Here we go again

[Molly78]

Condolences from me as well. What a difficult time for you. Definitely a good idea to titrate up, but go slowly, be gentle with yourself. And if the grieving process calls for a few drinks, then be kind to yourself about it.

[Lostinspace]

MJM - I’m so very sorry for your loss. Please be gentle with yourself. No matter how these things happen, we never feel like we got to say goodbye in the way we really wanted to. You were very much there for her towards the end of her life and she knew that. And please be gentle with yourself regarding drinking, too. Going up on bac is a great idea right now, but if you end up drinking again out of grief, don’t beat yourself up. You’ve just been blindsided by a huge loss during a time when you’re trying to find your maintenance dose. Everything will get worked out in the long run. Hang in there, my friend :hug:

[dundrinkn]

MJM, So sorry about your mom. It's hard not to feel badly about something when we are jolted with such a huge loss. Try to let it go. Agree with the advice so far -- titrate up again, but don't beat yourself up it you drink again. It'll be better in the long run if you can walk through as much of it sober (or relatively so). You'll want to be as present as possible, to your feelings and to support your dad. Drinking too much might just create more regret. Be gentle with yourself.

[MeJustMe]

Thank-you so much for the kind words. I am drinking again, that's now four nights. I am not happy about it but I'm not happy anyway. I am titrating up and hopefully will reach the switch again. I have never had grief like this before. It is hard, really hard.

[MeJustMe]

I must admit, I feel lost. I am drinking again. I can only hope that the Bac will kick in again and give me freedom.
Good-night all, I wish you well.

Phil.

[Lostinspace]

MJM - I’m sorry you’re having such a rough time. Losing a parent is so very hard. The bac will kick in again. You will stop drinking. You’ve just been hit with a devastating loss while trying to find your maintenance dose. This can, and will, be worked out. Just keep (slowly) going up until the cravings subside. Hang in there.

[MeJustMe]

Hi everyone. It seems a bit quiet around here. Thank you LIS for your kind words. We buried mum today with a lovely Russian Orthodox funeral. I am not at all religious but I grew up in part with the ceremony etc of the RO religion. It felt like home, and it was a good send-off for mum. I stayed sober last night, but am drinking again tonight. I still want to stop but my world has been turned upside down at the moment. I didn't think grief could be like this. But you only have one mum.

[Stevo]

Hang in there MJM.

[dundrinkn]

So sorry MJM. It sounds like you've really been hit hard with the grief. Just be easy with yourself. Know that the Bac will kick in.

[Lostinspace]

MJM - I’m glad the funeral ceremony was so nice and that it felt like a good “send-off” off as you say. I’m so sorry for the sharp grief you’re going through right now. Just know that it will not feel this raw forever. You’ll always miss her to some degree, and look back on her fondly, but you won’t be feeling like this. Go easy on yourself right now. Just keep going up on bac slowly, and trying as you can not to drink, but if you do, so what. You’ll just know you’re not back at the right dose yet. Hang in there, my friend. Things will get better.

[Spiritfree]

I must admit, I feel lost. I am drinking again. I can only hope that the Bac will kick in again and give me freedom.
Good-night all, I wish you well. Phil.

Hi Phil - It will get better and one day you will not feel so 'lost'. One day at a time -this too shall pass- but will always be remembered. Hang in there Phil.

[Mom21961]

MJM,

So sorry for your loss. It does get better, although it doesn't seem like it right now. Hang in there. We're thinking of you.

M

[Lostinspace]

MJM - I hope you're hanging in there. We're thinking of you :hug:

I guess I'm overdue for an update. I apologize for my general lack of posting here recently. The last week and a half at work have been a nightmare, working overtime every single day (including weekends) just so that I could get all the work I needed to get done finished before I take off for the holidays - and now, I’m off until January 4th In baclofen-related news, my indifference is showing itself to be everything I could have ever dreamed for. In the last couple weeks there were two work-related events involving alcohol - the formal holiday party, and an informal end-of-the-day staff meeting with beer and snacks provided. I made it through both occasions having exactly one beer, with no desire for more. In fact, I didn’t *really* want any beer at first, but I wanted to have something to toast with and to feel like part of the crowd. And not only did I get to feel like the normal, non-alcoholic person I’ve become, I drank less at the holiday party than anyone else! It was funny for me to watch (although it’s not like anyone got sh*t-faced. The three people I was hanging out with had two, three, and five beers to my one).

And I did another thing on those two occasions that I’ve never done before - I tried new beers based on someone else’s recommendation of their TASTE. I drank it to enjoy the taste. What a concept! In the past, my choice would have been made solely based on whichever beer had the highest alcohol content - and that would have happened AFTER I had already downed several shots of vodka before walking into the party. It’s a whole new world now, and it’s strange because it feels perfectly normal, like somehow this is the way I’ve always felt. Even though I know intellectually that it’s the baclofen that is making all of this possible, there’s still a piece of me that wonders what the hell is wrong with me that it took me well over a decade to stop drinking from the time I first attempted sobriety until now. It’s so easy now that I feel like I should have been able to do this eons ago. When everything’s going really, really well in sobriety, it becomes easy to forget just how torturously difficult it used to be.

Anyway, I’m going away for the holidays starting this afternoon. I’ll be back for less than a day, then am taking off for a whole week to go visit my cousin. I will try my absolute best to log on here whenever I might get a chance, especially since I haven't been around much recently. But in the off chance that I don’t get a chance to post, then I hope you all have a wonderful week and a half, and I’ll see you in the new year.

[Spiritfree]

LOST:
"In fact, I didn’t *really* want any beer at first, but I wanted to have something to toast with and to feel like part of the crowd

And I did another thing on those two occasions that I’ve never done before - I tried new beers based on someone else’s recommendation of their TASTE. I drank it to enjoy the taste. "

Very inspiring. Alcohol is an incredible foe.

[MeJustMe]

LOST:
"In fact, I didn’t *really* want any beer at first, but I wanted to have something to toast with and to feel like part of the crowd

And I did another thing on those two occasions that I’ve never done before - I tried new beers based on someone else’s recommendation of their TASTE. I drank it to enjoy the taste. "

Very inspiring. Alcohol is an incredible foe.

I think that's a very interesting reply, Meanspirit. Especially the "Very inspiring" bit. Said with love. God bless you.