Here we go again

[MeJustMe]

Hi everyone.

The best response to a nutty post is no response. Now, for my nutty post...

I have not Had a drink for 8 days.

I tritrated up to 60mg of Bac on Monday, now on 70.

I have had no interest in AL, have not since about Tuesday.

People continue to drink around me, and while I continue to get irritated by drunken behaviour, I don't feel as though I am missing out.

I continue to take Antibuse. I usually drop that aft 3-5 days so that my cravings can be satiated.

I think I have hit the switch! Yay!!!!!!!!!

[Stevo]

That is awesome news MJM,but keep in mind that you are still on a very low dose.Seriously though if you have and I know of another person on here that switched at around the same as you,CONGRATULATIONS!
Remember that you run a much higher chance of adverse SE's titrating up quickly so don't be in too much of a hurry to continue going up.Especially if you think that you are already reaping the benefits.

Such a nice post to read mate.

LOL LIS,I guess you wont be doing that again haha.I hope all goes to plan for you over the weekend.
Just curious,did you enjoy being stoned?It has been quite some time since I have smoked any pot now and occasionally wonder to myself whether I would actually enjoy it these days.

I hope that you are feeling a bit better after your kayaking too Kronk.

Take care and hope all out there are well.

Cheers Stevo.

[Spiritfree]

Hi Lost. In an effort to try and help the community at large; will you first tell us how much Baclofen you are taking and what is the maximum you that you plan on taking to resolve your conflict with alcohol. I understand if you or unwilling or unable to respond. Respectfully. -sf--

[Lostinspace]

kronk- I’m sorry I didn’t respond to your post last time. I was accidentally stoned, frustrated, and highly distracted. Anyway, running six miles is amazing! I didn’t even realize that you were back to fully running at this point, let alone six miles straight. I'm so glad that your patience in working through that injury has finally paid off

MJM - I’m so happy to hear about the lack of drinking, and the lack of interest for it! That’s awesome I really hope you have found your switch. That would be so great to have all of the benefits of indifference, but without having to go through all the side effects of high dose baclofen. Congratulations on being comfortably AF for 8 days!

Stevo - You’re right - I certainly won’t be doing that again! To answer your question, I’ve smoked up on purpose not too many weeks ago and enjoyed it. I probably would have enjoyed it last night if it weren’t for the fact that I was trying to muddle through some highly technical scientific journal articles. Let’s just say it didn’t work out too well LOL.

Anyway, today hasn’t been all that exciting. I’ve just been reading up, and reading up some more, for a job I might never get. Ah well. Not much else to say really. I hope you all have a great night!

[StuckinLA]

Well hopefully I got the drinking out of my system over the weekend. Ugh - I am so desperately hungover today. And I managed to piss the girl off even while she was out of town, but we talked yesterday and I think things are OK. So today I am just hanging out, spending most of the day in bed, though I did go for a long walk earlier and that helped. It would be nice to take a nap but not sure if that's going to work out.

The girl doesn't get in until 11:30 tonight, so I'll have to run out to the airport to pick her up. I don't even want to drink today, but having to stay completely sober to drive is an added incentive.

She's just super stressed out over my self-destructive behavior and on top of that her brother was in a pretty bad car accident Friday morning. He's fortunately not injured too badly - a broken arm - but it was quite a wreck and he is very lucky. So her visit turned into being stuck at the hospital all weekend. I guess he was discharged today, so they're all at home for a couple of hours before she flies back. Anyway, that's it from me - really ready to get some more AF time in and feeling good about that, believe it or not. It's nice to have some confidence and to know that I actually don't want to drink, rather than feeling like oh my god I *have* to stop.

Hope it's been a good weekend, everybody.

[MeJustMe]

Thanks Stevo for the congrats, I hope you are well.

LIS - That the company wants to give you a job that they don't yet have a position for - WOW! That is a great indication of your worth. They want you, clearly. And if that doesn't work out, there will be another job, maybe even better than this (potential) job.

Stuck - hang in there. You are trying to get over your addiction, and trust me I know what a sh*tfight that can be.

