Here's a try - hopefully it works

[Lostinspace]

Hey all newbies and lurkers! This community used to be way more vibrant. I know a lot of recent controversy may have derailed some people, but, please don't let the arguing of only a few threads get under your skin.

We all have the same goal - to rid ourselves of the compulsion to drink. Let's just go about that, and support each other along the way, shall we?

Let's take the good parts of the most recent thread that caused controversy and use it to further our goals. How do people acclimate themselves to a life of sobriety? What is the best tool you've found . . . and . . . go!

[guapo]

Here's a try - hopefully it works

The best tool is a true belief that it can be controlled in whatever fashion you want that control to be. Believing makes your entire life light years better.

[Lostinspace]

Here's a try - hopefully it works

I agree, wholeheartedly, guapo. Changing your thinking is a large part of the battle (especially for those of us who have been browbeaten by the usual recovery services available to most people).

EDIT: Not to say those services are all bad, but my personal experience was that it fostered a very negative way of thinking.

[Lostinspace]

Here's a try - hopefully it works

Just to add, I'm still a relative newbie myself. I just want to see this forum alive and kicking once again. If this thread is in poor taste, please let me know and I will (hopefully figure out how to) delete it.

[StuckinLA]

Here's a try - hopefully it works

YOU CAN'T! Hahahahaha lolz.

Threads can't be deleted. But I think this one is just fine - nay, important. People gotta figure out wtf to do with themselves without drinking. The bac switch is bizarre - you forget to think about alcohol. If you buy some, you put it in the fridge and find yourself unintentionally reaching for juice or soda. If you pour a drink, you set it down and forget to pick it up again. Doesn't mean that you don't get really bored at night or wonder what to do with yourself. That takes practice.

[Lostinspace]

Here's a try - hopefully it works

Thanks, Stuck. Yeah, that boredom and lack of knowing what to do with one's time is a big part of why I started this thread.

[StuckinLA]

Here's a try - hopefully it works

Yeah, everyone says you're going to have all this extra time and money and all this sunshiny shit when you stop drinking. And it's just not true. The only question really is what *else* are you going to spend your money on. And the time. Fuck. How long can one stare at a wall?

But start small. Don't make some grand plan about a gym and rock-hard abs. No. Go for a walk in the evening as the sun sets and the summer heat cools down, when the wind picks up a little and the night air falls over the park in your neighborhood. Walk around while families are out walking their kids in strollers and holding hands and take the time to look around and remember how goddamned beautiful the world can be, men and women living their lives together out there in the dark and feel the loss and love and the promise of knowing it's there for you, too. Just walk, and smoke, and feel the cool dewy grass under your toes - it'll kill at least an hour or so, that walk will. Start there. Then after getting into a routine of walking a little bit, then you might want to pick up the book that's been resting on your nightstand for a year and a half, and you'll surprise yourself with how quickly you finish it. And you can take a moment after closing the back cover, and spend a few extra minutes thinking about whatever was going on in it, and live in that world until you're ready for bed. These simple things you always wondered about, wondered how people had the time or the energy to do, we can find ourselves doing these little meaningless things and we'll someday know how important they are. We can leave these small dark rooms, we can get out into the open air among people and finally not be afraid. That's what I've tried to do from time to time, to look around at the city here that I hate so much, and just once in a while consciously put myself into the mindset to realize how beautiful the lights are in the nightly fog, how the apartment windows glow and feel the warmth of couples sitting down to dinner behind them.

Then give yourself permission to eat some ice cream or play some video games and remember how amazing it is to look at the clock and see it's 8 or 9 at night and you can do anything because you are fucking sober. And remember how big a victory that is and how incredible you are for it. Anyway that's what I think you should do.

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Here's a try - hopefully it works

StuckinLA;1683533 wrote: Yeah, everyone says you're going to have all this extra time and money and all this sunshiny shit when you stop drinking. And it's just not true.

:H Yes it is. Dammit. I stopped working, went back to school, and stopped spending money compulsively too. We suddenly had more money than ever, saved enough for a (small) down payment on a house (in a year) and then bought our first home. So there.

I was busting my butt at the gym, and that was really fun. The difference in exercising hungover and exercising in new sobriety is ah-mazing.

I really enjoyed seeing and remembering the end of movies. And tv shows, too. And books.

We actually started doing the dinner dishes the same night we made them. And for that matter eating dinner! I didn't usually eat dinner.

We lived in a small city, and I was always surprised by how much activity there was in the commercial districts after dark. In fact, driving or doing things outside of the house after dark was a new experience. (I drank at home, alone.) I got so much more done because there were 4-6 more hours in the day.

