Here we go again

[StuckinLA]

So much for that blissfully full night of sleep. Sucks that I had to go through here, with her, and now that I want to commit to sobriety she'll be in her own place. She's not breaking up with me, and I don't know if she's found a place yet but she wants to stay close by.

I just want this withdrawal crap over with. I feel so weak I can barely stand - I've been through that after benders before but this has lasted all freaking day.

[dundrinkn]

Hang in there Stuck. Food, water, one foot in front of the other. Maybe even some fresh air. I'm pulling for you and sending some good vibes your way.

[Spiritfree]

So much for that blissfully full night of sleep. Sucks that I had to go through here, with her, and now that I want to commit to sobriety she'll be in her own place. She's not breaking up with me, and I don't know if she's found a place yet but she wants to stay close by.

I just want this withdrawal crap over with. I feel so weak I can barely stand - I've been through that after benders before but this has lasted all freaking day.

Come on Stuck -do hang in there- you know you can pull your self out of this hell hole. As tree said, get medical help if you need to -this is a must- as you know. Just damn the firewater Stuck. Don't allow it to take "everything" from you. Easier said than done -I know and you know. Go for walk with a bottle of water and then yell to hell with alcohol and all the other crap that is messing with your brain right now. (Do not forget to take your phone -lol).

I looking to reading more of your future thoughts and posts supporting others when you get thru this hell hole that you are in now.

--sf--

[Lostinspace]

Hey Stuck. I’m sorry you’re in a world of hurt right now. Hang in there. As you know, the pain of withdrawal is only temporary, and you’re on the road to a good place. Do yourself a favor and try to drink a lot of juice and almond/soy/regular milk (whatever you prefer), and even some protein powder in your drinks until your appetite returns. It’ll help you get your energy back faster and might even help ease the withdrawal. I was always told in detox that one of the reasons my withdrawal was so severe (besides the obvious of coming off of drinking a liter and a half of vodka a day) was because I was malnourished. It’s too late to undo the lack of nourishment during the time that you were drinking, but you can start to repair the damage from here.

I’m glad to hear that your girlfriend is not breaking up with you. It sounds like she still really cares about you, but just needs some space. And it does suck tremendously that she’s moving out at a point when you’re ready to change, but this is not necessarily a permanent move on her part. Focus on yourself for now and getting yourself back to health, and let your actions speak for themselves. Hang in there, my friend.

[StuckinLA]

Thanks everyone. I went for a walk earlier today, did most of the dishes, and laundered every stitch of clothing I own it felt like. Made it to the post office, scheduled an interview for tomorrow afternoon, just about finished my syllabus for class in 2 weeks. Did most of an application for a full time job starting next year, and the academic market will be in full swing from now until November.

It is bothering me how generally week and unsteady I am on my feet still. It doesn't help that it was 100 degrees today and has been mid- to high 90s all week. And of course I haven't really been eating enough for a couple weeks, I only got about 4 hours of sleep last night, and this wasn't my usual, quick 3-day vodka bender. Still, it would be nice to feel better.

Hope everyone is doing OK out there, or at least hanging in. Lis it sounds like you are doing great but I hope work calms down for a a bit.

[Lostinspace]

Stuck - I’m glad to hear you got out and got a whole lot of things done today. That sounds like a really productive day! I’m not surprised that you’re still feeling unsteady after a two week bender. I used to drink the way you did recently (and never even called it a bender because that was just my normal before starting on baclofen - how sad is that). I know that whenever I went into detox, or got my kindhearted doctor to agree to an outpatient medical detox, following several months or even longer of drinking like that, it would usually take almost a week for the withdrawal to fully end, and a little longer than that to feel stable physically. You WILL feel better soon. It’ll just take a little longer this time since you were on a longer bender. Just hang in there and ride it out.

I’ll be out of town the next few days. I’m leaving right after work tomorrow to go visit an old friend for the last time before she moves halfway across the world The sad face isn’t for our visit, of course, but for the fact that I’ll never be able to afford to fly to Europe, so I think the only time I’ll be “seeing” her in the future is through Skype. In any case, I hope everyone has a great weekend.