I visited my mum in hospital last night. She is very frail and not long for this world. I felt amazingly calm about it, in fact I felt calm all day yesterday. WTF? I don't do calm, it isn't in my vocabulary.

On the way home from the hospital, my wife texted asking I could pick up some wine for her. I deliberated on this, wondering if I should enable her. But then I though, why not? She'll go get it anyway if I don't.

So there I was in a bottle shop, looking for a bottle of her preferred wine as if I was looking for washing power at the grocery store. That is NOT what I normally do in a bottle shop, esp after seeing my mum in hospital. That would have normally been the perfect excuse to buy up big for myself to write myself off.

Baclofen is a miracle drug. It has changed my life. Yes, I know it is very early days, and that 70mg is a low dose to hit the switch. I am no doubt in some kind of honeymoon period. I recognise all this, but also recognise that I feel free from alcohol. That is quite something for me.

[StuckinLA]

Hey that's awesome, MJM. 70mg is low for a switch, but there are people who feel relief with lower doses. One woman was completely indifferent from her very first 30mg - what the heck was her screen name??? I remember her real name but that certainly isn't helpful here.

Anyway, very sorry about your mom. Hang in there. And thank you for the encouraging words.

[Stevo]

So stoked for you MJM,that being in a bottle shop and not being phased feeling is awesome huh?
Whatever it is just enjoy but from the way you described being in the bottle shop I am thinking that you are well on your way.Baclofen IS a miracle drug!
Reading your post has left me with a huge smile.:thumbsup:

Glad to hear you don't have that "have"to stop feeling Stuck and wishing you the best for the next few days.

Not much to report here just had to post when I saw MJM's post.

Hope everyone else is well and will report on life again soon.

Cheers Stevo.

[Lostinspace]

Stuck - That sucks about the brutal hangover, but that’s so great to hear that you got the drinking out of your system and don’t even want to at this point! I don’t know why it’s so much easier for you this time around, but just roll with it and enjoy it. You sound really good.

MJM - Thanks for the vote of confidence. You sound really really good, too. That’s amazing that you were in the bottle shop and not tempted at all! And this may only be the beginning, but I doubt this “honeymoon period” will end, in the sense that freedom from alcohol cravings is something you’ll continue to be awed by, and grateful for, for some time to come. I’m really sorry to hear about you mom. I’ll be thinking of you.

Stevo - Thanks for dropping in. It’s always nice to see you

So today was a little hellish at work. The Spring busy season is upon us and I was running around like a madwoman all day. It won’t be long (as in probably this week) before I have to start working overtime again. I was already there 30 minutes late today as it was. Boo!

Anyway, I’m gearing up for another night of reading up and studying more of what I’ll need to know for my possible job. Fingers crossed that I’m not wasting my time. If nothing else, it’s making it easier to refrain from drinking. I had some pretty intense cravings as I was leaving work. But I simply reminded myself that I would be useless for the rest of the night if I did that, so I drove right past the liquor store. That’s about it out of me. I hope you all have a great night!

[Spiritfree]

If nothing else, it’s making it easier to refrain from drinking. I had some pretty intense cravings as I was leaving work. But I simply reminded myself that I would be useless for the rest of the night if I did that, so I drove right past the liquor store. That’s about it out of me. I hope you all have a great night!

Lost -this truly does sound as if you have found your switch point with Baclofen. First, you were able to ignore your thoughts that some alcohol would help make things better. Then, you passed by the liqueur store -which stopping by is typically just a habit, and ignored the habit's calling. Why, because you knew that you had other things that you needed/wanted to be doing. You see Lost, what you describe is my experience. Your brain was able to outthink the alcohol. This truly means that you don't have a true mental craving any more -just a habitual thought that does eat your brain to extinction without the alcohol.

I was in downtown Savannah GA on cool, perfect Friday evening in a coffee shop/bar and thought a drink would really be nice. Instead though, that night I remember saying to myself that I would rather have a clear mind in order to some other things that I wanted to do. This had not happened to me in many, many years. A few days later, I thought back about what had happened and it was then that realized I had encountered a point of "indifference" to alcohol. It had been years since the thought came to me that I wanted/needed to do something other than to drink. It was then that I knew that my life had changed -because of Baclofen. This said, it still did not mean that normal mental habits of wanting/thinking about drinking had changed. No, instead, it only meant that I finally had a mental ability to choose -and there were no cravings or afterthoughts.

