Here we go again

[Lostinspace]

Thanks anne and MeJustMe. I think the interview went pretty well, so I'm feeling hopeful. Except I sent a follow-up e-mail to both of the interviewers (because that's what I keep reading you're supposed to do), and one of those e-mails has a mistake in it. Eeeeeek!!! I really hope that doesn't change her perception of me. I'm kinda freaking out right now. I wish that e-mails could be edited after the fact, like the posts we make here. I'm kicking myself so hard right now.

I'm sorry to hear that your GP wasn't receptive to bac MeJustMe, but that's great that you have that prescription from your shrink. Can you go back to him/her for future prescriptions? If not, don't worry. Many, if not most, people outside of France are getting their bac through online pharmacies. I get part of my bac that way. My doctor was willing to prescribe, but was unwilling to go above 160 mg, which was not enough for me. It sucks that you have to wait a little while to get the Antabuse, but really, four days is nothing compared to the lifetime of freedom you're about to get. Hang in there.

[StuckinLA]

Lis, any news?

Hey everybody else, where'd ya'll go?

Hope everyone is well.

[MeJustMe]

just got my bac and antibuse scripts filled. Took my first "real deal" bac 10mg tonight (see my other posts if you don't know what I mean).
Had the itchy skin on my forearm again, so looks like I am on my to triturating up on bac. Finally! Am drinking tonight though, Antibuse starts tomorrow... this all feels a bit mad.

[Lostinspace]

Hey Stuck. No news yet. It's killing me really. I'm starting to think that the interview didn't go nearly as well as I thought it did. They told me they wanted to move really quickly on hiring someone, so I'm guessing they quickly moved on to someone else. And I don't know what happened here. This thread is dying a slow (or not so slow at all) death. How have you been? How's life without the dreaded dissertation stress?

MeJustMe - That's great news! You're on your way. It will obviously take a while to get up to the right dose. But at least having the Antabuse in the meantime will keep things under control until you lose your cravings and can do without it.

I'm still alive, but feeling lower than ever. I went away this weekend to visit my brother. I was trying to also arrange to visit my good friend who lives in the same city. But because of some miscommunications, we didn't end up getting together and she's now blaming me and won't speak to me. We've been friends since we were 8 years old, but we've been steadily drifting apart the last few years. I don't know if things will be repaired now. She's always been unreliable, and I don't think it was my fault, but it makes me really sad nonetheless.

Besides that, I work in a lab with only three other people, one of whom is openly hostile towards me, for no other reason than the fact that he's a douchebag. He admits that he hates most people, so I don't take it personally, but he gets along fabulously with my other coworker, so it makes my days feel very lonely. I have absolutely no friends in the town I live in besides my husband, and it now seems that I lost one of the very few long distance friends I have. I'm so lonely it's physically painful.

Other than that, I haven't drank since Thursday, but I have a feeling that will change today. I can't stand being in my head right now. It's too painful. I'm gonna try to force myself to go to the gym after work, so maybe I'll reconsider the drinking thing while I'm there, but I honestly doubt it.

Sorry to be such a downer. I just don't have a positive bone in my body right now. I hope you're all having a good one out there.

[dundrinkn]

Howdy All. I have been up and down and all around with mood and drinking and bac. I am still at 80mg, but was so miserable. I decided to do something quite odd... wait for it... a juice fast. I watched that documentary a while back (fat sick and nearly dead) and have done lots of other alternative approaches. After considerable research about pros and cons, I jumped in last Friday. Have to say I've had fairly dramatic reduction of the neuropathy and anxiety and my mood and energy are good. Not sure how long I'll go, but a while still to see if the neuropathy will completely resolve. Not sure what all this means, and of course it's not like I plan to live on plants and fruit forever, so not sure it's sustainable. But it sure is interesting how much I seem to be affected (physically and emotionally) by what I ingest. Hmm. That's my weird news of the day.

