I thought I'd write a short post about my post TSM experience.
I say 'post TSM' because I no longer use naltrexone or The Sinclair Method (TSM), this is because if you don't drink you don't use naltrexone.
I started TSM 3 years 3 months ago, after 6 months the brutal cravings I experienced whenever trying to abstain, plus the absolute drive to drink myself into oblivion were annihiliated. I was de-addicted. I carried on moderating for 2 years, during which time I had weeks and months of AF time, sometimes I'd have one glass of wine in a 2 week period, if I wanted to abstain I could, if I wanted a wild night out and get drunk I could do without consequences.
Just about 1 year ago I came to the conclusion I no longer enjoyed alcohol, I was drinking 'just because', I even had some 'boozy nights', I hated the effect of even one drink, felt really stupid and self-conscious and also felt horrible the next day.....so after a phone call with L0op (RIP), I went AF - I already had best part of a week under my belt, and I now have 51 weeks and 3 days of constant AF time.
Prior to TSM I'd done just under 6 months AF on 2 occasions, and numerous 4, 5, 6, 7 week stints but it was always white knuckling until 3 years ago. My drinking dropped by half overnight with TSM, and declined from there on in.
It's not easy being AF, for non-TSMers when a TSMer goes abstenant it means you don't take Naltrexone - it's done it's job, and you only need to take it if you drink ie no alcohol = no naltrexone required.
I don't take any other anti-craving med or anti-depressants. My recovery is one without any other mind altering drug bar caffeine which I do keep an eye on and moderate! Life is however difficult and I do often feel 'depressed' however I've had enough of meds to last me a lifetime, I took anti-ds in the past and they only masked how I was. I'd rather just keep myself going, one foot infront of the other.
I have had my moments but with the crippling drive to drink gone it is manageable and considering the effects alcohol had on me, my behaviour, my body I have decided I simply do not want to risk going back to addiction, and that is one massive reason for me not to drink - I daren't risk it and not wanting it is a massive help. Sure I do want to go get a drink when I've had a hard day, and it's hard not to have that outlet but having every morning, every minute of every day sober, for me, is a great trade in.
I tried a couple of AA meetings, I used to go to AA fairly regularly and do believe there's a lot of wisdom in the rooms, but it didn't feel right for me. I also tried a 'free' church, one that encompasses all faiths, doesn't have to be from any particular religion and preaches from a variety of sources and angles (Christian, buddist, Islam, Paganism, Quaker) there I found myself a nice place to spend just 1 hour a week where I could sit and contemplate, reflect, and think without any pressure or many rules.
Baclofen didn't work for me, it was as bad as me drinking, took my life from me in a different way, my drinking got me a criminal record, behaving like a lunatic, into some very sad and dangerous places. I'm lucky to be a live and fairly unharmed although the legacy of my drinking will affect my life for a long time.
So long as I stay AF I know I'm ok and an AF life is possible. I can drink if I want to, I have some naltrexone - if I drink again I have to take this to prevent readdiction however if I don't drink then it's not needed.
Simples.
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