It is my opinion that one does not stop thinking about drinking -in some ways- for quite along time. For me, alcohol was too much a part of life for too long -so I don't really ever think I will stop thinking about alcohol. But I do know this; I no longer have a revolving mental dialog in my brain that tells me that I must drink.

-SF-

[Lostinspace]

Sheesh, it’s quiet here. Stuck, dun, kronk, Stevo, MJM, Ne (are you still out there?), how are things with you guys? I’m doing alright. I’ve been drinking the last couple nights, but slightly less than usual so that I can focus as best I can on the reading I have to do. It’s somewhat working. I really need to buckle down harder. I think not having a definitive job offer is making me a little less serious than I need to be. I’m going to try even harder to break out of this bs tomorrow. I can still do the reading I have to do, it’s just that I do it more slowly, and I’m sure I’m not retaining as much. No es bueno. Anyway, I hope you guys are doing alright, and I hope you all have a great night!

[MeJustMe]

Hi LIS - yeah not having a concrete job to apply for would be hard. Hold onto the fact they want to find you a position. Do you have interview coaches in your area? My wife got a new job recently, where she was acting in the position for 7 months and was the favoured applicant. But she is usually terrible at interviews. She got some coaching and not only got the job but one of the interview panel told her it was one of the best interviews he'd ever heard.

I am still sober after 10 days or so. I am very happy to be sober and not think about AL. When I do, it is in a recovery sense - that is, I notice life without AL, and how good it is overall. I have run out of Antibuse, and it is expensive - AUD$70 for a month's supply. I don't think I need to fill another script, as the Bac is working so well.

I still have periods where the calm bac has given me is replaced with anxiety, edginess. I can usually talk my way through it though. A couple days ago I felt really tired at 1pm and had a sleep for an hour. Otherwise, all seems fine. Oh except that the regular cigarette smoking has taken hold; I am on nearly a pack a day. This is a habit I want to get onto soon; I am not quite yet prepared to give them up, but I know it can't last - too damaging to my health.

I saw my GP yesterday and while she wasn't over the moon that Bac was working for me, she did acknowledge it. It was funny how she expressed this, though. She said that it was good that it was working for me, but it doesn't work for everybody. I think she is a bit old school with this.

In any case, she gave me a script for 25mg Bac, so I didn't have to take so many pills (my psych gave me a script for 10mg tablets - I didn't know they came in 25mg). So when I start on 25mg, it'll raise my daily dose from 70 to 75mg - nothing to get too worried about I feel.

The Bac Trial people got onto me yesterday - they would like me to go in for follow up in a few weeks, even though I abandoned the trial. That's good - I am happy to be an advocate of Baclofen, and help in any way I can.

I have been reading Olivier Amiesen's book - what a great bloke he was. There are a lot of useful pointers for us on Bac from this book. A few things I noted - Amiesen tried AL when on Bac and noticed that indifference was eroded when he drank a lot. He had to tritrate up again to remove the cravings that came back as a result of a heavy drinking session. He said that he preferred mostly to not drink at all, given all the damage he'd already done to his body over the years.

He also noted the benefit of CBT and the AA programme to his sober, Bac life. These are tools that should not be ignored, it seems, was his suggestion.

I tend to agree. I do not like the personalities in AA and their rigid thinking, but some of the programme's slogans and tools for living - such as making amends for harm done - are useful. I still use them.

[StuckinLA]

Hi folks! Sorry I've been MIA.

MJM - I used 25mg pills for a long time. They're pretty easy to split in half, especially if you get one of those pill cutters from the drug store. Glad things are working well for you - yes, the doc sounds a little old school but most docs are, still. And Amiesen was a pretty rad dude. A couple things that we tend to forget - he took low-dose bac (around 30mg, I think?) for almost a year before he did high doses and found himself indifferent. And even after reading the book a couple of times, I don't really get him. He says he never liked the feeling of benzos for anxiety (xanax or whatever), but preferred to get plastered on scotch? His anxiety disorder (and alcoholism) must've just been bizarre - doesn't really match my experience as a drunk, anyway.