I have been keeping up with this thread. MeJustMe, does that mean you weren't on any Bac in the trial?

Lis, so sorry about your friend. I had a situation like that with a childhood friend a few years back and it still is perplexing to me. I hope you get good news on the job front soon.

That's all I got at the moment. Will try and post more.

[anne1232]

Hi all. Stuck, let us know what's the haps. Lis...pfffft- people. What can ya say? Try to not take people's behaviors personally. Really, it's so often not about us, but their own 'stuff.'

I have had some major breakthroughs I thought I'd share....first, I got some edible cannibis. I hated pot the last time I smoked it (years ago) but the eating of it...it comes on slow and is very calming and centering. It has halved my drinking. I feel so much better mentally and physically. Of course, it's legal here (CA) and the stores that sell can tailor the strain to your malady. I doubt there is anywhere, though, where you can't get some. I feel really lucky to have re-explored this medicine.

Next, I got this stuff: http://www.naturodoc.com/sulfurstudy.htm and it really is quite miraculous. The oxygen theory. It has almost completely removed my anxiety/depression (and that of two other friends- one says completely, and she has quit all talk therapy and meds). I also just had the first normal EKG I have ever had. Who knows- maybe it's all bunk but I am staying on it. It's not expensive.

Third...tomorrow I am doing a psilocybin trip/therapy session. Excited, a bit scared. Met with the therapist yesterday and he is really focused on guiding the experience re family relations. He feels that anxiety/depression/addiction is family based, period, even if one denies it. SO. We'll see. I'll post a separate thread about it.

http://www.livescience.com/14606-magic-mushrooms-treat-depression-addiction.html

[Stevo]

G'day to everyone,
Sorry for not posting before but I have been flat out trying to get the boards done for the show,it is a very slow and intricate process.I am not a big fan of doing decks with graphics on them and just for the show I have to do 12 of them plus a couple of other single orders that require graphics aswell.I have to get them right the first time or it is a matter of sanding them back and starting again.When I started doing this it was never my idea to create a sort of production line and have so many decks to do that it seemed like work.At the moment it seems a lot like work ha.

MeJustMe I am very happy for you,now that you know that you are definitely on the real thing don't do your head in about it just let the Baclofen do what it does.Dont be in a hurry to titrate up too quickly and risk too many negative SE's.
Oh and did you ever find out from the people running the trial if you were infact on Baclofen or a placebo?I am quite curious about this.

Stuck a big congratulations to you and I look forward to hearing what the outcome is.

Dun it is great to hear that the pain is less and you are feeling much better.

LIS I am sorry to hear that you are in such a bad place.I have been thinking about an old friend lately who just disappeared when I stopped drinking,we have known eachother since we were in high school and we both moved to the same area later in life.I saw his wife about 6 months ago and she was heavily pregnant and would have had the baby by now I am sure.We have not heard anything about it or have not been informed by anyone that the baby has arrived.My children and my mates children all grew up together yet we know nothing of the last couple of years of their lives.We have been cut off completely.
Just about everyone that was close to us has abandoned us since I came into recovery,except for a couple of close friends.It is like my decision to try to get a hold of my life without drugs and alcohol was such a terrible thing to do in the eyes of my friends that they didn't just abandon me but my family aswell.I can empathise with how you are feeling I too feel very lonely,as does my partner.My kids are old enough to be aware that all the people that used to come to see us and play with them are no longer around too.The knock on effect of my decision has been felt right through.
I like what Anne said"Pffft people.What can ya say?"
I will be thinking of you and want to encourage you to keep posting and to not isolate.
If the job doesn't come through too,it wasn't the right one for you.

Anne I hope everything that you are up to works out well for you too.

