Here we go again

[Stevo]

G'day to all,
MJM I too had a period on Baclofen where I was at ease with the world and then it seemed to disappear,although I have to say that I am more at ease with the world now with Baclofen than when I didn't have it.My psychologist commented the other day that when he finishes doing what he is doing study wise he is going to begin looking into Baclofen due to the change that he has seen in me.
Congratulations on the AF time too.

I had a few things to say but dinner is being served and I am being called out to LOL.I will try to get back on here later to continue with the rest of this post.

Hope all are well.

Cheers Stevo.

[StuckinLA]

Hello everyone. I miss the peaceful bac bliss. I had it around 150mg when I'd been AF for 2 months. I opened the blinds in my apartment and cleaned the windows and basked in the afternoon sunlight. And I normally hate sunlight.

Anyway, I survived the ceremony and the couple of days with my family - though I did have some serious anxiety, which I medicated with Ativan. I'm certain it was alcohol related, as I'd done quite a bit of noon-time drinking while waiting for my parents' arrival, and was starting to sober up by dinner time. I guess I've gotten spoiled with not having the withdrawal anxiety and panic, and so when it came back it sort if reminded me of what I'm trying to work toward getting away from. The funny thing is that it didn't last - over the weekend I'm back to drinking in the evenings. I did get really drunk on Saturday night at a party, but the girl hasn't made a big deal about it. So I guess things are still whatever they are.

I'm back to work, more or less, now. Getting ready for my summer class and trying to get those ducks in a row, and still trying to get some writing done, and basically trying to get into the same routine that I've been trying to get into for years now.

Lis - I'm so excited for your new job. I'm certain it will work out great. You've put in a lot if work already, and you are going to know your sh*t and be prepared. And remember, you're brand new, so everyone will expect a little breaking-in period.

MJM - sorry to hear about the stress and uncertainty. Hang in there.

Ok, just wanted to pop in and let everyone know I'm around again. Hugs.

[Lostinspace]

Hello All.

Stuck - You’re not missing much. I can still be just as neurotic on bac as without (at least now? Somehow?). It worked so well at first. Now, not so much. Also, nothing wrong with medicating with ativan. My pysch just prescribed me some so I could deal with life, because I suck. I don’t know what to say about the daily drinking. I’m so sorry I don’t have better advice. I don’t know when I will, so here’s some huge hugs in their place :hug: :hug:

Honestly, I think I have to bow out of discussions for right now. I love to participate here, but my brain gets blown away, every day, by what I’m doing. By the time I get home (and admittedly have a good five shots), I’m done. I don’t know why. Before, five shots would have done NOTHING. But my brain is shot, after having to think nine hours a day. Seriously, my brain is like jello right now. I know I need to stop drinking, now that I have a better job, it's actually imperative that I do, but it’s hard. I had to work nine hours today, without a lunch break. And that lack of lunch break was self-induced because I needed extra time to think about (and write) shit. But this will all work out. I’m sorry all. I will participate more, and be more human, as I learn how to do what I need to do. Right now, I’m failing at being a human being. I’ll keep trying. I hope you all have a great night.

[StuckinLA]

Aw no way man, Lis you were the reason I stuck around here this past year or whatever it's been.

Best of luck to you, honey, I know how it is when things get busy but I have no doubt you will rise up and conquer all of the job challenges that lie ahead of you.

I'll try to be around a bit here and there. Love all 'round to all.

[Lostinspace]

I’m sorry Stuck. I will try to stick around here when I can. I do love this place. I’ve just been having a hard time dealing this week and feeling incredibly stupid and useless everywhere I go. I have a huge case of impostor syndrome at my new job. Sometimes I say things that make me look like I really know what I’m talking about. Then other times I ask the dumbest questions imaginable, things I should already know. I hope I’m not making a bad impression. And I feel like my mind is fading because of the long hours. So far, nine hours was my shortest day. It’s usually more like 10 or even longer. And lunch consists of eating while I’m typing something up on the computer, or writing what I just did in my lab notebook.