OK, enough out of me on that.

Lis, sorry you still haven't received a definite offer. That sure would help, huh? Hang in there and keep doing what you're doing - I know you'll be fine and I have fingers crossed for you!

I really wanted to drink a couple nights this week. Earlier I even asked if she'd be all right if I had a couple before bed while we watched some TV, but I managed to ask in such a demeaning way that it really belittled her very real concerns and anger over my drinking. She's been pretty withdrawn since then, but she's still really f**ked up over her brother's accident. Didn't end up drinking, and last night we went to a comedy show where I sure would've liked to drink, but didn't, and here it is 5 AF days again after last weekend. Still want to drink though...

I also have an interview next week, for a weekend summer class. Not a very stable job, but it'll provide some money over the summer and maybe even a foot in the door for something longer-term. Still haven't heard back from a whole bunch of jobs I applied for. The waiting SUCKS. Other than that, just trying to get as much writing done as I can while I have nothing but time...

[Lostinspace]

MJM - I’m not sure if they have interview coaches in my area or not, but even if there are, they’d likely only be available to meet during working hours, and I can’t afford to take time off in the middle of the day right now. We’re too busy at this time of year.

Anyway, you sound so great. I’m really happy for you And yeah, why waste money on Antabuse when you don’t even want to drink? I wouldn’t worry too much about the smoking at this point. I mean, definitely make it a long-term goal as something to work on, but I wouldn’t recommend pushing too many changes all at once. I had found a point of relative indifference on bac last summer (where I really didn’t want to drink most days, except for intense cravings, followed by drinking, around once every week or two). When I very successfully quit smoking, I found my alcohol cravings returned with a vengeance, and I never fully regained that blessed state of indifference I had previously attained.

But then again, what do I know? Everyone is different, and I know skullbaby, and probably many others, successfully quit both habits somewhere around the same time. Anyway, that’s an important point that alcohol can erode indifference for some of us. Perhaps that’s the main reason why I never got my indifference back. And yeah, CBT, and other tips for better thinking and living (like AA slogans) can also be a huge benefit as you embark on a new sober life. Keep up the good work and enjoy your freedom

Stuck - I’m sorry to hear you’ve been struggling so much, here and there, with wanting to drink. And I’m sorry things are still rocky with your girlfriend. That’s great, though, that you’re back up to five days AF! Hang in there. Things will get better day by day, and week by week. Good luck with your interview! And yeah, the waiting really does SUCK. I’m right there with you. Just have faith that the right door will be opened for you soon enough, so long as you keep putting in the footwork.

So I think I pissed my boss off today. He made a comment about “if you guys want to put in more overtime, feel free. Otherwise I’m going to have to hire someone else.” Well, 15 minutes later I decided I had enough and could just pick up where I left off tomorrow. I walked out the door and said “have a good night (his name).” He had a bit of a scowl on his face. That was really bad of me. Just because I’ve mentally already moved on to my next job, whatever it turns out to be, doesn’t mean I can afford to get lazy at the job I already have. Especially considering that he’s one of my references. Oops! I’m gonna have to work later tomorrow and go in this weekend to help us catch up, and to show that I still care.

Anyway, I’m off to do some AF reading for my dream job, hoping to all that’s beautiful in the world that it will happen. I hope you all have a great night!

[kronkcarr]

MJM,

That's great news. Switching was a new world for me. I switched at 80 after being there for awhile. I'm at 50 now. I've gone as low as 30 but my anxiety came back. I think I read in Ameisen's book that he took a little more bac if he became nervous. I do that but not often. I had the best car buying experience over a year ago thanks to bac.

I'm glad that you get to check in with the bac group too.

LIS, I don't know much about where you are in your bac journey. I went back to your initial post but was too lazy to look further. Fill me in. Is bac doing what you want?

Happy weekend all.