Near where we lived was an outdoor amphitheater and we walked down to our first concert, after living there for 7 years. That was a night I'll never forget because it was lovely and super-fun and totally unplanned.

There are so many examples of that kind of thing, actually. Too many to recount. Partly because I figured that I had a new lease on life and I wasn't really sure what I was going to do with it, so I tried to do it ALL. Even if it was uncomfortable. Especially if it was uncomfortable.

Finally, I protected my inner space and stopped listening and reading negative crap that filled me with angst. The nightly news...depressing books...Debbie-Downer-type friends. And I made lots of friends here from all over the world, and spent hours posting, emailing and talking to them every day.

In other words, it was awesome. I highly recommend it.

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Here's a try - hopefully it works

Great thread, by the way. Thanks Lostinspace.

[patrice]

Here's a try - hopefully it works

Thanks for this thread Lost.. It's great
And wow, what fab replies.. I loved that stuff about small things, Stuck..I need to read more stuff like that, thanks
And Ne Eva too, that huge shift in motivation is amazing..
X
Pat

[Ne/Neva Eva]

Here's a try - hopefully it works

That was also a really lovely reply, Stuck. And I totally agree. I think it's really hard not to think, "Oh! Now I can diet and exercise everyday! And I'll be a size and my house will be spotless and I'll have time to volunteer to save orphaned orkas in Oklahoma and, and, and..."

I didn't really set out to do any of the big things I/we accomplished (other than school). They were just the result of the little things. Like a walk in the evening turned into the night out at the concert because we heard the music starting.

[Lostinspace]

Here's a try - hopefully it works

Thanks so much for the feedback, guys. And I think making a habit of going for a walk each evening sounds like a great idea, Stuck. I don't live close to any parks because I'm way out on the outskirts of town, but the road I live on is rural and beautiful. I really should spend time exploring it. (Although it's quite a steep hill - I'll have to see how my smoker lungs feel about that :H ).

And other small things, like reading a book, would be a good thing to get into as well. When I was still drinking very heavily, I almost never read anything longer than the posts on MWO because I had the memory and attention span of a goldfish.

And Ne, you're right that there's a lot to of activity to try out (even in my small town). There are a ton of concerts and other events that I've never once attended in the 7 years that I've lived here. Getting around is hard right now since I still can't drive, but hopefully that will change within the next few months.

And yes, even though I'm still in the habit of spending my evenings in front of the tv, it really is nice to now remember the endings (and to just be able to even follow the plot as the show unfolds!).

[kronkcarr]

Here's a try - hopefully it works

This is a great thread. Thank you. Prebac I was going and doing all the time. My first month on baclofen made me slow down. I looked at hawks floating on the breeze, the stars at night and butterflies in my yard. I pretty much stopped doing things I didn't have to do. I wrote daily. I became grateful.

I did get that urge to clean and take care of my home. I weeded and my friends thought I'd lost my mind. Then this turned into months and months of me thinking I should motivate but just not feeling like it. When I drank too much with others I was the life of the party and I worried about who I'd become.

Prebac I did lots of things and had a good bit of therapy through the years. I can't stress how much I believe this helped me.

I was good at my work and I became better because I was better able to listen and put things together. My work got busier and like Ne I had $$ that I didn't feel the urge to spend. For the first time in my life I wasn't fearful about having enough $$ each month.

One of the biggest changes was that I didn't take people's behaviors personally. I finally saw that they do what they do because that's what they do. If I don't accept their behavior they'll move on to someone who will. I got better at speaking up. I'm still working on that. I became less sarcastic and angry and started to see the softness in me that I knew was missing. I'm not in a love relationship and I think that made it easier for me.

When I started baclofen all I wanted was to stop my embarrassing, needy behavior and find a man by the end of the first year. I did stop the behavior. I didn't find the man and I became more self reliant.

[Lostinspace]

Here's a try - hopefully it works

Yeah, kronk, that change in perspective and attitude is amazing. Even though I'm still drinking some, I can already see changes in my thinking. I can still be a sarcastic SOB , but it's now coming from a place of being humorous, rather than the dark, angry place it was coming from before.

I still tend to take other people's behavior personally, but I'm working on this as well. It was so much easier when I was chronically intoxicated, and full of shame, to assume that the whole world had the same low opinion of me that I did. I am, though, beginning to regain my self-respect. I should actually say gaining, rather than re-gaining - I'm not sure I ever had self-respect in the first place.

I'm still waiting for that cleaning bug to hit me. I'm getting better about it, but my home is still an embarrassing mess. Oh well. All in good time.