Still no word from the insurance company,I am still kind of liking it that way(no news is good news)and I try not to think about it.The money from the provisional payment is just about gone so my mind does tend to thinking about these things a little more than it has before.It is what it is and it will be what will be.
I am seeing a physio for my feet and doing exercises daily to try to strengthen them up a bit,they are all taped up which helps with the pain and my ability to ambulate.Damn they are sore when the tape comes off though.I am not complaining,all these things are important in getting me back to a fit state so I can support my family again and get some of that pride back.
Not much else to report and I really need to get back to doing these boards.
Take care everyone and I hope that good times are ahead for you all.
Cheers Stevo.

[kronkcarr]

I've been on here reading but haven't had the time to post. It's good to know you're all still here. Except where's Ne?

Steveo, I'm so happy about your work with the fingerboards. My son used to love them and we have over 100 in a box in the garage. Other than your current stress with them you sound so good.

Lis, I'm happy to see you're writing about your emotions. I've posted on here that I gained self esteem and confidence through using baclofen. I read an interesting article about addiction and self control. The author's opinion was that we gain esteem and confidence because we use self control. For me baclofen removed my craving so I could see what made me want to drink. Then I could choose. Steveo, you posted on another thread how you felt after your experiment. If I have 3 drinks I feel blah the next day and won't do much. So I get to decide if I want that.

Lis, I drank at people (so funny because they didn't even know) and because I couldn't stand my thoughts. The thing of it was that all my thoughts were still there the next day. I'm glad you have the gym because you can change your brain chemistry there.

One of the biggest things that happened for me was that I let friends go and some let me go. When I was over drinking I was clinging to people and it was hard for me to get that people do what they do. I learned to not take it personally.

dun, I'm happy that you're getting relief. anne, I'm interested to see how you feel. Mejustme, yay for you. And Dr Stuck, hey!

[Lostinspace]

dun - That's so amazing! I've heard of a lot of health benefits of doing a short-term juice fast, but I never would have guessed that it could help with the neuropathy. You're right that it's not sustainable in the long run, but I wouldn't think there's any real harm in sticking with it for a week or even longer. That would be so great if the neuropathy did resolve itself. Then you could start to titrate up on bac again to get to a dose that's more helpful. Keep us posted on how it goes.

anne - I'm so glad that you've found something that helps you to cut back on drinking. I know that "marijuana maintenance" works for a lot of people. If I wasn't subjected to regular drug screens, I'd be tempted to try it myself. The organic sulfur sounds interesting, too. I have to admit that I'm really skeptical about it. It sounds way too good to be true, with that many different conditions being helped by it. But what do I know? If it's really cheap, I might consider trying it myself. It's not toxic, so the worst thing that could happen is that it does nothing to help me. Thanks for the info, and I'm so glad to hear that it's helped you so much. And I can't wait to hear about your psilocybin therapy session. There's been some talk on this board recently about using LSD to treat addiction, with the same philosophy towards how it treats addiction. I'd love to hear how it goes for you. Good luck with it today!

No need to apologize, Stevo. I'm sorry you're starting to feel like something you love to do so much is starting to feel like work. But that's so great that you're starting to turn a hobby into a side business. That beats the pants off any job that you do purely for the money. I hope that in addition to the decks with graphics, that you have enough other ones to work on that you do enjoy making. And I'm so sorry to hear that you can relate to the loneliness. It's really painful to lose friends. I'm sorry it's affecting your partner and kids, too. That makes it even harder. I'll be keeping you in my thoughts as well, and I hope you're soon able to branch out and meet new people as time goes on.

I'm glad the physio is starting to help you get back to a healthier state, and that the pain is less at least when your feet are taped. I wish you as fast a recovery as you can have. And please try not to have your pride wrapped up in whether or not you're working to support your family. We all have setbacks in life. This is not your fault, and you're doing what you need to do to get better. You'll be able to work again soon enough.

kronk - You're right that we gain self-esteem at least partly through self-control. I do feel a lot better about myself than I did when I was a constant miserable drunk. And yeah, drinking at people helps no one. I can't say I really drank *at* my friend yesterday. I wasn't angry, just very hurt, lonely, and grieving what may very well be the end of our friendship. But it's the same concept. It did nothing to fix our relationship and I'm still left with the same thoughts today. How's your recovery from the injury progressing? Are you still walking and building back up to running?