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Holy wow, peeps. The top five threads are someone's personal opinions and not based on fact or anything above shite. We've got to do better than that. Plus a newbie waded into the fray and frankly that makes me a little ashamed.

That said, I haven't read back and I'm done for the moment. I WILL be bac, though, and soon.

What're you guys doing?

[Lostinspace]

Yeah, it is pretty damn quiet in here. Stuck - how are holding up? Not much going on in my neck of the woods. Life is pretty much the same - I’m still AF, still busy with work, still trying to find the motivation to do something with my time outside of work that doesn’t involve watching tv or reading stupid sh*t online. How is everyone else doing?

[kronkcarr]

Hey all. I've been reading but not feeling like posting. I've had a cold and I'm tired from driving my son to freaking early x country practice. I'm crabby but hanging in. I'm not drinking just 'cause. Lost, the race is in Sri Lanka. You're all in my thoughts.

[Stevo]

G'day guys and girls,
I have been reading but not posting as well,there is not a lot to say really.I read the post on another thread last night and thought to myself"I wonder if this will prompt a little more activity on here tomorrow?"Lo and behold it certainly has.

My mum is out of hospital but I spoke to her yesterday afternoon and she is still drinking which means that the machine is still hard at work.I also spoke to my sister the other day and told her about baclofen but as it is not well known I don't think that a doctor would prescribe it for my mum even if she chose to go that way.

I am going to head down there in a week or so and I will talk to my mother about it myself,my sister wouldn't know where to start anyway really.I am going to take my copy of Dr.A's book with me for mum to read...hopefully.

My life is still plodding along school work,custom decks,kids and more school work lol.I have been feeling a bit better too,I actually feel that getting a little depressed and unmotivated is part of life and I have just been in a low spot.The school work and everything else that my life consists of most certainly has become overwhelming but I know that everything evolves and doesn't last forever.

It was great to jump on here this morning to see all the new posts especially from the crew who I know only post rarely these days.
I hope everyone is well and as always I look forward to reading more from everyone again soon.

Oh and LIS I am glad to hear that you are still AF,you are doing great.

Addition-Just got a message from my sister,my mum has had a fall and they think she has fractured her hip.She is on her way back to hospital right now.Hopefully she is going to be okay.

[StuckinLA]

Hi everyone. Stevo so sorry your mom is headed back to hospital. I am sure they will take good care of her.

I've been having trouble accessing the site, and it still won't load on my laptop. I thought the site was down. Anyway I've caught up on this thread but refuse to read anything else right now. Forgive this post - it's going to be rambling.

Day 8 AF and committed to abstinence, not sobriety, right now. I have lots of work upcoming. Lots, like 60 students at 2 different schools and probably about 8 hours of commute driving per week from now until December. This last week was the most protracted withdrawal I've ever been through. It lasted a full 6 days. Anyway feeling much better now but I can't go through that crap and be able to get where I need to go for teaching or for life, so I'm trying my damndest to put alcohol off the table and out of my mind.

The girl is still resolved to leave at the end of the month and I'm kinda pissed about it, honestly. We've been talking about it off and on, and I'm not exactly keeping quiet about my feelings. Or, rather, I'm being open and as honest as I can be. She made the decision to leave before I had any job prospects, and that's upsetting. I supported her - paid rent and bills, she paid for her own stuff with unemployment - when she moved out here, made sure there was food and all that, and she decides to move out when I had only about a month's worth of rent on hand in cash. That's sticking with me. And then there's the irony that she's going to spend at least a grand a month on rent, but 6 months ago when I kept saying I needed more space, she didn't want to pool our rents and get a big 2 bedroom. So I feel stuck and left behind, like she's going to find some cool quirky awesome apartment and I'll still be here. I have a great place - really, really great - but I've been here 5 years and feeling claustrophobic a little. It's annoying. And then she insists that we're still together, we are still a team. But I don't feel like a team anymore - she's my gf sure, but now she's just someone I'm dating, not a team.

