking because it was an old passion of mine. They weren’t as AA heavy as the other rehabs I’ve been to. Unfortunately, it didn’t help me at the time, obviously. Oh well.

Anyway I hope you all have a great night!

[Ne/Neva Eva]

I have no idea what that song says, either!
I really can't imagine working out without music. It keeps me moving when all else fails. I like the fact that I make up the lyrics to suit me. It makes songs that much better.

I would be really cautious about doing any exercises that involved your ankles until you have absolutely no pain, Lis. It is not a good thing to have joint pain, at all, ever. In fact, I think it ranks up there as one of the top no-nos. Joints aren't like muscles. You've got to rest them! (Well, you've got to rest everything, but muscle soreness is a completely different thing.) EDIT to add: Don't let it get to the point where the pain is so bad you can't work out at all. The goal is to create habits that last a long time to improve your overall health and well being. If you continue to injure your ankles, you could create problems that follow you around for the rest of your life. Seriously. Take it easy sister.

There are plenty of other options, though, so no reason to lose heart. You could go for distance at a slow pace, rather than run or even walk on an incline. You can do isolated exercises. Rather than squats and deads, work on upper and lower body strengthening. You know those pesky muscles that we don't ever use? Use 'em. Ab work is vital, unfortunately. And pull-ups are all the rage right now. There really are so many options that you can use in order to fill this short gap!

I never really got a runner's high (I'm not very into running or cardio in general) but I definitely got it from lifting. Especially ab work. Something to keep in mind, if you're coveting the endorphins.

If all you did was back out because your schedule didn't permit you being able to participate, I think you're in pretty good shape to get involved again. Remember, they don't know that you were arrested. I think you might be experiencing some of that shame/guilt stuff that keeps us from doing things.

It's so perfectly normal to realize that you're overbooked and can't commit. I did it in December! I have a friend that runs a food distribution and pantry. Told him I wanted to start volunteering again. Realized that there was no way I could do that regularly and go to school, too. Called him and told him so. No biggie.

Sistas before mistas. lol. Good point.

Hope it's a good day!

[StuckinLA]

Hi everybody, sorry I've been MIA. Was in Vancouver since last week, just got back at midnight last night, and classes start today. Just super-busy, and also apologies that I haven't had time to read back and see what everyone's up to. Hope you're all doing well. Anyway, just wanted to let ya'll know I'm still alive. Big hugs all 'round.

[Lostinspace]

Hi all. Just had a discussion with my husband where he brought up, and was complimenting me on, being an “ex-acoholic.” (He doesn’t know that I STILL drink after the increase I’ve made so far on baclofen - although I plan on continuing upwards in just a couple days). I feel like a shithead. I still drink around nine shots a night (I’ve done the math based on the bottles I buy - converting ml to ounces, then dividing by 1.5 to equal a shot). Anyway, it’s only because of my atrociously high tolerance that I’m able to drink this much and still make it seem like it’s no big deal. He is so proud of me. And I let him be, and hugged him (plus a whole lot of other stuff) without saying anything to contradict what he said. I’m a total shithole, douchnozzle, asshat, whatever else term you can come up with. I didn’t have the heart to tell him.

Anyway, Ne, you’re very right about other options, and I should have used those. I wish I read your advice before I hit the gym. I did more incline walking today. I shouldn’t have. My left ankle was actually doing OK before I started tonight - now they BOTH hurt. Ugh! I think I’ll go for walking at a distance (on a flat level). I wish I could get into the bikes and the ellipticals - they’re so goddamn boring!! I KNOW I’m working out on a bike, or an elliptical, EVERY second that I do. I look at the timer every 20 or 30 seconds until I’m done. I hate it!! I can’t get lost in the moment on those machines - AT ALL! I guess it’s because I used to run when I was young. And walking on an incline emulates hiking up mountains - another thing I used to love. Sigh. I’ll try to find an ankle-friendly exercise I can deal with.

Also, Ne - ab work - I got that. Pull-ups? I may never be able to do because of my shoulder limitations, i.e easily dislocatable shoulder. I’ve already started having nightmares of being left alone with a dislocated shoulder out in the middle of nowhere (coincidence to my working out my upper body - probably not).

And I will try out that volunteer position once again. Thank you for bringing up that example.

Stuck!!!! So great to see you I hope the trip went well.

My apologies to all, first because I don’t have time for an update (my husband is pressuring me to come to dinner). And second, because I don’t have time to proofread myself as I normally do before I go join him, outside of the usual proofreading myself sentence-by-sentence. Yes, I am that anal-retentive! Anyway, I hope you all have a great night!

[terryk]

I'd make some musical suggestions, but I'm fairly certain 99% of y'all would be profoundly dismayed by my choices. (It's still better than whatever the hell the noise is that Tk listens to. Just sayin' tk.) Point is, I highly recommend having some theme songs. I am instantly transported when I hear the stuff I used to listen to when I was where you are.

It’s called melodic heavy metal, there are several sub-genres, and everyone loves it.

From my youth… Power Metal:

Iron Maiden – Number of the Beast

To the cutting edge of today… Trance Metal:

Blood Stain Child - Freedom

Blood Stain Child - Trial Spiral

and some Viking Metal:

Amon Amarth – Valhalla Awaits Me

not really metal, but Hardcore:

Raised Fist – You ignore them all

Some Rap:

Gloc-9 - Isang Araw

But for absolute, total devastation and domination on the gym floor (or anywhere really)…..