I still haven't heard back from that job, so I'm really losing hope. There haven't been any new jobs coming up recently, either. As I already kinda mentioned, I did end up drinking last night, and worse yet, I didn't even make it to the gym. I was feeling so down yesterday that I could barely muster the energy to get through my work day. But I'm not gonna let myself skip out on the gym today. Sitting on my ass on the couch all evening is not gonna help lift my spirits. And you're right, kronk. Exercise actually changes your brain chemistry for the better, so no excuses not to. Anyway, I hope you're all having a good one out there.

[Spiritfree]

Hi all. Stuck, let us know what's the haps. Lis...pfffft- people. What can ya say? Try to not take people's behaviors personally. Really, it's so often not about us, but their own 'stuff.'

I have had some major breakthroughs I thought I'd share....first, I got some edible cannibis. I hated pot the last time I smoked it (years ago) but the eating of it...it comes on slow and is very calming and centering. It has halved my drinking. I feel so much better mentally and physically. Of course, it's legal here (CA) and the stores that sell can tailor the strain to your malady. I doubt there is anywhere, though, where you can't get some. I feel really lucky to have re-explored this medicine.

Next, I got this stuff: http://www.naturodoc.com/sulfurstudy.htm and it really is quite miraculous. The oxygen theory. It has almost completely removed my anxiety/depression (and that of two other friends- one says completely, and she has quit all talk therapy and meds). I also just had the first normal EKG I have ever had. Who knows- maybe it's all bunk but I am staying on it. It's not expensive.

Third...tomorrow I am doing a psilocybin trip/therapy session. Excited, a bit scared. Met with the therapist yesterday and he is really focused on guiding the experience re family relations. He feels that anxiety/depression/addiction is family based, period, even if one denies it. SO. We'll see. I'll post a separate thread about it.
http://www.livescience.com/14606-mag...addiction.html

Hi Ann -thank you for this post. You are actually executing a few of the ideas that I have had in the past regarding my own AUD/alcoholism and general health.

(1) "Marijuana" -I have often wondered if this would be a good chemical for me and my anxiety/depression. I have read so many positives and negatives regarding the use thereof that it makes my little brain get sore. I too, years ago, tried smoking some and the smoking never was going to be an answer for me to change the way that I thought or felt -I just stayed with alcohol.

(2) "Sulfur" -I had never really heard about sulfur being a health supplement for humans. After reading this post and doing a little research, you can absolutely bet that I will begin trying today -or tomorrow -come hell or high water. My back/joint pain is severe and I absolutely refuse to take pain medication.

(3) "Psilocybin" -Ann -please, if you only ever make just more post on this site, please report back your personal results regarding the outcome of this therapy session. I have wanted to try this for a long-long time with the guided help of someone. I still want to try this therapy and will go to wherever is necessary to do so. Again, please post your post therapy results!!!!!!

(And Ne, I do hope that you start back posting -sooner, rather than later. Regardless of people conflicts, time restraints, etc...bla, bla, you really do add some great information and offer some very meaningful help -especially to new comers.)

SF

[StuckinLA]

Well, now it's Dr. Stuck.

[Stevo]

Congratulations Dr.Stuck.

[Lostinspace]

Congratulations Dr. Stuck!!! I know you worked hard for this.

[Lostinspace]

Hello everyone. Just wanted to make a post since there’s not much activity here in the last couple days. I’m doing much the same, only becoming increasingly scared that this job I went on a second interview with will never get back to me. They’ve now had six business days to make a move on their decision and still I’ve heard nothing. I know they still had at least one other person who made it to the second interview stage, so some extra time was needed to interview them. But instead of making me feel better that that’s the reason I haven’t heard yet, it’s making me completely neurotic. I keep going over the interview in my head, every question they asked, every response I gave, the details of the follow-up thank you e-mail that I sent right after my interview, etc., etc.