So by the time I get home, I can barely focus on the computer screen, and I feel completely useless to be able to help anyone here. I’m gonna try to get over it, and post whenever I don’t feel completely mentally deficient (hopefully it’ll get better day by day, as I get used to my new role). I don’t want you going anywhere, either. Let’s both agree to stick around for a bit

[Spiritfree]

It is my hope Lost and Stuck -that you both stick around and continue to post. You don't just help yourselves by doing so, you help many others -most of which you which you never hear from or know about. I realize that you are both very busy in daily work lives - but please try to remember those many lives that you help just by making your posts.
--sf--

[StuckinLA]

Ghaaahhhh. What the f**k is wrong with me? My girl is crying all the time and tell in me it's because she feels so alone here when I'm drinking, and I've been drunk this whole past week, and yet the only thing I want right now is more booze.

I don't know, I'll probably go out and get more. I've been drinking all day and the house is dry. We have a friend from out of town staying with us this weekend and she's picking him up from the airport at midnight.

(Break)

Ok, already went out, got a bottle, and at the bar now. Sweet Jesus, I know I have to quit. It's just not happening today. Hugs all around.

[StuckinLA]

Starting tomorrow, it's all going to be f**king different.

[Lostinspace]

Stuck - There’s nothing wrong with you. We’ve all been there. Things start to fall apart because of drinking, then drinking is the only way you know how to deal. In the words of the great Homer Simpson - “To alcohol. The cause of, and solution to, all of life’s problems.” It’s a terrible truism for those of us who understand. Please try to go easy on yourself. In the meantime, focus on what you can do differently tomorrow. I’m presuming you have Ativan on hand if the withdrawal should return. Plan some specific things. Hell, even write out your whole day, what you plan to do at each point (go for a walk, do some writing, etc., down to the hour). You can always shuffle your plans around a bit as things come up, but try to stick to it the best you can. That’ll give you a good running start. Maybe try to plan a surprise dinner for your girlfriend (if she’s up to it at this point). In any case, I wish you the best for tomorrow. You can do this. It’s hard as hell, but I have faith in you. You’ve sobered up before when it mattered. You can do this again. Hang in there :hug:

As for me, I’m home unexpectedly early today (I only worked eight hours). I have a lot to do this weekend, as far as reviewing what I’ve done this week to let it cement, and looking outward toward next week, and planning experiments. But tomorrow, it’s my anniversary My husband and I are spending the day together. It’ll be a nice distraction. Plus, it’s a three-day weekend - yay! Perfect week to start on because I have a lot to take in, process, and plan for next week. Anyway, I hope you all have a great night!

[kronkcarr]

I haven't posted here lately because I just don't know what to say. I'll preface what I say with the fact that I haven't struggled as much as Stuck and Lis. Maybe I don't understand so take my thoughts with that in mind.

Lis, I like your advice for Stuck and I disagree with your first paragraph. I'm not feeling you should go easy on yourself unless you want more of what you've been trying to change. Stuck, it saddened me when you said your girl was going to Alanon. It seems a lot for a fairly new relationship.

Lis, happy anniversary and long weekend. Are you planning AF days?

[Cassander]

I haven't posted here lately because I just don't know what to say.

Ha! I agree, kronk...perhaps everything there is to say has been said in the tens of thousands of posts already made! In any event, everybody, have a wonderful long weekend.

Cassander

PS Baclofen works!

[Stevo]