And yet it really is my fault that she feels she has to leave, so I can't bitch. And I probably do want the place to myself again - but it's really tough for me to wrap my brain around wanting my own apartment back and also not wanting her to leave. But I'm f**king sober so whatever.

Anyway, lots of work, and the job market, and writing ahead of me. I am overwhelmed but at least I'll have plenty of money the next few months.

Hope you guys are OK and I hope to hell this posts and I can get back on the site normally again soon.

[Lostinspace]

I hope you feel better soon, kronk. A race in Sri Lanka sounds awesome! I’d love to hear about it when you get back.

Stevo - I’m so sorry to hear about your mom. Taking her a copy of Dr. A’s book is a great idea, and you have your own personal experience to share, which makes it all the more meaningful.

Stuck - I’m happy to hear you’re hanging in and committed to abstinence. That must be so hard to have your girlfriend leave at this point, but it doesn’t have to be a forever arrangement. I’m sure she just wants to see that you’re moving forward and not getting drunk, otherwise she would have broken up with you. And yeah, that is pretty sh*tty that she made the decision to leave before you had any promise of being able to pay the rent yourself when you’ve supported her in the past. I don’t have any great advice, but my heart goes out to you. Hang in there :hug:

[StuckinLA]

Ack, the site is still loading super slow for me, I can barely get on. Well, you sound good, Lis. Hope everybody else hangs in there.

Things are stressful here. She's moving out in a week, supposedly, but she hasn't found a place yet. She's not exactly forthcoming about her search, but she did say she'd tell me when she finds a place. So she hasn't yet, I guess, but I'm also supposed to work under the assumption that this is our last week under the same roof? Whatever.

She seemed upset or at least a little cool the last couple nights over what I said about the team. So I have not mentioned the other thing I've been thinking about, which is that once she moves out this is no longer our apartment but my apartment. I am going to insist that she not just drop by or think she is going to spend the night whenever. We will work out some kind of rotation, and she will need to text or call if she wants to come over. There is no way that I'm going to allow her place to be a private space for her to retreat whenever she needs to get away, but then at the same time have my place be a common ground for the two of us. No. My apartment will be my private space for me. This is going to be awkward but that's only fair, in my view.

Anyway yeah so still abstinent. Classes are coming up. Still working on job materials for the market. Ugh. Busy busy.

Have a good one, peeps.

[MeJustMe]

Hi everyone, back from my work trip to Europe.
Stuck - great news that you're AL-free. That is sensational news. I'm sorry to hear about your girlfriend, but maybe this is a good thing in that you can concentrate on staying sober?

Steve -- I'm sorry to hear about yr mum -- it must be a whole shedload of conflicting emotions going on there mate. Hang in there.

I am pretty much rolling along hoping that the Bac will take effect. I did some things in Europe that I regret. There you go. Al addiction really opens the door to being a slob, doesn't it?

I'm on 125mg and even that doesn't seem enough.

[Spiritfree]

Hi everyone, back from my work trip to Europe.
Stuck - great news that you're AL-free. That is sensational news. I'm sorry to hear about your girlfriend, but maybe this is a good thing in that you can concentrate on staying sober?

Steve -- I'm sorry to hear about yr mum -- it must be a whole shedload of conflicting emotions going on there mate. Hang in there.

I am pretty much rolling along hoping that the Bac will take effect. I did some things in Europe that I regret. There you go. Al addiction really opens the door to being a slob, doesn't it?

I'm on 125mg and even that doesn't seem enough.

Me -don't beat yourself up over your regretful experiences while drinking. The only thing that possibly seems reasonable now is to drink more alcohol to not feel the pains of shame and regret. You already know what the answer is and it does suck -initially, as you already know -but wow, once you break those chains, life truly does take on new meaning and a new outlook.

I am sorry that you are having to struggle this painful path.

--sf--