I’m becoming more and more convinced that my contender(s) is/are the chosen one(s). Which is fine, so long as they turn down the offer, then they go to me next. Aaaaaahhh! Why can’t companies at least have the decency to let you know when you’re out of the running? Since most of them don’t, I have no idea if they’re just taking their sweet old time, or if I’ve already been rejected. I really, really want this job. Aaaaaaahhh!! I’m getting really discouraged because in the three months that I’ve been intensively searching for another job, I’ve only found four jobs worth applying to (and one of them turned out to be bullsh*t). Jobs in my field are rather limited in the area I live in.

Anyway, I apologize for the rant. That turned out to be a lot more than what I intended to say. Drinking-wise, I’m holding steady at a lesser level. But the finance-conscious side of me is chastising me for it. I used to buy two 200 mL bottles - one each of vodka and bourbon - which is already enormously uneconomical when you consider buying them in bulk. Ever since my falling incident, I’ve been buying one 200 mL bottle of vodka and 2 individual shot bottles of bourbon. It’s REALLY expensive to buy liquor that way.

But unfortunately, as much as my cravings have gone down tremendously, alcohol still messes with my brain. Once I have a few shots in me, I’ll drink whatever else is there, because my judgment is already starting to loosen a little, as much as I seem normal and am not feeling or acting intoxicated. The one most important thing with baclofen for me, being at a pre-switch level, is that it doesn’t bother me when all the booze is gone. In the past, I would have found any way possible to get back into town to buy more. Now it’s just like “huh. I guess that’s all I’m drinking tonight.” So buying a small amount (within reason - three or four shots ain’t gonna do it) works out just fine.

And as much as I still want to improve, I have to take a moment to be grateful for how much less I drink now. I just did the math tonight, with my new regular amount, and I’m drinking around 20% of my original amount (yes, I AM that big of a nerd that I actually calculated it. It came out to 19 point something percent).

I sometimes think I should go up on baclofen further still, given the HUGE amount my cravings have decreased. I think of that article, that was posted here a while back, saying that a small percentage of people just do need insane amounts of baclofen to reach their switch, but it does still happen. But I’m still not sure about it all. 325 mg is a big dose. I have a lot of reservations about going higher. Maybe I should just take my good benefits so far and run with them, working as much as I can to kick the habit from here? Ugh!! I don’t know. As much as it’s so much easier, I’m finding it hard to keep improving. I recently did a little bit. But can I continue that path? I’m not sure.

Anyway, thank you for listening to anyone who actually made it this far. I hope you all have a very good night!

[StuckinLA]

Hey everybody.

Things are... ok here. Should be on cloud freaking 9, of course, considering my diss is successfully defended and I have a PhD now. Still need to run through the diss over the weekend - lots of typos that need fixing - before filing it mid next week. Other than that, though, not a whole lot going on. I've got a little class-planning to do, a letter of recommendation to write for a student, but that's all. I've been putting in job applications like mad, and praying.

But I'm stressed as hell. Drinking quite a bit, and not getting much sleep. It's kind of bad, actually. Like getting drunk in the evening, sleeping about 4 hours, then waking up for a couple hours in the middle of the night. I don't know how that works - feeling good and drunk and passing out, then waking up feeling stone sober in the night. Last night I didn't even bother going back to bed - just drank beers until the girl woke up for work. She kind of gave me an ultimatum, after a night where she had to get up early and I was tossing around in my sleep and keeping her up.

I know I have to clean things up, and soon. On the one hand, I think this is just the usual pattern of falling into a funk right after finishing a project or a semester or whatever. I wish I had some news on the job front. Well, take care everybody. Hope it's a good one.