Brutal.GORE



Because folks mentioned it, here’s a few things I learned about fitness from talking to lo0p:

Nutrition

By far, the best one-stop place to find the science based answers to your questions about Nutrition and Fat-loss (desktop version is best)



Leangains (Evan was all about it) – An Intermittent Fasting and Strength Training program developed by Martin Berkhan – the guy is certifiably nuts most probably from walking around at sub 4% bodyfat for too long, but hey, he can deadlift 3 times his body weight, and has many, many people who (still think that he’s crazy but) follow his protocol with great success.

• Fast for 16 hours, eat for 8 (Roughly, and 14/10 for most women. Fasting for 14 or 18 hours will not kill you, and after 2-4 days hormonal entrainment will accustom your body to only be hungry when it's time to eat - if you keep your eating window consistent day to day)
  
  
• Lift heavy stuff using the Big 4 compound movements (deadlifts, squats, bench press, chinups) in 3 (or 2) short (45min) workout sessions per week.
  
  
• Surplus calories on workout days (maintenance + up to 20%), deficit calories (maintenance - up to 50%), on non-workout days with a weekly surplus or deficit depending on whether you want to bulk, cut, or maintain your weight. Here’s a great macro/calorie counter geared for Leangains/Macro cycling that you can use (with any diet) to figure out your daily caloric needs and map out your weight loss based on your food intake and workout schedule: http://www.1percentedge.com/ifcalc/ (I don’t think that this works on mobile platforms).
  
  
• High protein every day (roughly 1g per lb bodyweight). On workout days high carb low fat (to build/maintain muscle and restrict fat gain during the refeed), on non-workout days low carbs & moderate fat (fat maintains hormone levels and is more satiating than carbs during the cut) - High-protein diets are not hazardous for the healthy kidneys
  

Leangains.com (the original site – not really user friendly)
Rippedbody.jp (another fitness coach using Leangains – much more user friendly


Mobile app to track nutrition: http://myfitnesspal.com/


Strength Training

By far, the best one-stop place to find science based answers to your questions about muscle-gain and training in general. (desktop version is best - oh right, this guys is a bit nuts too)

In addition to StrongLifts, Starting Strength


Some good individual articles:

I don't want to get big and bulky fitness marketing and its effect on women

5-8 reps at 80-85% of your maximum (reps per set for optimal growth)

Why big caloric deficits and lots of activity can hurt fat loss


Mobile App to track gym activity (your GAINZ): http://www.jefit.com/

-tk

[Ne/Neva Eva]

... and everyone loves it.
-tk

hmmm. Ok.

I've read way too much conflicting information about intermittent fasting to use it or recommend it. It's not clear that it's good for women, especially the 16/8 time frame. It's also pretty clear that it's not good for people with eating disorders. The "discipline" seems to fuel that particular beast, and just doesn't seem like a good idea for anyone with that going on. Like some (fad) diets, this one does seem like it makes some good sense, and while Berkhan is a nutter, the science is interesting. BUT it needs some good common sense, in my humble opinion.

I really, really hate it when I see people on here start with dramatic diets. It just seems to me that focusing on sound nutrition, rather than deprivation, is a good idea when you're battling the Big Beast. Just my tuppence.

Lis, it also seems to me (and in all humbleness) that taking a day or two off from the gym is a really good idea. For many reasons! You're a beginner. You've got to act like one! You (like most beginners) are more prone to get hurt. Listen to your body! It's telling you it needs a break! (I'm a beginner, too! It all just takes time.)

It can be frustrating, but it's really important. I have a slipped disc in my lower back. (From an injury in my twenties and years of high heels, dammit.) I spent four months doing yoga, and couldn't figure out why my back was bothering me so much. It didn't make sense! My form is perrrfect! I was getting stronger! Stopped doing yoga for a month and voila! No more back pain. I'm not strong enough in my core to do deadlifts, either. If I'm not really careful with my form, I can easily injure myself doing squats. In fact, in general, I have to be careful with everything I do in the gym when I'm not in shape. I am, in theory, strong enough to lift *all* the things. But if I do when I'm starting out, I'll end up at the doctor, on pain killers and doing physical therapy. (Of course, if I did physical therapy, I'll get strong enough to support my back and then lift all the things. But that's a very expensive, time consuming and painful way to get to where I want to be. Better to just take it slow and let the gainz grow...)

I hope you get this in time to take the day off and figure out something else to do this evening! If you do go to the gym, stay off your ankles, even walking. But there has to be something else you could do, too! More from me about your post later this morning!

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Thanks, tk, for all the links. Good stuff. More motivation!

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Ah, thanks Reg! I'll check 'em out later.

Lis, remember when we had the discussion before about communication? I am a firm believer in it. And in honesty. With a big BUT. BUT, when it hurts everyone, or messes everything up, I'm not a big proponent.

I don't think erecting, or adding to walls that are in the process of coming down is a move in the right direction. There's an ebb and flow to opening the lines of communication. What took years to happen, can't be undone in weeks. It can be undone, though.

There are things I've done that Ed neva eva needs to know about. I don't feel shame or guilt about it. It just was. It isn't now. It won't be in the future. He has no reason to distrust me, now or in the future. There are many things in my life like that, actually. Times when I've been dishonest or willfully hurt someone, that I've just let go. I've made amends before, when I was in AA. This time, I just pledged to myself that I wouldn't do those things anymore. Most of the time it came from a place of fear or anger, or because I was drunk and couldn't make good decisions. I'm not that woman anymore. I get to decide now.

When you get to decide, things will change dramatically for you, too. Just keep focusing on getting better. The rest will follow and open up into a whole wide world for you.

<hugs>