G'day to all,
I too have not posted much because I don't really have anything to say.I read the posts and decide that I have no advice so I just leave it.My life does not involve dramas generally brought on by AL,it has its moments but not really AL related issues.
I had an old friend drop over the other day who I had done a lot off partying with and who I had introduced to 12 step fellowships.We know each other well and he is aware that I no longer do meetings although he himself does.He has been clean and sober for 18 months now.
I told him that I no longer felt as though I was in recovery.This is how radically different my views on where I am at now are compared to with only a few months ago.I told him that I don't have a sober date and he says"yes you do it is last Sunday."I had to try to explain to him that I no longer believed in any of the conditions placed on a person working a 12 step program and that I no longer lived within the confines of this thinking.Concepts to anyone who is working and living a 12 step lifestyle that are very hard to understand.I think for my friend who knew me before I started reaping the benefits of Baclofen this was astonishing.
My point being this-I feel so far removed from the snare of AL that it is hard for me to relate to the problems that it can and will cause for some anymore,therefore I don't feel qualified in any way to offer advice or comment on anything other than in a positive or edifying way.
I believe that LIS is right in saying that you need to find ways to fill up your days and even plan them out to avoid AL Stuck,as I had to do these things in the early days of my AF time too.What that may be I do not know but distraction is always good.
I firmly believe that I wouldn't be where I am today without the 2 years of AF time that I had even though it was through AA I am grateful for this.When I added Baclofen to the mix I was able to know true freedom from AL as was described to me by members in here.
For me this freedom is without the dramas of alcoholic drinking and regret,infact I just returned from the bottle shop with a carton of beer which I am going to enjoy having this afternoon and tonight.Well I won't drink a whole carton but just over 2 years ago I would have and I would have woken up this morning with a hangover aswell.I brought a carton last weekend and actually still have 6 beers left here from that one aswell.Where I am at makes me feel a little like an outsider if that makes sense and this holds me back from sharing in this thread sometimes too.
I am hoping that none of that seems condescending to anyone who is reading,this is definitely not my intention.I think that essentially I am trying to say that Baclofen and AF time are what has allowed for me to be in this place and maybe that can work for others too.

LIS I hope that you have a great 3 day weekend and anniversary.Congratulations to you.

Kronk as always I love reading your posts,they seem more valuable now they are fewer.

Nice to see you posting in here too Cassander,I loved the P.S. at the end.

One last thing,I am curious if anyone can relate to missing a dose of Baclofen and feeling drowsy or lethargic.I could not remember this morning whether I had taken my morning dose or not when I got back from my sons soccer game(it was a rushed morning).So I decided against doubling up and just going without if need be.I have been so lethargic all day that I am now thinking that it has something to do with the missed dose.I am just about to take my midday dose.
I never really experienced somnolence with Baclofen but definitely experienced insomnia,I am thinking that it is possible that for me Baclofen kind of wakes me up.I am just curious as to whether other people have experienced something similar or can relate to this at all.What do you think?

As always I look forward to reading your posts everyone and hope that everyone is okay,especially the people that have not posted in a while.

Until next time,

cheers Stevo.

[StuckinLA]

I am not letting myself off the hook - but not exactly working on drastic changes this weekend, either. We have friends in town and lots of running around and dinners and tourist crap.

If you think you missed a dose it's best to just skip it and take the next scheduled dose, from what I remember. You shouldn't have to worry about negative effects from just one missed dose. Though doubling up can hit you pretty hard, depending on how much bac you're on.

Thanks for the replies, all, and the PM. I'm not avoid in the conversation - or the need to clean up my act. Just not able to really articulate what I'm thinking or write out a proper post at the moment. Love all round.

[Spiritfree]

Stuck - There’s nothing wrong with you. We’ve all been there. Things start to fall apart because of drinking, then drinking is the only way you know how to deal. In the words of the great Homer Simpson - “To alcohol. The cause of, and solution to, all of life’s problems.” It’s a terrible truism for those of us who understand. Please try to go easy on yourself. In the meantime, focus on what you can do differently tomorrow. I’m presuming you have Ativan on hand if the withdrawal should return. Plan some specific things. Hell, even write out your whole day, what you plan to do at each point (go for a walk, do some writing, etc., down to the hour). You can always shuffle your plans around a bit as things come up, but try to stick to it the best you can. That’ll give you a good running start. Maybe try to plan a surprise dinner for your girlfriend (if she’s up to it at this point). In any case, I wish you the best for tomorrow. You can do this. It’s hard as hell, but I have faith in you. You’ve sobered up before when it mattered. You can do this again. Hang in there :hug:

What a great and helpful post -and it certainly applies to more people than Stuck. I am just glad that Stuck posts his truths -so that we all can learn and grow.

[Spiritfree]

I know that many of you regular posters on this thread have already seen this video -and I have watched it at least 10 times. With as many reads as your thread gets Lost, I just hope that maybe some folks who have not yet tried Baclofen are able to watch this:

https://www.hbo.com/addiction/thefilm/centerpiece/614_segment_3.html